Mom to Brantley

November 26, 2014

Aberdeen, Idaho

On July 26th, 2014 my fiance and I got married. In August we found out we were expecting. We were beyond happy, we bought tons of gender neutral clothes and blankets. We were supposed to find out what our baby was on December 1st but instead we buried our baby that day. On November 26th I started having these horrible pains, not knowing they were contractions and later that night I started bleeding so we rushed to the hospital and they found the baby’s heartbeat but told me I’d have to deliver him (we found out then that he was a boy) and that sometime after I delivered his heart would stop beating because his lungs weren’t strong enough for him to live. I gave birth to him at 11:45 PM, we named him Brantley, he was perfectly healthy. He weighed 10 oz. And he was 9 1/2 in. Long . We held him all through the night and the next morning, it was the hardest thing handing over our sweet baby to be buried. We love and miss him more than anything. We learned that I suffer from IC (Incompetent Cervix) which means my cervix is weak and can’t take the baby’s weight so it dilates way too early. This will happen with every pregnancy I have but I can have a surgical procedure done which is supposed to hold my cervix shut. If anyone has any questions or just wants to talk, feel free to email me.
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Mom to Jovi Sloan

March 16, 2012 to July 10, 2012


Jovi was born March 16th, 2012. She was the most content baby we’d seen. She was so happy and so full of life. She did have some major vomit episodes. At one week of age, she had a large vomit (soaked the clothes/floor/bed) and stopped breathing. We had to call 911. She was ok by the time the paramedics arrived. We never had to do CPR, but did have to blow a breath in her face to get her to take in breaths for a bit. The ER checked her out, deemed her fine and sent us home. I encourage everyone to look into ALTE’s (apparent life threatening events) and the treatment for them. Jovi continued to have these large vomits and continued to have a hard time recovering from them. We did see an Ear, Nose, Throat specialist and she did have a swallow study. She also had terrible reflux. This is what we were told was causing the big vomits. She was on meds and we were told to side sleep her, which we did. When she could roll to her tummy, we unswaddled her and let her tummy sleep. She would never sleep on her back. If she rolled to her back, she would wake up in an instant. Reflux babies don’t sleep well on their backs…despite the numerous health scares (also admitted at 5 weeks of age for a fever), she was the best little girl. She was so fun. So happy. [Read more…]


Mom to Harlow

Born April 2, 2012 at 28 weeks

Pocatello, Idaho

My thoughts and hopes with telling Harlow’s birth story and continuing our journey is that we may be able to help other Angel Mommies feel like they are not alone, like they are “normal” in their thoughts, and like they can make it through. It’s also to help those in our lives feel more connected with Harlow and me, to know how truly real she was, and will continue to be so in our lives. Because we are so far from friends and family, I was unable to share my pregnancy with everyone, besides pictures. And I was deprived of sharing it during our trip home since we fell short on time. So I will share what I can of our time with her, and our memories. And in this time after…I will find my new self, as my life has changed. [Read more…]

First Angel went to Heaven August 12th, 2005
and Second Angel went to Heaven April 20th, 2010
Post Falls, Idaho
My first angel wasn’t planned, but was very loved from the first day that we saw the two lines on the test. Saddly that excitement wasn’t meant to last long. Our first angel left us only a week after we found out we were pregnant, on August 12th, 2005. 

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Mom to Carson Paul
Born Silently at 33 weeks 3 days on June 8th, 2007
Boise, Idaho

My story begins just after my husband, Jeff, and I got married in June 2006.  We knew that we wanted to start a family right away.  I was an elementary school teacher, so we wanted to wait to start trying until the baby would be born after I finished teaching for the year.  We started trying in October and were surprised and excited to get pregnant right away.  We saw our OB, who referred us to an MFM for extra monitoring due to my chronic high blood pressure.  

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Mom to Molly Susan
Born July 22nd, 2010 and Went Back to Heaven on July 23rd, 2010
Rexburg, Idaho

I was a couple days short of 37 weeks pregnant. My belly was growing bigger and bigger and sleeping was become more and more difficult. Poor Lucas had to try and sleep next to me with my constant rearranging and repeated trips to the restroom. As hard as it was to get no sleep, I loved being pregnant. I loved feeling our little girl wiggle around in my belly. I loved watching the way it changed shape and would dance as she did.

Of course, as most mothers do, I was enormously relieved every time I felt her kick or roll. It seemed that if I could feel her moving that meant I could be sure that she was okay. Each time I had an appointment Lucas and I would both go, excited to find out if I was measuring right, if she was positioned how we guessed she was, and if we could guess my weight right.

My 37 week appointment was actually a few days early, and it went really well. The baby’s heart rate was strong and so was mine. She was measuring a little small but she had done the same the week before. Everything was normal, and we left feeling confident and happy. Personally I thought I was a week further along in the pregnancy than the doctors did so I thought I was almost 38 weeks and ready to pop any day. We constantly entertained daydreams of the big “water breaking” moment and how we would rush off to meet the little girl we have been promised is totally healthy.

That night when Lucas and I got in bed I layed on my side with my belly against his back and she started moving like crazy. She was kicking and rolling, spinning and turning so much even Lucas turned from feeling his back getting kicked and said “What is she doing in there?!” We laughed about how much she was moving- it was the most I had ever felt.

The next day things were normal, we went through the day and I am not sure if I felt her moving much. It was so normal to feel her that I didn’t notice every single movement anymore. I dont remember exactly when the last time I felt her kick was. Lucas was studying for finals and we were concentrating on deciding when and if I would be going to work the next couple days or letting someone cover my shifts. We were really distracted and went to bed.

In the morning we went about our normal morning stuff, I drove Lucas to class to take his last finals. We cleaned up the apartment a little bit. While going about the morning I realized that I hadn’t felt the baby move in a while, and couldn’t remember if I felt her the night before. I was sure I probably had, but couldn’t be sure. I kept my mind on my belly trying to feel for any roll or kick just to be sure. I was thinking maybe she was extra tired and sleeping a lot from her crazy kicking night a couple nights ago. I mentioned to Lucas I was a little worried about it and he said to keep trying to feel her, lay on my back and drink cold water. I kept going about my day but became increasingly worried.

I was excited because I had been waiting all month for a lady from my home ward to come into town because she was bringing us our baby crib! I was so excited to set it up and make it look cute and ready for our little girl! Lucas and I spent his precious studying time being too excited to wait once the crib was dropped off and we set it up right away. It looked so cute, I kept imagining that in just a few weeks or even days I would be laying our baby down to sleep there. I was completely thrilled. I took Lucas to his last class and decided that when I got home I would take a bath or lay down and make sure I was paying closer attention so I could feel her moving.

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Mom to Eli
Born sleeping on August 29th, 2009
Boise, Idaho

Aaron and I were both so excited to know that we would welcome a new member into our family in early December.

We decided that this baby would be born in the comfort of our own home and we began having prenatal appointments with two of the best midwives we could have asked for (a husband and wife team of midwives). Everything was going perfectly and we were able to hear baby’s heartbeat for the first time when I was 11.5 weeks along.

On July 7, 2009 we went to have ultrasound to find out the baby’s gender. My mom and dad were able to come with us. It took a little poking and prodding and 2 ultrasound techs to get a good look but we were able to find out that our baby was a little boy.

Aaron and I were beyond excited to learn that we were having a son. We started dreaming and planning for a little boy. I was so excited that I had to go and buy some little boy clothes right away. I started painting the nursery on August 20th and finished painting on August 22nd. But, the entire nursery wasn’t put together until about a week after Eli was born (when we got the final things in the mail).

After much discussion, we decided that our baby boy would be named Eli which means “ascension”, “offering”, or “my God”.

We were still trying to decide on a middle name. We thought we would probably either go with Aaron or Michael as his middle name to carry on his daddy’s name but we just couldn’t make a final decision and we figured we still had 3 months to decide.

Eva, who was 20 months old at that point, kept me pretty preoccupied during the day so I didn’t really have time to focus on Eli or notice if I felt him moving but every night when I laid down in bed I would make sure to spend at least a few minutes focusing on Eli and feel him move and kick. I started to feel him move at about 18 weeks (I had an anterior placenta which blocked a lot of his movements) and by 20 weeks, Aaron was able to feel him move. Every night I would enjoy a few minutes of Eli’s movement before going to sleep for the night.

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