I dropped her off at the child care home that morning, kissed her, and said “I love you, and I’ll see you soon.” Later that day, I stepped across the street to get something to bring back to eat, and once back in the office, I saw my voice mail light on. It was a hysterical message from Tanya, our child minder. She said Taegan stopped breathing, and to get to the hospital right away. I was thinking, “What does that mean? And why is she saying Taegan? Taegan is fine.” I called my husband right away and told him to go to the wrong hospital, I’m not sure if I misunderstood, or just couldn’t think straight. Once in my car, I called Tanya again, and she told me the correct hospital. She said Taegan was still not breathing when she left for the hospital.
Once at the hospital, I had to park far away, and I ran as fast as I could.. almost hyperventilated, I couldn’t breath. I told the nurse my husband went to the wrong hospital, and she said he already called, the other hospital found Taegan’s location, and he was on his way. She took me in to see Taegan. She looked so little on the table, with only her diaper on. She had a tube in her throat, and they were doing CPR. The told me it looked like SIDS. I knew nothing about SIDS. I held her hand, and was crying to her, “Mommy’s here, please don’t leave me!” then “This isn’t happening, this just a bad dream!” I called my sister in NC, and we cried together. (We have no family the live close by.) My husband got there about 5 min. before they stopped CPR. We were allowed to hold her for a while after she died. We were in total shock. She still looked so beautiful. The only difference was the blue spots on her lips.
Mom to Baby Maes #1 – missed miscarriage July 16, 2009 at 15 weeks
The pregnancy progressed fine. At 6 weeks we saw our baby heartbeat flickering away. At 9 weeks we saw our baby bouncing all over as we had an ultrasound. The baby was measuring a little small, but my OB said there were no worries. I got into the Sweet Success program and was immediately started on insulin injections and met with the nutritionist to set up my diet plan. In the meantime I was awaiting approval from my insurance to see the perinatologist. I started my insulin and over the next couple of weeks my sugars were under control.
After many many attempts, about ten IUI’s and clomid and repronex and superovulation, we landed at the IVF clinic and got pregnant for the first time on the very first IVF. Yes, that actually did happen to me, although it is mostly a blur now. It wasn’t even so long ago, a little over one year. At Christmas, when I was coming back home from visiting my parents, at 20 weeks gestation, I lost my mucus plug, and went to the hospital to get checked out.