Mom to Lena Beth

January 10, 2016

Grafton, MA

My husband and I were so happy to welcome our first son in June 2012.  He has brought much joy and laughter to our lives.  When it came time for trying for another baby, we considered a three year age difference, but we were in the process of moving and it didn’t feel right.  A year later the timing was right and I got pregnant right away in July 2015.  Three days after taking a positive pregnancy test, I started bleeding.  It was considered a chemical pregnancy since I was 4.5 weeks along, so I never needed a D&C and only had to get blood work to confirm I was actually pregnant and then not pregnant anymore.  I remember feeling angry about having blood work taken three times over the course of two weeks.  I knew for a fact I was not pregnant anymore but my doctor insisted on coming in for the third time.  I wanted it to be over and to just move on.  [Read more…]




Mom to Baby B

February 26, 2014

Boston, MA

In early November 2013 my husband and I learned we were going to be first-time parents. Our first baby. Everything went smoothly until 19 weeks. We went to our 19 week anatomy scan excited. We were going to find out the sex of our baby! Make big plans! Our life was never going to be the same! Well, only the last thought was right. During the appointment my OB told us she had concerns, and that we would need to come back the next day to see a Maternal Fetal Specialist. The kidneys – something didn’t look right with the kidneys. Also, was I leaking amniotic fluid? No, I wasn’t. [Read more…]




Mom to Baby M

Miscarried: February 15, 2015,  Expected Due Date: September 10, 2015

Boston, Massachusetts

I managed to take a shower as the blood dripped out of my body and spiraled down the drain. It will take two hours for a cab, the voice on the other end of the phone stated. Admittedly, I should have called for an ambulance, especially since we were in the middle of another New England blizzard with zero driving visibility. In my mind though, that would have made the experience that much more of an emergency. This was not an emergency. At least, I didn’t want it to be—even though, intellectually I knew that I was losing the life inside of me with every passing minute.

I trudged through the six or so inches of snow on the ground towards my car. Incoming call. I answer. What’s wrong? The voice asked. I’m bleeding. I think I’m losing the baby. I tell my friend through the tears streaming down my face. I’ll meet you at the hospital, she said. 

I don’t know how, but I managed to drive myself to the emergency room. For two miles, the only people I shared the road with were the snowplow drivers. I’m almost 11 weeks pregnant and I’m bleeding, was all that I could manage to say to the receptionist before I broke down sobbing and wiping away my tears with my scarf.

I was immediately brought into a room where I was given a gown, poked with an IV needle, and asked what seemed to be 100 questions in a matter of minutes. Yes, I called my midwife. No, I did not do anything out of the ordinary today.

No, the baby’s father is not involved. Yes, I have health insurance. Yes, I called my brother and friend who will be meeting me here. No, I have not had an ultrasound; it is scheduled for next week. As I answered the questions, a short dark-haired doctor approached the bedside. She tried to assure me that although I was bleeding heavily it did not mean that I was losing my baby. She tried to comfort me, but I knew what was happening. I knew that my body had betrayed me in the most unimaginable way.

[Read more…]



Mom of Max Michael and Leo William

Born and died July 16, 2013

Boston, Massachusetts

My husband and I found each other when we were both in our late 30’s. We were ready to be married and we were ready to be parents. In the next 14 months (after our honeymoon) when we weren’t yet pregnant, our excitement turned to surprise and then soon to worry. I changed my diet (I’m a registered dietitian so of course this would help, right?) to follow the “fertility diet plan”, reduced my work hours from full to part time, started acupuncture, reduced my caffeine, reduced my physical activity to keep my heart rate under 110… you name it and I did it. My husband too, though all of his tests were fine, started reading about increasing his testosterone with cold showers, more cholesterol from food, etc. Basically, we felt like we had nothing to lose and if there were a chance it could help, why not?
[Read more…]



Mom to Lydia

March 15, 2014

Dedham, Massachusetts

We were going to call her Itty, Bitty, Liddie. Her real name was Lydia Mae. She was perfect! It’s funny how when you become pregnant, your imagination runs wild. You think about what they will look like and whose personality they will have. What funny things will they do? All of it. But you never imagine, what if they don’t make it? What if we lose our child? At least that’s one thing I didn’t imagine. How does anyone get through that? Well, Kevin and I have to. We lost Lydia when I was 26 weeks pregnant. It was our worst nightmare and something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
[Read more…]



Mom to Sophia

Born still December 31, 2008

Pittsfield, Massachusettes

My husband John and I found out we were expecting Mothers Day weekend 2008. This was a total surprise as we had been trying for several years and had just begun looking into the possibility of adoption. [Read more…]



Mom to Logan James
Born December 7, 2008 and died December 9, 2008


An angel lost September 29, 2011

Pittsfield, Massachusetts

I’d like to share my story because I feel that it is a very unique situation. I’ve kept the loss very private and close to my heart and have only been sharing my feelings with family and close friends. But recently, I’ve felt the need to go online and read about other mom’s stories and struggles through their journeys of loss.

It’s comforting to know that I am not alone and there are others out there who know EXACTLY how I feel. I think the people in our everyday lives can be supportive, but only to a certain point. The loss of our children, whether still in our womb or newly born needs a special kind of support that only us moms can provide. And the everyday struggles we endure as we watch other mothers who have not had to endure our pain. [Read more…]



Mom to Kristiana

Born and died April 27, 2010

Lynn, Massachusettes

I found out I was pregnant in late August 2009 right after my 27th birthday. I thought it was the best birthday present anyone could ever give me. Being a mother was all I ever wanted. My pregnancy seemed normal until February 24, 2010. I was 27 weeks pregnant and went for what I thought was a routine ultrasound. I brought my Mother, Grandmother, Aunt, and my daughter’s Godmother to this appointment. The ultrasound tech asked my family to leave and told me a doctor would be in to see me. [Read more…]



Mom to América

Lost at 9 weeks October 24, 2011

Seville, Spain (originally from Walpole, Massachusettes)

I am American, living abroad in Spain.  We found out on September 14th, 2011 that I was pregnant with our much-desired baby number 2.  Our firstborn, Manuela, was just eleven months old, but truth be told, we had been trying since soon after she joined us.  There was “no rush” but we did want them to be close together in age (they would have been 19 months apart).  We were thrilled with the positive result and began to make plans for our new baby’s early May arrival. [Read more…]



Mom to Twin B, and Hudson Edward (Twin A)

Lost Twin B at 9 weeks 5 days

Lost Hudson at 18weeks on 2/16/2012

Rockland, Massachusetts

My husband and I tried for a year on our own to get pregnant, did 2 years of IVF – we had one ectopic… the very next ivf round we got pregnant with our twins – it was amazing (we did 3 fresh IVFs and one frozen – only the fresh worked for me). [Read more…]



Mom to Hunter Grace

Born still on December 17th, 2009

Wareham, Massachusetts

My husband and I were so excited to find out that we were expecting baby number 3 in September 2009. We already had two girls 5 and 2 1/2 years old. [Read more…]



Miscarried at 9 weeks 2 days

on December 23, 2010

Leominster, MA


My husband and I married right out of college but gave ourselves a good 3 years to get our feet on the ground and enjoy being a couple. In January of 2009, after years of fighting recurrent ovarian cysts, mood swings and just feeling plain ole crazy, I decided to go off the pill. We threw caution to the wind and left it to fate. We never focused on getting pregnant, but deep down hoped it would happen. There were months when I would see a faint line that would disappear days later. (I now know I was having chemical pregnancies.)

[Read more…]



Mom to Baby Anthony

August 25th, 2011

Taunton, Massachusetts

In July, I started suspecting I was pregnant. I suspected because my body felt… different.  I was unsure, since my periods are so erratic. I don’t get my periods every month, or around the same time, so I figured it would start up at any time.  Since June, I had some spotting here and there. Occasionally, I would see some spotting, and think maybe I was getting my period finally.  It never came. [Read more…]


Mom to identical twin boys
Born and died May 31st, 2009 at 22 weeks 5 days
Marlborough, Massachusetts
My husband Matthew and I grew up a town away from each other. In fact, we were high school rivals. He was an identical twin, so I always heard about the twins or Matt & John the twins….being at the age of 14, 15 everyone had crushes on the twins.

[Read more…]


Mom to Sandy Rose and James Patrick
August 2nd, 2010
Lowell,  Massachusetts
My husband and I got married in Oct 2007.  We knew more than anything we wanted a family right away.  We also knew that we would probably have to get help to get that family.  For over two years we went through numerous IUI’s and IVF cycles always ending in disappointment.  Then in Oct 2009 with our 3rd IVF cycle we got pregnant!  We couldn’t believe it, finally we were going to start our family.  It quickly turned to disappointment again at our 7 week appt though as there was no heartbeat, so they gave it another week and still nothing, at 10 weeks we lost our first glimmer of hope of a family.  So we took a few months off and started again.  In March 2010, we went through our 4th IVF.  We got pregnant again and this time with TWINS and we saw two beautiful heartbeats!  It was love at first sight!  My husband and I were so excited, after so long of trying we were finally going to have our family and even better it would be with two babies!  

[Read more…]


Mom to Twin Angels, Brayden & Alyssa
November 20th, 2009
Boxford, Massachusetts

August 2009 was such a happy time for us, After 3 yrs of trying to get pregnant we finally got pregnant, with Twins! My son who was 4 at the time was so happy to be a “big brother”.

[Read more…]


Mom to Jillian Hannah
Born on December 5, 2009
Passed away Peacefully on December 9, 2009
Boston, Massachusetts
I got pregnant with Jillian in July 2009. I loved every second of being pregnant, despite terrible morning sickness and back pain. I was more in love with our baby girl than I had ever thought possible and couldn’t wait to meet her at the end of March 2010.
On December 5, 2009, my husband and I were getting ready for a Christmas party. When I was getting dressed, I noticed that my underwear was wet almost immediately after putting it on. I put on a pantyliner, but my underwear was so soaked that it wouldn’t stick. I changed my underwear and immediately soaked through two more pantyliners. At first I thought I was just having my typical pregnancy-related bladder issues, but I quickly realized it was something more serious. I called my doctor’s office, then lay on my bed waiting for them to call back. They called and told us to go to Labor and Delivery, and when I stood up to go, a cascade of fluid fell to the floor. I knew we were in trouble.
We raced to the hospital, and when we got to a triage room less than 15 minutes later, my jeans were soaked to my ankles. There was no question in any one’s mind that my water had broken. I got into bed and was quickly sent for an ultrasound. Our sweet baby came onto the screen, moving normally with her heart beating. I looked at my cervix and realized it didn’t look right. I looked at the doctor’s face to see what I could tell, and he was making that face that you never want to see on the face of a doctor. My cervix was totally dilated and effaced – he said it was essentially gone.
I returned to the L&D floor and was pumped full of drugs. The OB on duty that night was from my practice. I’d never met her, but her name and face were familiar, so I was comfortable under her care. She told me that I would be on bed rest for the rest of my pregnancy, and that we were going to try to calm things down and keep me pregnant for as long as possible, but for now the goal would be another 48 hours. She told us that a team from the NICU would be coming for a consultation, and when they arrived, I don’t think I totally listened because I couldn’t grasp that we would actually need them.
Things did eventually calm down, and the doctor told me I could have dinner. My husband ran to grab soup for us. I didn’t have much of an appetite, but I remember feeling like things might turn out just fine. Everything fell apart as soon as that thought crossed my mind. My nurse had me roll over on my left side and was moving the fetal heart monitor. Then my doctor was suddenly over me, doing the same thing. She then said that the baby needed to come out now.
Before I knew it, I was in the operating room, strapped to a table, with an anesthesiologist running a yellow plastic toothpick that I couldn’t feel down my side. I was squeezing the heck out of some body’s hand and trying to figure out where my husband was. He joined me soon after I realized he wasn’t there, and then I felt pulling and tugging, heard a million voices around me, and next thing I knew, I heard three tiny cries. They were so faint that I still can’t believe I heard them. Our little Jillian, born 16 weeks too early, weighed 1 pound 9 ounces, had a full head of dark hair, and was beautiful. The NICU team wheeled her by my head as they took her from the room. All I could really see was that she was tiny.

[Read more…]


Mom to my angel Aubrey Nicole Fries 
June 11th, 2010 – June 12th, 2010
Amesbury, MA
It was an unplanned pregnancy but as soon as me and my boyfriend found out we could not have been more excited. We had everything ready, crib, swing, bouncer, and all. Aubrey was going to be our first child and she would be a spoiled princess. Everywhere we went we would always find something we needed to buy for her. 

It was a rough pregnancy. I had low amniotic fluid all through out and I had ultrasounds done every week. She would never cooperate during ultrasounds so they sent us to Boston Children’s Hospital to get a fetal echo done on her heart. Everything was normal, they found nothing wrong. We continued weekly ultrasounds and they never found anything wrong.

[Read more…]


1 angel
December 2008
Worcester, MA
I found out I was pregnant in the beginning of November, 2008. It was unexpected but my boyfriend, Rich, and I were sooo beside ourselves in happiness. Naive, never expecting any bad outcome, we went right to Barnes and Noble that night to pick out a baby name book. We agreed on names and bought baby books. Rich slept with his hand on my tummy every night and from the first night we knew of my pregnancy he would talk to the baby and kiss my belly every night before bed. We had our first doctor’s appointment the next week and had a date ultrasound. We saw a beautiful strong heartbeat and our little bean and were given a due date of July 26th. All of this happened at one of the most stressful times in my life but we made the most of it. Maybe God knew I was too stressed out for this pregnancy, I don’t know…

[Read more…]


Mom to Moira Mae
May 8th, 2009-May 11th, 2009
West Brookfield, MA
This is the story of Moira Mae, born May 8, 2009 and left this Earth as a beautiful angel on May 11, 2009. Moira was a much longed for miracle baby that was loved before she was even conceived. 
In late March, early April of 2008 we started the appointments with the fertility doctor. It had been a long year of trying to conceive with month after month of negative home pregnancy tests. Now we had some hope on the horizon for starting our family that we had wanted for so long. Finally in June we started our first round of Clomid and IUI’s (Inter Uterine Insemination). By Labor Day weekend, after 3 rounds of back to back treatments, we found out we were expecting our miracle baby who would be due May 6, 2009! 

[Read more…]


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