Mom to Kayden David and Alex John

Lost August 13, 2011 at 18 weeks

New Zealand

I had only been dating my boyfriend for 5 months when I discovered I was pregnant. It was a huge shock as I was only 17 and I had never really thought I wanted to be a mum; I was just happy being an aunty to my beautiful nieces. When I told Bryan I was pregnant he was soooo excited! He wanted the whole world to know he was going to be a daddy, but I made him promise we wouldn’t tell anyone until we were over 12 weeks and passed miscarriage stage. Of course, we had to tell our parents, though. I was terrified to tell my mum as I thought she was going to be so disappointed, but to my surprise she was thrilled to have another grandchild on the way.

We heard its little heartbeat at our 8 week appointment and that’s when I started to realize I was going to be a mummy and that this was real! I could hardly wait to go to my first scan and see our little baby. Mum joked that I was having twins. No one in my family has had twins, or boys, either, for that matter. Our 12 week scan came and my mum, sis, niece, and of course my boyfriend all came along to see our growing bubba. The tech lady had me lie on the table, put the cold jelly on my tummy and then I saw my perfect little baby moving around. It was then my mum said, “Wait, there’re two babies there?!” The tech lady smiled and said, “Yes, congratulations, you are having identical twins!!” TWINS! I was in so much shock I just couldn’t stop crying tears of joy and tears of fear. We were going to have an instant family two babies and us. For the next couple of weeks I was walking around still in disbelief that we were having twins. The whole family was so excited, and Bryan and I were planning our wedding before our little babies came along.

At 14 weeks I had to have a scan to make sure my babies didn’t have TTTS (twin to twin transfusion). Sadly, they did, and Twin B had little to no fluid around him. I was terrified that I could lose both or one of my babies.

I had to go back at 16 weeks or another scan and we were told we were having boys! Both babies were moving and looking healthy apart from having TTTS. My midwife was pretty happy that both babies were going to be okay and everything would work out.

I was at my midwife appointment for our 16 week check up and had just finished checking everything was ok and we got to hear the boys’ heartbeats. The unthinkable happened when my midwife left: my waters broke! I was thinking this time I truly was going to lose my babies. I was rushed to the hospital and shoved in a room and told to wait for a doctor – well, a doctor never came a nurse came in to check whether my waters had broken and then said the doctor wasn’t going to come and check me because I was only 16 weeks and to him my pregnancy was over. I was sent home to ‘pass’ my babies. I was so hurt and confused. How he can he be so hurtful and not care about my babies?

I never did go into labour, and my midwife was checking babies’ heart beats regularly. Both babies were fine so we were sent to a specialist hospital. All the doctors and nurses there were so wonderful! At my 18 week scan the doctor discovered that the babies’ lungs weren’t developing and I was getting an infection. I was induced at 8.30 am 13 August 2011. Labour started fast and seemed to last forever.

My sons were born just minutes apart at 7.30 pm that night. They were so tiny and so beautiful. I couldn’t believe that my babies weren’t coming home with me. We named our sons Kayden David and Alex John. We had them cremated and they are now at home where they belong.

Things are still tough now, especially when I see twin boys. We are currently trying again to start our family. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.

You can contact Sarah at

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  1. God bless your little babies.. Things will get better!

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