Mom to Lily Sarah Ellen

Lost on August 31, 2011

Mountain View, CA


“There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

My daughter Lily went from living in my womb to residing forever in my heart on August 31, 2011. I was 14 weeks and 4 days pregnant. At the time I am writing these words, it has been nearly three months since I lost my baby girl, just about the length of time I carried her in my body. Many of these lines were lifted straight from the journal I started while I was hospitalized following her death. If it seems disjointed, it’s because it was written over a period of many days, during many different moods. It has been a difficult process, putting them to type, but one done in loving memory of the baby who will always be, to me, my first child. Not a “miscarried fetus” or a “hope of a baby that never was,” but my first child: a true, unique and beloved individual. My story is a tribute to her memory, and is written in the hope that it may bring both comfort to other mothers who have lost their precious unborn babies, and awareness to those who, having never experienced such a tragedy themselves, are struggling to understand the experience.  [Read more…]


Mom to Juliet Elizabeth

August 30, 2010 – May 2, 2011

Grover Beach, CA

After my husband and I got married, we decided to leave the baby-making up to fate and see what would happened.  We were pleasantly surprised when, six months later, we found out we were expecting.

The beginning of my pregnancy went great.  It wasn’t until about 15 weeks that I started spotting.  I went in for an ultrasound to make sure everything was okay and the doctors couldn’t find the source of the bleeding, saying as long as the blood was “old” I would be fine.  I then started bleeding heavily and bright red.  I was put on bed rest at 18 weeks.  We were still unable to locate where the blood was coming from.  Things on bed rest continued to worsen.  I was waking up to large gushes of blood and passing blood clots. [Read more…]


Mom to Luke Jackson

Born and died on October 16, 2011

Northport, Alabama

Incompetent cervix: a term I heard and knew the meaning of, but never imagined that these two words would change my life forever. I had given birth to a full-term healthy baby in 2004; there was no reason to think this pregnancy would have any different outcome. There was especially no reason to think that my cervix would inexplicably open at 19.4 weeks into my pregnancy. Luke Jackson, our second son, was born and died on October 16, 2011 due to cervical incompetence. This is Luke’s story.

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