pic of me


Mom to Benjamin Ray

May 1, 2013

Sterling Heights, Michigan

We lost our son, Benjamin Ray, on May 1st. I was one day shy of being 31 weeks.

Around 28 weeks, I began to notice my son’s change in movement. He had been a very busy baby but then suddenly just wasn’t. I kept trying to tell the doctor, but she told me I was just being a first time mom and overreacting. I called the hospital and they kept telling me it was normal for him to not really move around 29-30 weeks.

Finally one day he didn’t move, so I rushed to hospital. They monitored baby and he would not move for what seemed like a lifetime. Finally, he sort of moved his arm and [they] said, “There, see? He moved.” I said, “Just one time. He seems to be distressed.” They said, “Nope, he’s fine.” They also told me I had excessive fluid around the baby. They called my doctor and said he would monitor the baby weekly and that I was good to go home. Down deep, I knew nothing was okay. It was like midnight and I wanted to be monitored until morning just to be sure. But, I told myself they knew their stuff. It was Thursday and I had a Monday appointment. That Monday, I still didn’t feel him move. I just knew in my heart he had passed. My fear was confirmed; he had passed. They had me go back to the hospital that told me he was fine for them to confirm my loss. After they confirmed it, they had me go home to take time to get stuff and take in the news, but I was just so numb. We even had to go shop for a preemie outfit to put him in after he was delivered for us to see him and take pictures.

I had a 41-hour labor after many attempts to induce me. He had already passed for an unknown reason. He was born with a short, clotted and twisted cord. I believe this was why we lost him. He was supposed to be due on July 4th, 2013. I delivered him on May 1st, 2013. We miss him very much and mourn him each and every passing day. I learned that you as a mother must fight for your unborn baby and if something tells you your baby is not okay, then trust your instincts. Doctors and medical staff are not gods and they don’t know everything. Never take “no” for aa answer. Keep fighting until you get real answers and they take you seriously.

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  1. Thank you for sharing you story and I am so very sorry for your loss. I agree with you that first time mom or not- you know if something is not right. (I live in MI also!)

  2. Thxs so much. The pain never goes away you just learn how live with it. There are good days and bad days. But i now have a rainbow baby and another one on the way. They dont replace thier brother but really help bring joy into our lives.

  3. I’m so sorry for your loss, Crystal. My husband grew up in Sterling Heights so I was compelled to read your story. I lost my daughter Avery back in 2008, and I agree that it’s so important to trust your instincts! Avery was my first, so I put all of my trust in my doctors. It’s hard to know if something is wrong when you’ve never been pregnant before – I’ve had two healthy little boys since, and in hindsight there probably were a few signs I should have taken more seriously. (And urged my doctors to take seriously as well.) Best wishes for a happy future filled with rainbows and love!

  4. Thx u so much it is sooo hard when it’s your first bc u feel u should fully trust the drs plus u never been pregnant b4. So how do you really know what’s what…. But since my loss I’ve had a healthy boy. He is gonna be 11 months soon. Plus I’m gonna be gaving a lil girl around the time he turns one. I just hate the anxiety never goes away after a loss. I’m always terrified during a pregnancy. Thx so much and take care.

  5. Crystal, your story is heartbreaking. I’m sorry the medical staff didn’t honor your concerns. I had a similar journey with my son Sam. They kept saying I was fine…and I lost him.

    I will hold you & your babe in prayer tonight.

  6. Thxs chris its sooo hard to be your babies advocate if no one will listen.

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