Mom to Avery Minnie

Born and died on February 27, 2012 

Blaine, Minnesota

All my life I knew I wanted a family.  I didn’t have a dream of career and money; I had a dream of children and softball games, playing at the park, reading a story before bed.  [Read more…]


Mom to Baby Boy

November 16th, 2010

My name is Rebecca Lee Carslon, and I am a mother of an Angel.

I found out I was pregnant in August 2010.  My husband and I were really excited right away.  I had my first appointment at 6 weeks, I felt great I was eating well.  Come 8 weeks pregnant I started getting morning sickness, and at 8 weeks and 1 day along, we got our first ultrasound, the baby was moving a lot, couldn’t keep still for the life of him, it looked so amazing and beautiful, with the heart beats per minute being in the 170s. [Read more…]

Proud mommy to Bryson, stillborn October 30th, 2010
and Joey Skyler, born into Heaven December 2009
Caribou, Maine 
It’s weird to think back to when I was naive about bringing a new life into the world.  Our firstborn was a fairly uncomplicated pregnancy, aside from the hyperemesis, or severe morning sickness.  His birth had gone just as we had expected, he was a healthy and happy baby boy.  So, after 11 years of being with my best friend and 4 years of marriage, when we decided to try for a sibling for our 3 year old son, we had expected another uncomplicated and blessed pregnancy.  

[Read more…]

Mom to Cora Rei
Stillborn at 38 weeks, 1 day, on May 2nd, 2006
Highlands Ranch, CO

I became pregnant for the first time in August of 2005, 2\two months after getting married. I was ecstatic, but nearly upon conception the nausea started. At five weeks, when nausea is “supposed” to start, I was throwing up multiple times a day. By 10 weeks, after throwing up at least once an hour for nearly 24 hours, and starting to throw up blood, I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum, or extreme morning sickness. Five days later was my first appointment with my OB, and I was severely dehydrated again, so he gave me anti nausea medication. He also did an ultrasound. It was standard for dating purposes, but I was also really worried that my severe sickness had harmed my baby. During that ultrasound we learned that our baby was perfect, and they set my due date as May 14th…Mother’s Day. It was perfect. We were overjoyed and I had never been so in love. My pregnancy continued to progress normally (with the exception of the hyperemesis, which plagued me my entire pregnancy [and my subsequent two as well]). At about 23 weeks we learned our baby was a girl, and we decided her name would be Cora Rei. Her name means “heart full of gratitude.” I meant it to teach her something, but in the end it has been teaching me.
April 30, 2006, I was exactly 38 weeks. I woke up that morning and she had very obviously dropped. Everyone at church commented on it, and asked how I was feeling, and while I was uncomfortable, it wasn’t anything noteworthy. I had to work from 5:30pm to midnight that night, and I figured six and a half hours of standing would help move things along. At about 10pm that night, a friend and coworker of mine came in. I expressed to her that I was worried that I was losing amniotic fluid. I didn’t really think so, but I did feel that something might be wrong but couldn’t put my finger on it. During our conversation, Cora pushed against my ribs so hard that I doubled over in pain. My friend offered to finish out my shift for me so I could go to the hospital, and I finally decided to “wait and see what happened in the morning.” I have never regretted a decision I’ve made so much in my life.
I woke up at nearly 11am the next morning. I hadn’t woken once in my sleep. I was immediately disappointed that I had not woken up at 4am with contractions and was not in labor. I had been very much looking forward to my pregnancy (and sickness!) ending and holding my sweet baby. My husband and I had errands to run, so I got up to take a shower. It was in the shower that I realized it. Cora had always become very active in the shower. On this particular morning, there was absolutely nothing. I bruised myself poking my belly to get her to respond, and ended up breaking down sobbing in the shower. I knew. I tried to convince myself that I was freaking out as I finished rinsing off and got dressed. I went into my bedroom and asked my husband to listen to my belly. It was something he had done frequently to hear her heartbeat (and hasn’t ever done since). He heard nothing, but convinced me it was just a fluke and I should try to eat and drink something to see if I could get her going. There was nothing. It was at this point that I called my OB’s office, only to get a message that they were out for lunch and they’d be back in an hour if I wanted to leave a message. I couldn’t put it into words, so I decided that I would just call back later. The next hour we did our errands, and it was torturous. I had a secretary that we were turning a form in to ask me how far along I was, and when I said I was due in two weeks her eyes lit up, and she babbled on about how exciting it was. I just nodded and went along with it. How do you tell someone you think your baby is dead?

[Read more…]

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