1. Acknowledge their profound loss, right away. You may be afraid you’ll say something ‘stupid,’ but the worst thing you can say is nothing at all.
2. Don’t say, “let me know if I can help.” They are not in a place where they can give direction right now. Offer an idea instead. Say, “I am going to bring you dinner Thursday night,” and just do it.
3. Read this article on what not to say, and follow the advice.
4. Send a card, like one of these.
5. Drop off a care package. Include some junk food, a couple light-hearted movies, and maybe even a bottle of wine.
6. Buy them a memorial/remembrance gift. Perhaps a necklace like this, or this, request their baby’s name be written in the sand here, or donate to a charitable organization in honor of their baby, like this one.
7. If you’re close, ask if you can come over and just “be” with them.
8. When you see them, don’t be afraid to speak their child’s name. Saying you’ve been thinking about their baby means more than you’ll ever know.
9. Keep texting, calling, emailing and facebooking to let them know you are thinking about them, even after it’s been a few weeks or months. Even when they appear to be “over it” or back to their old self, they will still be hurting, and will still need to know people have not forgotten about their child.
10. Try to remember and acknowledge important dates, such as their due date, loss date, Mother’s Day, and Father’s Day.
Thank you for being there.