Mom to Baby

Miscarried at 9 Weeks – November 2001

and Elise Hope Meehan

February 20th, 2010 – February 20th, 2010

Cranston, Rhode Island

I am 29 years old and have been married for almost 9 years.

When I was 19, in November 2001, and dating my now husband, I was shocked to discover I was pregnant. I had been on the pill since I was 14 so this was extremely surprising. What was even more shocking was the doctor’s telling me that the baby did not look viable and that my uterus was tipped, my ovaries were a mess (covered in cysts) and I had a thin  cervix. Only 3 days later, I miscarried the baby. I had not even worked up the courage to talk to my boyfriend or any family, so I simply suffered in silence. I fell into a deep depression with the knowledge that I may never have children. I started to blow off work and school and eventually was dismissed from college.I had always dreamed of having a big family and that was gone. I shared part of the story with my boyfriend when he proposed to me in April 2002. I told him I did not know if I could give him children. Despite this, he still wanted me. We were married in August of that year and, because of my diagnoses, quit using the pill right away since it didn’t seem like we needed to prevent anything anyways. We left the baby making up to chance and were delighted to find me pregnant in August 2004 almost 2 years to the day of my marriage. At this point I still had not shared the fact that I had lost a baby with him. It was time to tell him and I broke down, mostly scared to death I would lose this baby too. At first he was mad that I had never told him, but then he just wanted to make sure I was ok. He is my rock. [Read more…]


Mom to Baby Asha

Lost at 11 weeks, 5 days on August 25th, 2011

Seattle, Washington

This is the chronicle of the brief life of a little person. As her mother, I feel like it is my duty to chronicle it. Without me, she has no voice., Already, I can feel that time has this way of chiseling away at memories, and I don’t want to lose anymore. Even though we only knew of her ended life a few days ago, it already feels like an eternity of sorrow. We have been to the inner reaches of hell, and we are trying to crawl back. Here is our story: [Read more…]

Annie McKenney

Mom to two Angels

Brewster NY


My name is Annie McKenney and I live in Brewster NY. I am 37 years old and I love being a mom. [Read more…]


Mom to Emma Nevaeh

Stillborn December 31st, 2008

& Peanut, Miscarried at 13 weeks, June 2009

Wysox, PA

Its hard to know where to begin…When I got pregnant with my first daughter it was a total surprise & everything went smooth & easy. She was born in 2007 at 8lbs 11oz & so beautiful. In 2008 my husband & I started to try again for our 2nd child, I had an abnormal pap that year (i had precancer cells on my cervix) so we decided to see a doctor for that pregnancy instead of a midwife like our 1st. [Read more…]



Mom to Innocent

Lost sixth child, third son, at 12 1/2 weeks gestation and

Delivered at 15 weeks on April 10, 2011

McComb, MS


I found out I was pregnant during the second half of January. It chokes me up to remember how happy I was. Innocent was to be our sixth child. [Read more…]


Mom to Chloe, Lost 24+ weeks in September 2005

Second Loss at 21 weeks in October 2007

Third Loss at 13 weeks in March 2008

Fourth Loss at 21 weeks in April 2009

Fifth Loss at 12/13 weeks in July 2010

Sixth Loss at 9 weeks in 2010

Seventh Loss at 9 weeks in January 2011

Cape Town, South Africa

I found out I was pregnant for the first time in June 2005. I was nervous about telling my mom, because I was raised “first get married and then babies” lol. After I told my mom MY good news, it took her a while to get over it. Didn’t take her very long though, because the next thing you know she starts buying baby clothes. Me too, I just couldn’t resist the cute little outfits. [Read more…]


Mom to Savanna

Lost to miscarriage at 12 weeks on March 8th, 2011

Melbourne, Austalia

I have a beautiful and healthy 2 year old daughter who we tried for 2 and a half years to conceive and that was so hard on myself and my husband, so many things went through our heads “Maybe we are not meant to have a child?” “Are we strong enough to get through this?” [Read more…]

Mother to Ella, lost to miscarriage January 3rd, 2009
and Angel Baby #2, lost to miscarriage April, 2009
Olathe, Kansas
Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to have children.  I think that is what most little girls want.  That is why we love dolls so much.  So it is no surprise that shortly after I got married, I started thinking more seriously about starting a family.  This is the story of my journey to becoming a mother.  It is a deeply painful and personal story.  I have chosen to share it for two reasons.  One is because it brings meaning to my struggle.  My pain will not have been in vain and it keeps the memory of those loved and lost alive.  The second reason, of equal importance, is so I might offer help and hope to other women experiencing the same loss.  Here is my story.

In November 2008, on my first wedding anniversary, I found out I was pregnant with a surprise baby.  Although surprised, my husband and I were thrilled.  We started seeing the doctor and went in for a routine 6 week ultra sound.  The technician told us the baby’s heart beat seemed a little slow but not to worry.  It was probably just because it had just started beating within the last few days.  We did not worry at all.  We went on our way without any problems.  At 11 weeks we went in for another routine doctors visit and our doctor said we could hear the baby’s heart beat and put an instrument on my tummy to find it.  She searched for 10 minutes to find the baby’s heart beat and never did.  I began to worry and asked her if anything was wrong.  She said, “You had an ultra sound at 6 weeks right?“.  I told her I had and she said she was sure everything was fine and the baby was just too little to pick up the heart beat yet.  Again we were sent on our way and told not to worry.  So we went on our way and did not worry.  When I was 12 weeks pregnant I can remember thinking, “Oh good, I am past the first trimester and the worst time for miscarriage”.  I was relieved.  Later that same day, after shopping for nursery furniture, I started bleeding very heavily.  It was a Sunday so my doctor’s office was closed.  I called the ER and spoke to the on call doctor who informed me I was probably miscarrying and I needed to call my OBGYN the next day to confirm this.  I asked him if I needed to come in to the hospital that day and he said, “No.  If you are miscarrying, you are miscarrying and there is nothing I can do to help you.”  My heart dropped when I heard him say this and I did not accept this.  What if my baby was still alive and just needed some help?  So I ignored the doctor and went to the ER anyway.  I was admitted and a doctor (not the same one I talked to on the phone) came in to examine me.  He said my cervix was still closed which was a good sign but unless he did an ultra sound he could not confirm the baby’s condition.  We opted to have the ultra sound.  The technician came in and quickly found the baby on the screen.  He started telling me where the legs and arms and various body parts were and I sensed he was avoiding telling me the only thing my husband and I really wanted to know.  I asked him if the baby’s heart was beating and he paused and then very nicely and quietly said, “I’m sorry.  I am not detecting any fetal heart movement.”  I said ok and sat silently while he packed his machine up and left the room.  Our family was waiting outside the door.  As soon as he was gone my husband and I both starting crying and hugging and all I could say over and over again was how sorry I was.  When our family came in to see us I just kept telling them how sorry I was.  It is interesting, as a mother, how you fully take the blame for a miscarriage right away.  Everyone kept telling me it was not my fault, but all I could say was how sorry I was.  This was the first grandchild on both sides of our family and everyone was so excited.  I felt I had let them all down and their hearts were broken just like mine.  I actually felt bad for them.  My father-in-law, a man known professionally for being very strong and not emotional at all, put his hand on mine and never let go of me the entire time we were in the hospital room.  That was January 3rd, 2009.

[Read more…]

Mom to Angel Baby “Blueberry”
Miscarried at 12 weeks on October 5th, 2010
Fort Thomas, Kentucky
My husband said to me, “Maybe we could just let it go this once.” He was talking about protection. We had discussed having a baby, I have two girls, and he had none. He always said he didn’t want his own children. We had grown up together, and after 18yrs and my divorce we became a couple. I was so excited to try for a baby even though I had suffered from fertility issues in the past. I had a really good feeling about this.  

[Read more…]

Mom to Angel Baby “Wrinkle”
Misscarried at 12 Weeks on November 17, 2010
Port Orchard, Washington

I had been feeling lousy for nearly two months and hadn’t had a normal period since August but I stopped nursing my son in July so it didn’t seem too strange ~ it never occurred to me that I could be pregnant given our history of infertility. On October 27, 2010, we decided to take a pregnancy test simply to rule out what we already knew (i.e. that we were not pregnant).

[Read more…]

Suffered a Missed Miscarriage on March 13th, 2009
Wayne, NJ
My husband and I decided we were ready to have a baby back in November 08. We started trying and by the end of January, i found out i was pregnant!! We went to our first doctors appointment and found out we were 6 weeks along. We scheduled our first ultrasound for 8 weeks. So 2 weeks later we went back and saw our little peanut on the screen. The heartbeat was there and strong. We were so excited that we shared the news with a lot of people.

2 weeks later we were going away on vacation and i had a doctors appt the day before we were leaving. When i got there, i found out that they had overbooked my dr.(something the office ALWAYS did). I waited an hour for another doctor to see me. I wasnt very happy about this because I wanted my doctor, but i didnt have a choice. I finally got called in. I was seeing some doctor i didnt know. He did a Doppler on my belly, but there was no heartbeat. I must have asked him 100 times if that was ok and he INSISTED that it was and for me to go and have a great vacation. When we came back, we were scheduled for my 12 week ultrasound and I would see it was fine then. I left there feeling not so confident, but he was the doctor!
[Read more…]

Miscarriage at 12 weeks
Northwest Arkansas

My story starts way back in the spring of 2006 while I was a nanny in New York City. I was invited to provide childcare at someone’s homebirth. That is the day that my whole life changed. I witnessed that raw power of childbirth and knew right then that my heart was being called to serve childbearing women. I was an instant birth junkie and immediately began the certification process to become a professional doula. I started doing volunteer doula work when I moved back home to Arkansas and just surrounded myself in the natural birthing world. I already had babies on my brain despite having just turned 19 and being single.

Shortly after returning home, I began dating my now husband whom I had been friends with for a while. We were young and in love and never once in our relationship did we use protection. I quickly discovered fertility friend and began using it to try and avoid pregnancy during the early months of our relationship. We got married in May of 2007 and immediately began trying to have a baby. I was only 19 so we never expected it would take more than a few months, especially after how familiar I was with fertility friend by that point. The heartbreak of every passing month was excrutiating and really started to take it’s toll on my emotional health and my relationship with my husband. It definitely took a lot of the romance out of the bedroom for a while.

[Read more…]

Mom to Baby ‘Cactus’
Lost to Miscarriage February 10th, 2010
Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
My story can be told through a letter I wrote to my baby:

[Read more…]

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