Mom to Baby B

February 26, 2014

Boston, MA

In early November 2013 my husband and I learned we were going to be first-time parents. Our first baby. Everything went smoothly until 19 weeks. We went to our 19 week anatomy scan excited. We were going to find out the sex of our baby! Make big plans! Our life was never going to be the same! Well, only the last thought was right. During the appointment my OB told us she had concerns, and that we would need to come back the next day to see a Maternal Fetal Specialist. The kidneys – something didn’t look right with the kidneys. Also, was I leaking amniotic fluid? No, I wasn’t. [Read more…]



Mom to Brielle

August 2014

Auburn, Massachusetts

As soon as Teddy and I got married, we wanted to have kids right away. We started trying in October 2013, right after our wedding and we were so happy when we found out that I was pregnant by the end of March 2014. Everything went well during my pregnancy. I never got too sick, I was never too uncomfortable and I loved knowing I was growing a little baby inside of me. [Read more…]



Mom to Justin & Baby #2

Born and died February 23, 2012 & Early 2013

Laidley, Australia

It was on the morning of the 20th December, 2011 that I noticed that I was pregnant with my first child and my initial reaction was one of joy and adulation, mixed with a certain amount of anxiety and apprehension regarding the pregnancy at the thought of breaking the news to family and friends around me and the ‘unknown’ in terms of how they’d receive the news. I also didn’t want to go getting too excited too early on in the pregnancy given that it was still only early days. [Read more…]


Mom to Trisomy 13 Baby – September 2010

and Baby Miscarried March 2011

Montvale, New Jersey

I was 39 had been TTC for almost a year.  I finally went to the fertility clinic and spent a lot of money on tests that were not covered by my medical insurance just to find out that I had an FSH of 18 and was perimenopausal.  I had diminished ovarian reserve.  I could take Clomid and to help me ovulate.  I took it and got pregnant the very first cycle on it.  [Read more…]


Mom to Baby

Miscarried at 9 Weeks – November 2001

and Elise Hope Meehan

February 20th, 2010 – February 20th, 2010

Cranston, Rhode Island

I am 29 years old and have been married for almost 9 years.

When I was 19, in November 2001, and dating my now husband, I was shocked to discover I was pregnant. I had been on the pill since I was 14 so this was extremely surprising. What was even more shocking was the doctor’s telling me that the baby did not look viable and that my uterus was tipped, my ovaries were a mess (covered in cysts) and I had a thin  cervix. Only 3 days later, I miscarried the baby. I had not even worked up the courage to talk to my boyfriend or any family, so I simply suffered in silence. I fell into a deep depression with the knowledge that I may never have children. I started to blow off work and school and eventually was dismissed from college.I had always dreamed of having a big family and that was gone. I shared part of the story with my boyfriend when he proposed to me in April 2002. I told him I did not know if I could give him children. Despite this, he still wanted me. We were married in August of that year and, because of my diagnoses, quit using the pill right away since it didn’t seem like we needed to prevent anything anyways. We left the baby making up to chance and were delighted to find me pregnant in August 2004 almost 2 years to the day of my marriage. At this point I still had not shared the fact that I had lost a baby with him. It was time to tell him and I broke down, mostly scared to death I would lose this baby too. At first he was mad that I had never told him, but then he just wanted to make sure I was ok. He is my rock. [Read more…]


Mom to Braxton Wayne

July 28th, 2011

Asheboro, North Carolina

I never dreamed that something like this would ever happen to me.  To me, this was something I would have read in a book or heard about from someone else.

On April 12, 2011 I noticed that I was having allot of cramping and was way over due for my period, so I thought I would take a pregnancy test, they’ve always turned out negative so it wasn’t a big deal to me.  After waiting the 3 long minutes, I never anticipated for it to turn out positive, but in bold italics it said Yes!  With this being our first pregnancy, I did not know what to expect, being excited was the last thing on my mind.  After my fiancé got home from work he reassured me that we were going to be fine and we had nothing to worry about.    [Read more…]


Mom to Emma Nevaeh

Stillborn December 31st, 2008

& Peanut, Miscarried at 13 weeks, June 2009

Wysox, PA

Its hard to know where to begin…When I got pregnant with my first daughter it was a total surprise & everything went smooth & easy. She was born in 2007 at 8lbs 11oz & so beautiful. In 2008 my husband & I started to try again for our 2nd child, I had an abnormal pap that year (i had precancer cells on my cervix) so we decided to see a doctor for that pregnancy instead of a midwife like our 1st. [Read more…]


Mom to Marin Louise

Born and Died March 2nd, 2011

Sydney, Australia

I conceived my daughter whilst on holidays where her father lives and works as a fisherman. I went there for a week to escape the world and process the heartbreaking things I had seen whilst on deployment in Asia with a humanitarian mission. [Read more…]

Mom to Raelyn Susann
February 22nd, 2011
Kansas City, Missouri
On February 8, 2011 we went in for our routine anatomy ultrasound. It was the happiest day of our lives and we were so excited to find out that we were going to be expecting a BABY GIRL!!! Brett and I looked over at the ultrasound screen and watched as our precious baby girl moved about my tummy. I don’t think that Brett ever stopped smiling. Our doctors appointment followed the ultrasound and we set in the exam room waiting, talking about what we were going to start buying…we were just overwhelmed with excitement. 

[Read more…]

Mom to Faith Marie & Hope Marie
Born and died February 8th, 2011
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
My husband and I were in the process of moving back home closer to family when I found out I was pregnant.  I surprised him on our two year anniversary with the pregnancy test hidden under his gift I was giving him.  It seemed like perfect timing and that everything was just meant to be.

[Read more…]

Mom to Pania Kylie McBrydie
Lost February 21st, 2009 at 19 weeks 4 days
Rockingham, Western Australia
On the 21st of February 2009 our baby girl grew her wings.  The day before our nightmare began when I went for a routine scan at 19wk 3days. I had arrived at the clinic 30 minutes early because I was so exited.  I was taken through almost straight away as they where running on time. I sat up on the table and the ultrasound began, I knew straight away something did not look right my heart started to sink but there was a strong heart beat and kept telling myself that with all medical breakthroughs there are today that they would be able to fix it. I was wrong.

[Read more…]

Mom to Angel Baby T.
October 7th, 2010
San Francisco, California

In early 2010, my husband Michael and I were still on the fence about whether we wanted a second child or not. Our daughter Coral is a source of joy, but she’s also an energetic, opinionated handful. Could we deal with a second child and our time-consuming jobs? That summer, something just clicked and we decided that just as with our first pregnancy, we wouldn’t actively try, but would welcome a second pregnancy if it happened. In my head, I was thinking that December would be a nice time to try. That would give me six months to get things in order before embarking on this new journey.

Due to incorrect math on my part and apparent fertility, we found out in July that I was expecting. I was stunned, but I figured it was just Life throwing me a curveball, and I rolled with it.

Everything was progressing just as it had the first time. At 12-14 weeks, it was time for genetic screening. I like to be prepared, so we went ahead with the screening just as we had before. With the first pregnancy, our genetic test results came back fantastic! Stellar! Risk levels well below our age group for all conditions! I thought that good genetics would give us a leg up this time around as well, so at 11 weeks–right at the end of the first trimester–we called our parents and shared the good news. It trickled into Facebook so the next week I thought “what the heck” and announced the pregnancy electronically as well. I even told everyone at work, since I was (paranoidly so, it turns out) absolutely sure I was showing already as it was my second, and thought everyone must be talking already. Sure, by some counting methods we were still in the first trimester, but other counting methods said it was already the second trimester and we should be fairly safe by now, right? I’ve had plenty of friends who shared their news at that point and were fine. I was to be taught a very harsh lesson. What a difference two weeks can make. Curveball number two.

[Read more…]

Mom to Zachary Jonathan
Left on October 28th, 2010 at 21 weeks, 6 days gestation
On Friday, October 8th, My boyfriend Jon and I went for our first ultrasound appointment. We had just gone to my regular OB for the second pre-natal visit. We listened to our baby’s heartbeat; it was perfectly healthy. Because I found out very late that I was pregnant, this was only the beginning for us. I had been on birth control and did not expect to become pregnant, so I had not been taking vitamins or trying to get myself into “baby-making” shape. But of course once I found out I began right away and got the first appointment available to make sure everything was going well.

Because my second appointment was scheduled for when I was 18 weeks, my doctor referred me to another office to have my first ultrasound. She said if we went right away we might be able to get an appointment for that day. We were so excited! This would be the first time we saw our baby, and I was bouncing up and down in anticipation. We got to the other office at about 11, and they told us we could come back at 12:45. We went out to lunch and then back to the office. Once we were in the room, I laid on the table and the tech put the cold goo on my belly. I was actually so excited, I really didn’t care. And then on the screen on the wall, we saw our son for the first time. She just moved the device back and forth a few times so we could see him, and asked if we wanted to know the sex. We both had decided before hand that we did, and she told us it was a boy. We had been thinking it was a girl (my mothering intuition was off), so looked at each other and he just held my hand and said, “I guess we need to think of other names!” After a few more minutes of awe-inspiring pictures, the tech told me she was having trouble seeing his head because it was so far down. She asked me to turn on my side and face her, but that didn’t make any difference. She then asked me to undress from the waist down so she could try an internal sonogram. I did as I was asked and a few minutes later she came back in and tried again. She still was having trouble. Then she got up, grabbed all of the pictures, told us she’d be right back and left the room. Jon and I began talking about name possibilities for our future son. When the woman came back she told us our baby’s head didn’t look right, and that the radiologist was looking at the pictures and trying to get a hold of my OB. She told us not to worry and then left the room again. I immediately started crying. What was wrong with my baby? His heart rate was perfect and all of his measurements were right where they should be. Jon got up and hugged me and told me not to worry until they figured out what was wrong. I couldn’t help but worry, I was so scared. I had no idea the worst had yet to come.

[Read more…]

Mom to Isaiah Christopher
Born and Died August 3rd, 2008
Petoskey, Michigan

I am a mother.

A mother to five beautiful boys.

[Read more…]

Mom to Mutalah
December 27th, 2009
Calgary, Alberta, Canada
In September 2009, I was so thrilled to find out I was pregnant… 

On the December 7th, 2009, I went for my 18 week ultrasound and the technician said that they suspect a problem with the baby’s heart.  She couldn’t see the “hockey sticks” but they were not able to say anything else, I would have to wait to hear from my doctor.  The next day, my Dr’s office called and asked me to come in for an appointment that day…  They said that they believe that the baby’s heart is not developing properly and referred our case urgently to the Fetal Medicine Clinic here in Calgary.  I went for another ultrasound and a fetal ECG on December 16th and we were given the news what the little heart is in really bad shape – the left side is seriously under-developed.  They said it was a congenital heart defect known as Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome and in addition, the baby only had a two vessel umbilical cord which is often an indicator of other issues..

[Read more…]

Mom to Luke Michael
April 7th, 2010
and Baby #2, October 4th, 2010
Atlanta, Georgia

  In 1987, when I was about 7 years old, I attended my cousin’s funeral. My mom had explained to me that my cousin, Amanda, did not have a normal brain and therefore passed away in her mommy’s tummy. I wasn’t phased by this information; rather, I was more interested in the funeral ending so I could go play on the church’s playground. Little did I know that 23 years later, I would be told that my son had the same fatal birth defect that claimed Amanda’s life. Lightening struck twice in our family.

[Read more…]

Mom to Fernando Michael Phillip
August 24th, 2004
Rancho Cucamonga, CA
I was blissfully pregnant for the first time at a young age of 23 years. It was so easy. I was glowing, feeling great. I wanted to get pregnant and it was granted to me with ease. Who knew that within 2 months I would be waking up in a pool of water, realizing that my dreams had been shattered and that there was no turning back…

[Read more…]

Christian – 11/2008 at 9 weeks
Faith Christina – 7/22/2010 at 23 weeks (birth and death)
Chicago, IL

Most of our story started in July of 2008. My husband of almost 2 years at that time and I decided we wanted to start our family. I saw my first positive pregnancy test on October 15th, 2008. We were thrilled, and it only took us 3 months of trying. Our due date was June 18th, a perfect time of year to be off for 3 months with a brand new baby.

My morning sickness didn’t kick in until I was about 6 weeks along, and I was miserable! I couldn’t eat anything and was always on the verge of being sick. At around 9 weeks, the sickness subsided significantly. I remembered emailing friends worried that it may be too soon for morning sickness to subside, and think something might be wrong. I wasn’t cramping or bleeding, so I knew I wasn’t having a misscarriage, so just figured I was lucky and my morning sickness just wasn’t as bad as most.

We had our 11 week appointment on November 25th. I went alone, so my husband did not have to take off of work and I was told there wouldn’t be an ultrasound, so really did not think it mattered if he made it or not.

As I sat in the room, a thought crossed my mind, what if something were wrong and my husband isn’t here… what would I do.

[Read more…]

Rebecca “Dee”
Mom to “Angel”
Lost to Renal Agenesis at 20 weeks on September 4th, 2009
Atlanta, GA

After eight years of dating, my husband and I finally tied the knot. I got pregnant the first time my husband and I even “tried”, on our Honeymoon in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. I knew I was pregnant from the moment it happened. I just had a feeling. I took two tests that were negative, but missed my period and tested a few days later and got a positive! We were SO excited!!! My dream in life is to be a mother. This was the most exciting thing I have ever experienced in life (besides our vows & wedding). I was going to be a Mom!!! I didn’t have a single bout of morning sickness. Other than the occasional hormonal/sleepy/grumpy issues, life was good. I was eating a lot, walking a good bit with my husband. Planning, thinking, dreaming of our future and of our child.

At 12 weeks it was discovered that I had gestational diabetes. My OB found it so early that she decided that I must be pre-diabetic. Finally, after several weeks of waiting to find out what to do, a dietician called me from our hospital. She was amazing! She sat with my husband and I for hours and showed us how we could manage my new lifestyle. I was bummed about not being able to indulge in every craving that pregnancy enticed me with, but I knew we would work it out. I have so many people supporting me, my husband, my family, my OB, my dietician, my friends.

At 17 weeks we had our ultra sound for the anatomy scan, and we were so excited to find out the sex of our little baby. We were then told that my fluids were extremely low. We were politely ushered out and sent directly to a specialist. I first met with a sonogram specialist that didn’t have any good news, and then Dr. M, who had nothing to tell us but that my amniotic fluid was low and that I needed to start planning for termination. I was told that it could either be a tear in the sac (which may or may not repair itself), the baby could be lacking kidneys, a bladder or have some sort of blockage, or it could be a genetic issue. When I asked him what he would do if he were in my situation, his answer was “Well, I am not a woman.” We hated him from that moment on and wanted a second opinion. We weren’t scheduled to come back for several weeks to see if there could be any change in the fluid levels. I was given an alpha-fetoprotein (AFP) blood test to see if I tested high for chromosomal abnormalities. Dr. M then instructed me to basically be on bed rest and to not travel. I then spoke with my OB and she told me to “Go, take it easy, and go be with your family on vacation.”

I went to the beach the following week with my family. I drank a gallon of water every day, took it easy, kept my sugar numbers where they needed to be, and just tried to enjoy my time with my family, my husband, and the special little baby inside of me. I would stroke my belly and pray every moment that I had. I thanked God for giving me these 4 precious months with this baby. I begged God not to take it away from me. I just wanted to hold him or her while trying to decide who he or she looked like. I wanted it to all work out. I would do anything to make it work. I prayed knowing that there was a huge chance that it may not work out, and I tried my best to be optimistic.

When I got back from a week in Florida, I visited my OB to go over my sugar numbers and found out that my AFP test came back normal. There was nothing chromosomally wrong with my baby. I also got to hear its little heartbeat, and it was normal. It gave me so much hope. My belly even seemed to pop out a bit, I was officially 18 weeks and I was starting to show. Lots more praying, tummy rubbing and “come on baby” ensued…even my husband was in on it.

The following week, I was 19 weeks pregnant and met with another specialist in the Atlanta Fetal Maternal Medicine group, Dr. Y. I instantly trusted her. She gave us the horrifying news that our baby had a fatal birth defect, renal agenesis. Bilateral renal agenesis is the uncommon and serious failure of both a fetus’ kidneys to develop during gestation. Most infants that are born alive do not live beyond four hours. She told us that in our case it was not genetic, that it was like lightening striking– a stroke of bad luck. She hugged me. She gave me every bit of info that I needed. After speaking with Dr. Y, my husband and I felt very confident about how we needed to handle the situation, the loss of our baby, our child. This is where it all begins, or ends…

My choices in my state at 20 weeks with a baby with a fatal birth defect were to:

A. Continue the pregnancy, and deliver at the earliest that I could. Make funeral arrangements. See my dead baby, hold my dead baby.

[Read more…]

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