First Miscarriage at 8 weeks in May 2008

Second Miscarriage at 5 weeks in February, 2010

Mom to Cameron Xavier

April 6th, 2011

Memphis, Tennessee

As soon I found out I was pregnant I was ecstatic. I thought maybe this will be when I get to hold my baby. Everything about this pregnancy seemed to be going well. He was developing right on schedule, I had been eating right and things in general were going well. March 10th i found out I was having a boy. My significant other was not surprised and was happy he was right. I started to dream about the day I’d have my son in my arms.
My doctor’s appointment was scheduled for April 7th.  The Monday before I started to get really sick, so sick that I was rushed to the hospital to make sure the baby was okay. I started to have my doubts but I tried to remain positive. The nurses initially tried to find his heartbeat on the doppler but I thought maybe he was just hiding and they were not able to pick it up, so they did the ultrasound. The minute I saw the ultrasound I knew. When the tech typed no fetal heart rate, I was hysterical.

My significant other and a close friend were in the room, but I felt all alone. I had lost my baby boy. I literally felt like my world had ended. Why me? Why now? Why at 22 weeks would God take my precious innocent child away? These are questions I still can’t answer.
My mother and my best friend (who was Cameron’s god-mother) Stayed with me the whole night. I had to deliver my son.  At 2:30 am, April 6th, I gave birth. It was bittersweet, because I got to see him, but I would be leaving that hospital empty-handed. He was the most perfect baby I had ever seen. Even at 22 weeks, I could see he had my nose and his dad’s eyebrows.
The nurse was like a mother, she was the kindest nurse I have ever had. I still have his blanket, gown and hat and plenty of pictures. Later that night I had a dream and Cameron told me he was okay. He told me he loves me and I was a good mommy to him. That’s what I have peace in, I was the best mommy for the time God gave me. I love you Cameron, mommy loves you much.
You can contact Joanna at


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