Life has so many milestones… due dates, birthdays, firsts… here are some tips from real women on how to make it through these milestones after suffering a loss. If you would like to submit your advice/tips, please email them to firstname.lastname@example.org with ‘real advice’ in the subject line. Thanks!
Do what is best for you on these milestone days.
Some people choose to honor their babies on milestone days, others choose to reflect and grieve alone. Whatever you do, make sure it’s what is right for you.
- I was in so much denial at the time, that I just held on tight until it passed. 4years and 2, 22 week preterm labor losses later, I look forward to the milestone dates bc it is a time for me to remember. – Heather
- For me personally I like to make crafts for my daughter, I actually made a shadow box with her dress and bonnet inside! It’s important for me to always keep her memory alive! I think it heals the soul. – Tricia
- I do something in Gwendolyn’s honor.. or we tie notes to balloons and let them go to float up to her. – Sarah
- Allow yourself to feel everything. Happy sad angry helpless… Allow yourself to remember and smile at the moments you had with your little one no matter how brief. Allow yourself to celebrate an honor your angel. I enjoy looking through his pictures, holding his bear, and touching his clay footprints. I am able to smile knowing I will see my little man again. I still have his one year to get through. – Nicole
- I took the day off. We made a point to do something to honor our baby (we used all the formula coupons we received in the mail and purchased as much formula as we could to donate, along with the samples we received, to our local food shelf). I spent the afternoon working in my garden (a good release), and we blocked off the evening for dinner and time together. It sounds strange, but the day actually brought me a strange sense of peace. It didn’t take away the grief, but just getting through that day was a relief. – Maria
- Take it one day at a time. Allow yourself to feel what you may. Don’t over plan for those days. Let it be. – Melissa
- The 1st year is the hardest…allow yourself to feel all the emotions & talk about your baby to anyone that will listen. – Michele
Many women say that the days and weeks leading up to a milestone are much worse than the actual day.
- The build up to our due date was brutal. Those last few weeks were full of painful reminders, and I was so acutely aware of where I should have been. It was exhausting, so above all, be gentle with yourself. The day itself was sad, but it was not as bad as I expected it would be. – Maria
- Know that the days leading up to the milestone are usually much harder than the actual day! – Kelly
- Yes I agree with what someone said above – the anticipation of the day will be harder – or there is so much anticipation that the day comes and you don’t feel too bad, just glad it’s finally here/over. – Laura
- it seems like what others have said is true. The anticipation leading up to the day (or sometimes for me it can be in the days after) is usually more emotional than the actual day itself . I know for my Peyton’s due date, I took the day off of work to just be and do what I felt I needed to do and that was be alone and in peace. – Marica
Sometimes just having something to do and keeping yourself distracted and help make the milestone days go by faster and easier.
- Stay busy. On Mother’s Day, I stayed in and did nothing, and I was a mess all day. On Easter we had dinner with friends. His birthday (which just passed), we had a big memorial/party and invited people that couldn’t come in town for his real funeral. On the month days (it hasn’t been a year yet since he passed), I light a candle all day and do things to remember him (made a memory box, donated his diapers, organized his display cabinet, etc). Thanksgiving was our son’s first holiday last year, and this year he’s not here. I wanted to stay home all day and do nothing, but we were invited to a friend’s, and I’m happy we’re going. Distraction makes the hard days a little easier. Hugs to you all. – Kelly
- Sometimes just being out n busy. I find if I’m home I remember more and hurt more. – Coralis
- With it being so fresh for me I just stayed busy. Just be careful to allow yourself to grieve. I don’t think I did with my 1st angels due date last week and it hit me harder a few days later. – Whitney