Mommy to a beautiful girl, Mikayla Danielle


October 25, 2012

At 18 years old, my boyfriend and I found out that we would be expecting a child. I immediately fell in love with baby growing inside of me. I would sit up all night and talk to the baby that I called “Mommy’s little pumpkin.” I’d always say, “No you were not planned but you’re still welcome all the same” and say how much I loved him/her. At around what was supposed to 19 weeks, I had a dream that I miscarried my baby at 4 months. Since I was supposedly 5 months along, I made no big deal of it. That was until I went to the doctor & they said I was indeed only 4 months along and that we would be having a beautiful baby girl whom we decided to name Mikayla Danielle.

I remember the day of October 18th crystal clear. I had just given a big presentation (I was in college studying humanities) and then proceeded to my next class as normal. While I was sitting in class preparing for an upcoming quiz, I started to feel a pain take over my body. I thought it was just cramping and that after class I would just go home and sleep it off. But as it kept progressing, I decided to just walk out of class and call my older brother who was also attending the same college. He left his class early and agreed to take me home. We lived about 30 minutes away from the school but it seemed so much further as I laid in the back seat of the car undressed, all except for a shirt, SCREAMING and praying to both God and my baby girl.

I begged her to just hold on a little longer. I knew that I was losing her and that the dream had been true, but I just needed her to fight until we got to the hospital and they could help us. We arrived in front of our house and my brother called my mom, my dad, and my boyfriend downstairs. My boyfriend sat in the backseat of the car and held my hand while I continued to scream and he assured me that everything would be fine. Five minutes later, I arrived at the hospital dressed in nothing but a large maroon bath towel from home. They immediately rushed me to L&D and were able to stop my labor.

My doctor came in and told me that I had an incompetent cervix and that they would keep me in the hospital because if I was able to hold her for four more weeks, they’d be able to save her. I thank God every day for my family and friends. My mom, my dad, and my boyfriend sat in the hospital with me EVERY single day. My mom bought me balloons, a card, a necklace, and little mementos that said Mikayla from the gift shop and my boyfriend also bought me huge balloons and a card that everyone from work had signed. My best friend and her family also came and sit with me every other day and my big brother, who is terribly afraid of hospitals, also came and sat with me a few times.

My hospital visit remained pretty uneventful until the morning of October 25th. My doctor came in and said that unfortunately my water had broken and that I was in the process of miscarrying. He offered medicine to kick start labor but I refused because EVERY second I held her inside was another second she’d live. Once the doctor left, My boyfriend and I turned to each other and began to cry. My mom left the room and came back with a small coin with a prayer on it. We all held the coin as we cried and prayed. I proceeded to take a nap to help ease my nerves. I then dreamed of a bare tree, no leaves at all on it, just glass bottles hanging from its branches with folded pieces of blue paper on it. The wind was blowing and a bottle fell and shattered, and on that paper was my daughters name. I took that as her way of saying goodbye, so I rubbed my belly and told her that it was time for her to go with God and that no matter what, I’d ALWAYS be her mommy and love her.

At midnight I started to have contractions & at around 4:45 a.m. I felt as if I was ready to push. I listened to her heart beat one last time, it was 155. She was such a strong little girl. She was mommy’s little solider. After listening to her heartbeat one last time, they rushed me to L&D and I gave birth to Mikayla at 5:44 a.m. She was born October 25th, 2012. weighing 9.4 oz, breached and already deceased. We all took turns holding her.

You know, in all the years growing up I had NEVER seen my father cry for any reason, but that day, the day my daughter passed away, I watched the tears form in his eyes and flow down his cheeks as he held her cold, lifeless body swaddled in a pink blanket in his hands. We all loved her. To all of those out there who have lost a child for ANY reason, know that you are not alone and with you I’ll share what I have learned. I learned that before a child is conceived, God shows that child the soul of every woman on Earth and the child then chooses who they want to be their mother. I feel honored and so very grateful that my beautiful daughter, Mikayla, chose me and the same applies to your beautiful babies. They chose you to be their mommies, even if it was only for a short period of time. We will always be their mommies and they will always be our babies. God bless.

You can contact Ukette at: u_sanders@yahoo.com

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