Mom to Kaiya Rae
June 17th, 2010 – November 17th, 2010
Columbus, Ohio

Kaiya Rae, the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world (yeah, I’m bit biased here) came into our lives on June 17th, 2010.  Wait.  That’s wrong.  She came into our lives in September, 2009.  She was born June 17th, 2010.  She was a part of our lives the minute we knew she was growing inside me.  I always knew she was a girl.  I could feel it.
Kaiya Rae had a name, long before she was even “a twinkle.”  More than 2 years before conceiving Kaiya, we decided our first baby girl’s name would be Kaiya Rae. She was a happy, loving, smiley, social and just overall wonderful baby.  Two parents could not ask for a better baby.  She was happy 95% of the time.  She started sleeping 8-10hrs a night starting at 6 weeks old!  She was easy to entertain.  She LOVED bath time.  Our only struggle with her?  Getting her to take a bottle! She preferred the breast. What can I say, she loved her Momma!  For 5 amazing months she would be the light in our lives, our little everything.  She would be called “perfect” and “awesome” by her pediatrician at her well baby visits.

One day, most certainly the worst day of my life, Karl called me at work from his cell phone.  “That’s strange” I thought, “he’s at work, why is he using his cell?”  The conversation went a little like this:
Karl: Do you have a patient in your office?
Me: No, I don’t
Karl: Are you sitting down?
Me: (a little worried..) Yeah, why?
Karl: Lilly just called me.
Me: Ok, what’s up?
Karl: Kaiya stopped breathing.
Fast forward to me driving toward the hospital she was being rushed to, hyperventilating, dizzy, and unable to feel my hands.  I’m not sure how I made it there alive, but Thank You, GOD for getting me there.
When we arrived we were told our baby was not breathing and had no heart beat.  How do you react to hearing this?  Scream, collapse to the floor, cry? All of the above.  We were brought to see her where they were still doing CPR and “bagging” her for oxygen.  I’m not sure how long I was in that room for, but I held her hand, I talked to her, I talked to God.  Her heart started beating again, he body turned pink again.  Now, I’m a smart person, I knew she wouldn’t just “be ok” after all that time with out breathing and her heart not beating.  I did think that she was going to be alive though.  The next 24hrs she would be kept alive by lots of medication, and a machine breathing for her.  The doctors would search for a cause, and none would be found.  We would pray for a miracle, and one wouldn’t come.
On November 17th, 2010 at 5:15pm we turned off the machines keeping our brain dead baby alive.  Our wonderful, beautiful, “perfect”, “awesome” baby was gone.  She had been completely healthy.  There is absolutely no known reason for her death.  Nothing to explain why she stopped breathing that day.  Sudden Infant Death Syndrome had now taken her spot in our lives.
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  1. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't even know what to say. I'm just so sorry.

  2. luckyjinx7 says:

    I lost my son David when he was 4 months old. He was perfectly healthy.

    He was revived for a very short period of time, but after he passed away, the doctor said he would never have been the same.

    There really are no words… "I'm sorry" and "I can relate" just don't do these emotions any justice.

  3. I’m so sorry for your loss…Your blog says it all: There is truly no hard or more devastating decision for a parent to have to make then to pull life support. Only another mother who’s been there could understand.

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