Mom to Madison Mae

Stillborn on May 6th, 2010

Rockfield, IN

Hello my name is Brandi, I am a face of loss. I lost my little Madison Mae on May 6th,2010, she was stillborn.

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Mother to Audrina Capri Williams
Born on June 23rd, 2010 and grew her wings an hour later
Edmund, OK
The past few months have been more than a crazy roller coaster ride. There are no words to express the pain/joy/hurt/happiness I have been through. I guess I am ready to share my story and I hope to bring others hope and peace. Losing a baby is one of the most devastating things any mother can go through. From the time that you see that test that says positive, you are a mother. But, my story is a little different…

On January 25, 2010 I picked up my first pregnancy test. I kept telling myself there is no way, nooo way. Right? Well, hmm… maybe I am. So I sucked it up took the test and….

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Mom to Briar
September 13th, 2010
Columbus, GA

Let me begin. This is the story of our first born son.

My hubby and I had been married a little over 4 years and we thought it was a great time to begin to start expanding our family.  We have so many amazing friends that are great parents, and we were excited for that time in our own lives.  We found out we were pregnant after a weekend we spent in Savannah, GA with dear friends. Brandon asked me to take a pregnancy test because I was feeling a little funny.  We had only been preventing pregnancy for ONE month, so I knew I wasn’t going to be pregnant. In fact, I did my business…put the little test on the counter and went about my business. Brandon yelled, “You might want to come here!” minutes later and I raced back to the bedroom.  What I saw changed our lives forever.

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Mom to Addison Ward
February 8th, 2008
Salisbury, NC
In the summer of 2007, we found out that we were expecting our second baby. We were SO EXCITED! We have a beautiful precious daughter, and we want so much to give her a baby sister or brother to play with and love.

Mom to Jody Michael April 10, 2009 8:57 p.m. – 9:57 p.m.
Gilbert, Arizona
On February 4, 2009 our lives took a tragic turn after hearing the word “I wish I did not have to give you this news.” That day we learned our son would not survive, he was classified as “not viable” a condition which is 100% incompatible with life. We learned our sons condition was caused by a rare genetic disorder called Autosomal Recessive Polycystic Kidney Disease (ARPKD).
Eight weeks earlier we told that very same doctor given the opportunity we would not terminate no matter the situation. Never did we expect to hear our little guy had 0% chance of survival, 0% chance of making it to term or a 0% chance of surviving delivery. On February 4th we shut the world out, closed the curtains and our hearts to others as we tried to come to terms with the diagnosis. After a few weeks we were ready, we shared with others, went to all the specialists we could and after hearing more bad news we prepared to love our little guy in the time we had him.

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Mom to Luke Michael
April 7th, 2010
and Baby #2, October 4th, 2010
Atlanta, Georgia

  In 1987, when I was about 7 years old, I attended my cousin’s funeral. My mom had explained to me that my cousin, Amanda, did not have a normal brain and therefore passed away in her mommy’s tummy. I wasn’t phased by this information; rather, I was more interested in the funeral ending so I could go play on the church’s playground. Little did I know that 23 years later, I would be told that my son had the same fatal birth defect that claimed Amanda’s life. Lightening struck twice in our family.

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Mom to Hailey Maddison Molloy
Stillborn on November 24th, 2007 at 23 weeks
Orlando, FL

Hailey was conceived on 6/27/07. We were so excited to see that postive sign on our pregnancy test! I actually used 3 pregnancy testers just to be sure. The pregnancy went well throughout the first trimester. Her ultrasounds at 8 and 12 weeks were perfect. At her 16 week visit, the nurse listened to her heart and it sounded beautiful! The doctor told me everything was going well and my blood pressure was normal, no worries. The only issue I had was severe morning sickness (or should I say all day sickness) I tried every method to prevent it but the only thing that got me through the day was those seabands. They worked like a charm. The doctor said morning sickness was a sign of a healthy pregnancy… boy was she ever wrong!!

On October 29, 2007 I went in for my 20 week ultrasound. This was when we found out that we were expecting another baby girl. We were tickled pink! It was also during this ultrasound when the nightmare began. The nurse noticed a slight amount of fluid surrounding the baby’s lungs, she did not see the bladder, or the stomach and noted that the baby was not moving alot. The doctor came in to discuss these things with us, and the nurse realized that she did not measure the femur bone. We went back in to have the ultrasound done again and she did see the stomach and bladder, however the fluid was still there. The doctor recommended that we go straight to the hospital to have further testing done. We waited 5 hours in triage surrounded by at least 15 pregnant women in labor, knowing something was wrong with our baby but not knowing what it was. After the 5 hours we went in to have a ultrasound done. The nurse stated that there wasn’t a doctor available to read the ultrasound and we would need to go home and come back in the morning. Scared and feeling helpless my husband and I left and returned the next day.

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Mom to Fernando Michael Phillip
August 24th, 2004
Rancho Cucamonga, CA
I was blissfully pregnant for the first time at a young age of 23 years. It was so easy. I was glowing, feeling great. I wanted to get pregnant and it was granted to me with ease. Who knew that within 2 months I would be waking up in a pool of water, realizing that my dreams had been shattered and that there was no turning back…

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Mom to Amelia Rose
Died on March 10th, 2010, born on March 11th, 2010
Lost to Mosaicism, a rare form of Turner’s Syndrome
Strattford, CT
After a rough transition from the south to New England, we found out about baby number four in June 2009. We were  thrille​d to welcome a new life into our family. With much anticipatio​n and delight, I endured the rough first trimester and finally felt that I was in the fun part of pregnancy. We had found a midwife and began planning a home birth.

During my 24th week, our midwife explained that I was measuring larger then I should and she asked us to get an ultrasound to rule out twins. I was so excited about the possibility of twins, but also very aware that other problems could be the result of measuring larger. So, we waited for our ultrasound appointment.

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Mum to Charlotte Rose
Stillborn at 28 weeks on April 14th, 2010
Perth, Western Australia
My 12 week scan was booked in for Dec 22nd. Never in my wildest dreams did I consider that this day would hold the news that it did. I went along to my scan full of the anticipation of seeing my baby for the first time. 

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Mom to River Christian, full term 4/8/03
Blaze Canyon, full term 10/30/06 – 11/01/06
Miriam Beth, miscarried at 14 weeks 3/25/07
August Finn, partial molar pregnancy at 10 weeks 1/31/08
Benicia, California

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Mommy to Madelyn Rebecca
Lived for 1.5 hours on August 28th, 2009
St. Louis, MO
Our family’s story began on May 8, 2004, the day Nathan and I promised to love and cherish each other for the rest of our lives.  As I made my vows to him, I hadn’t the faintest idea how our lives would change just over five years later through the birth of our daughter, Madelyn.  In fact, neither of us envisioned ourselves as the “having babies” type.  Our plan was to work hard, retire early, and enjoy the extra money we wouldn’t be spending on things like daycare, diapers, and college funds.
A few years into our marriage, I began to reconsider my stance against having children.  Some of our friends started having babies, and I wanted that sweetness in my own life.  Nathan was still no where near ready to even consider the idea of children, but he did let me get a cat.  I enjoyed the new, furry member of our family, but she did little to squelch the desire that had sprouted in my heart for a child. 

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Mom to Jenna Grace Belinc
Stillborn on August 12th, 2008
Shelbyville, TN

This story is a long one, so please bear with me. I was so excited in the spring of 2008 to find out we were expecting again. My oldest daughter was almost five years old, and I was ready for another baby. My daughter was over the moon about being a big sister. My family had also experienced the loss of my grandmother just four months earlier. She was the backbone of our family, and we were devastated. We were all ready for something happy to happen, and my pregnancy and the new baby were going to be just that.

The pregnancy progressed very normally. I wasn’t sick like I had been with my older daughter, just extremely tired. I was so glad to get out of the first trimester, and my 16 week appointment was scheduled for the Monday after Fourth of July. The cookout at my aunt’s house that weekend is one of the last times I was truly happy without any bittersweet feelings popping through.

At my appointment that Monday, my doctor asked if I wanted to have the AFP done. This tests for Trisomy 18, Down Syndrome and Spina Bifida. I took the test because I liked to be prepared. If I was going to have a baby with Down Syndrome or Spina Bifida, I wanted to be prepared for the birth. I didn’t allow myself to think about the possibility of Trisomy 18. A diagnosis like that just didn’t happen to us.

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Mom to Jillian
Grew wings on April 8th, 2009

I am just not at a point where I can write my story right now, this is Jillian’s story taken from my husband’s blog after we came home from the hospital.

Jillian was born at 12:44pm, 2lbs 10oz, approx. 10 3/4 inches long. She was 7 1/2 weeks early as we kind of expected. Becky woke at 1:30am on Wednesday the 8th telling me that her water had broke. I rushed her to MTMC to confirm it and then we rushed off to Vanderbilt. On the way there Becky started having contractions. Once we got there they were able to slow them down until we decided how we were going to proceed with the delivery.

Jillian was diagnosed right before Christmas with a form of dwarfism called Osteogenesis Imperfecta, which is a condition in which the bones are less developed and easily broken. Some people can be born with this and live normal lives but sustaining frequent bone breaks, others not so lucky, and there are some that don’t survive. Jillian was one of these cases. She was also not expected to make it to full term. There was no method of delivery we were told would make it easier or give her a better chance of survival. In the end Becky chose C-section, against the doctors recommendations. They told us that with there being no chance of survival that she shouldn’t risk the dangers to herself. However it was Becky’s belief that this was a better method of delivery and it gave her a better peace of mind to know she did what she could, putting all her hope and faith into this choice.

The Doctors put Becky under and I was called into the OR after all the prep work, within minutes the doctor came to me to take me to the baby. I asked him how she was and all he could do was shake his head and tell me he was sorry. They gave her a shot to take away all her pain and so I picked her up and held her. She didn’t move until I touched her face a bit, but when I did it caused her to react as if she were gasping. The doctor told me it was more like a reflex but for a brief second I had hope. I tried to show Becky but she was too sedated. The doctors took the baby to the NICU to clean her up. He told me he would have her looking nice so that Becky would not have to see her that way.

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Mom to Michael Joseph (MJ) Skaggs
Born July 25th, 2009 and died in my arms August 29th, 2009
Topeka, KS

After almost a year and a half and two rounds of the fertility medicine clomid, my husband Willie and I were absolutely elated when we found out we were expecting. My pregnancy started out just like any other, with the all day morning sickness and nervousness of a first time mother-to-be. We found out I was pregnant the beginning of December, and by the beginning of January, I had started spotting. I was petrified that I was having a miscarriage, and our doctor wanted us to come in and do an ultrasound to see what was going on.

We got the surprise of our life when we found out that not only were we having one baby, but there were two tiny babies growing in my belly! Willie and I were in shock, and could hardly speak we were so surprised. We spent the next few weeks overjoyed and eagerly anticipated when we would find out what we were having. When I was 17 weeks pregnant, we had an ultrasound and both of our babies ‘showed us the good’s’. We were having two boys! And the doctor was pretty sure we were having identical twins! Two baby boys, we could just not be happier!

Mom to Ella
Lost to Anencephaly
Valdosta, GA

My husband and I lost our first child on May 11, 2010.

We found out that I was pregnant last August. We were very excited. My pregnancy was coming along fine. We had heard our baby’s heartbeat many times and it had been perfect. We were scheduled for our first ultrasound on November 26th- the day before Thanksgiving. I was 16 weeks and 6 days pregnant. We were so excited to find out if we were having a boy or girl, and we planned on telling our family at Thanksgiving dinner. We went in for the ultrasound Wednesday afternoon. A few minutes into the ultrasound I knew that something was wrong. The tech seemed to be focusing on one thing. She wouldn’t answer any of the questions I was asking. After a few minutes she left the room and said “I’ll be right back” I kept telling my husband that something was wrong- he kept trying to calm me down.

A few minutes later she came back in and bluntly said “your baby doesn’t have a skull.” I lost it. I am a nurse, and I knew that meant my baby had anencephaly- a fatal neural tube defect. Our doctor told us he was sure that our baby was anencephalic-but he wanted me to go for a more detailed ultrasound and to see a specialist to confirm it the next week. We spent Thanksgiving Day and the weekend crying at home alone. The following week I saw the specialist and the diagnosis was confirmed. We were given the options to have a d + e, induce labor early or carry to term. We chose to carry to term. We also found out that we were having a girl. We named her Ella.

Carrying my baby to term knowing that she was going to die was so difficult-but I loved being pregnant with my daughter. We were told that Ella may die before she made it to term, may die during birth, or shortly after birth. I began searching the internet and found that a few anencephalic babies had lived months. Ella was so active in my womb- she kicked and turned all day. She hiccupped almost everyday. We had another utrasound at 32 weeks to see how she was growing. Our tech was awesome this time. She let us watch Ella move around and gave us 17 3d ultrasound pictures of her. Ella was sucking her fingers, sucking her toes, playing with the umbilical cord-it gave me such peace to know that she was so content and safe inside. She was also breech.

At 39 weeks 6 days, we decide to schedule a ceserean for May 10th. Ella was still breech and I am so glad that we decided not to try to delver vaginally. That would have been more traumatic to Ella and I don’t think I would have gotten any time with her.

I was admitted to the hospital at midnight on Mother’s day. I am so glad that I got to spend this Mother’s Day with my daughter safe inside. I was so scared when they were getting me ready for surgery. I was scared that I would never hold my daughter alive.

Ella was born at 8:11 a.m. She came out screaming. It was the most amazing sound ever. She weighed 5lbs 9.4 oz and was 19 inches long. She was beautiful. She had the softest skin I have ever felt and the most beautiful pouty lips. Ella never went to the nursery. She stayed in our room and the nursery nurses came in our room to take care of her. We spent the day and the night holding her and loving on her. She was the most amazing baby ever, and holding her in my arms was the best feeling I have ever felt. She passed away in my arms a little after 4:OO the next morning.

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Mom to Whitney Jill
Stillborn on February 11th, 2010 at 31+ weeks
Carried despite adverse prenatal diagnosis
Fresno, CA

My husband and I have been married 6 years. About 3 and a half years ago, we decided it was time to start our little family. After 3 years of fertility tests, treatments and trying with no success, we decided to start an adoption. We were ecstatic about this and in July 2009 we sent in our application to adopt a baby boy from Ethiopia. However… On July 31, 2009 I had a hunch and took a pregnancy test– it was positive!! To say we were shocked is an understatement! And that is where the story of our precious little girl, Whitney Jill, begins.
It was clear from the very beginning that this little life beginning inside of me was all God’s doing. It was as if God wanted us to know all along that this baby was not conceived by any of our real efforts… Not the medicines, not the testing, not the doctors and certainly not our timing.
Everything was going well in the first trimester of my pregnancy. I only had a tiny bit of nausea, no puking and for the most part, I felt great! By my 4th month, I barely had any baby bump showing. I thought it was just because I have a small build. From the very beginning, I had an uneasiness about my pregnancy. I attributed it to the difficulty we’d had getting pregnant, and first-time-mom nerves. But on the day we went for our “half-way there” ultrasound (I was almost 19 weeks), that feeling got stronger. Before Sean and I left our car to go into the doctor’s office, I look at him and said, “No matter what happens, we are in this together, right?” He hugged me, told me I was silly and reassured me he’d be by my side every step of the way. We prayed then went in to find out the sex of our baby.

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