Mom to John Luke

July 6, 2006

Wichita, Kansas

At the 32 week check up, I measured a little small. The doctor considered a sonogram. If she was concerned, I was willing to do the sonogram. I wanted a healthy baby. The doctor decided the sonogram didn’t need to be done. I felt regular movements from the baby and waited for my July 5th appointment.

[Read more…]


Mom to 1st miscarriage, June 2011 at 6 weeks


Madilyn Jo, miscarried in 2012 at 10 weeks

Olathe, Kansas

In June 2011, we found out I was pregnant. I had an array of mixed emotions. We had a full apartment with my 2 kids, ages 12 and 14 at the time, we had just had a baby in December 2010, and my fiancé’s daughter was living with us, who was pregnant and due in October. Being I just had a baby in December and was still breastfeeding, I hadn’t had a menstrual cycle yet, so my doctor wanted an ultrasound to see how far along I was and to find my due date. We had our first ultrasound and all those mixed emotions went away…there was our baby-to-be, right there on the screen. At that point, I knew we’d be ok; everything would work out. The technician put me about 4 weeks gestation, and really too soon to confirm a due date, so my doctor ordered another ultrasound for two weeks out to look for growth and an approximate due date then. We left and became so excited about our news, and immedately started telling family and friends. [Read more…]


Mom to Makayla Lynn

August 17, 2012 – August 21, 2012

Wichita, Kansas

It all started when I was visiting family in Oklahoma. My husband and I were trying for another baby after our miscarriage in Nov. 2011. I was feeling off and just feeling pregnant, so I went to the store and got a test. On March 26th, 2012 I got those 2 beautiful pink lines! It was midnight when I tested and because my husband works all over for an oil company, I texted him the picture saying, “We did it!!” I was so nervous yet so happy! So excited! As soon as the 12 week mark passed I thought I was in the clear. I didn’t know how wrong I was. [Read more…]


Mom to Richard, born and died April 19, 2012


John, born and died April 19, 2012

Wichita, Kansas

I learned I was pregnant after I missed my period January this year. As this being my first pregnancy and we had not been trying, I found myself very anxious, since I didn’t think I was ready. We were having relationship issues and as much as he sounded supportive, I couldn’t help but feel scared. [Read more…]


Mom to

Maggie Ann, stillborn at 24 weeks on March 17, 2011

Miscarriage at 8 weeks on January 31, 2012

Hutchinson, Kansas

In May of 2008, after my husband and I both finished graduate school, we decided that we would start trying to add to our family. After a year we were referred to an RE to see why I still wasn’t pregnant.  It was then that I was diagnosed with PCOS.  After surgery, using a variety of meds (clomid, femara, ovidrel) and an IUI, I finally had a positive pregnancy test in November 2010.  We were overjoyed.  Thrilled beyond belief. And so, so thankful. [Read more…]


Mom to Tatiana Jhene Johnson

November 11-18, 2011

Wichita, KS


I was in L&D three times the previous week with sharp pain, back pain, and decreased movement. I was 3-4 cm., 80-95% effaced, and having irregular contractions. Tatiana started having decelerations (her heart rate dropped) caused by dehydration. The OBs were concerned about her heart rate dropping too low during active labor and said I was at risk of having a c section. Her lungs weren’t mature, so they decided against an induction. Last Friday, my OB repeated the biophysical to check for lung maturity again. He decided to strip my membranes to start labor, which didn’t work. I went in for my 38 week appointment on Thursday. He listened to her heart beat and heard an arrhythmia (her heart has an extra beat). He scheduled an appointment with the high risk OB that evening to repeat the biophysical. He said he wasn’t concerned about the arrhythmia, that it would fix itself, and we would continue to monitor it every week. He checked my amniotic fluid levels, and they had decreased from 12 cm. on Friday to less than 1 cm. He asked if I had felt my water break, and I hadn’t, so he sent me to the hospital to be induced.

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Mom to Mary Elizabeth

March 30th, 2011

Manhattan, Kansas

We first found out something was wrong at our 20 week anatomy scan. The sonographer suddenly got very quiet, but I was so busy looking at my beautiful girl that I didn’t really notice. When she asked if we had an appointment with our OB that day, I knew there was a problem. Mary had a few abnormalities and she wasn’t swallowing the way a baby at that stage of gestation should. [Read more…]


Mom to Cameron

March 7th, 2011

Victoria, Kansas

When I found out I was pregnant with our second child, I was scared and excited. I was excited we were expanding our family of three, to a family of four. It’s an exciting time in a womans life to be pregnant and to know that you are the home of a little life inside of you. You’re responsible for that little person’s life. [Read more…]


Baby Sala

Early Miscarriage April 2010

Cooper Michael

August 19th, 2011 – August 28th, 2011

Wichita, Kansas

My husband, Michael, and I had been married for a little less than a year when decided wanted to start our family.  We decided we would let nature take its own course, we weren’t ‘exactly’ trying but we weren’t preventing either.  When it happened it would happened. We were extremely surprised to get a positive pregnancy test the next month. We were so excited; we called everyone we knew to tell them the exciting news! Less than a month later we were devastated to discover that the baby had never developed. It was extremely heartbreaking to have to tell everyone that we had lost our baby. [Read more…]



Baby B

Lost June 21, 2010 at almost 9 weeks

Baby B #2

Lost December 7, 2010 at 6 1/2 weeks

Overland Park, KS


When my cousin lost her baby boy in June 2008 due to placental abruption at 6 months into her pregnancy our whole family grieved for her loss. I couldn’t imagine how this hit us so close to home and how anybody could get through it. I gave my cousin a book to help her grieve through her unimaginable loss. Little did I know that almost exactly 2 years to the month my cousin lost her little boy, she would giving that book back to me to read, as I would be going through my own pregnancy loss in June of 2010.  [Read more…]


Mom to Jayla Rae Krenzel

Born and Passed January 22nd, 2011

Garden City, Kansas

My boyfriend Latrell and I were only together a couple months when we first found out we had gotten pregnant. We were very excited yet very nervous. So I started to get my insurance and everything situated then out of no where 3 weeks later we had a miscarriage. I was so devastated I was only 8 weeks along and it came out of nowhere. So I started looking up online about getting pregnant again and the one thing I kept coming across was most women get pregnant almost instantly after having 2 normal periods. Well I guess they were right almost exactly 2 months later we got pregnant again with our daughter Jayla. My boyfriend was at work the night I found out, so I went straight to his job to show him the test. We were more than excited we had another chance. [Read more…]

Mother to Ella, lost to miscarriage January 3rd, 2009
and Angel Baby #2, lost to miscarriage April, 2009
Olathe, Kansas
Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to have children.  I think that is what most little girls want.  That is why we love dolls so much.  So it is no surprise that shortly after I got married, I started thinking more seriously about starting a family.  This is the story of my journey to becoming a mother.  It is a deeply painful and personal story.  I have chosen to share it for two reasons.  One is because it brings meaning to my struggle.  My pain will not have been in vain and it keeps the memory of those loved and lost alive.  The second reason, of equal importance, is so I might offer help and hope to other women experiencing the same loss.  Here is my story.

In November 2008, on my first wedding anniversary, I found out I was pregnant with a surprise baby.  Although surprised, my husband and I were thrilled.  We started seeing the doctor and went in for a routine 6 week ultra sound.  The technician told us the baby’s heart beat seemed a little slow but not to worry.  It was probably just because it had just started beating within the last few days.  We did not worry at all.  We went on our way without any problems.  At 11 weeks we went in for another routine doctors visit and our doctor said we could hear the baby’s heart beat and put an instrument on my tummy to find it.  She searched for 10 minutes to find the baby’s heart beat and never did.  I began to worry and asked her if anything was wrong.  She said, “You had an ultra sound at 6 weeks right?“.  I told her I had and she said she was sure everything was fine and the baby was just too little to pick up the heart beat yet.  Again we were sent on our way and told not to worry.  So we went on our way and did not worry.  When I was 12 weeks pregnant I can remember thinking, “Oh good, I am past the first trimester and the worst time for miscarriage”.  I was relieved.  Later that same day, after shopping for nursery furniture, I started bleeding very heavily.  It was a Sunday so my doctor’s office was closed.  I called the ER and spoke to the on call doctor who informed me I was probably miscarrying and I needed to call my OBGYN the next day to confirm this.  I asked him if I needed to come in to the hospital that day and he said, “No.  If you are miscarrying, you are miscarrying and there is nothing I can do to help you.”  My heart dropped when I heard him say this and I did not accept this.  What if my baby was still alive and just needed some help?  So I ignored the doctor and went to the ER anyway.  I was admitted and a doctor (not the same one I talked to on the phone) came in to examine me.  He said my cervix was still closed which was a good sign but unless he did an ultra sound he could not confirm the baby’s condition.  We opted to have the ultra sound.  The technician came in and quickly found the baby on the screen.  He started telling me where the legs and arms and various body parts were and I sensed he was avoiding telling me the only thing my husband and I really wanted to know.  I asked him if the baby’s heart was beating and he paused and then very nicely and quietly said, “I’m sorry.  I am not detecting any fetal heart movement.”  I said ok and sat silently while he packed his machine up and left the room.  Our family was waiting outside the door.  As soon as he was gone my husband and I both starting crying and hugging and all I could say over and over again was how sorry I was.  When our family came in to see us I just kept telling them how sorry I was.  It is interesting, as a mother, how you fully take the blame for a miscarriage right away.  Everyone kept telling me it was not my fault, but all I could say was how sorry I was.  This was the first grandchild on both sides of our family and everyone was so excited.  I felt I had let them all down and their hearts were broken just like mine.  I actually felt bad for them.  My father-in-law, a man known professionally for being very strong and not emotional at all, put his hand on mine and never let go of me the entire time we were in the hospital room.  That was January 3rd, 2009.

[Read more…]

Mom to Brett Allen
Born Still June 2nd, 2008
Park, Kansas
After having one child I finally had convinced my husband to start trying for our second child in June of 2007. I have ovulation issues and have to be on Clomid to help us conceive. I was on Clomid with my first pregnancy and we were shocked that it only took us one cycle to get pregnant, so we expected the same with my second pregnancy. 

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Mom of Graicen Edward
Born Still on June 2, 2008
Overland Park, KS
I will never forget the morning that I found out that I was pregnant with Graicen. My husband and I had been married for 2 years and we were both getting ready to graduate from college. He was working nights and I had noticed that for about 3 nights in a row I had gotten up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, which was very odd because I never had done that before. I knew that we hadn’t been very careful and so I knew there was a chance that I could be pregnant so the next day I bought a set of 2 pregnancy tests and decided that I would take one the next morning. That night I woke up at 2:00a.m. to use the restroom and decided I would take a test just because I had them there. Well those 2pink lines showed up immediately and I sat there on the toilet in shock. I couldn’t get to the phone quick enough to call my husband. When I screamed into the phone that I was pregnant, the other end went silent and then he actually realized what I had said and he just said “no way.” Well I waited up for him to get home and when he did we both laid there in silence holding each other with smiles on our faces from ear to ear. We decided that we would wait until I was 12 weeks along to tell everyone because we had a few friends who had just miscarried and we didn’t want to tell everyone and get them so excited only to have that feeling taken from us. Little did we know that our lives were going to be changed forever from this pregnancy?
We had our first ultra sound and at first we thought there were two sacs and my husband and I just looked at each other while thinking “uh oh.” But there was only one and one little baby in there with its little heart beating away. What a sigh of relief, we knew that there was a chance that when we got in there that the baby may not have a heartbeat. I had the picture perfect pregnancy with no morning sickness, no sore breasts, I wasn’t tired, etc. We went ahead and scheduled our next appointment and when we went everything still looked great and sounded great that was at 13 weeks. My due date was set for September 29, 2008. My blood pressure was low and I was gaining weight at a healthy rate. We began talking about names on our ride home to tell our family that we were going to be parents. We told our parents by giving them gifts and I will never forget the joy on everyone’s faces when we shared the wonderful news. My mom had been waiting to become a grandma and that was all that she wanted was to have grandchildren that she could spoil, love lots, and spends time with. Over the summer my husband was doing an internship close to our hometowns so we moved back home over the summer,he was also coaching baseball over the summer. I was going to be in a wedding for my best friend the first weekend of June so we went out for her bachelorette party on June 1, I was the designated driver of course and everyone else decided to stay the night at our friend’s house but I wanted to drive home and sleep in my own bed. This would be the last night that I got to feel my baby kick me, roll around, and wake me up in the middle of the night.
The next morning I woke up feeling like I needed to use the restroom so I got up and tried going but I couldn’t. I thought to myself “oh great now the pregnancy symptoms are going to start showing up.”Well as the morning proceeded I started to cramp and feel like I really need to go to the bathroom so I tried again and nothing. My husband was at a baseball tournament so I called my mom and asked her if this was normal and she told me that I shouldn’t’t be cramping at all. She decided to come get me and take me to the hospital. We called my husband on the way and he got there at the same time as we did. I walked up to labor and delivery where the nurses met me; they decided to start an IV and hooked me up to monitors so they could see the baby’s heartbeat. At this point we still didn’t know the sex we were going to find out the next day at my 23 week appointment. The nurse said she thought I was just dehydrated and started me on fluids. She left the room and I started to feel so much better, but within seconds I felt like I was peeing my pants and I asked my husband if I was when he looked all I heard was “oh god Hope.” Those words will never leave my memory he sounded so scared, he ran out of the room to get the nurse. She came running back in and they began to strip me down and that is when I saw all the blood that I had lost. The doctor came in and they decided to transport me to a hospital that was 45 minutes away that had a NICU. I rode in that ambulance for 45 minutes thinking to myself “Is my baby going to be ok? am I going to die? I knew that the doctor was considering a life flight to get me to the hospital because of the time it would take to get to the hospital and I was still losing blood. When we arrived at the hospital my whole family was waiting for me, they all stood by my side as I was taken out of the ambulance. They took me straight to labor and delivery. When they hooked me up to monitor sour baby’s heart was still beating strong, the doctor decided to give me some medicine for pain and wanted to wait until the morning to decide anything. They gave me some steroids hoping that would help our baby develop but late that night things took a turn for the worst. I was in and out of it, they were starting to get worried about me, and so they said it’s either you or the baby? How does a mother do this? Well I was on so many drugs and go in and out that they decided for me and took me immediately for a C-section. Graicen Edward was born still on June 2, 2008.

[Read more…]

Mom to Allyn Elizabeth
August 16th, 2010
Colwich, Kansas
On July 28th, 2010 we found out we were expecting our third baby! We were ecstatic! We had been trying for this baby for almost a year. 

 On August 15th, a Sunday afternoon/evening while out golfing with family i started to have an unbearable stabbing pain in my lower abdomen. We were leaving, my dad and step-mother agreed to keep our Daugher and our Son with them, we thought we were just gonna go and lie down and see if it got better. As we were leaving the parking lot, I knew that was not the case and told my Husband that we were going to the ER. We went into the small town ER and my Husband had to run and find someone to help. When we finally go into a bed it was forever before a Dr came in and then we were sent for an ultrasound. While the ultrasound was being done they then started an IV. The ultrasound tech could not find anything and she said that we were still early enough that her machine just might not be high powered enough, but that we should prepare for the possibility of an ectopic. I asked her (more like begged her) “please, can’t it just be gas, can’t you just give me something and it will be better?” She said it could be anything. The Dr came back and said that he wanted us sent to Wichita by ambulance, that if it was an ectopic they would be better equipped to handle the situation. Secretly I think they knew it was and knew that they could not handle the situation, but were still trying to give me some hope. So forever later (not really, but when you are in that kind of pain with the possibility of losing your baby, things can not possibly move fast enough) we were loaded up in the ambulance. Dad had come to the ER and said that they would keep the kids and get the car moved and everything.

[Read more…]

Mom to Kason Michael, Stillborn October 7th, 2009
and Kai Xavier, Stillborn June 18th, 2010
Overland Park, Kansas
In April of 2009, my husband and I were elated to find out we were expecting our first baby.  My pregnancy was very easy, hardly any pregnancy symptoms at all.  As my pregnancy progressed and I started feeling our baby boy move, I couldn’t be more excited until one day in October, when I thought to myself, “I haven’t felt this baby move lately.  I called my doctor’s nurse and she said not to worry but maybe come in and they would check everything out.  She said he probably is turned and that is why I am not feeling him move.  

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Mom to Noah (preemie), Born at 34 weeks on January 5th, 2009
Sweet Pea, due July 25th, 2010, Lost December 24th, 2009 
and Baby Bean, due December 1st, 2010, Lost April 19th, 2010
Topeka, Kansas
At 18 years old, I was told it would be hard for me to conceive. I have PCOS and needed medication. 

[Read more…]

Mom to Baby K
Lost on approximately October 9, 2009 at 9 weeks gestation

[Read more…]

Mom to Bumblebee
Lost on June 23rd, 2010 at 7 weeks 6 days
Shawnee, Kansas
My amazing husband has wanted children since before I met him.  It was one of the things I found so attractive about him.  Through out our engagement and first year of marriage, I traveled 80% of the time for work so I was more then shocked when I ended up pregnant.  We were of course over the moon about having a baby and couldn’t wait to meet her.  She was born in April of 2005 and completely amazing. 
When our daughter was about 18 months we started discussing the idea of having another child.  We decided not to prevent and see what the future holds.  When we were not pregnant with in 6 months, I took charge and started charting.  Before we knew it months were flying by and we realized this was not going to be as easy the second time around.  The week I was supposed to meet with my OB and start clomid, I wound up in the hospital with pneumonia for a week.  When I was released, I was ready to get back on track and trying.  We gave the clomid 3 trys and after feeling crazy from the hormones decided to take a break.  The doctor recommended and HSG to rule things out.  For me this was VERY invasive and not a step I was ready to take. 

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Mom to Michael Joseph (MJ) Skaggs
Born July 25th, 2009 and died in my arms August 29th, 2009
Topeka, KS

After almost a year and a half and two rounds of the fertility medicine clomid, my husband Willie and I were absolutely elated when we found out we were expecting. My pregnancy started out just like any other, with the all day morning sickness and nervousness of a first time mother-to-be. We found out I was pregnant the beginning of December, and by the beginning of January, I had started spotting. I was petrified that I was having a miscarriage, and our doctor wanted us to come in and do an ultrasound to see what was going on.

We got the surprise of our life when we found out that not only were we having one baby, but there were two tiny babies growing in my belly! Willie and I were in shock, and could hardly speak we were so surprised. We spent the next few weeks overjoyed and eagerly anticipated when we would find out what we were having. When I was 17 weeks pregnant, we had an ultrasound and both of our babies ‘showed us the good’s’. We were having two boys! And the doctor was pretty sure we were having identical twins! Two baby boys, we could just not be happier!

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