Mom to Samuel

Born and Died on October 1, 2015

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

I married the most wonderful man and my best friend in September 2013. We decided we’d start trying to have a baby in January 2015, with the thought it may take awhile to get pregnant. I was so anxious and excited to get pregnant that I would take so many pregnancy tests. When I saw that first positive stick, I couldn’t believe it. Mark and I were supposed to take a vacation in Saint Martin in December 2015 and I remember telling him that I didn’t think we would be able to go. He said “why not”. That was when I showed him the positive test and said “Because I’m pregnant!” That was a happy moment.

I was so blessed not to have morning sickness or anything too severe. Smelling beer, charcoal grilling, and the dishwasher made me feel nauseous but that was nothing compared to some mamas. Mark swore we were having a girl because I craved sushi, couldn’t stand the smell of beer and charcoal grilling. Our plan was to not find out the sex of the baby. We all know that plans don’t really work out the way we intend though.

At 10 weeks, I bled. I bled a lot. I woke up early that morning and went downstairs to feed the cat and get some cereal. While downstairs, I felt something warm dripping down my legs which turned out to be blood. I thought I miscarried. I woke Mark and we laid in bed and prayed. I was so scared. I went in for an ultrasound that morning and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Our little squirming coil (as my husband liked to call the baby) was wiggling around and with a strong heartbeat. I was told I had Placenta Previa and was put on pelvic rest for 5 weeks. 

[Read more…]




Mom to Lathan Neal

September 20-October 6, 2010

Mom to Baby A Black, Babies D&E Black 

May 2005, September 2009

Jacksonville, Florida


My whole life I had wanted a baby girl. But I wanted a boy first to be the big brother to look over his little sister. The first time I was pregnant, I was young (18) and very excited; it was planned. After being told me my baby looked perfect on ultrasound, and I got my first picture of him (I didn’t know the sex I just had a feeling), I miscarried that night at home.


[Read more…]


Natasha FOL


Mom to Miguel Angel Jr. – Born into Heaven June 12, 2000

Ontario, California

We found out I was pregnant in March of 2000. We were so excited until I started bleeding on Mother’s Day. I went to the Emergency Room and they told me there was nothing they could do- it was a threatened abortion and to make an appointment with my doctor. Heartbroken, they sent me home.
[Read more…]



Mom to Caleb Dean

Born April 16, 2012


My husband and I started having children almost as soon as we got married.  At our first wedding anniversary, we announced that we were pregnant with our first daughter.  Our family was thrilled, and so were we!  We went on to have four children, two girls and two boys.  When our oldest daughter was 11, our youngest son 4, and I was 35, we decided to have another baby.  Everything had always been textbook normal with my other pregnancies, and we expected nothing less.  We announced to the world that we were pregnant at 4 weeks.  In September 2011 at 9 weeks, I began bleeding and found out that I had miscarried our child.  We were devastated, but having to share the grief with our children was terrible.  Sad and disappointed doesn’t cover it. [Read more…]



Mom to Aliya Amy and Bennett Paul

Lost August 5, 2011

Tenino, Washington

Paul and I were introduced in April 2005 by my friend Amanda, who was engaged to Paul’s younger brother (she’s my sister-in-law now). Even though I was dating someone else at the time, she declared me Paul’s perfect match and would not let it go! She was right, of course…although very different, we were perfect for each other. Our paths crossed again in July 2005, and since I had broken up with the other guy, Paul found the nerve to ask me out. We had our first date a couple of weeks later and have been together ever since. We got engaged Thanksgiving weekend 2005 and married in September 2006. We started trying for our first child in October 2007, one month after our first wedding anniversary. I’d been on and off birth control for years to prevent pregnancy…little did I know how difficult it would actually be for us to get pregnant. [Read more…]



Mom to Ryan Alan – December 7, 2011
Andrew Jonathan – December 8, 2011

Oak Island, North Carolina

After trying to conceive for 4 years my husband and I discovered we were pregnant with triplets in September.  We were happy but overwhelmed; at 7 weeks we met with the maternal fetal specialist who explained the risks and options.  She sent us to Duke to meet with another specialist who did genetic testing and advised us to reduce to twins.  It was a very hard decision but we felt that it would give the other two the best chance.  It was a horrible procedure to go through, and in hindsight I don’t know that I would do it again, but at the time I thought I was increasing my babies’ odds…It was so strange to grieve one and yet be excited for two. [Read more…]



Mom to Conner

Born still February 22, 2011

Bozeman, Montana

My son Conner was stillborn on February 22, 2011. It was the worst day of my life, an experience that has changed me forever. I went into labor around midnight and he was delivered naturally just after 1:00 pm. I was only 21 weeks pregnant, and Conner was too young to survive outside the womb. I pleaded with my doctor, “Can’t you do something? Please, do something, anything, to stop my labor and keep him alive!” She just held my hand, crying with me, and said, “I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do. Conner is not going to survive.” The placenta was heavily damaged and there was no more amniotic fluid. [Read more…]


Autumn Cunningham

Mom to Gemma O’neilCunningham

October 21st 2010

San Diego, CA

After our first daughter was born, my husband and I were told we had passed along genetic birth defects. The chance of passing along similar birth defects was a 25% chance. We went into our second pregnancy knowing the chances but not having a full scope of what those genetic defects could be; even the Geneticist was shocked by the outcome. [Read more…]



Mom to Deron Mekhi Rountree

Born Born June 11th, 2011 at 10:43pm

Died June 12th, 2011 at 12:08am

Chesapeake, Virginia

On February 14, 2011 I had my first OB/GYN visit to determine if I was pregnant.  I found out I was 6 wks pregnant.  I was told my uterus was bigger then it should be and found out my fibroids had returned.  I didn’t know how to feel at that time cause I never thought I could get pregnant again.  I had  a miscarriage in 2003 due to fibroids and other problems and the Dr told me I wouldn’t be able to have anymore kids. I also wasn’t sure how the father would take it cause when I told him I thought I may be pregnant the first thing he said was we needed to get rid of it. So all of those things consumed my thoughts and I didn’t have time to have joy of being pregnant.  My Dr set an appointment for 2/25/11 for a sonogram to see where the fibroids are and if they would effect my pregnancy.  I went home and had so much to think about, but in the end I decided to keep my baby and go through with the pregnancy. [Read more…]




Mother to Leia Grace

Delivered still on January 11, 2011

North Carolina

Our story begins just over three years ago. My husband and I had met two years prior and were married in April 2008. We were both very ready to start a family and build our lives together. We tried for almost one year on our own and then we both went to get checked out and make sure there was nothing wrong with us. Our doctor diagnosed us with “unexplained infertility.” They were not sure why we were not having success with conceiving on our own as there was nothing medically wrong with either one of us. [Read more…]



Mom to Mina Kathryn
February 18th, 2009 – February 24th, 2009
Tacoma, Washington

The story of our baby girl, Mina, everything that happened leading up to her birth and then, her passing. Just a warning though, that I do talk about girl parts for obvious reasons, so if that’s too much information for you stop reading here. : ) [Read more…]


Mom to Drake
Born Still on January 31, 2008 at 16 weeks
Coventry, Rhode Island
My name is Saren. I live in Coventry, Rhode Island. I lost my son, Drake, at 16 weeks, on January 31, 2008. I found out I was pregnant in early November of 2007, and from the start I was very ill.

[Read more…]


Mom to Johnathan JT Thomas Michael Poling
August 29th, 2006 – May 17th, 2007
 We were blessed with the birth of our son on August 29, 2006. He was born 15 weeks early, and weighing a whopping 1lb 15 1/2 ounces and 13 1/4 in. We name him Johnathan Thomas Michael Poling,  JT for short. His name was a long as he was. We laughed about that. My husband didn’t want a Junior but, me and his mom threw the Michael in there. My husband’s name is Michael Thomas, so, either way you put it, he was a junior in a round about sorta way. JT was also named after his great grandfather whose name was Johnathan Thomas. I had placenta previa complete with JT and my placenta abrupted and I started bleeding uncontrollably, So, after being in the hospital for 2 weeks it was emergency c-section time.  
I remember the first time I seen him. All I seen was a little knee lifted up in the incubator and I totally fell in love with that knee. From that day forward I promised him that I would do everything I could to make sure that he was loved and would one day come home healthy and whole. Well, the Lord had other plans for JT. JT was born with 2 holes in his heart and was on a ventilator for breathing. He was over 3 months early and oh boy did he fight everyday of his life. At 5 days of life he had a failed heart operation to close a pda and at 10 days of life he had an operation for NEC which is Necrotizing Entercolitis. This is basically dead bowel. He came through both surgeries like a champ. He also had several other surgeries, another heart surgery and 3 other bowel surgeries and 2 surgeries on his eyes for Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP). JT needed a small bowel/liver transplant that was never to be because he had not yet gotten his hole in his heart fixed and we learned that it wouldn’t be able to be fixed because if they closed it, he wouldn’t make it through the surgery. On May 17th our precious boy left us. He went home healed and whole. Our prayers were answered but, not the way that we wished them to be. Through out his short life, we were blessed beyond measure. A little preemie that wasn’t supposed to last the first 24 hours of his life, we were blessed with 8 1/2 wonderful months. God was there for us and with us and holding us up through out this time. He sent many angels into our lives to help us also, whether it was prayer, financial, friends we had never had before, support and love. And with out any of the them, I am sure the orchestra that was JT’s life wouldn’t have been so rich with the blessing we received.

I miss my Bubba’s everyday with everything I have.  My heart broke into a million pieces that day.  God answered my last prayer and that was when it was time for him to go that he not be alone and not alone he was.  He was surrounded by so many  family and friends that there wasn’t much room in that room we were in.  I thank God everyday for that.  For giving me the opportunity to be a mother to him for the last time and supporting him in passing away from this world to the next.

[Read more…]


Mom to Lily Grace
Lost at 19 weeks on July 4th, 2010
We found out we were expecting in April, 2010. We were not planning on getting pregnant but were happy none the less. This would be our first baby and number 5 in our little family. I have one son and he has three daughters. His three live with their mother so I was excited that my son would have a sibling of his own. We were waiting to tell people until after the first trimester was over. At 14 weeks we told my parents first since we share a house with them. They were happy but apprehensive since 5 is a lot to handle. 
I told them on a Saturday. The next day, Sunday, I was just feeling yucky, nothing abnormal just yuck so I spent the day on the couch. Early Monday morning, Memorial Day, I woke up to pee and when I wiped it was red! I freaked out and stood up only to have blood pour down my leg. I screamed for my fiance. He is an EMT so I knew he would know what to do. He took one look at me and said looks like we are going to the ER. We got to the ER and they told me that I was having a miscarriage and that I would have to go home and wait for it to happen.My old OB told me to go to a different hospital, because the one I was at would not do a D&C if the baby had any heartbeat at all. I was devastated. I went to work the next day feeling OK but tired. Inevitably, early Wednesday morning I woke up to a gushing feeling. I knew that it was happening so I got up and went to the bathroom. That’s when all hell broke loose. I started to bleed very heavily, throwing up and had a mini-seizure. The ambulance had to take me back to the Catholic hospital because it was closer to my house. After fighting with the ER (they didn’t want to admit me) they gave a room in L&D and given 2 blood transfusions. A MFM doctor finally came to see me and she diagnosed me with a total previa. She said my options were to terminate the pregnancy or to stay on bed rest and try to get to 25 weeks, viability. She said that they did not know why I was bleeding so early since previa usually doesn’t create a problem until late in the 2nd trimester and 3rd. So they sent me home the next day with phone numbers in case I wanted to terminate.

[Read more…]


Mom to Kamdyn
Due October 26th, 2010
Miscarried at 14 weeks on April 30th, 2010
Gillette, WY

Our son Kamdyn was delivered on April 30, 2010 at 14.3 weeks due to Placenta Previa. Our story begins with the struggles of infertility and miscarrying our precious baby.

My hubby and I married September 4, 2004 and it wasn’t but six months into our marriage that we started planning for children. Our first was conceived in August of 2005 with a little help from clomid. The pregnancy was easy and we had our first son Kylo on April 26, 2006. In July of 2007 we decided to start trying again. After six months of no success we tried clomid. We did about 5 rounds of that. Then we did 4 rounds of IUI. After no success we turned to a specialist to find the problem, as well as try IVF. This took place in March of 2009.
I underwent surgery because they thought my tubes were blocked, when in fact they were just fine. The only thing that showed as a possible problem was my husband having a slight difference in the shape of his sperm which is called “morphology”. We proceeded with IVF and they managed to retrieve 19 eggs. They performed ICSI on half and only 13 actually fertilized. By day five, one egg was good. My heart was broken. I couldn’t believe that with all that, we only had one good egg. Unfortunately that one good egg did not take and we were back at the beginning.

[Read more…]


Mom to Rylee James
April 10th, 2010
Rocky Mount, VA

My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant diligently for about 1 year, while not trying to prevent it for another 2 years. So finally after many negative pregnancy tests, and monitored periods, I started using an ovulation kit. One Friday night I got down to my last ovulation stick, and after getting the unwanted answer I decided it was time to just let it take it’s course, if it were ever to happen. Before I left the bathroom I decided to use my last pregnancy test just to rule that out, and as I waited for the results to pop up on that clear blue screen, I got a funny feeling. What if I was pregnant? I waited, thinking about the following two weeks when my husband and I were scheduled to go to fertility doctors for both of us, I dreaded that. I waited and waited…and the screen finally appeared… PREGNANT ……. wait..what?! where’s the NOT in front of it that I’m so accustomed to seeing?! omg OMG . I’m pregnant! So there’s the exciting start to my heart breaking story.

That was right at the end of January 2010. I had an OB visit and ultrasound at 7 weeks (2 weeks after i found out I was prego) and we got the blessing of seeing our baby’s fluttering heartbeat AND got to hear it, along with 2 cute pictures :) . I had another ultrasound around 11 weeks and we got to see our wonderful baby in 4D!! So exciting! He was waving in one, and curled in a side view in another, stretched out in another, and laying flat on his belly in another. His heartbeat was amazing again. So breathtaking and shocking that my husband and I could make such a beautiful creation.

On the day of our 11 weeks ultrasound I started spotting about 2 hours before my appointment. When I went to the Dr, I told them and they were not concerned because the heartbeat was good, the baby was growing perfectly, and everything looked A okay. My doctor said many, many women spot and it could be from exercise, intercourse, or other things. So I tried to accept that as much as I could, and went on. I still worried a little, but who wouldn’t. I trust my doctors though, they are wonderful, so I settled down a little.

That was on a Thursday, and Saturday morning, I thought I had a miscarriage. I bled a lot, and passed a few large clots. I didn’t know what to expect, so I called my husband (he had to work, which was soooo unusual for a Saturday) and he took me to our local ER. After waiting forever while sitting there in the lobby bleeding, they FINALLY took me back, just to wait longer. They started an IV (my first IV ever…) and said they were going to check my hormone levels, do an ultrasound to see if the baby was still there, and do an exam to see if my cervix was open. They did bloodwork, then did the exam. I was so shocked to see how they did the exam. They didn’t have me in a bed with stirrups, so they put a bedpan upside down, covered it with a sheet and had me place my butt on it. It was so awkward and uncomfortable, why couldn’t they just take me to another room?! But out of that awkward moment, I received good news. My cervix was closed. The Dr. said it would be almost impossible to miscarry and have my cervix close back completely that quick, so they did an ultrasound directly afterwards. There was our beautiful baby, flipping and twisting and having a blast. Heartbeat was good, everything looked good, so they waited on my hormone levels, which turned out okay, and sent me home and told me to follow up with my Dr. Monday. Yay :) .

Monday morning I called my doctor and made an appointment for that afternoon. We went in and had another ultrasound (and got pics!!) and talked with the doctor. Our miracle was fine, but i was diagnosed with a condition called Placenta Previa, which is where my placenta grew on the lower part of my uterus and covered my cervix. My doctor was very reassuring with this, saying that besides the bleeding there was really nothing to worry about this early in the game because as my uterus expanded, the previa would migrate up with my uterus. They said this condition was more of a later 2nd trimester, early 3rd trimester thing, and I should be just fine. They did put me on bed rest and told me that any time I was bleeding, I would have to be on bed rest. Which was completely fine with me as long as it would keep our baby healthy. :) After about a week of bed rest, I went back to work.

I worked 1 week and that Friday morning I had another doctors appointment (Good Friday). Everything was fine that morning, no bleeding or anything. I had only been sick a little bit, and my doctor had told me to take a few over the counter vitamins to control it, which had been working. So I was really happy. The doctor did tell us no intercourse at this point until the previa moves, which sucked lol, but it would be completely worth the wait to hold our little one in our arms in about 6 months.

That Friday evening we were spending time with my husbands family because his aunt, who was more like a grandmother to him, was dying of lung cancer. The doctor had given her less than 2 weeks, and at this point, the backbone of our extra large family couldn’t even sit up on her own, wasn’t eating or drinking, and we all knew it was a matter of days, not weeks. While sitting there I started bleeding really heavy, but i knew it was just the previa. I handled everything well, and knew to get off my feet, so I did. Saturday morning I called my doctor and he told me if I were still bleeding Monday he would pull me out of work as long as I needed until the bleeding stopped. I had a wonderful group of doctors, I was so appreciative. I wanted to keep my lil sweetie as healthy as I could :)

So I was out of work until Wednesday, and I thought I was going back that day, but I started bleeding again that morning (it had stopped Tuesday afternoon). I called the doctor and took care of work notes by fax. Everything was still okay. Until that afternoon. I started getting cramps. I was puzzled, because that was NOT a symptom of my previa. That night I was up and down, getting only a few hours of sleep. Thursday night they were worse, being every three minutes apart and lasting about 45 seconds. Sure in the world didn’t sound like cramps to me, it sounded like contractions! So I called my doctor Friday morning and got worked in that day.

[Read more…]


© 2011 Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope | PO Box 26131 | Minneapolis, MN 55426 | Contact Us