Mom to James Austin

Born on September 21, 2010

Passed away on September 21, 2010

Salem, Arkansas

My pregnancy was a surprise. I was on birth control. Between the excitement and wonder was fear. Would our baby be okay since I was on medication? I had once envisioned I would never have children. I had lost my period for almost a year in my teens, was a smoker, a sober alcoholic (five years dry), and drank tons of caffeine. We were not married, which is usually not the ideal situation. We soon completely forgot about our fears and just looked forward to an exciting and promising future. I quit the smoking and all but a bit of caffeine. [Read more…]


Mom to Aidan Thomas Finney

September 4th, 2011

Cabot, Arkansas

Aidan was born on September 4, 2011. He was born at 21 weeks and 1 day. He was born sleeping. He was born with his angel wings. 
[Read more…]

Mom to Alyssa Marie Sams
April 30th, 2003
Bentonville, Arkansas
On April 30, 2003, I lost my precious baby girl, Alyssa. Ever since I was a little girl, I have wanted babies. 
My time came, and left with a pain almost unbearable. 

[Read more…]

Mom to
Emma Jade, EDD February 2nd, 2006, grew wings on August 11th, 2005
Bailey Jameson, EDD October 14th, 2007, grew wings on April 1st, 2007
Audrey Kate, EDD January 18th, 2010, grew wings on May 25th, 2009
Chemical Pregnancy – July 14th, 2009
Jonesboro, Arkansas

My first pregnancy was conceived with a boyfriend right after I graduated high school, I was planning on going to college and was so afraid because this wasn’t planned at all and the father did not want the “shame” of having a baby out of wedlock so he insisted we get married.  I told him no way. I couldn’t marry someone like him, I should have left him long before this.  When I told him no, I was pushed out of his truck and ended up losing the baby the next day.  I felt so horrible because at first I didn’t want to have a baby, I would never have an abortion and I believe everything happens for a reason, but at the time I thought it happened because at first the pregnancy was unwanted.  I felt so much guilt.  I left him and have not talked to him in years.

In December 2006, I married my husband, the love of my life.  We were on the birth control pill and had a pregnancy scare around the end of January.  I had been sick with the flu for weeks and ended up taking a negative pregnancy test, so we figured the flu had postponed my period.  I started taking antibiotics soon after for an ear infection, not realizing that would mess up the birth control.  We were moving out of state and my aunt and uncle threw us a going away party where we drank and had a good time.  I had no idea that I was pregnant at the time.  About a month later, my period had not showed up.  I didn’t worry much because this had just happened.  Maybe the move had put stress on my body.  I took a test, expecting a BFN and to my surprise it read “Pregnant”  I was so excited and so scared all at the same time.  We told all our family immediately.  We went in for an ultrasound at a clinic where ultrasound techs were being trained and we saw the beautiful little beating heart of our baby.  He (we never knew sex, we just had a feeling it was a boy) was measuring about 3 weeks behind what he should have been, but we were told that my dates could just be off since my cycle was messed up anyway.  On March 31, 2007, I woke up bleeding.  I panicked.  We went to the emergency room where the doctor on call told me he was 99% sure we were having a miscarriage.  I held onto that 1%, thinking that if I loved my baby enough, my love could save him.  Of course they did an ultrasound and the doctor told me that “there was never even a baby”  It was a blighted ovum, an empty sac.  No.  That couldn’t be.  We just saw the baby a few weeks earlier and even saw the beating heart.  He was wrong.  I had a picture at home of our child, not an empty sac.  We went home to my grandma’s and my cousin and his wife were living there too, she was a saint.  She had gone through this as well and was amazing support.  I was so scared.  I couldn’t do this again.  No way.  I fell asleep that night and then woke up about an hour later with a small cramp.  Every hour on the hour, I would wake up and the cramps were even stronger. I started bleeding heavier and passed my first clot about midnight.  I ended up waking everyone in the house because of my crying, thinking i had passed my baby.  My cousin’s wife assured me that it was just a clot and I would know for sure when the baby was passed.  Every hour I woke up with these horrid cramps, wondering why God would give me physical pain as well as the emotional pain of losing a baby?  It wasn’t fair.  With the first one, I was on pain medication so I didn’t feel anything at all.  This was new to me.  Why did it have to hurt like that?  Was I not going through enough emotionally?  We went back to the doctor the next morning, it was a Sunday and the doctor on call showed up in his Sunday church suit.  I felt bad for pulling him out of church.  Well, they did an exam and my body had cleared out almost everything.  There was still some tissue stuck in my cervix so they pulled out the rest of it and the nurse made sure I didn’t see it and wrapped it up in a towel and set it on the table.  When they left the room, I looked.  My baby was so tiny.  No bigger than my thumb.  I will never get that picture out of my mind.  We named him Bailey Jameson.  We decided we wanted to try for a baby, so the doctor said 3 months.  Exactly 3 months later, our daughter was conceived. She was born March 11, 2008 after being diagnosed with preeclampsia and being induced at 38 weeks, ended up with a csection because my blood pressure was so high, they thought I might have a stroke.

[Read more…]

Mom to Hope
Miscarried on September 16th, 2010 at 16 weeks
Springdale, Arkansas
June 28, 2010 was one of the happiest days of my life. That day my life was changed forever as I sat on the bathroom floor with Stephen, hands shaking, as I held on to the pregnancy test and watched as a faint pink line slowly appeared. My heart was immediately overwhelmed with love for this tiny little life that I was carrying in me, my precious son or daughter.

[Read more…]

Miscarriage at 12 weeks
Northwest Arkansas

My story starts way back in the spring of 2006 while I was a nanny in New York City. I was invited to provide childcare at someone’s homebirth. That is the day that my whole life changed. I witnessed that raw power of childbirth and knew right then that my heart was being called to serve childbearing women. I was an instant birth junkie and immediately began the certification process to become a professional doula. I started doing volunteer doula work when I moved back home to Arkansas and just surrounded myself in the natural birthing world. I already had babies on my brain despite having just turned 19 and being single.

Shortly after returning home, I began dating my now husband whom I had been friends with for a while. We were young and in love and never once in our relationship did we use protection. I quickly discovered fertility friend and began using it to try and avoid pregnancy during the early months of our relationship. We got married in May of 2007 and immediately began trying to have a baby. I was only 19 so we never expected it would take more than a few months, especially after how familiar I was with fertility friend by that point. The heartbreak of every passing month was excrutiating and really started to take it’s toll on my emotional health and my relationship with my husband. It definitely took a lot of the romance out of the bedroom for a while.

[Read more…]

Mom to Lost Baby #1, January 7th, 2010 at 6weeks
and Lost Baby #2, June 23rd, 2010 at 10.5 weeks
North Little Rock, AR

When my husband and I married in late 2002, one of the things we agreed on was that we wanted to start a family. We both desired lots of children, and were anxious to get things underway! Unfortunately, our path to parenthood was not destined to be smooth.
After trying on our own to conceive for over 3 years, I finally went to see my ob-gyn. He eventually referred me to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE) for a consultation, but it was 2 more years before we got around to it. I was young (still just 25) and not too worried yet.
After several months of testing, we were diagnosed with multiple fertility problems. Our doctors were hopeful though that we would eventually have children, just with a little assistance! We started treatments in December of 2007. After four unsuccessful IUI’s (two with Clomid and 2 with injectables), we decided to move onto IVF. It took some time, but in December of 2009 we had our first transfer.
Just a few days shy of Christmas, I finally saw something I had begun to think I would never see: two pink lines on a pregnancy test! My husband was so excited that he posted it to Facebook that day. I was nervous, but excited as well, and thought that my turn had finally come.

[Read more…]

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