Mom to Dallas Taylor

March 8, 2013

Stoystown, Pennsylvania

I found out I was pregnant December 29, 2012. I felt great and was absolutely thrilled! My husband and I were so excited and couldn’t wait to add a new addition to the family! My two boys were also happy and they wanted a baby sister. I had my first baby doctor’s appointment on January 2nd and everything was great. After my first doctor’s appointment, I ended up having an internal ultrasound done to check on the baby and the [technician] was so rude and very rough. It hurt very badly, and she even ripped me. Anyway, the following Sunday I had a spot of blood but I didn’t worry about it.

Then on Tuesday I had a gush of blood, so I went to the ER. They took blood to test my hormone levels and did an ultrasound. The lady showed me the little flicker of the heartbeat. After the ultrasound, the ER doctor came in and did an exam and looked at me and said in his medical opinion that I had a miscarriage. I said that didn’t make sense because the ultrasound technician showed me my baby’s heartbeat and he looked at the ultrasound results and indeed he saw the heart flicker on the ultrasound too and then said everything should be fine.

Then, I went back to my Gyno on a Wednesday and he did an exam and said my cervix is closed, which is a good sign. Usually when you miscarry, your cervix opens back up and mine was tightly closed. Later that night, I started bleeding again and continued to bleed all week. On Friday, I started bleeding extremely heavy, cramping, and contracting, so I went to a different ER and they did an ultrasound, took my blood hormone levels and performed an exam. I had another very rude nurse. She looked at me and said, “Oh, you’re probably having a miscarriage and you should know what that feels like.” Like really!? How would I know!? I NEVER have been through anything like this before! I was bleeding a lot and very fast and I had blood all over me and the bed. My Mom told the nurse and asked her to help me clean myself up a bit and the nurse just grabbed some blue pads and wipes and handed them to me and said, “Here. You better clean yourself up.” She literally made me get out of bed and stand up and clean my own bed while blood was going everywhere and I was contracting!

Then she got mad when she came back in the room and there was blood all over the floor. How was I to stop it when I was pouring out blood? It was the most horrible and painful experience I have ever been through and on top of it, they told me they could not tell me 100% whether the baby was fine or if I was miscarrying (which I knew in my heart something was very wrong and I shouldn’t be hemorrhaging and contracting if everything was okay). They said I had to come back for more blood work on Monday and to get my hormone levels to get checked so they could compare them to Friday’s [levels]. If my hormone levels go up, then the baby was fine. If it goes down, then I was definitely miscarrying. So I got my hormone levels checked on Monday and the doctor called me afterwards with the results and said my hormone level went from 333 to 401, which was a good sign, but he wanted another hormone level check on Thursday because it didn’t go as high as he would like it to be (it is supposed to double every two days).

I went on Thursday to get my hormone levels checked and later that night my doctor calls me and told me that he called the hospital to get the test results and they didn’t have todays blood work. They gave me Fridays and Mondays again and I found out they messed up your results and you dropped from the 4000’s to the 300’s. Sorry for the false hope, but that is a sign that you definitely miscarried. How did the lab mess up like that!!?? They said it went up not even 100 but they messed up and it [actually] went down over 3000?? How do you mess up numbers that big!!?? They did another ultrasound and said there is no heart beat anymore and my baby had died. On March 8th 2013, I lost my little Angel baby. I was 11 weeks and 4 days along. I had a follow-up ultrasound and blood work to confirm that my baby has passed and I did not need a D&C.

It was and still is so absolutely devastating and those words don’t even put a tamper on how I am really feeling or how it felt. It was a huge roller coaster of emotions and such a huge loss! I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and stomped all over. Some days are definitely harder than others! I am scared to get pregnant again because I don’t want to go through it again, but yet I want one more baby (a baby girl). I am blessed with two beautiful little boys. One is 5 and the other is 3, but my heart also longs for a baby girl…

You can email Tabatha at: tabathahaupt@Yahoo.com

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