Mom to Lily

August 23, 2017

Ankeny, Iowa

The Day I Lost My Baby


During the six years I’ve been a mother, several loved ones have lost a baby from miscarriage. Some, as many as three or four. I always felt for them, cried for them, and prayed for them, because I knew that hurt would be one that would last a lifetime. But I, in no way, could ever really relate since I got pregnant on the first try with both of my children, and never had any complications.

Until the day I lost my baby.

[Read more…]


Mom to Dylon Ward

Born June 10, 2011
Died May 18, 2013

Centerville, Iowa

It was September 2010 when my husband and I started trying for our third child. We have 2 older children, both boys, and wanted a girl.
On October 1st, 2010 we found out we were pregnant. We were so excited. We found out we were having a boy! Three boys… oh my what a mad house we were going to have! We had a name picked out for him in a couple of hours, Dylon Ward.

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Mom to Andrew

November 13, 2012

Ottumwa, Iowa

On the day I was 30 weeks pregnant, it started as a normal day. I didn’t have to work so I decided to spend the day relaxing and spending time with Derek, the father of my son. When I was laying in bed, I started shaking a lot, but was not in any pain, yet. After the shaking had calmed down, I decided I was going to get up and take a shower. As soon as I stood up, I had this pain in my belly. I really had no idea what was happening but at first it didn’t seem so serious.

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Mom to Baby Sellers

Lost October 12, 2012

Vinton, Iowa

My name is Miranda. My husband and I live in a small town in eastern Iowa. I am twenty-three years old and my husband is twenty-seven. We have been together for 6 years, and married since September 2010. We have one dog named Hank (a beagle) who is our baby, and two cats, Peanut and Reggie. This is our story of trying to conceive and a second trimester miscarriage. [Read more…]


     3 missed miscarriages: 

     March 2011 at 9 weeks

     October 2011 at 12 weeks

     February 2012 at 8 weeks

 Iowa City, Iowa


My Story:

In May 2010 my husband and I decided to ditch my birth control bills and start trying to conceive.  After three months went by with no period, I wasn’t the least bit surprised because I had long cycles as a teenager and always knew something was wrong with me and that someday I’d likely have trouble conceiving.  My ob/gyn ran some blood tests, and in October 2010 I was diagnosed with PCOS. [Read more…]


Mom to Isaac Joseph

June 26 – June 28, 2004

Waterloo, Iowa

I am the face of neonatal death. In November of 2003, we learned Isaac Joseph was on the way. We were so excited.  This was our second child and we couldn’t feel more blessed. After an early ultrasound, his due date was set for July 7, 2004. I had a fairly easy pregnancy. With the exception of having low iron, everything went perfectly.  [Read more…]


Mom to 9 angels

January 2001

March 2004-set of triplets

November 2004

March 2005

November 2008

March 2009

July 2011- Dallas James

Des Moines, Iowa


In 1998, at the ripe old age of 16 I found that I was pregnant.  Terrified and unsure of what the future held, I hung on to my pregnancy and was determined to be the best mother possible to that little child that I was carrying.  My mother asked me if I wanted an abortion, I refused.  Hindsight is always 20/20 and I thank God that my mother was not more persistent.  Had she forced me into an abortion, I would have never been able to experience the joy that my son has been able to offer me.  That pregnancy went perfectly.  No complications at all.  I did gain a ton of weight, but I suppose that is natural given the large amount of food I was consuming. [Read more…]


Mom to Baby Able

Lost to Miscarriage December 2010

Davenport, Iowa

Let me say that first… I can’t believe that I am telling my story. For some reason I thought I would always keep it to myself and hide it away in my memory only for myself. But after reading all the stories of HOPE on the Faces of Loss Website, I thought it was time to share my story in hopes that I can help a woman get through what I have to say has been the hardest thing I have ever had to get through in all my life. With that being said… here you go. [Read more…]


Mother to two angels

Miscarried April 26th, 2010

and July 26th, 2010

and triplets Cadyn, Adalyn, and Mikayla

Born and lost January 7th, 2011

Burlington, Iowa

My husband and I were high school sweethearts who got married in June 2007 after five years of dating. In 2009, we made the decision to try to start a family. I knew that there may be some difficulties because I had extremely irregular menstrual cycles. I decided to set up a pre-conception visit with an OB-GYN so that I could find out what steps to take to ensure a healthy pregnancy. At the visit, we discussed my concerns about my cycles and I immediately received a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist.

[Read more…]

Mama to eight stars: 
January 2006,  April 2006
October 2006,  December 2006
December 2008,  June 2009
October 2009,  October 2010
Des Moines, Iowa

[Read more…]

Mom to Grace Biondi Morlan
Born still, May 19th, 2003
Des Moines, Iowa

After struggling with infertility my husband, Luke and I were so thrilled to learn we were pregnant with our first child. We did all the things expectant parents do: We read the books, signed up for classes, decorated the nursery, kept a journal with entries we wrote to our cherished first child throughout our pregnancy. I read and sang to the baby and Luke, a music lover, played a variety of his favorite artistes to my growing belly. My baby shower was planned and everyone was excited and the count down was on.

[Read more…]

Mom to Emma Kate
March 9th, 2001 – March 17th, 2001
Johnston, Iowa

After a normal pregnancy and the birth of a healthy son two years earlier, I was pregnant with my first daughter when I went to the hospital at 35 ½ weeks with contractions. My greatest concern at the time was that I might deliver early, but delivering anything other than a healthy baby never even entered my mind. Yet my naivety would not last long as just hours after entering triage signs began to indicate that something was wrong. An ultrasound showed fluid in the abdomen, a sign that my baby’s girl’s heart might be in trouble. Within a few hours our worst fears were confirmed by the pediatric cardiologist, who diagnosed multiple congenital heart defects and congestive heart failure in-utero.

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Mom to
Caseylynne Marie November 25th, 2004
Jacob Alexander September 2005
Rebekah Elizabeth Faith October11th, 2008

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Mom to Audrey
September 10th, 2009-September 11th, 2009
Demoines, Iowa

It was 6 am Sunday morning when I woke abruptly. As my water broke I rushed to the bathroom thinking, “this is too early, oh God no no no, it’s too soon for this!” That was September 6th. I was 24 weeks 6 days pregnant. So, off we went to the hospital and my life was forever changed – just like that, in a matter of seconds.

When my husband, Jamie, baby and I arrived I was examined and admitted due to premature rupture of membranes. I had no infection that caused the rupture according to blood cultures, and at this point it is only speculation that my cervix may be incompetent. I was told, “this will be your new home here at the hospital until this baby decides he/she is ready to be born.” (We didn’t know we were having a girl, because she wouldn’t un-cross her legs during her ultrasound.) All we could do was wait and pray that she stayed inside the womb. Which meant I was on strictly bed rest, which I was not fond of, but I was full of hope and optimistic about my baby being a miracle. I was willing to do whatever it took like any mother -to -be would.

We were given milestones to meet, the first was 48 hours. I was given steroid shots in the bum (ouuucch) those first two days to help with lung development. We made it and we were so relieved. After all, that’s what the perinatologist told us was so important for her survival. We continued on with such confidence and we reached 25 weeks…Monday came and went, then Tuesday, and Wednesday.

Thursday at about noon I got a headache I didn’t think much of, why would I? I’d been laying in this hospital bed for days now, my back felt achy and my neck was tense. I remember visiting with my dad, we were sitting there sharing our hopes and dreams for the future as we watched a building being constructed across from the hospital. I had no doubt that I would be taking this child that was inside of me not only home, but out and about-to the mall. Anyway, I had a second visitor as my dad was leaving, a dear friend who brought me some comfy maternity sweats for my anticipated long stay. As I visited with her I started to feel as though something in my body was making a turn down a one way street. As she left I called the nurse, I was beginning to get ill and go into labor. My nurse called the OB on duty, who called the Peri.

At 6:59 September 10th our sweet baby girl was born. I had a c section because she was breach. The peri warned me the day I was admitted that a c section would be necessary if “baby” didn’t drop into position by time of delivery. I was prepared for that mentally, however, since I believed I would beat the odds and continue to carry her closer to her due date I really thought I wouldn’t end up with this scar I will forever carry. (In more ways than one). With that said the OB came into my room just before they prepped me for surgery and said, “If you want we can try vaginal because baby is so small.” I said no because I was sure that she would die before delivery if we “tried” vaginal. I was afraid of the toll the infection was taking on our baby, her heart rate was very sporatic on the monitor. Having the surgery seemed my only way of saving her.

So, there I was laying on the table in the OR looking into my husband’s eyes when I heard the OB say,”You have a girl.” It was not the joyous exclamation that Hollywood portrays. His tone reflected what we were all thinking…” possibly just for now.” I didn’t get to hold her, hear her cry or even look her over to see that all her parts were perfectly made. Instead a team of experts worked to secure our daughter’s place in this world and I was taken back to my room to “recover.” I told Jamie to stay with Audrey and don’t worry about me, just update me whenever he could.

So, he did. I vaguely remember what order the updates came, thanks to morphine. The first obstacle – she had a blood clot in her umbilical cord where they needed to put a tube; they would continue to work, until they were successful and indeed they got through it. I was told at one point she wasn’t getting much oxygen to her blood though she was hooked to a ventilator, then she turned around. She started to slip at another point and Jamie signed a consent to do a blood transfusion because she was fighting the same infection that sent me into labor. All the while I was trying to wiggle my toes-I’d be able to go see her when I could. I never wanted to simply wiggle my toes so bad in my whole life. I was scared and I was numb emotionally as well as physically.

[Read more…]

Mom to Austin Micheal
Lost to SIDS
Sioux City, Iowa

I went into labor on Sunday Janurary 14, 2001, my water was leaking so the doctors had to admit me to the hospital. I stayed just 1 cm for 24 hours. On Tuesday Janurary 16, 2001 at 12:39 p.m. my beautiful son Austin Micheal was born. He was 6 lb., 18 inches long. He was stressed from the labor, since it went on for 46 hours before I delivered him. He was rushed to the NICU for observation. He was on a breathing machine for 24 hours to help him breathe on his own. Finally after he was off the machine, we were able to hold him for the first time in 24 hours. He stayed in NICU for a week, the day he was released is the day he was baptized.

Well, on Sunday Janurary 21st, was the first day Austin was home. He was a thriving little boy. His dad only had a short two weeks with him before he was sent off to Korea. Well, in the beginning of Februrary of 2001, his dad left for Korea. It was a sad day. Two months passed and daddy came home on leave to visit his beautiful boy. Austin had this thing where he would always stick out his tongue, that was his mark. My husband left two weeks later to go back to Korea for the Army. He saw Austin anytime he could by pictures or webcam.

During the next three months, Austin grew up to be a big boy. He loved to go to Grandma’s house and play with his cousins. I was in school at this time, so he’d be at Grandma’s house until I would get out of school. Austin had a favorite uncle, named Jason. No one messed with Austin, or they had to answer to Uncle Jason. It was so cute to see them together.

My birthday came and went in July. My mom-in-law took me and Austin out to AppleBees for dinner to celebrate my 19th birthday which was July 5, 2001. Things were all good, we talked to his daddy between the next few days, and all was well. The morning of July 11, 2001 was the day my life changed. Austin woke up to eat at 5 am, but he would not eat anything. I laid down with him to get him back to sleep, I ended up going to sleep with him. My phone woke me up at 8 am, it was my mother-in-law calling me to get me up for an appointment that morning.

After I got off the phone with her, I looked over to Austin to give him a good morning kiss like I normally do. My baby was not responding. I picked him up, his mouth was blue and his body was lifeless. I kept saying, “Austin, wake up baby”. I called 911, they had me do CPR until the medics came. About 10-15 minutes later, the medics showed up. I walked away, because I could not handle seeing them poke my son in his feet with IVs. I called my mom in law back and said “meet me at the hospital, Austin’s not breathing”. She screamed in my ear. Reminder, my husband is in Korea at this time. I got a ride from the police officer and went to the hospital. My inlaws made a Red Cross call to get the message to my husband that we had a family emergency.

I was a wreck. I was in and out of the hospital, crying and smoking. The last time I went out, I was coming back in and my brother in law was walking towards me. I knew at that time Austin was not alive. He took me in his arms and said “I’m sorry but Austin passed away”. They declared him dead at 9:16 am. We cried in each other’s arms. I went home that day and cried. My husband was on his way home from Korea. He was back at midnight on the 12th to be with us.

[Read more…]

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