LaRene
Mom to Christopher Allen
Born Still on April 28, 2001

My name is LaRene, from Bellflower, CA and I am a mother of a stillborn child. My son, Christopher, was in 2001, at 27 weeks. I remember when I first found out that I was pregnant with him, I was so elated. I had already had one child and was ready for another. As I watched my body change, I embraced my pregnancy more and more each day. I talked to Christopher as if he was already in my arms, began picking out baby clothes and deciding what to name him. But around my 20th week, something began to go wrong. He felt different, didn’t move as much, and in my heart I think I knew something was wrong, but I shook it off. I remember walking to the laundry mat, which wasn’t too far from my house and while there needed to go to the restroom. Not wanting to use the public bathrooms, I walked home while the clothes were washing. In the bathroom, I noticed I was spotting and called my mother immediately. Luckily for me she only lived down the street and was able to take me to the hospital quickly. I was relieved to find out that the baby was okay and that I needed to rest and call my doctor the following day. When I saw the doctor, he said everything was fine but wanted me to rest for a week before going back to work. I had no idea that I would find myself in the hospital again a few weeks later.

I moved into a bigger apartment and one week later, my water broke at 25 weeks gestation. The hospital was able to stop my contractions, but now I became high risk and needed to have complete bedrest in the hospital. This was the most scariest thing I had to endure at that time. I was told that as long as I was able to stay pregnant past 28 weeks, the baby had a better chance of survival. I stayed in the hospital for two weeks, laying there doing nothing but reading through magazines, watching t.v., staring at the white walls and out the window, and occasionally had visitors. All the while scared out of my mine. I pleaded to my son to stay in as long as he could and assured him I would love him regardless. The day I had my son, I went for tests and everything looked good. His heart was beating and according to the ultrasound everything looked normal. Then later that night I began to have contractions. As they rushed me into the delivery room, all I could do was pray. My mother came immediately, as did my best friend. I was told that after I give birth, there would be many doctors and nurses around him because he would be very small and after they were done checking him, they would allow me to see him briefly before they would take him to NICU. I was prepared for that, but not for what was to come. Yes there were doctors and nurses around him after I delivered him, and although I didn’t hear him cry I expected that was normal since his heart had dropped during my final push. Soon my mom looked at me with tears in her eyes and I was told that my son was not breathing and they could not get a trachea down his throat. He was born still. I still remember the aching scream that came from my body as I called his name, the pain my heart felt and still feels to this day. Even as I write this, I began to cry because he never got to see me, feel my kisses, or know the love I have for him. It has been nine years, since he returned to Heaven and I believe that my grandmother was there when he was born and carried him to Heaven. I have to believe that because it would pain me to think he was alone. I have my pictures, my memory box, his clothes he was baptized in, and my memories of him as he grew within me and I will always love him. I know that there is a reason for everything and it is not up to me to try to make sense of it, but I can’t help to continue to long for my son, Christopher Allen, born still on April 28, 2001.

LaRene can be contacted at lg0218@yahoo.com

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/518.html

Laura
Mom to Baby Murphey
August 26th 2010
University Heights, Ohio
In June of 2010, my husband and I decided that we were ready to start trying for baby number two. My cycle was never very regular and I became super anxious the closer I came to the start of my period. I bought a pack of tests and gave it a shot. The first one came up negative but I had convinced myself that it was probably too early to tell at that point anyhow. About a week later, with no period symptoms to speak of, I took another test. This one came back POSITIVE!!! I ran to tell my husband and we were both so excited and shocked that we had gotten pregnant on our first month trying. I immediately called my best friend and share with her the news. I remember talking to her about coming up with a way to tell the rest of my family and friends. I had decided I was going to get my 18 month old son a shirt that said big brother. I was going to have him wear it to my parents house for a visit and wear it one night while we skyped with my in laws. I planned on waiting a few weeks to tell people but I was going to start searching for the shirt the next day. The following morning, I decided to take another test just to be sure…this one came back negative. I burst into tears and immediately went to one of my pregnancy books. I found something called a false pregnancy and was convinced that must have been what I had. I cried a lot that day but later in the evening I went back to look at the test. This time, about 6 hours later, there was a faint second line. Now I knew you weren’t supposed to read it after that much time had passed but I also knew that the only way a second line could show up was if there was HCG in your body so needless to say I was confused. The next day I took another test and this one came back positive but barely. I had had enough at this point and the roller coaster ride of emotions was really getting to me. Little did I know, that was all just the start to a VERY long ride.
I called my OB office and explained what was going on. They brought my in to have my levels tested and they came back very low. The doctor called me the next day and said either I was going to miscarry or my dates were a bit off and I was just very early on. Being that my cycle was so crazy, and I didn’t want to believe the former, I put all my hope into my dates being off. He brought me back a week later to have my numbers tested again. Another full day of waiting for the doctor to call with the results. It was pure torture, trying to remain together enough to take care of my 18 month old at home while my husband was working. The doctor reported that numbers had gone up a lot bit were still a little on the low side. At this point, I shared with my parents the news, not happily with a cute shirt on my son but sobbing over the phone begging them to come be with me for a few days while I went through everything. So, another week, another blood test, another horrific day waiting for the call. This time, the doctor called and said my numbers had gone up and they looked great. He scheduled me for my regular check-up at around 8 weeks. Joy filled our house!

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/517.html

Hope
Mom of Graicen Edward
Born Still on June 2, 2008
Overland Park, KS
I will never forget the morning that I found out that I was pregnant with Graicen. My husband and I had been married for 2 years and we were both getting ready to graduate from college. He was working nights and I had noticed that for about 3 nights in a row I had gotten up in the middle of the night to use the restroom, which was very odd because I never had done that before. I knew that we hadn’t been very careful and so I knew there was a chance that I could be pregnant so the next day I bought a set of 2 pregnancy tests and decided that I would take one the next morning. That night I woke up at 2:00a.m. to use the restroom and decided I would take a test just because I had them there. Well those 2pink lines showed up immediately and I sat there on the toilet in shock. I couldn’t get to the phone quick enough to call my husband. When I screamed into the phone that I was pregnant, the other end went silent and then he actually realized what I had said and he just said “no way.” Well I waited up for him to get home and when he did we both laid there in silence holding each other with smiles on our faces from ear to ear. We decided that we would wait until I was 12 weeks along to tell everyone because we had a few friends who had just miscarried and we didn’t want to tell everyone and get them so excited only to have that feeling taken from us. Little did we know that our lives were going to be changed forever from this pregnancy?
We had our first ultra sound and at first we thought there were two sacs and my husband and I just looked at each other while thinking “uh oh.” But there was only one and one little baby in there with its little heart beating away. What a sigh of relief, we knew that there was a chance that when we got in there that the baby may not have a heartbeat. I had the picture perfect pregnancy with no morning sickness, no sore breasts, I wasn’t tired, etc. We went ahead and scheduled our next appointment and when we went everything still looked great and sounded great that was at 13 weeks. My due date was set for September 29, 2008. My blood pressure was low and I was gaining weight at a healthy rate. We began talking about names on our ride home to tell our family that we were going to be parents. We told our parents by giving them gifts and I will never forget the joy on everyone’s faces when we shared the wonderful news. My mom had been waiting to become a grandma and that was all that she wanted was to have grandchildren that she could spoil, love lots, and spends time with. Over the summer my husband was doing an internship close to our hometowns so we moved back home over the summer,he was also coaching baseball over the summer. I was going to be in a wedding for my best friend the first weekend of June so we went out for her bachelorette party on June 1, I was the designated driver of course and everyone else decided to stay the night at our friend’s house but I wanted to drive home and sleep in my own bed. This would be the last night that I got to feel my baby kick me, roll around, and wake me up in the middle of the night.
The next morning I woke up feeling like I needed to use the restroom so I got up and tried going but I couldn’t. I thought to myself “oh great now the pregnancy symptoms are going to start showing up.”Well as the morning proceeded I started to cramp and feel like I really need to go to the bathroom so I tried again and nothing. My husband was at a baseball tournament so I called my mom and asked her if this was normal and she told me that I shouldn’t’t be cramping at all. She decided to come get me and take me to the hospital. We called my husband on the way and he got there at the same time as we did. I walked up to labor and delivery where the nurses met me; they decided to start an IV and hooked me up to monitors so they could see the baby’s heartbeat. At this point we still didn’t know the sex we were going to find out the next day at my 23 week appointment. The nurse said she thought I was just dehydrated and started me on fluids. She left the room and I started to feel so much better, but within seconds I felt like I was peeing my pants and I asked my husband if I was when he looked all I heard was “oh god Hope.” Those words will never leave my memory he sounded so scared, he ran out of the room to get the nurse. She came running back in and they began to strip me down and that is when I saw all the blood that I had lost. The doctor came in and they decided to transport me to a hospital that was 45 minutes away that had a NICU. I rode in that ambulance for 45 minutes thinking to myself “Is my baby going to be ok? am I going to die? I knew that the doctor was considering a life flight to get me to the hospital because of the time it would take to get to the hospital and I was still losing blood. When we arrived at the hospital my whole family was waiting for me, they all stood by my side as I was taken out of the ambulance. They took me straight to labor and delivery. When they hooked me up to monitor sour baby’s heart was still beating strong, the doctor decided to give me some medicine for pain and wanted to wait until the morning to decide anything. They gave me some steroids hoping that would help our baby develop but late that night things took a turn for the worst. I was in and out of it, they were starting to get worried about me, and so they said it’s either you or the baby? How does a mother do this? Well I was on so many drugs and go in and out that they decided for me and took me immediately for a C-section. Graicen Edward was born still on June 2, 2008.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/516.html

Debbie
Momma to Sophie
Born into the arms of angels December 27th, 2006
Montoursville, Pennsylvania

 

The story of Sophie, Born forever sleeping on her due date, December 27th, 2006

I loved her before I knew her.   She was and is my sunshine that waits for me in heaven.  She is my rainbow on a dreary day.   She is the pretty little redhead that I loved for 40 of the shortest weeks of my life while she was in my belly, and that I now get to carry in my heart and love for eternity. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/515.html

Story of HOPE
Cassie ~ Walk to Remember, Los Angeles
Mommy to Sophia Rene
DOD 3/11/08 ~ DOB 6/30/2008
Sophia passed away 3/11/2008 at 20 weeks as a result of Turners Syndrome. I continued to carry Sophia until 34 1/2 weeks, until her twin sister Mya was ready to join us here on earth.
I have channeled my grief into something meaningful. I am the founder of Walk to Remember, Los Angeles and I am a contributor to Faces of Loss as well. I am so blessed to have Mya here with me that this is the least I can do to help Sophia.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/514.html

Story of HOPE


Rachel McConathy ~ Triplet Butterfly Wings
Jaxon Thomas (3/2/07 – 5/29/07), 
Colin Alexander (3/2/07 – 3/8/07), 
Courtney Grace (3/2/07 – 3/8/07)

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/513.html

Felicia
Mom to Landon Carter Dube
December 8th, 2009 – January 28th, 2010
Lancaster, South Carolina
Landon Carter Dube was born December 8th at 5:08 pm by c-section.  Carter “Carterbug” was three weeks early, he weighed in at 6lbs 6ounces and 18 ½ inches long.  Carter was born breach and had a head full of red hair, he was the spitting image of his daddy. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/512.html

Story of HOPE

Christine ~ Mother to
Emma Gayle 02-05-06 
& Baby Girl Wright 03-01-10

Emma Gayle was stillborn at 38 weeks on February 5, 2006 due to PI blood clotting. Baby Girl miscarried at 10 weeks due to broken heart.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/511.html

Story of HOPE

Donation.jpg

Kayce ~ Donating breast milk 
I have experienced multiple loss.  My first three losses were from progesterone deficiency and all lost before six weeks (April 08, Dec. 08, and April 10).  My fourth loss is still for unknown reasons at 13 weeks 5 days.  My son’s name was Tyrion Caelith (Aug. 5, 2010).  

After my last loss, my milk came in three days later and I am pumping and donating this milk to families who need it.  The pumping and donating has helped more than I ever thought it would.  I am able to take my son’s very short life, and help other babies thrive on breast milk that is so necessary to their health.  It has shown me that out of something awful and heartbreaking,  something amazing can happen.  

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/510.html

Ashley
“Angel” lost April 18th, 2006
and “Sweet Pea” lost June 6th, 2008
Mesa, Arizona
After dating for 3 years, my husband popped the question to me. I was ecstatic.  The date was set about 16 months later, on Sept. 29th, 2006.  I immediately started planning everything, like you’re supposed to do. Father dearest was a bit tight with his checkbook though, and we didn’t start looking at anything wedding-related (at least with him and mother involved) until March 2006. I started to stress out around mid March, because all of the big-ticket venues and locations I had thought about, were booked solid. Of course… who tries to reserve a wedding venue a mere 6 months before the wedding?? I missed my period at the end of March, and just chalked it up to the stress all the wedding planning was putting me through.  I was VERY hormonal, and one friend told me I was acting like a pregnant b!tch.  Wow .. such a nice friend .. NOT!!  I mentioned it to my fiance, and he said I wasn’t, I didn’t look pregnant at all, and I was just a tad touchy because the wedding planning wasn’t going my way.  
 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/509.html

Jennifer
Mom to Jennyfur Angel, Due June 8th, 2002, Grew Wings December 26th, 2001
Glory Michelle
Baby Bean, September 10th, 2010
and 10 unnamed Angels
Bowie, Maryland

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/508.html

Jessica
Mommy to an angel baby
October 8th, 2010
Lancaster, Ohio

On August 23rd 2008 I married my high school sweetheart and my best friend.We have been together for 7 years and married for 2 of them. I have dreamed of being a mommy since I can remember! When my husband Jeremy and I got married we always knew we wanted children but we decided to wait a year or two and enjoy our marriage! We finally sat down and talked about having a baby, we decided it was time. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/507.html

Nycole
Mom to Catherine Lynn Kaat, Born and died January 2nd, 2005
Dakota and Adrianne Kaat, June 18th & 20th
Sheboygan, Wisconsin
I found out I was pregnant with Catherine when I was 15, she was my first child. I didn’t find out till I was already 12 weeks pregnant with her, and at first I had planned on giving her up for adoption. When I was 20 weeks pregnant with her, I went into false labor, and she ended up dropping into the birth canal. 
 For the next 7 weeks I was on bed rest. At 2:00 am on Jan 2, I had contractions again. I didn’t know I was having them since I was only 15, my first pregnancy, and it felt like I had gas, or like I was constipated. My mom called the hospital and they said if I wasn’t bleeding not to come in. While my mom was on the phone, I ended up delivering her in our bathroom. Only two pushes and she were out. My water never broke, so she drowned. I got to the hospital and the doctors straight out said there was nothing they could do. They didn’t even try.  It’s been 5 and a half years since I said good-bye, and there isn’t a day I don’t think of her, and wonder what life would have been like if she would have made it.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/506.html

Brad
Dad to Nathan William
December 18th, 2009
New Cumberland, PA
For many years my wife and I have been trying to have kids. We went to fertility doctors and my wife was diagnosed with PCOS which damped our spirit. We didn’t give up and kept on trying. After a while we figured that it just wasn’t going to happen. We went through a very rough patch in our relationship and even separated for a little while due to differences of opinion. We needed time to figure things out and if being married and having no children was right for us. We realized that our love was all that mattered and reconciled. We decided that it was easier to just not talk about having a child and we we about things without question.
 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/505.html


Mandy
Mom to Hayden & Garrett
May 21st, 2009
Alcova, Wyoming

After a year of emotional ups and downs, negative pregnancy tests, and fertility tests our struggle was over. Or so we thought. I woke up the morning of February 10th to a teeny bit of spotting. Suspecting my period was once again on it’s way I called my dr’s office to start yet another cycle of trying only to be told it could be implantation spotting and to take a test. After a lot of encouragement from my husband I finally took the test. I was so excited when I stepped out of the shower and saw two very dark lines. My husband was overjoyed when he heard me yelling for him and I announced it was positive. I called for our first appointment as soon as the dr office opened the next morning. The next 18 1/2 weeks were incredible even though I had morning sickness bad on account of having to get progesterone shots every week for the first 12 weeks. I enjoyed getting bigger and planning for this sweet miracle.
 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/504.html

Shannon
Miscarriage at 9 weeks 4 days on November 10th, 2008
Whitby, Ontario, Canada
I’ve always known I wanted children.  Well before I’d even met the man I wanted to have them with, they were wanted.  And thanks to a lifetime of irregular cycles, my greatest desire soon turned to my greatest fear – that as much as I wanted children, I wouldn’t be able to have them.
So far, my fears have been realized.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/502.html

Bobbie
Mom to Johnathan JT Thomas Michael Poling
August 29th, 2006 – May 17th, 2007
 We were blessed with the birth of our son on August 29, 2006. He was born 15 weeks early, and weighing a whopping 1lb 15 1/2 ounces and 13 1/4 in. We name him Johnathan Thomas Michael Poling,  JT for short. His name was a long as he was. We laughed about that. My husband didn’t want a Junior but, me and his mom threw the Michael in there. My husband’s name is Michael Thomas, so, either way you put it, he was a junior in a round about sorta way. JT was also named after his great grandfather whose name was Johnathan Thomas. I had placenta previa complete with JT and my placenta abrupted and I started bleeding uncontrollably, So, after being in the hospital for 2 weeks it was emergency c-section time.  
I remember the first time I seen him. All I seen was a little knee lifted up in the incubator and I totally fell in love with that knee. From that day forward I promised him that I would do everything I could to make sure that he was loved and would one day come home healthy and whole. Well, the Lord had other plans for JT. JT was born with 2 holes in his heart and was on a ventilator for breathing. He was over 3 months early and oh boy did he fight everyday of his life. At 5 days of life he had a failed heart operation to close a pda and at 10 days of life he had an operation for NEC which is Necrotizing Entercolitis. This is basically dead bowel. He came through both surgeries like a champ. He also had several other surgeries, another heart surgery and 3 other bowel surgeries and 2 surgeries on his eyes for Retinopathy of Prematurity (ROP). JT needed a small bowel/liver transplant that was never to be because he had not yet gotten his hole in his heart fixed and we learned that it wouldn’t be able to be fixed because if they closed it, he wouldn’t make it through the surgery. On May 17th our precious boy left us. He went home healed and whole. Our prayers were answered but, not the way that we wished them to be. Through out his short life, we were blessed beyond measure. A little preemie that wasn’t supposed to last the first 24 hours of his life, we were blessed with 8 1/2 wonderful months. God was there for us and with us and holding us up through out this time. He sent many angels into our lives to help us also, whether it was prayer, financial, friends we had never had before, support and love. And with out any of the them, I am sure the orchestra that was JT’s life wouldn’t have been so rich with the blessing we received.

I miss my Bubba’s everyday with everything I have.  My heart broke into a million pieces that day.  God answered my last prayer and that was when it was time for him to go that he not be alone and not alone he was.  He was surrounded by so many  family and friends that there wasn’t much room in that room we were in.  I thank God everyday for that.  For giving me the opportunity to be a mother to him for the last time and supporting him in passing away from this world to the next.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/501.html

Andrea
First Angel lost in March 2009 at 8 weeks
Second Angel lost July 30th, 2009 at 12 weeks
Fraser, Michigan
My name is Andrea and I’m the loving mom to my daughter Lauren ( Dec 07 ). my son Max ( Jul 10 ) and 2 Angel Babies that have left before we got the chance to meet them.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/500.html

Ashley
Mom to Andrew Monroe
November 4th, 2007 – November 30th, 2007
State Road, North Carolina
My husband, Skip, and I met 7 years ago, and finally married March, 2, 2007. We were so happy to actually be married, and were excited to start a family. We found out that we were expecting at the end of June 07. We were so elated to be bringing our first little one into the world. The expected due date was 2-21-08, which fell in between the rest of the family’s birthdays. Mine is 2-14, and my husbands is 2-20, not to mention the rest of the family with Feb. birthdays. so the two of us argued about who’s birthday our li’l one’s would end up falling on. The 21st would have been solely his though.

I went to all of my doctors appointments, and I had the most amazing doctor ever, and the pregnancy was going along smoothly, and everything was perfect. All of the tests came back negative.. and all the ultrasounds showed our li’l peanut to be growing just as he was supposed to. All of his organs were forming and working just as they should while still inside mommy.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/499.html

Mary Beth
Mom to Two Angel Babies
Lost February 3rd, 2010 at 4 weeks 4 days
and April 9th, 2010 at 8 weeks 3 days
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
My husband and I got married in April of 2009 and because we were both over 35, we decided to start trying to have a baby right away.  I went off birth control in May and we started trying in July of 09.  I really didn’t think I would have any trouble conceiving, as I have a daughter from a previous relationship, although she was 18 years old at the time and I realized that my age might bring more complications.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/498.html

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