Billie Jo

Mom to Stevie Ann KaeLaine

July 16, 2012, 40 weeks old

Park City, Utah

The third week of November 2011, I found out I was pregnant with my fourth child. I was over the moon excited, it had been nine years since I had my last baby. My due date was July 29, 2012, but I suspected I was a couple of weeks further along than that. I had a ton of morning sickness, which was very normal for me. Everything went well as the months went on, always a good strong heartbeat, great ultrasounds. I was going to have a healthy baby girl. Later in the pregnancy I found out had gestational diabetes. I was able to keep it under control with diet and close monitoring of my blood sugar levels. I had NST’s every Tuesday and Friday, she always moved around like crazy and her heart rate was always really good. [Read more…]


Mom to Seraphim

Lost March 19, 2012

Springville, Utah

On October 1, 2011, I married my soul mate, my companion, the love of my life, Eric, at Dead Horse Point by Moab, Utah. We are the picturesque blissful newlyweds, who enjoy our little Yorkie puppy, Lucius. I have been on birth control since I was 13, for premenstrual dysphoric disorder. In February, I had surgery on my sinuses. To prepare for surgery, I did a two week round of antibiotics. I started my period on February 11, had surgery on the 15th, and after surgery I was put on another two week course of antibiotics. The last week in February, I had a day of bleeding. I remember because I thought it was odd having two periods in the same month. [Read more…]


Second Trimester Miscarriage at 19 weeks

February 13th, 2010

Miscarriage September 3rd, 2011

9 other Miscarriages over the last several years

Logan, UT

Oh where to begin… probably with a little bit of background on me. I am 30 yrs old, I have one 8 yr old son, and 11 miscarried angels. My husband and I have been married for just over 5 years now. We have been trying for a second baby since day one! We have had 6 miscarriages in the last 5 years. [Read more…]


Mom to Eli Fred Lyman

Born Asleep September 20th, 2011

Payson, Utah

Our sweet baby boy passed away at 34 weeks gestation and was born asleep on Tuesday, September 20th, 2011.

Let me prefix this by telling you that from the beginning of this pregnancy, I knew he would be born early. I didn’t imagine it would be anything like this, but I knew. I was absolutely sure of it. Call it premonition or wishful thinking; call it what you want, but I knew.  I didn’t tell many people because the initial reactions I got were that of either ridicule or doubt. Not that people were rude, but they probably were thinking I was nuts so I stopped insisting. I simply figured I’d have him around 37/38 weeks and not have to be miserable the last couple.  [Read more…]


Mom to Spring

Miscarried February 3rd, 2011 at 10 weeks

and Dove

Miscarried  June 10th, 2011 at 8 weeks

West Jordan, Utah

Spring’s Story:
Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011

I went in for a regular ultrasound at 10w4d. I wasn’t even supposed to have it- I asked for it because even though I was really excited about being pregnant and we’d tried for this baby, I wasn’t feeling connected to this pregnancy and wanted to see the baby, so my midwife fudged some “left side pain” so I could get in. They couldn’t see me for three weeks, though. I didn’t mind since by then I figured we would be able to see the baby for sure. I have a tilted uterus so that makes it harder to hear the heartbeat with a doppler before 12 weeks or so. [Read more…]


Mom to Baby Girl Vincent

February 3,2010

Salt Lake City, UT

My name is Nikkee.  I am 31 years old.  My husband and I were over the moon when we found out we were pregnant in October of 2009.  I have 2 sons from a previous marriage and my husband has no children of his own, so we were overjoyed to be expecting our first little baby together. [Read more…]

Mom to Jocelyn Cristeen
January 16th, 2010
Herriman, Utah
Friday January 15th,2010, 2 days from Jocelyn’s due date and four days from her scheduled delivery, started as any other day for John and I. Get up feed the kids, get dressed, John off to work and  I was to meet my mom at noon. But during that time I was having contractions, not too painful or concerned. 

[Read more…]

Mom to Gabriel Benjamin
Stillborn at 18 weeks on August 12th, 2010
Orem, Utah
My husband, Ben, and I have always wanted a lot of kids and have been so thankful for the chance to be parents, especially after struggling with infertility before we had any. We knew for sure that we always wanted to have at least four, but were always open to more. After being blessed with our first four, two boys and two girls, we really felt like we were meant to have another. We prayed about it and knew it was right and on May 3, 2010 when our pregnancy test was positive after trying to conceive for only a month, we were so excited. We felt so blessed for the chance to be parents again to another precious child.

[Read more…]

Mom to Remington Derik
Born on June 17, 2010
Grew his wings on June 25, 2010
Salt Lake City, Utah
I will never forget the day I took that first positive pregnancy test. January 23, 2010. I was having a few of the usual symptoms.  I was tired, grumpy and a little nauseous at times, my period wasn’t even late yet but I had never felt the way I was feeling before and thought I’d take a pregnancy test.  When it came back negative I’d cross the possibility of being pregnant off the list. I took the test and then sat it on the counter. I was so sure it would be negative I didn’t even think to look at it until after I had already washed my hands. When I looked down I saw two perfectly pink lines. It didn’t even take me two seconds to decide I was excited about it. Maybe everything in my life wasn’t as in order as I had imagined it should be when I got pregnant, but I was growing a little person inside of me and knowing that was the best combination of emotions I have ever felt.

[Read more…]


Angel #1 Stillborn at 20 weeks on November 18th, 2009

Angel #2 Late miscarriage at 14 weeks on October 14th, 2010

Angel#3 Late Miscarriage at 15 weeks on March, 25 2011

Draper, Utah

November 15, 2009…That was the last day of my life that I could truly say I’ve been given an easy hand at life with only minor mishaps and nothing really bad has ever happened to me.

My husband and I met for the official ultrasound the morning of November 16th, so excited to know the gender of our baby. Wondering if our streak of same gender luck was going to change. Honestly, I didn’t really care all that much. The ultrasound tech started looking at the baby and said, “I’d like to see some movement here,” and she shook her ultrasound wand, shaking my tummy. Very quickly she moved to the heart. I just stared at the screen with a blank look on my face. I knew exactly what I was seeing…the absence of a heartbeat. I was too numb to even cry, but in retrospect, I was at least grateful the ultrasound tech was upfront with us and told us straight out the baby was no longer alive. My husband and I were truly in shock and were advised to check into Labor and Delivery that evening to get labor underway. [Read more…]

Miscarriage May 5th, 2009
Taylorsville, Utah
My husband and I wanted to have all of our children close together. Our first two are 16 months apart. I knew that our 3rd wouldn’t be as close, but we just kept trying. On April 28th I had a positive pregnancy test. We were so excited! We told everyone and started making plans. My dad has a condo in Snowbird that we visit every year so we drove up there and were staying overnight for a couple of nights.

 Our last day there May 5th, I was sitting at the table and I felt a little crampy (nothing to worry about) I thought. I know cramping a little bit in early pregnancy is normal. I went into the bathroom and noticed a very small spot of blood on my underwear, again I thought (nothing to worry about.) We decide to go swimming so we went down to the pool. We’d been there for about a half an hour when all of the sudden I started getting the worst pain I’ve ever felt. It radiated all the way into my back. The only way I could get any relief was to swim. I couldn’t play with my kids because that required me to sit still. I told my husband that I was in too much pain and had to get out.

I got out of the pool and walked the 2 feet it took me to get to my cover up and flip flops. I was grabbing my things so I could go rinse off and I saw a pool of blood under my feet, I looked at my legs and blood was just running down them. I told my husband and then went to the shower, hoping that the warm water would make the pain go away. It didn’t.

[Read more…]

First Miscarriage April, 2008
Second Miscarriage December 2008
Third Miscarriage April 2010
Fourth Miscarriage, Tyrion Caelith Pearson, August 5th, 2010
Cedar City, UT

First Miscarriage – April 2008

[Read more…]

Mother to Juanito 
Born sleeping on December 29th, 2009
Orem, Utah
My husband and I have been married for 10 years now. We have 3 living children and one angel in heaven. When our youngest living son turned 1 I decided it was time to add one more to our family. My husband was not as convinced as I was and it took me a whole year to get him on board. We were able to get pregnant fairly easily. We had planned it perfectly. I would be able to teach pretty much the whole year and only have to take off the last month of school. I would get to have the whole summer with the baby and they would be 4 months old before I had to return to work. Things couldn’t have been planned better.

[Read more…]

Mom to Kael
April 12th, 2008-October 4th, 2008
Taylorsville, Utah
When we found out we were pregnant with our 3rd baby we were so excited. The pregnancy was a rough one and I could tell something wasn’t quite right. This baby didn’t move around nearly as much as my previous 2. We went in for our ultrasound at 19 weeks to check on the baby and to find out the gender. The tech told us we were having another little boy and that all looked well and that my doctor would be in touch. 

[Read more…]

Kenner Jackson
Born too early on November 13th, 2008
Roy, Utah
My life changed almost two years ago. I am not the same person i used to be, BUT really how can I be? I miss the old me, the person who didn’t have a care in the world. The girl who never had to face anything too hard. When I think back to the day it all changed, I think about how scared I was, how excited I was. I was finally going to be a mom! Something that I have been trying to become for over 8 years!

[Read more…]

Mom to Jonas Brett
Stillborn June 11th, 2010 at 39 weeks
Salt Lake City, UT

I didn’t feel Jonas move at 1am in the morning on June 11, 2010 like he normally does, his 3.5 year old brother Jackson didn’t move much during the last couple of weeks so figured all was well. I woke up a a few hours later at 4am and just felt like something was wrong. I drank 2 powerades and ate a granola bar so I had some sugary things in my system to make him move. He just wouldn’t kick. I kept pushing my stomach trying to get him move and I started to get really worried. I woke up my husband and told him I was going to Labor & Delivery, but I’m sure everything is fine and he could stay home because Jackson was still asleep. The hospital is only a mile away.

I was 100% positive I was just paranoid. I got to Labor and Delivery. They put me in a room and the ultrasound tech came in and said before she began she is not allowed to tell me the results, she said the doctor had to. She began to scan my stomach and I could just feel something was wrong. I told her, please just tell me. She wouldn’t look at me, and I told her again, please tell me. She then turned around and I saw tears running down her face. My heart sunk, it was horrible. She said I needed to call my husband. I started to hyperventilate and almost threw up. I just kept praying it was a nightmare and hoping I would wake up. From that moment forward all I could think about was Jackson and how devastated he would be. He has been talking about his baby Jonas coming home soon for months. Jackson even picked his brothers name when we found out it was a boy at my 18 week ultrasound. All I kept thinking was how am I going to explain his brother is dead.

My husband came immediately. I told the doctors I wanted a c-section and they said that would put my life at risk. So now I had to endure full blown labor, which seemed unbearable because my labor with Jackson was terrible. But labor was actually very, very easy. They said since I have already had a child everything has been stretched down there and it wold be easier. I didn’t believe them, but I think I only pushed for 8 minutes and it was not too bad. My husband had not cried at all up until this point. But as soon as Jonas came out my husband hit the floor crying. Josh held him for about 20 minutes sobbing.

[Read more…]

© 2011 Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope | PO Box 26131 | Minneapolis, MN 55426 | Contact Us