NaLonni Nikole Madden

Mom to Gamaliel

December 25, 2009


Baby Girl  December 12, 2010

Grand Prairie, TX

December 2009, after almost 2 years of marriage, 4 years of wondering whether my husband could have kids and 8 years after the birth of my only child – I was pregnant.  [Read more…]

Mom to “Star” Baby
Lost on Mother’s Day, May 9th, 2010
Folsom, California

I became an expectant mother on March 13th, 2010.  It was the happiest and most thrilling day of my life.  I lost my baby on Mother’s Day, May 9th, 2010.  It was the saddest and most painful day of my life.

[Read more…]

Mom to Briar
September 13th, 2010
Columbus, GA

Let me begin. This is the story of our first born son.

My hubby and I had been married a little over 4 years and we thought it was a great time to begin to start expanding our family.  We have so many amazing friends that are great parents, and we were excited for that time in our own lives.  We found out we were pregnant after a weekend we spent in Savannah, GA with dear friends. Brandon asked me to take a pregnancy test because I was feeling a little funny.  We had only been preventing pregnancy for ONE month, so I knew I wasn’t going to be pregnant. In fact, I did my business…put the little test on the counter and went about my business. Brandon yelled, “You might want to come here!” minutes later and I raced back to the bedroom.  What I saw changed our lives forever.

[Read more…]

Mom to Baby Murphey
August 26th 2010
University Heights, Ohio
In June of 2010, my husband and I decided that we were ready to start trying for baby number two. My cycle was never very regular and I became super anxious the closer I came to the start of my period. I bought a pack of tests and gave it a shot. The first one came up negative but I had convinced myself that it was probably too early to tell at that point anyhow. About a week later, with no period symptoms to speak of, I took another test. This one came back POSITIVE!!! I ran to tell my husband and we were both so excited and shocked that we had gotten pregnant on our first month trying. I immediately called my best friend and share with her the news. I remember talking to her about coming up with a way to tell the rest of my family and friends. I had decided I was going to get my 18 month old son a shirt that said big brother. I was going to have him wear it to my parents house for a visit and wear it one night while we skyped with my in laws. I planned on waiting a few weeks to tell people but I was going to start searching for the shirt the next day. The following morning, I decided to take another test just to be sure…this one came back negative. I burst into tears and immediately went to one of my pregnancy books. I found something called a false pregnancy and was convinced that must have been what I had. I cried a lot that day but later in the evening I went back to look at the test. This time, about 6 hours later, there was a faint second line. Now I knew you weren’t supposed to read it after that much time had passed but I also knew that the only way a second line could show up was if there was HCG in your body so needless to say I was confused. The next day I took another test and this one came back positive but barely. I had had enough at this point and the roller coaster ride of emotions was really getting to me. Little did I know, that was all just the start to a VERY long ride.
I called my OB office and explained what was going on. They brought my in to have my levels tested and they came back very low. The doctor called me the next day and said either I was going to miscarry or my dates were a bit off and I was just very early on. Being that my cycle was so crazy, and I didn’t want to believe the former, I put all my hope into my dates being off. He brought me back a week later to have my numbers tested again. Another full day of waiting for the doctor to call with the results. It was pure torture, trying to remain together enough to take care of my 18 month old at home while my husband was working. The doctor reported that numbers had gone up a lot bit were still a little on the low side. At this point, I shared with my parents the news, not happily with a cute shirt on my son but sobbing over the phone begging them to come be with me for a few days while I went through everything. So, another week, another blood test, another horrific day waiting for the call. This time, the doctor called and said my numbers had gone up and they looked great. He scheduled me for my regular check-up at around 8 weeks. Joy filled our house!

[Read more…]

Mom to Poppy Seed
November 11th, 2009
Bellmore, New York

September 2009 we started to try to start a family. October 2nd we were surprised to get our BFP.  Peter and I were elated. I was shocked that it happened so quickly. We went through the next two weeks on cloud nine.  I loved that we had a secret that no one knew about.  I loved that I had someone growing inside me.  All I ever wanted was to be pregnant.  I always saw myself as a mother, but I mostly wanted to experience the creation of life.

[Read more…]

Mom to Baby November
Baby March
and Baby August
Denham Springs, LA
After five happy years of marriage, my husband Jason and I decided that it was time to expand our family.  Boy, were we surprised when I got pregnant immediately!  I got my BFP on a Saturday morning.  We and I were both standing in the bathroom, watching as the two lines began to materialize on the test.  We were nervous but excited!  I called my OB and scheduled my first appointment.  It was basically a consult visit.  I remember sitting in an office to find out what insurance would cover, then having bloodwork drawn.  I signed all sorts of forms.  We left with hospital information packets and formula samples.  We were on Cloud 9!

[Read more…]

Four First Trimester Miscarriages
Scottsdale, AZ
I got my first positive pregnancy test in January of 2009, two days after my birthday. My husband and I were not trying to get pregnant, but not being overly diligent about preventing it either. I was 26 and he was 29, and we were planning to wait another year or two to start trying, but when the test came back positive, we were happy and relieved to not be going through the fertility problems a couple people we know were going through. I lost that pregnancy at 7 weeks, in February. I was willing to chalk it up to paying my statistical dues.
I got pregnant again in July, and that pregnancy was almost over before it began. I lost it at 5 weeks. I had the recurrent pregnancy loss testing done. The bloodwork came back normal. With, that, I was willing to chalk it up to bad luck twice in a row.

[Read more…]

Mom to Bumblebee
Lost on June 23rd, 2010 at 7 weeks 6 days
Shawnee, Kansas
My amazing husband has wanted children since before I met him.  It was one of the things I found so attractive about him.  Through out our engagement and first year of marriage, I traveled 80% of the time for work so I was more then shocked when I ended up pregnant.  We were of course over the moon about having a baby and couldn’t wait to meet her.  She was born in April of 2005 and completely amazing. 
When our daughter was about 18 months we started discussing the idea of having another child.  We decided not to prevent and see what the future holds.  When we were not pregnant with in 6 months, I took charge and started charting.  Before we knew it months were flying by and we realized this was not going to be as easy the second time around.  The week I was supposed to meet with my OB and start clomid, I wound up in the hospital with pneumonia for a week.  When I was released, I was ready to get back on track and trying.  We gave the clomid 3 trys and after feeling crazy from the hormones decided to take a break.  The doctor recommended and HSG to rule things out.  For me this was VERY invasive and not a step I was ready to take. 

[Read more…]


Mom to 1st Baby miscarried at 10 weeks

Maryland by way of Illinois

May 29, 2009 marks one of the worst days of my life. It was the day that I found out I was never really pregnant. My body had been paying a cruel trick on me for about 10 weeks. I found out I was pregnant in April 2009, at that time it was one of the best days of my life. However, things were strange from the beginning. My hormones levels would rise every time I would have my blood drawn but they would never double like they were supposed to. I kept hearing things like “maybe the dates are off” or “everyone is different” but I knew something was not right. Then came May 29, I remember that day like it was yesterday. My entire world came crashing down in a matter of seconds. The doctor did an ultrasound, he was able to see a sac but there was no baby. There never was a baby. The was the day I learned the term blighted ovum.

[Read more…]

Mom to Xavier, missed miscarriage at 9 weeks, 5 days on September 19th, 2006
Blighted ovum at 8 weeks, 3 days on February 12th, 2007
and Tristan, lost to Placental Abruption at 33 weeks on January 21st, 2008
St. Martinville, LA
We started trying April of ’06, right after we got married. We got pregnant 3 months later and I was so thrilled, but then fear set in as I started bleeding, and continued bleeding all the way to 10 weeks. I was placed on bed rest at 9 weeks to try and stop the bleeding and it worked. We went for our 12 week appointment to find out the baby had passed 5 days after the last time we had seen him. We found out our baby was a son due to genetic testing. 

[Read more…]

Mom to Baby ‘Cactus’
Lost to Miscarriage February 10th, 2010
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
My story can be told through a letter I wrote to my baby:

[Read more…]

Mom to “Huevito” (Little Egg)
Miscarried at 12 weeks on July 5th, 2008

I was 30 years old. It was my first pregnancy. I had recently married and moved to another country (Germany). It was an unexpected pregnancy that caused a lot of fears and anxieties, but in the end I was incredibly happy and at peace… I remember I used to feel like a goddess, blooming, growing.

Very early, around 5 weeks, I started spotting and cramping, so I went to the doctor. She told me everything was fine and that mild bleeding and cramping were normal at the beginning of pregnancy and gave me another appointment.

Then, I went through the worst weeks of my life. The waiting time was hell. Blood tests and ultrasounds every week, just hoping to see the little baby appearing on the US screen. The diagnoses was confirmed at 10.5 weeks and I chose to have a natural miscarriage, which took several days. He was gone on July 5th, when I was 12w.

I went through the process being far away from my family and friends, in an unknown place, in a language I hadn’t learned. Sometimes I think it was the beginning of the end of my marriage…

If losing a baby is painful, losing a baby that was not socially recognized or seen in the screen can be even more difficult in a way. It was like it never happened for my family and friends, it was just a weird fluke, a little incident.

You can contact Karina at

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