Hailey was conceived on 6/27/07. We were so excited to see that postive sign on our pregnancy test! I actually used 3 pregnancy testers just to be sure. The pregnancy went well throughout the first trimester. Her ultrasounds at 8 and 12 weeks were perfect. At her 16 week visit, the nurse listened to her heart and it sounded beautiful! The doctor told me everything was going well and my blood pressure was normal, no worries. The only issue I had was severe morning sickness (or should I say all day sickness) I tried every method to prevent it but the only thing that got me through the day was those seabands. They worked like a charm. The doctor said morning sickness was a sign of a healthy pregnancy… boy was she ever wrong!!
On October 29, 2007 I went in for my 20 week ultrasound. This was when we found out that we were expecting another baby girl. We were tickled pink! It was also during this ultrasound when the nightmare began. The nurse noticed a slight amount of fluid surrounding the baby’s lungs, she did not see the bladder, or the stomach and noted that the baby was not moving alot. The doctor came in to discuss these things with us, and the nurse realized that she did not measure the femur bone. We went back in to have the ultrasound done again and she did see the stomach and bladder, however the fluid was still there. The doctor recommended that we go straight to the hospital to have further testing done. We waited 5 hours in triage surrounded by at least 15 pregnant women in labor, knowing something was wrong with our baby but not knowing what it was. After the 5 hours we went in to have a ultrasound done. The nurse stated that there wasn’t a doctor available to read the ultrasound and we would need to go home and come back in the morning. Scared and feeling helpless my husband and I left and returned the next day.
Mom to Molly Susan
Born July 22nd, 2010 and Went Back to Heaven on July 23rd, 2010
I was a couple days short of 37 weeks pregnant. My belly was growing bigger and bigger and sleeping was become more and more difficult. Poor Lucas had to try and sleep next to me with my constant rearranging and repeated trips to the restroom. As hard as it was to get no sleep, I loved being pregnant. I loved feeling our little girl wiggle around in my belly. I loved watching the way it changed shape and would dance as she did.
Of course, as most mothers do, I was enormously relieved every time I felt her kick or roll. It seemed that if I could feel her moving that meant I could be sure that she was okay. Each time I had an appointment Lucas and I would both go, excited to find out if I was measuring right, if she was positioned how we guessed she was, and if we could guess my weight right.
My 37 week appointment was actually a few days early, and it went really well. The baby’s heart rate was strong and so was mine. She was measuring a little small but she had done the same the week before. Everything was normal, and we left feeling confident and happy. Personally I thought I was a week further along in the pregnancy than the doctors did so I thought I was almost 38 weeks and ready to pop any day. We constantly entertained daydreams of the big “water breaking” moment and how we would rush off to meet the little girl we have been promised is totally healthy.
That night when Lucas and I got in bed I layed on my side with my belly against his back and she started moving like crazy. She was kicking and rolling, spinning and turning so much even Lucas turned from feeling his back getting kicked and said “What is she doing in there?!” We laughed about how much she was moving- it was the most I had ever felt.
The next day things were normal, we went through the day and I am not sure if I felt her moving much. It was so normal to feel her that I didn’t notice every single movement anymore. I dont remember exactly when the last time I felt her kick was. Lucas was studying for finals and we were concentrating on deciding when and if I would be going to work the next couple days or letting someone cover my shifts. We were really distracted and went to bed.
In the morning we went about our normal morning stuff, I drove Lucas to class to take his last finals. We cleaned up the apartment a little bit. While going about the morning I realized that I hadn’t felt the baby move in a while, and couldn’t remember if I felt her the night before. I was sure I probably had, but couldn’t be sure. I kept my mind on my belly trying to feel for any roll or kick just to be sure. I was thinking maybe she was extra tired and sleeping a lot from her crazy kicking night a couple nights ago. I mentioned to Lucas I was a little worried about it and he said to keep trying to feel her, lay on my back and drink cold water. I kept going about my day but became increasingly worried.
I was excited because I had been waiting all month for a lady from my home ward to come into town because she was bringing us our baby crib! I was so excited to set it up and make it look cute and ready for our little girl! Lucas and I spent his precious studying time being too excited to wait once the crib was dropped off and we set it up right away. It looked so cute, I kept imagining that in just a few weeks or even days I would be laying our baby down to sleep there. I was completely thrilled. I took Lucas to his last class and decided that when I got home I would take a bath or lay down and make sure I was paying closer attention so I could feel her moving.
We asked for your help in creating the ultimate healing/therapeutic playlist on facebook a few weeks ago, and here is what you came up with. Thanks for all the wonderful suggestions!
Here in Minnesota it’s cool and cloudy out, and I’m in one of those ‘lay in bed and listen to music’ moods, so I figured it was the perfect time to compile and post this list, in case there are others out there in a similar mood
We’ll be linking to this list on the Resources page; please leave additional suggestions in the comments below and we’ll get them added. Happy listening! -Kristin
I have included YouTube videos for almost every song today (Sept. 11th). If you have any other songs you want added please email me firstname.lastname@example.org! -Courtney
“A Mother’s Prayer”–Celine Dion
“A Visitor From Heaven”–Twila Paris
“Across the Universe”–Rufus Wainwright
“All Good Things (Come to an End)”–Nelly Furtado
“Amazing Grace”–Various Artists (Video selected is by the Celtic Woman)
“Answer in the Sky”–Elton John
“Arms of an Angel”–Sarah McLachlan
“As Long as You Love (Scarlett Wings)”–Cindy Bullens
“Baby Blue”–Dave Matthews Band
“Baby Mine”–Various Artists (Video selected is by Bette Midler)
“Baby, now that I’ve found you”–Alison Kraus & Union Station
“Beautiful Boy”–John Lennon
“Beautiful in My Eyes”–Joshua Kaddison
“Beauty From Pain”–Superchick
“Beauty will Rise”–Steven Curtis Chapman
“Believe in Dreams”–Flyleaf
“Be Ok”–Ingrid Michaelson
“Better Than a Hallelujah”–Amy Grant
“Better in Time”–Leona Lewis
“Borrowed Angels”–Kristen Chenowith version
“Bright Eyes”–Art Garfunkel
“Brighter Discontent”–The Submarines
“Bring the Rain”–MercyMe
“Celebrate the Children”–Alan Pedersen
“Chasing Cars”–Snow Patrol
“Dance for the Dead”–Cloud Cult
“Dancing with the Angels”–Monk and Neagle
“Denn er hat seinen Engeln”– Mendelssohn
“Dreams Collide”–Colbie Callait
“Encourage Yourself”–Donald Lawrence and Tri-City Singers
“Faith Enough”–Jars of Clay
“Falling Slowly”–The Frames version
“Fly”–Jars of Clay
“For all we Know”–Donny Hathaway
“From Where You Are”–Lifehouse
“God Will Take Care of You”–Plumb
“Godspeed”–The Dixie Chicks
“Goin’ Through Hell”–Rodney Atkins
“Golden Slumbers” –The Beatles
“Gone Away”–The Offspring
“Gone Too Soon”–Michael Jackson
“Goodbye Baby”–Fleetwood Mac
“Goodnight Kiss”–Dream Theater
“Happy Trails”–Roy Rogers and Dale Evans
“He will Carry Me” –Mark Schultz
“Hear You Me”–Jimmy Eat World
“Heaven in the Face”–Steven Curtis Chapman
“Heavenly Day”–Patty Griffen
“Hello, Good-Bye”–Michael W. Smith
“Her Diamonds”–Rob Thomas
“Here With Me”–Dido
“Here Without You”–3 Doors Down
“His Eye is on the Sparrow”–Lauryn Hill
“Holding Onto a Dream”–Billy Ray Cyrus
“Hope Now” –Addison Road
“Hope for the Hopeless”–A Fine Frenzy
“I Will”–Alison Kraus
“I’ll Be”–Reba McEntire
“I’ll Be There” –The Escape Club
“I’ll Fly Away”–Allison Krauss
“I’ll See You Again”–WestLife
“I’ll Stand by You”–The Pretenders
“I’m Already There”–Lonestar
“I Give You to His Heart”–Alison Krauss
“I Believe”–Diamond Rio
“I’ll Hold You In Heaven”–Stacey Noll
“I Knew I Loved You”–Savage Garden
“I Told the Storm”–Greg O’Quin
“I Will Carry You”–Selah
“I Will Love You”–Fisher
“I Will Not Say Goodbye”–Danny Gokey
“I Will Not be Moved”–Natalie Grant
“I Would Die for That”–Kellie Coffey
“I Would’ve Loved You Anyway” –Faith Hill
“I Would’ve Loved You Anyway” –Trisha Yearwood
“If I Could Be Where You Are”–Enya
“If I Die Young”–The Band Perry
“If I Had Only Known”–Reba McEntire
“Into the West”–Annie Lennox
“Iris”–The GooGoo Dolls
“Jesus Loves Me”–Various Artists (Video is by Whitney Houston)
“Just For You”–Lionel Ritchie
“Kailer’s Song”–Adam Wesley
“Kings and Queens”–30 Seconds to Mars
“Last Kiss”–Pearl Jame
“Last of Days”–A Fine Frenzy
“Lean on Me”–Glee Cast
“Let it Be”–The Beatles
“Let it Rain”–Jason Michael Carroll
“Little Earthquakes”–Tori Amos
“Looking Through Your Eyes”–Leanne Rimes
“London Bombs”–Eskimo Joe
“Lullabye (Goodnight, My Angel)”–Billy Joel
“Miss You”–Avril Lavigne
“Much Afraid”–Jars of Clay
“My Name”–George Canyon
“Nobody Knows” Tony Rich Project
“Not a Day Goes By”–Lonestar
“Oh Love”–Brad Paisley & Carrie Underwood
“One More Day” –Diamond Rio
“One More Day”–Rocketclub
“One Sweet Day”–Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men
“Open Your Eyes”–Snow Patrol
“Ordinary Day”–Nick Lachey
“Our Hope Endures”–Natalie Grant
“Praise you in this Storm”–Casting Crowns
“Precious Child”–Karen Taylor-Good
“Say Goodnight” Beth Nielson-Chapman
“Show Me How”–Sterophonics
“Silent World”–Donna Lewis
“Sissy’s Song“–Alan Jackson
“Smallest Wingless”– Craig Cardiff
“So Are You to Me”–Eastmountainsouth
“So Hard”–Dixie Chicks
“Somewhere Between Heaven and Earth”–Cindy Bullens
“Somewhere Over the Rainbow”–Israel Kamakawiwo’ole
“Sound the Alarm”–Howie Day
“Sweet Dreams Our Angel“–John Black
“Tears in Heaven”–Eric Clapton
“Tears of the Saints”–Leeland
“The Child is Gone”–Fiona Apple
“The Dance”–Garth Brooks
“The End Where I Begin”–The Script
“The Prayer”–Celine Dion/Andrea Bocelli
“The Wrecking Ball”–Dead Confederate
“There You Are“–Martina McBride
“There is a Reason”–Allison Krauss
“This Woman’s Work“–Maxwell or Kate Bush
“Three Little Birds”–Bob Marley
“To Where You Are”–Josh Groban
“To Make you Feel My Love”–Adele Version
“Too Good for this World”–Kevin Burdick
“View From Heaven”–Yellowcard
“Water on the Moon”–Cindy Bullens
“Welcome Home” –Michael W. Smith
“When I Get Where I’m Going”–Brad Paisley
“When I Look to the Sky”–Train
“When the Rain Comes”–Third Day
“When Your Dreaming With a Broken Heart” –John Mayer
“Who You’d be Today”–Kenny Chesney
“Winter Song”–Sarah Barielles & Ingrid Michaelson
“Wish for You”–Faith Hill
“You’ll Be There”–George Strait
“You Won’t Ever be Lonely”–Andy Griggs
“You’re Not Alone” — Meredith Andrews
“Your Hands”–JJ Heller
Hope you’re all enjoying the long holiday weekend!
We are so excited to share our new Faces of Loss YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/facesofloss
We want this to be a place where you can share your stories through memorial videos. Jennifer has already submitted the first video, a tribute to her twin sons, Jacob and Zachary.
Please check out the channel, watch Jennifer’s beautiful video, and click here if you’d like to add your own video to the site or fill out the submission form below.
Once you visit our channel, don’t forget to subscribe to stay in the loop!
If you have any questions, feel free to contact Sarah, our amazing 'Technical and Creative Guru' at Sarah@Facesofloss.com.
Kristin, Andrea, and the Team
Went back to the hospital on may 18th and they did the ultrasound, and told me my amniotic fluid levels were VERY low, but that THEY seemed to be doing ok. THIS is how I found out I was carrying twins…. they didnt do anything and sent me home again so I went to another hospital, they took blood and gave me another ultrasound and gave me antibiotics then sent me home to be on strict bedrest.
So we are working on coming up with some super cool Faces of Loss merchandise, but before we go “live” with anything, we want to get your feedback!
Which of the above items (if any) would you be likely to purchase to help support Faces? Right now we’ve got car decals (in pink or blue), T-shirts (the back says “I am one of the faces of pregnancy/infant loss”), reusable totes, and keychains to choose from. All proceeds will go right back into the organization!
Which of the items above are you likely to purchase to support Faces? Choose all that apply.
Please let us know your thoughts by completing the poll or leaving a comment with your feedback. If you have other ideas of gear you’d like to see, please, please share!
There is also a poll up on the right-hand side of the site, and we’ll keep it up and running for 2 weeks.
Thanks for your help!