Mom to Jeremy
Stillborn on July 14th, 2009
Cooper City, FL

On February 15, 2009 I found out I was pregnant. I was about to turn 21 in a week and was living away from my family. All through my teenage years I never liked kids and always said I would never have any. Once I found out I was pregnant I changed my mind. On May 15 I went in for my 20 week ultrasound. I found out I was having a boy and that day had decided his name would be Jeremy. At the ultrasound I was told Jeremy had a “soft spot” on his kidneys. The doctor told me it was probably nothing serious and would most likely be cleared up by birth. They went ahead and sent me for a Level 2 ultrasound just to be sure.

In June my husband and I decided it would be best to move back home to live with my parents so we could get some help and have a better place to live. I looked around and found the best doctor in my area and made my 6 month check up with her. She sent me for a follow up on the Level 2 ultrasound just to ease my mind about the “soft spot”.

When I went for the 2nd ultrasound the perinatologist quickly looked over the kidneys said everything was fine and Jeremy looked healthy from the neck down. Then they focused in on his brain and would not give me any answers but I knew something was wrong. He said Jeremy had fluid on his brain and 2 enlarged brain ventricles. The next morning I was being sent for a fetal MRI (that I now regret going to) in Miami. I had set everything up with a lady at the perinatologist office and she told me that all my paperwork and information would be faxed over to the hospital so all I would have to do was show up. Friday morning I get to the hospital for the MRI and they had no idea I was coming in and the doctors office had not sent my information over. I had not eaten because the nurse told me I could not eat and I was waiting around, starving, for my paperwork to get there. The doctors office had sent my medical records to the wrong number. Finally I had my MRI and the doctors doing the scan told me I should have eaten and they never tell patients not to eat for 12 hours before. During the MRI Jeremy was awake and kicking like crazy. I was so nervous and the doctors kept telling me what a happy healthy little boy he was to ease my mind. They sent me home with a cd of pictures of him as well. That afternoon after the MRI I decided to go to my doctors office because I was so dissatisfied with the perinatologist. My doctor wasn’t in but I left a message with the nurse and she was going to get information back to me by Monday about it.

That night I go home exhausted but wasn’t feeling Jeremy kicking. I figured he was tired because of the insane day we were having. The next morning I didn’t get my usual wake up call at 9 am from him either. I thought “Ok, maybe this is normal?” My friend had invited me to go to the pool with her for the afternoon but when I got back I still hadn’t felt Jeremy move. By Sunday morning I was very scared and went to my mom. She didn’t really think I had too much to worry about but said to keep watching and told me to move around and drink lots of water. Monday morning when I didn’t feel him kick we decided it was time to go to Labor and Deliver. I got hooked up to the monitor for about 30 minutes then went down for an ultrasound. The nurses weren’t giving us too much information so we thought everything was ok. The ultrasound tech sent us back up to Labor and Delivery. When we got there the nurse pulled me aside and said “we did not see your baby’s heartbeat we were watching yours”. She brought us back to another room and said to wait there because they were calling my doctor over. After an hour of sitting in a room crying hysterically, no one had called my doctor. My husband went and tracked someone down and with in 5 minutes my doctor was in the room. She set the inducement date for the next morning, 7/14.

Some how we made it through that awful night and went to my doctors office the next morning. She left a note for them to let me in whenever I got there and to have a room open for us. She did another ultrasound just to make sure they were right then admitted me to the hospital. Before they induced, she came in just to see if I had dilated. She told me I was 4 cm already and I was only 27 weeks. She got on the phone with the perinatologist who told her I had started dilating on Thursday, but he never mentioned that to me. The perinatologist had not communicated any of the information to my OB. They started the inducement and epidural at 2 pm that afternoon. By 6 pm she came back to check the dilation, but Jeremy was already out.

Jeremy was born 7/14/2009 at 2 lbs 1 oz and 14 1/2 inches long. At first I was a little scared to see him but I decided I needed to. He was beautiful and looked so peaceful. While I was holding him I kept getting this vibe from him that he wanted me to be happy and not sad about him. The nurses were amazing too. They put his hand and feet prints in his baby book, took pictures for me and gave me this box with his first outfit and a little rattle and pillow they had him hold for the pictures. That box is now one of my most treasured things.

My doctor requested an autopsy on Jeremy that came back normal and blood work from me. At the hospital she saw that I had an incompetent cervix and would need a cerclage in my next pregnancy, but that was not the cause of death. When the blood work came in my OB personally called me and told me that I have a blood clotting disorder called PAI-1 and would need to be on Lovenox for the next pregnancy as well. She thinks that Jeremy had died from a blood clot in the placenta. If she hadn’t pushed for an answer for me I would have never known that.

The week that followed I was so angry. I hated seeing pregnant women and hearing when a baby was born. I was miserable and just wanted everyone else to be as well. I joined a support group and met 3 amazing women and we all helped each other get through this. We decided that our little angel babies are our guardian angles. If it wasn’t for them I couldn’t be where I am today and I strongly believe Jeremy has made me a stronger person.

On October 20 (10 days after my original due date with Jeremy) I found out I was pregnant. I called my doctor right away she got me started on the Lovenox and on at my 12 week appointment she gave me the cerclage. I was on bed rest for a good 5 months. This time I had a guardian angel watching over me. I did everything the right way because now I knew. If something seemed wrong I called my doctor. I stayed on my modified bed rest after my doctor gave me the clear to move around a little bit. I joined pregnancy forums and learned what ever I could and had the best doctor at my hospital.

I just gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on June 8, 2010. If you would have told me a year ago that today I would have a 6 week old baby girl I wouldn’t believe you. If it wasn’t for my doctor I wouldn’t have her. Through all of this I have learned with bad there comes good. Even though it may not make sense at the time, it will. This experience has made me more religious and I like to think that Jeremy is in heaven watching over his mommy and daddy and baby sister, Kaitlyn. Even though we now have her and love her more than anything in the world, not a day goes by that I don’t think about Jeremy.

You can contact Kristina at

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