Mom to Matthew

Saint Louis, Missouri

July 13, 2015

I always knew I wanted a family, but I was terrified of being pregnant.  Always having been acutely aware, in a borderline hypochondriac sort of way, of the range of things that could go wrong in pregnancy, I’d already thought of all the terrible possibilities.

Eventually deciding my desire to expand our family trumped my intense fear of statistically small probabilities of worst case scenarios, I decided I wanted to take a leap of faith, after 6.5 years of marriage.  The timing was perfect – we were both approaching 30 and finally ready for a new chapter.  We were over the moon excited when we found out I was pregnant!  And I was still terrified.

Pregnancy was easy for me, at least physically.  In the early days, I freaked out about aforementioned worst case scenarios.  Dr. Google and I were frenemies – I was an accountant by day and an internet-trained maternal fetal medicine specialist by night.  I cried during the first several ultrasounds, so scared we’d get bad news.  Much to our delight, everything went perfectly.

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Mom to Lathan Neal

September 20-October 6, 2010

Mom to Baby A Black, Babies D&E Black 

May 2005, September 2009

Jacksonville, Florida


My whole life I had wanted a baby girl. But I wanted a boy first to be the big brother to look over his little sister. The first time I was pregnant, I was young (18) and very excited; it was planned. After being told me my baby looked perfect on ultrasound, and I got my first picture of him (I didn’t know the sex I just had a feeling), I miscarried that night at home.


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Mom to Aaron James Brooks

September 28-October 26, 2012

Raleigh, North Carolina

I replay every detail in my head of Aaron’s story over and over again. I lay in bed at night and relive it. I long and ache for my little one.

September 28, 2012 I was scheduled for a 25-week check-up. The doctor’s office was about 30 minutes away. Normally my husband would accompany me on these visits. That morning he was planning to, but we got into a fight. I told him that I would just go alone. Thankfully, though, we made up and he came with me. We left our oldest son with a babysitter, and we were on our way.

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Mom to Owen Innes Tolerba
Born still March 6, 2012


Payton Innes Tolerba
Born March 6, 2012 and died March 9, 2012

San Jose, California

My pregnancy with my twins began in September 2011. We found out we were having twins. I was so excited because I am a twin myself. However, I had no idea how completed twin pregnancies could be. We found out they were “monoamniotic-monochorionic” or single placenta, single amniotic sac. This meant that both twins were in one sac and their umbilical cords were at a high risk of becoming entangled. Only 1% of all identical twins are mono-mono twins. This means the embryo split later than with most identical twins (around day 6-8). This made me nervous as I had read only50-60% of mono-mono twins survive. However, I decided to continue thinking it would be o.k. [Read more…]


Mom to Isaac Joseph

June 26 – June 28, 2004

Waterloo, Iowa

I am the face of neonatal death. In November of 2003, we learned Isaac Joseph was on the way. We were so excited.  This was our second child and we couldn’t feel more blessed. After an early ultrasound, his due date was set for July 7, 2004. I had a fairly easy pregnancy. With the exception of having low iron, everything went perfectly.  [Read more…]


Mom to Ben Harrington Butler: November 6, 2007


Brady Winston Butler: November 6, 2007–March 29, 2008

Nashville, Tennessee

I was told from the time I was a teenager with irregular periods that I may need some help getting pregnant in the future.  I got married when I was 25 and from the first day of our marriage we never did anything to prevent pregnancy as I knew it might take a while.  After a couple of years and several unsuccessful rounds of Clomid, I was sent to a fertility doctor to take more drastic steps. I was diagnosed with PCOS and needed fertility meds to help me ovulate. The first fertility doctor I went to told me that I needed to do invitro fertilization. We did and I did not get pregnant and ended up in the hospital for hyperstimulation.  It was a horrible experience and the doctor was just awful to me. I finally went to another fertility doctor when I was 28 and he told me that he thought IUI and fertility injections would work just fine for me. So we tried IUI with the lowest dose of the meds available and I got pregnant on the first try. However, once I finally got pregnant —-I got really pregnant! My first ultrasound revealed that I was pregnant with triplets. We were so happy, excited, and scared all at the same time. I was sent to a high risk pregnancy doctor and our journey began. [Read more…]


Mom of Elijah Jack Schwartz

June 26, 2011 – June 29, 2011

Wrightwood, California

My name is Tami Schwartz. I’m 26 years old, married and live in Wrightwood,CA. My son Elijah Jack Schwartz was born on June 26,2011 and died on June 29,2011.  He was 1lb. 12oz. and 15inches long. I was a high risk pregnancy due to a heart condition called VasoVagal Syncope. I had also already had a pre-term baby whom is beautiful, strong and just turned three. [Read more…]


Mom to Isabella Grace

February 9, 2008 – March 17th, 2008

Riverside, California

I found out I was pregnant with my first child in September 2007. My husband and I were elated because we had been trying to get pregnant for 10 months, and our dream had finally come true. I was given a due date at my first ultrasound: May 14th.  My next ultrasound revealed another dream come true: I was having a little girl. [Read more…]

Mom to Stella Grace
Stillborn at 37w 4d gestation on October 28th, 2010
Rochester, Wisconsin
Thursday Oct 28th, 2010.

I was 37weeks 4 days pregnant with our 3rd and what we were calling, our last, addition to the family. Everything was in place, planned, prepped and ready for her arrival. I had been preparing for my first natural homebirth for the last 9 months and was extremely excited for labor to begin. The entire pg was excellent, healthy and the most active baby I have ever carried. I thought for sure she was going to be a huge child and very active (that or there were 2 in there).

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Mom to Seth Alexander
Stillborn September 29th, 2009
Early Miscarriage October 7th, 2010
Esegenoopetitj, NB Canada
So my pregnancy was pretty uneventful, besides the horrible morning sickness that I had the first few months. I did everything right, went to all my doctors appointments, ate right, didn’t drink or smoke, and I went to breastfeeding classes and a few different prenatal classes just so I would be ready. I was attending university when I found out I was pregnant and I was due in November so I decided I would finish that year off and take the next year off to take care of the baby. So September rolled around, and I was sad not to be in school, but excited because in only a few months my son would arrive.

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Mom to Ryder Mark Schitz
May 30th, 2010
St. Louis, Missouri
I didn’t think I would ever write about this experience, for more than one reason. One, I didn’t even think I would lose a child, that Mark and I would lose a child. (not that anyone ever does) Then after losing a child I didn’t think I would ever be able to write about their “birth story.”  I worked on this for a long time, I decided not to include pictures though. I have the images in my mind. They will be. there. f-o-r-e-v-e-r. We have a few prints in a special place but I think words are enough for this post.

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Mom to Andrew Monroe
November 4th, 2007 – November 30th, 2007
State Road, North Carolina
My husband, Skip, and I met 7 years ago, and finally married March, 2, 2007. We were so happy to actually be married, and were excited to start a family. We found out that we were expecting at the end of June 07. We were so elated to be bringing our first little one into the world. The expected due date was 2-21-08, which fell in between the rest of the family’s birthdays. Mine is 2-14, and my husbands is 2-20, not to mention the rest of the family with Feb. birthdays. so the two of us argued about who’s birthday our li’l one’s would end up falling on. The 21st would have been solely his though.

I went to all of my doctors appointments, and I had the most amazing doctor ever, and the pregnancy was going along smoothly, and everything was perfect. All of the tests came back negative.. and all the ultrasounds showed our li’l peanut to be growing just as he was supposed to. All of his organs were forming and working just as they should while still inside mommy.

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Mom to
Dallin James, born at 27 weeks 
October 9th-16th, 2001
and Anthon McKay, stillborn at 25 weeks 
November 12th, 2009

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Mom to Eden Elisabeth
Born still September 19th, 2007
Indianapolis, Indiana
My husband and I, having been married for 2 ½ years, decided that we wanted to start trying to conceive, so on January 2, 2007, when I took my first home pregnancy test, we were thrilled!  In the spring, we found out we were having a girl, which my husband was kind of nervous about at first.  He had originally wanted a boy, but as my pregnancy continued, he got more and more excited about our Eden! 

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Mom to Olivia Marie
Born on May 6th, 2010 at 18 weeks, 2 days gestation
Toronto, Ontario, Canada

I am 29 years old and live in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I am married to a wonderful man named Gary. We will be married for two years on July 12th. :)

We decided that it was time to try for a baby. After just one attempt, we got pregnant!!! I don’t think words can describe how happy we both were to be welcoming our first child. The pregnancy was great…at first. I had it very easy. No morning sickness, no nausea. It was great!

One day at 8 weeks, I began spotting. I rushed to the doctor and my husband met me there. When we got there my doctor told me that if I was miscarrying, there was nothing that could be done. I was so scared. I wanted this baby so badly and prayed that I wouldn’t lose it. My doctor sent me to get an ultrasound, where I saw the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. My baby’s heartbeat. Sweet relief came over me. Afterwards, the tech gave my doctor the results and she told me that everything was fine and that it is common for some women to spot during their pregnancy.
The next two weeks were uneventful and glorious! I walked around knowing that I was nourishing a life in my womb. This was so powerful to me!

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Mom to Baby September, miscarried at 5 weeks, 3 days in January, 2009
and Baby Boy, miscarried at 14 weeks, 3 days in May, 2009
Ellicot City, MD
My husband and I started trying for a baby in 2008. I got my first positive test on December 31, 2008 and drank sparkling juice at the New Year’s party. I had a bad feeling right from the start, though.  I took more pregnancy tests and noticed that the super dark line had been replaced with a faint line, almost no line at all. When I miscarried on January 10, 2009 – 5 weeks and 3 days – I was terribly upset, but not surprised. I thought that was the worst day of my life. My husband had been out of town for the weekend and I had to tell him when he got home. 

 I went into the doctor to verify the miscarriage. She did an ultrasound and couldn’t tell that I had ever even been pregnant.  The doctor advised us to wait one cycle and to try again.

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