Mom to Joseph Alton

June 7, 2012

Madisonville, Texas

For awhile I knew I was pregnant even though every test said negative. I felt his presence in me. Only a mother knows that feeling. I even looked pregnant! We were so excited our little girl was going to have a little sibling!!! On Wednesday, June 6th we found out, from a faint positive at the doctor’s office, that we were definitely pregnant. I was so relieved to know that I was not crazy and I knew what I was talking about. We told everyone as soon as we left doctor’s office.

Even though I had been validated, I still felt as though something was wrong. I even asked my husband if maybe we should wait until after the 1st ultrasound before telling everyone. He was too excited to hold anything back. Can’t blame the guy!! Still something was wrong. That night I felt unusually crampy. My husband told me to remember what the doctor said and how my body would be changing. As a mother of one I get the changes but I was never that crampy in my first pregnancy.

The next morning on Thursday, June 7th my cramping got really bad. By really bad, I mean it took my breath away. Suddenly sharp pains and pressure started shooting through my abdominal area and bottom. The tears came and and we rushed to our small town ER. After awhile there and a pelvic exam and ultrasound it was revealed that I was suffering from an ectopic pregnancy. My heart broke immediately. My mother in law held me and all I could do was just scream and cry NO! NO! NO!

For safety reasons I had to be transferred by ambulance to St. Joseph’s in Bryan. During the ambulance ride, this wave of weird came over my body. It was all of a sudden and I felt out of it. Fuzzy, itchy, cold, hot. I can’t explain it. They checked my blood pressure and turned the sirens on. I got to St. Joseph’s where I was rushed into surgery. I remember the pain in my abdomen crawling up my body. My chest felt like it was going to collapse I had to have an oxygen mask to breathe. I remember the lights on the ceiling rushing together, and the surgery nurse who prayed with me.

I woke up in recovery to a blonde nurse. They pulled the tube out of my throat and I asked her if they were able to save my baby. With tears in her eyes she told me they were lucky to save me. All I could do was cry. I couldn’t even move yet. That sweet nurse stood there with tissue wiping the tears from my eyes.

I later learned that my tube had ruptured. I was bleeding internally and hemorrhaging. Hence the abdominal pains and pressure. I felt weird in the ambulance because my blood pressure dropped to 40. When I arrived at St. Joseph’s my blood count was 20. I was told by my husband that it took 3-4 blood transfusions and one amazing doctor and her staff to save my life.

I still find it hard to grasp everything that happened. I wish I got to hold my sweet Joseph just once. I just have to wait until the afterlife. I loved him from the moment I felt him inside of me and I’ll love him forever.

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