Mom to angel babies
November 11, 2012 (11 weeks)
June 2012 (15 weeks)
November 2013 (9 weeks)

My husband and I became pregnant with our first child when we were only 19.  After having our healthy baby boy (April 2010), we decided to wait a few years until trying for our second. 

We were thrilled to find out we were pregnant with our second in September of 2012. I went in for my first OB appointment at 7 weeks and we were able to see and hear a heartbeat. I was so relieved that everything was okay, and we went on to tell our families. In early November I found bright red blood after going to the bathroom one night. I started to panic, and my worst fears were confirmed the next day in my OB’s office. There was no heartbeat, and the baby had stopped growing.
I half- heartedly decided to miscarry on my own (hoping something would change). On November 11th, 2012, I started to bleed fairly heavily, but had no idea what to expect, so just tried to relax and hope it would end soon. I began having small contractions and the bleeding picked up. I ended up getting into the shower because there was just too much blood. I tried getting out and bled through two pairs of sweatpants. I started to get very dizzy and ended up passing out in the bathroom. I woke up in my bedroom, on the floor, with my husband on the phone with 911. The bleeding wouldn’t slow down, so I went into the ER where they put me into triage right away after seeing the huge clots all over the floor in my room. They were afraid I would need a blood transfusion from loosing so much blood, but ended up being able to hydrate me with fluids and that helped even things out. The doctors found out there was a piece of something stuck in my cervix that they had to remove. I remember it being freezing cold and feeling so uncomfortable, but once they got what they needed out, the bleeding slowed way down. After returning home I felt so heart broken.

We tried again for about six months before becoming pregnant again in March 2013. I was very cautious, but I felt that everything would be okay this time around. My doctor had me come in right away for an ultrasound and put me on progesterone to help me sustain the pregnancy. The appointment went well, and we heard a heartbeat! Which is easily the best sound in the world. I continued on just fine until my 12 week genetic screening. My doctor saw some abnormalities and referred me to a specialist. By the time I got in, I was 14 weeks 3 days, and they found out that my amniotic sac had ruptured. The baby’s organs were growing on the outside of its body and the brain was not developing correctly. There was no way the baby would survive. I had a D & E procedure done the following week (15 weeks). Since I was in my second trimester, they had to dilate me before hand. It was honestly the worst thing I have had to go through in my life. It was so painful, and I went home feeling empty and completely devastated. My breast milk even came in a few days later.

My husband and I decided we wanted to try again, and my doctor said it would be okay after a month of two. We got pregnant very quickly this time around (September 2013). My doctor ordered an ultrasound at 5 weeks and started me on progesterone right away. We saw a small flicker of a heartbeat at 6 weeks, but when I went back in at 8 weeks, we couldn’t find a heartbeat. My doctor said that it looked as if there were two babies. Twins. I think that set me over the edge..I couldn’t stop crying. He explained that it seemed like one of the babies was abnormal, and the other one was fine, but the abnormal baby affected the healthy one. My hormone levels were very high, and he suspected that one of the babies was a molar pregnancy. He said we had to do a D & C right away because molar pregnancies can be dangerous. The lab results came back a few weeks later and revealed that it was not a molar pregnancy.

Currently, my husband and I are doing lots of testing to try and figure out what is going wrong. I think one of the worst parts of this is not being able to grieve publicly. Miscarriage is not brought up often; it is a silent death that so many women deal with each and every day.

 You may contact Christen at

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  1. I just read this, and I am so sorry for all your losses. I agree when you say that miscarriage is not often brought up. It’s a very sad time for us who have been there. I wish more people understood how much heartbreak it causes. Multiple losses are even harder because it causes so much anxiety over the future, the grief of losing multiple children, and the trauma of everything going wrong. It’s also hard to see things going so smoothly for others when it is a much harder road for us. People often say the wrong things leaving us in tears and not even realizing how sensitive we are. I wish more people would speak out about recurrent losses, at whatever stage they are in, so women everywhere going through this know they are not alone.

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