Mom to Finnley Joseph Charles

Sarnia, Ontario, Canada

February 12, 2015

[This is] the story of our angel baby, Finnley Joseph Charles. Although this is not the story we had planned in our imagination on the days leading up to our due date, we still feel that our story needs to [be] shared and our baby boy be celebrated. Born still but still born.

On June 13, 2014, my life changed forever. I had been feeling so tired, sleeping all the time and [having] tons of headaches. Shawn had said to me multiple times, “Babe, you’re pregnant!” but I was in denial. I couldn’t be pregnant. When I finally decided to take a pregnancy test on Friday, June 13th at 3:15 p.m., I couldn’t believe my eyes. The test was POSITIVE!! I was filled with so many emotions. I was so happy but so nervous to share the exciting news with everyone. Shawn was working until 4:00 p.m., so I had 45 minutes to come up with a game plan to break the exciting news to him. I decided to write him a long love letter and wrap the test in the letter.

I remember it like it was yesterday; my heart was racing.  It was 3:59 p.m. and Shawn would be home any minute! I saw him pulling up, so I went to the back door to meet him. I handed him the rolled up letter and I ran outside crying (LOL). He didn’t even read the letter; he just glared at the test and ran outside after me [yelling] “You’re pregnant!” and I shook my head yes. We hugged and cried tears of joy for what felt like hours. He was so excited too!  I’ve always wanted to be a mommy and this was my dream come true. We were so excited but nervous to break the news to our parents. When we did, we got the reaction we had hoped for [and] they were all SO excited to be grandparents to our first born child.

I had an amazing pregnancy. The first 12-16 weeks were a little bit rocky with lots of migraines. I also had quite a bit [of] “morning sickness” that seemed to last all day! We had originally decided we were going to find out the sex of our baby. But as our 20 week anatomy scan approached, we decided that we were already half way through the pregnancy and we would wait for the amazing surprise!

From the day we found out I was expecting, I just had a weird feeling we were having a baby boy. Shawn (along with many others) said we would have a girl.

By the time I was 6 months pregnant, we had the nursery all painted, decorated and set up! We were so ready for our little bundle of joy. I have always loved looking at “baby gear” and I was so excited that I could finally buy it for myself to use as a mommy. I did so much research on the safest carseats and the best stroller for our active lifestyle. We had almost everything we needed for our baby by the time I was 7.5 months pregnant.

[Read more…]


Mom to Gemma Grace

Born still August 14, 2012

Portland, Oregon

We tried for a year to have another child, and had two early losses that broke my heart and made me wonder if I would be able to get pregnant.

In February 2012, we had another positive pregnancy test, and began to hope a little. As things went on, my blood levels looked good, I got sick, and we were celebrating. I was sure this baby was a boy, because I felt so different than I had with my daughter. I was taking Lovenox and aspirin because of the previous losses, vitamins, and being generally as healthy and conscientious as possible. [Read more…]


Mom to Westly Storm
Born May 23, 2011 and died May 25, 2011


Baby lost November 3, 2011 at 12 weeks

Portland, Oregon

We had waited years before trying. We wanted to be as “ready” as two people can be. We had been together 8 years and married 4, graduated college, got dogs and had bought a house when we got pregnant with our baby son Westley. We decided early on to name him in part after the character in The Princess Bride…we wanted to give all our love and attention in hopes that are son would be honest, brave, and loving and share in our happiness. [Read more…]


Mom to an unnamed baby
Lost in June 2010 (EDD January 6, 2011)


Born still March 10, 2012 (EDD July 29, 2012)

Portland, Oregon

A miscarriage or blighted ovum turned out to be the most horrific thing I’d ever gone through, or so I thought at that time. My body was slumped over the bathroom floor that hot afternoon in June. I was told to expect “period cramps and bleeding,” but this was a pain unequalled to anything I’d ever known. It was as though my insides were ripping apart, my abdominal cavity was closing in on itself. Beads of sweat poured down my face and I contemplated calling an ambulance. “Is it supposed to hurt this bad?” I thought to myself. I stumbled to the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I felt something at my cervix and felt inclined to push, I was consumed with terror as I knew whatever was there was indeed no blood clot. To my horror I heard a splash in to the toilet, my heart thumped from terror afraid to look. I still to this day don’t know what it was, maybe it was placenta. Shock, fear and anger possessed me as I stood there limp, looking at the tissue and blood that passed from my body. My hands were smeared with it; the bathroom floor and sink were riddled with it. That day was the worst day of my life…but only up until that point. [Read more…]


Mom to Olivia Marie

Born sleeping on May 18, 2011

Portland, Oregon


It was exactly 4 Mondays ago that my life was perfect…and the last time my life was perfect. [Read more…]


Mom to Unnamed Baby

Early miscarriage January 2005 – February 2005

Previously from Missoula, Montana
Currently from Toledo, Oregon


My story is older, but as I never knew people thought an early miscarriage was much to cry about, I never really did anything about it.  I was just shown this site and thought I’d share.  [Read more…]


Mom to an early miscarriage (2005)
Sky Gabriel, stillborn December 14, 2011

Portland, Oregon

Sky Gabriel was born still on December 14, 2011, 2 days before his due date. This is his story, or, more accurately, our story of his life and death. I’m sharing this story because it is so very important to me that Sky be remembered. I hope hearing his story is as encouraging and healing for you as sharing it is for me.

[Read more…]


Mom to Connor Isaiah
Born February 2, 2006 and died January 9, 2007


Isabela Mae
Born February 2, 2006 and died February 7, 2006

Portland, OR


My name is Sarah. On December 2nd, 2006 I was feeling… fat. I had just broken up with my boyfriend and wasn’t feeling that great anyway. We had disagreed a lot about all kinds of issues and over Christmas decided that being together just wasn’t in the cards. On that January morning, I decided to go to my doctor since I was having lower back pain. I made an appointment and was able to be seen that afternoon. [Read more…]


Mom to Alana Monique Rodriguez & Selena Monique Rodriguez

January 31, 2011 to January 31, 2011

Forever in our hearts

Portland, Oregon

It was early October of 2010 when my boyfriend and I found out I was pregnant. We had so many different emotions that day. We had just moved to a new state and were staying with family until we were able to get on our feet. So finding out we were having a baby was a lot to put on us at that time, but of course the feelings of “what are we going to do” went away and on came the pure excitement. We told everyone in the family and they were all supportive. This being my first pregnancy I was very nervous but anxious at the same time. [Read more…]


Mom to Baby Roberts

Ectopic Pregnancy February 22nd, 2010

and Ethan James

Stillborn August 30th, 2011

Cottage Grove, Oregon

My husband, Jon, and I were married in October 2007. Eight months into our marriage, we decided to start trying for a family. I got off bc pills and hoped and prayed that my cycles would start soon and we would get a positive pregnancy test. But nothing happened. In February of 2009 I went to see my doctor for testing and found out I had a mild case of PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I went through three months of Clomid but never saw that positive pregnancy test. The stress of fertility treatments was taking its toll so we decided to not pursue any further testing or treatments. We were taking a break from trying to get pregnant. [Read more…]



February 1, 2011

Portland, OR

Life can change in an instant, or in my family’s case, just under 24 hours.  I lost my second son Griffin on February 1st, 2011.  Griffin was born at 24 weeks and 2 days.

I am a worrier by nature, with my first son I worried about miscarriage, and then (ironically) I worried about premature birth and then after awhile I relaxed into pregnancy.  With my second I felt confident that I had done this before and could/would do it again.  I did however have a few feelings that something just wasn’t right, a mothers intuition perhaps.  I would think to myself that this pregnancy just wasn’t going to happen, and then I would shake my head and give myself a hard time for being so negative. [Read more…]


Mom to Devon  Christopher

June 29th, 2001

and Chloe Ann

September 26th, 2008

Hillsboro, Oregon

I was 7 months along with my son, Devon, I went in for an ultrasound, and just knew something was wrong, because he hadn’t kicked in a day, and I  found he had passed away. [Read more…]

Mom to Jordan
November 10th, 2005
It is November and the rain has come again. My stomach has begun to bloat with a much-desired second child. The boxes of maternity clothes I wore while expecting my first have been dragged out of the dusty stacks in the garage. I’ve been feeling fairly well. Not as nauseated as with my first, when after every dinner I found myself in the bathroom. I’m proud to be starting to show. I love this part, where it becomes obvious that there’s a baby growing within me. I am a creature of comfort, and have been wearing a new pair of grey athletic pants with double pink stripes up the pant legs. When I go out, I look the part of “put-together-stay-at-home-mom,” but once at home I am quick to shed these classy garments, and cozy back into my comfy pants.

I’ve taken to eating fruit in the evenings, while my husband and I watch our television show. Canned peaches are the current favorite. Pears and pineapple have had their turn too. We have been talking about this baby for so long that we’ve already settled on names: Benjamin for a boy (of course I’ll call him Ben), and Sierrah for a girl (the ‘h’ just makes it look more balanced I think, more finished. And of course that way it will go with our first daughter’s name – Hannah, also with an ‘h’ on the end.)

[Read more…]

Mom to TanaLee
Born November 13th, 2009, Died June16th, 2010
Portland, Oregon

Just two weeks after getting married I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I always talked about having children, but little did we know getting pregnant would change our lives forever. When I was about 2 months along the ultrasound tech noticed that my daughters umbilical cord wasn’t positioned in the middle of my placenta. Doctors came in to assure me that this wasn’t necessarily a bad thing that would hurt my baby, but it just meant that I would need to eat more than usual because the baby would have a harder time getting nutrition because of the placement of the umbilical cord. I left the hospital clinic that day feeling nervous but I trusted the Doctors knew what they were talking about.

[Read more…]

Mom to Baby Chess, Miscarried on May 12, 2010
Eugene, Oregon
I have always wanted children…at least as long as I can remember. Even with my first pregnancy when I was 19, I originally did not want to be pregnant, but I immediately loved that baby the second I found out I was pregnant. After that miscarriage, I had horrible fears about not being able to conceive or to ever be able to have children of my own. Once I had known John for 3 months, I knew he was the one. I knew I loved him, that I would marry him, and that we would make beautiful babies together. It had been years since my 1st miscarriage, and even though I still had that fear of not being able to have children, I told myself that everything would be great. John and I were so happy. We had great careers, we were doing well financially, we had a house, and we were so great together that we knew we would only get better once we started a family. I felt confident and excited about starting a family.
I got off of my birth control pills soon after the wedding. I had been on birth control for over 10 years, and I wanted to give my body some time to get back to normal. John and I decided to start unofficially trying in January of 2010. We just stopped using protection that month. We were unsuccessful, so we started timing it better for February. February was unsuccessful though also. I really had felt that we had good timing. Man, having that much sex is NOT easy! So I decided that March was the month that I would break down and start using OPKs.

On 4/6/10, Aunt Flow (or AF as we like to call her on the Bump) was due that day. I was very regular, so when I got home from work that afternoon, it was not normal for me to not have started yet. So I had a digital HPT and I decided to take it even though you are supposed to use FMU (first morning urine). I started getting ready to leave and almost forgot to check the test. I had been so used to it being negative (okay, I know it was only twice, but it still sucked!) that I just told myself it would be again. But when I looked, it was positive!!! I yelled for John and he came into the bathroom. He said, “Are you serious?” He didn’t believe it and was in shock. I was effing stoked! I ran into the living room and showed my brother and sister-in-law who were over visiting. My sister-in-law was so happy and excited she started crying!

I was nervous about the pregnancy because I had done some research since my 1st miscarriage. I have known that I was B- blood type since I donated blood in high school. And I know that the father of the 1st pregnancy was A+ blood. When I had my miscarriage, my doctor didn’t even ask about my blood type and didn’t say a word about a Rhogam shot. Basically when a mother with negative blood type and a father with positive blood type conceive, the baby will always have positive blood because it is dominant. The first pregnancy is normally not a problem, and the mother will get a Rhogam shot during the 7th month and shortly after birth. This is because during birth (and sometimes during miscarriage) the mother and baby’s blood will cross and the mother’s body will create antibodies to attack the foreign blood type. The Rhogam shot stops those antibodies from forming. So since I didn’t get the shot, I was very afraid that my body was attacking my baby every second.

[Read more…]

Mom to Miles
Born on October 6, 2004
Passed away October 7, 2004
Portland, Oregon

My first child Miles was born on October 6, 2004, after a healthy and normal full-term pregnancy. At one month shy of my 35th birthday, I was an older first-time mother. We are now approaching his 6th birthday and the details are beginning to be a little bit smoother around the edges, and the grief somewhat diminished.

[Read more…]

Mom to Chaya Eliana
Stillborn November 6, 2008
Medford, OR

In March 2007 I had a miscarriage at nine weeks gestation, after my baby had already been dead three weeks. A year later, I miscarried again. Three months after that, I found myself pregnant yet again.

[Read more…]

Mom to Nevaeh Simone
February 10th, 2006-July 9th, 2006
Nevaeh Simone was born on Feb 10 2006 and died one day shy of her five-month birthday on July 9th. She came into this world early, at 27 weeks (we believe it was more like 23-25 weeks) gestation, weighing only 1 lb 9 oz. The events leading up to her birth happened so quickly that I did not have time to process what was going on. One minute she was inside my womb and then next she was whisked away to the NICU without much explanation. 

In the days following Nevaeh’s birth, we were introduced to the unit. There were monitors, wires and medical devices everywhere. The medical staff cared for her so delicately and were able to provided her with what she needed. We did not know anything that was going on around us, and it seemed as though people were speaking a different language. We wanted desperately to learn everything. She was our daughter, and we needed to care for her. We sat at her bedside around the clock longing to hold her and keep her from a world she was too small for.

Her care was involved, and her diagnosis’s were vast. We were forced to parent our daughter in a way we never dreamed. We looked to the professional to tell us if she was comfortable or if she needed something. We had never met these people,  yet her precious life was in their hands. They were able to give her what we could not which made my heart ache. I watched our life unfold in front of me. We had a plan, but this was not it. Her life was a delicate balance of numbers. Being by her side and trusting the process was what we could do for her, so we did. 

Nevy’s tiny lungs were not ready to be here, due to her early arrival, so she was placed on a ventilator which did the work of breathing for her. To us, the vent was just extension of who she was. However, it did produce challenges in cuddling and caring for her. It took over two months before her body could handle being heldI dreamt about what it would feel like the to hold her for the first time, and longed to feel her skin on mine. When the day finally arrived life was instantly better. We fit perfectly. It was the first time in her life my fears subsided, and I truly felt like mama who knew just what to do for my sweet girl.

The days started to move faster as her health improved. We began to feel confident that not only was she going to be OK, but the there was a chance that soon it would all be a distant memory, and she was going to thrive. Our sense of normal had shifted over the course of Nevaeh’s life.  We became comfortable with the obstacles and challenges that being a micro preemie presented and like a warrior princess she seemed to knocked them down one at a time.

We never asked when she would come home. From day one, we knew we knew it would be a long road and staying focused on the present moment was essential.  We held hope close to our hearts and trusted in the medical staff around us. Because I was so active in her care, I knew we had rounded certain corners and truly believed she was coming home. Her numbers were impressive, she was maintaining a healthy body temperature in an open crib, taking most of her feed from a bottle and had even nursed a couple of precious times. Our meetings with OT&PT created so much optimism. While they could not rule out challenges she could face down the road, they were extremely pleased with her outward appearance and functionality. She was perfect. 

June 30 2006 was THE day we had waited for. Despite all the extreme ups and downs, DNR’s, inabations, extabations, surgeries, x-rayss, labs, thearpy, pokes, prods, and feeds, we were finally told “It was time to think about going home.” It was an idea we never let ourselves entertain due to the challenges she had faced but something we had always hoped for. You do not just leave the hospital one day after you have been there for five months. I sat with her Doctor and listened to list we would need to complete. She needed to achieve a certain amount of feeds on a bottle or a feeding tube would be necessary. We needed to get the amount of Oxygen she as receiving to a lower liter flow. We needed to go through a CPR class and pass the sleep study. I would need to schedule appointments with specialists involved in her care for important after discharge follow up. Most importantly, would need to have labs, x-rays and an EKG done so we would know her baselines at the time of discharge. 

The EKG had already been ordered for that day, and I decided to stick with Nevy while it was being done. I remember vividly picking her up and whispering the good news in her ear while we waited for the tech to arrive. The test was about 15 minutes long. I chatted with the technician and told him all about Nevaeh. She was so sweet during the procedure and allowed him to get all the shots he needed. I learned early on that asking anyone other than her Doctors what the test said would get me nowhere. She had never had a “baseline” procedure, and I figured there was nothing to worry about or hide. Without thinking, I asked if it looked okay and turned around with a smile and said “It looks perfect.” I was elated!! I scooped our girl up, kissed her head and told her I needed to leave and finish her nursery. 

I stopped at home to pick up a color swatch for her bedding and paused in the bedroom that had sat empty for so many months. I opened the windows and welcomed the possibility that was before us. The bedroom WOULD become Nevaeh’s very own nursery. Her bed space at the hospital was small and without doors. Between the medical staff and other patients visiting guests, I had never had the opportunity of being alone with her and I wanted the experience so badly. I could not wait to walk across a room with her in my arms or to be able to pick her up without needing three people to help me. My hopes were higher than they had ever been, and I truly believed she was coming home. I shut the window and set out to select the finishing touches for HER room. 

Even the best laid plans fall to the wayside. Just one day later on July 1st, we were blindsided with news that the EKG was far from “perfect”, it was terminal. Her heart had suffered tremendously from the time she was on the vent. The damage was irreversible. The very thing that saved her life would ultimately end up taking her from us. As I sat there watching her Dr.’s lips move I was at a loss. Did we miss something? Had I not done enough? Was she sicker then we acknowledged? Did I get ahead of myself by thinking she was coming home and create too much pressure on her? The answer to all of these questions was of course no. Our sweet girl had fought a noble fight. There were no more medical miracles for us to call on, she was tired and ready to rest. 

[Read more…]

Mommy to Leila, born at 23 weeks, 5 days
March 22nd, 2010-April 9th, 2010
Portland, OR

November 13, 2009 I found out that I was pregnant. I remember that day because it was Friday the 13th. What a scary day that was. I was 19 years old and had no intentions of getting pregnant, but it happened. I knew this was going to be a bad thing to everyone else, but me? I was ecstatic. All I did was touch my belly and picture the months to come when my belly would be protruding with baby. I looked in the mirror and smiled. I smiled at the thought of growing a little person in my belly. I knew I would be a good mother. Although not ideal at this point in time, I was ready for what motherhood would bring.

My pregnancy progressed pretty quickly. After the first trimester, time flew by. I went to my appointments every 4 weeks and all of them were normal. My baby was right on schedule with the expected due date of July 13, 2010. I was having a summer baby and couldn’t wait. At 16 weeks I felt my baby kick for the very first time. I remember it like it was yesterday. I felt like someone was poking me really quickly from the inside. I was smiling from ear to ear. I absolutely loved when I felt the baby kick.

[Read more…]

Mom of Charlotte Ava
May 14th, 2010, 10:10am-May 14th, 2010, 11:47am
Salem, Oregon

My labor and delivery were normal; it was the immediate aftermath that was a complete disaster. My water broke on the 13th of May. I was 38 weeks pregnant. I woke up around 7:30 when Jonathan was leaving for work, went to the bathroom and went back to sleep until 8:30 when I decided to get up and eat breakfast. I headed for the kitchen only to have an incredible urge to go to the bathroom. I muttered about having an impossibly small bladder and headed for the bathroom. When I was finished there was an audible pop and I called out, “What the heck was that?” I had left the bathroom door open since it was just the dog and I in the house. The dog heaved herself off her bed and peeked into the hallway. I looked in the toilet and couldn’t see anything so I shook my head and informed the dog pregnancy was weird.
I stood up and instantly soaked through the underwear I had on. I pulled them off, put on another pair and new pajama pants. When I soaked through that clothing in a minute I realized my water may have broken. I rummaged in the bathroom closet, found a pad and pulled on another set of clothes along with the pad. When I soaked through that in a short amount of time I knew it was time to call someone.
I couldn’t figure out what to do since there was so much amniotic fluid. Eventually I decided to forgo pants, climb in the bathtub, and call Jonathan and my midwife. I tried Jonathan’s direct line as well as the main switchboard at the clinic where he works. When I couldn’t get through to either after multiple tries I decided to call my midwife. By this time my hands were shaking and I was desperate to talk to someone. When my midwife didn’t answer her phone I called Bella Vie. Since Thursday is not a prenatal day no one answered at the birth center. I was cold and couldn’t think what to do next so I placed the phone on the sink and took a shower.

As soon as I was done showering I picked up the phone and tried my midwife again. I was so glad to hear her voice when she answered her phone. She asked me if my amniotic fluid was clear (yes), if I was feeling any contractions (no), if I had had breakfast (no), and if I had felt the baby move (yes, in bed this morning, but not since my water broke). She told me to eat breakfast and call her if things progressed. I called Jonathan’s work again and spoke with someone at the front desk. I explained it was an emergency and I had to talk to Jonathan, but I didn’t tell her why. After a few minutes I was connected with Jonathan and I told him my water broke. I told him to stay at work because I didn’t have any cramping or contractions. I did ask him to come home after lunch instead of going to the prison with one of the cardiologist’s as he did every third Thursday of the month. I was paranoid he would be scanning prisoners, I would need him to come home, and there would be no way to reach him.
At 9:45 I started having slight cramping. Jonathan came home around 1:00 or so and we went for a walk around the block after he had had lunch. It was a beautiful day and lots of people were sitting outside their houses. We stopped to chat with a couple people as we shuffled down the street, trying to get my labor to start. When we were almost home our vet called to tell us our dog’s blood tests had come back positive for hypothyroid. When he asked how I was doing I cheerfully told him I was in labor. “Oh!” he exclaimed. “Well, definitely finish that before you pick up her medication.”
What followed was a long, long period of light contractions. I would have three or four contractions, and then nothing for ten, twenty or thirty minutes. I spent a lot of time pacing in the backyard and the house. I also did a lot of squatting because I wanted to make sure the baby was in a good position. And I was trying to encourage her to come out quickly. We talked to my midwife throughout the day, but we never had much to report. Around 10:00 the contractions started coming closer together. At midnight when the contractions were 3 ½ minutes apart, we called the midwife and arranged to meet at the birth center at 1 am. [Read more…]

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