Sunshine

Mom to a baby lost July 2012

West Virginia

This July, I lost a baby.  This was my third baby, the one I had carefully planned for and looked forward to for months before conceiving.  For the last month before trying to conceive, I took my vitamins, stopped drinking caffeine and even alcohol.  But I got extremely sick right at ovulation, and I’m pretty sure that’s what affected the baby. [Read more...]

Heidi

Mom to Jonah Henry

May 12, 2012 – May 14, 2012

Morgantown, West Virginia

Jonah’s Milk, by Heidi L. Solomon
September 3, 2012

After a long battle with infertility, my husband, Deva, and I were thrilled to be expecting our first child.  We spent our days dreaming about our son to be and happily anticipating his arrival in late August.  I planned to nurse him and greatly looked forward to breastfeeding.

What was a perfect pregnancy ended abruptly at 25 weeks when I went into sudden preterm labor.  Our baby boy, Jonah Henry, was born weighing 2 pounds, 1 ounce, a good size for 25 weeks.  He was immediately whisked away to the NICU.  I felt so helpless – unable to hold or even touch him at first.  Upon his birth, the nurse and lactation consultant got me started with pumping.  They said the best thing I could do for Jonah was to pump breast milk for him, which would be given to him on his second or third day of life.  So I began pumping and I felt so good doing something that could actually help him. [Read more...]

Andrea

Mom to two angels

July 4, 2007 at 8 weeks

October 17, 2011 at 7 weeks

Wayne, West Virgina

My amazing husband and I got married on March 17, 2007. We knew we wanted to expand our family right away. We put it in God’s hands and didn’t really worry too much. Three months into our marriage we get the best news: we’re expecting already. I never would have dreamed that it would have happened that quickly. I made my appointment to confirm the home pregnancy test, and of course it was also positive. I was 6 weeks! My first nurse appointment was made for 3 weeks later. [Read more...]

Sara

Mom to Lucas Alexander

Born Still on October 18th, 2010

Old Fields, West Virginia

I found out very “late” that I was an expecting Mommy…I conceived while on birth control pills, and my partner & I used condoms as well…..so needless to say, “surprised” didn’t quite cover the emotion I felt when I discovered I was pregnant! I was already almost six months into my pregnancy, with only 8 pounds of weight gain, no skipped periods, no nausea, NO signs what-so-ever. At any rate, once I recovered from the shock of “Wow, how did this happen?!?!”, I was elated! I couldn’t wait to see my Little Man, hold him in my arms, and watch him grow. All of my neonatal appointments went smoothly, his heartbeat was always strong. Clockwork. [Read more...]

Ruth

Mother to Corbin Walker

February 20, 2011- May 17, 2011

Crawley, West Virginia

 July 4th, 2010-I find out I’m pregnant. Again. Only three months after I gave birth to my first son. When I tell my best friend, she doesn’t believe me. “No you’re not!” [Read more...]

Heather
Mom to Baby lost at 15 weeks
 November 2010
Elkview, West Virginia

 After having a completely normal pregnancy in 2007, I gave birth to a beautiful healthy 7lb. 11oz baby boy that my husband and I named, Landon. He was the light of our lives. My husband Josh and I had gotten married in 2002 while we were still in high school. We loved our married life but had originally planned on waiting a while til we had children. All of that changed when we found out we were pregnant a few months before our 4th wedding anniversary.

[Read more...]


Betty
Mom to Isabella Liahanna Miller
May 24th, 2008
Fayeteville, West Virginia
May 24th 2008

It is Dakota’s (my niece) birthday and we have a small party for her at our house, we have a few presents and a fewer less people but my sister was taking her cake that I made to a friends house to have it there….my uncle David was here because it was a Saturday, you mostly only see my Uncle David on Saturdays’..

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Mary
Mom to Solomon Isaiah
July 8, 2010
Pecks Mill, WV
I knew I had always wanted children. I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis in 2004 and that December, they had to remove my left ovary and tube. My husband and I were married in May 2009 and were very excited about starting a family. I saw a fertility specialist in October and was on fertility medicine for 4 months.. The doctor told us there was no way we could get pregnant during the month of March, due to me having 3 cysts on my right ovary and told us not to even expect to be. We knew God was in control anyway and I found out on April 13th, 2010 we were expecting. My husband was at work. I decided to take a test, not even sure why. I took one, laid it over to the side and finished getting ready. Knowing I had ovulation tests and pregnancy tests in the cabinet, when I saw 2 lines, I had to take a 4th look, thinking it was an ovulation test. But it WASN’T. I called my husband and told him the news but he didn’t believe me. A couple weeks prior, I had a friend pee on a pregnancy test for me and I gave it to him for April Fool’s Day.. So, needless to say, I could understand why he didn’t believe me. He told me I would have to take one in front of him for him to believe me, and I did. We were ecstatic. I was finally going to be a MOMMY.


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Jessica
Mom to Joel
Died on May 26th, 2009, stillborn on May 28th, 2009
Huntington, WV

After a fairly uneventful pregnancy with our 2nd son, to be named Joel Tristan after much debate & going back & forth on names, we were at the end of the pregnancy & looking forward to his birth. His room was ready, baby stuff was ready, we were ready. It was just a waiting game at the 40 week mark. We, myself, my husband, & our then 17 month old old son, made our way to our 40 week prenatal appointment, I felt him moving on the drive there. I sat on my midwifes couch, making small talk about things. Got weighed, got measured, everything was peachy. Went to check the heartbeat, the student midwife did at least, she couldn’t find it. Since then my midwife told me she actually wasn’t concerned at that moment, it wasn’t until a few minutes later when she tried that she became concerned, but I knew. As soon as the student tried it and got nothing, I knew. It was a sinking feeling I couldn’t avoid. More checking, nothing found, trip to hospital. Before we go, my midwife knew I knew it was bad, we exchanged some glances and I know she knew that I already knew. Before we left, I asked what I knew, “It shouldn’t be this hard to find if it was there, should it?” She paused for a second, but realizing she promised me nothing but honesty & knowing that I already knew, she confirmed that if it was there we would have heard it.

We make the longest drive to the hospital I’d ever had. On the way up the the OB floor, women in the elevator make small talk with our son telling him that he’s obviously about to be a big brother. I wanted to curl up & die right then. We made our way to the OB window, where we are met with the most uncompassinate person I’d encountered in my life up to that point. Even though my midwife called ahead & a room was prepared for us, this nurse refused to let us back because she said we needed to go to the first floor to register. I finally blurted out that my baby had no heartbeat, to which she responded with “it doesn’t matter, you can’t come back.” My husband yelling got the attention of the doctor & nurses who were waiting on us & we were taken back to a little room with an ultrasound machine. They hand me a gown to change into, while I do this I hurry hoping for any chance for our baby. If I move fast enough, it’ll be OK.

But it wasn’t. As the med student did the ultrasound, pointing out his chest area with no heartbeat, the resident went down her laundry list of things I could have done to make my baby die. She did it in a way that it wasn’t offensive & I understand why she asked, but it just reminds me that the initial reaction is “what could she have done or had to cause this?

Did I drink? Did I do any drugs? Did I have high blood pressure? How about diabetes? Did I smoke? C-sections? Any gushes of fluid? And how about smoking…did I smoke? Drink? Do drugs? Have prenatal care? Get abducted by aliens?

She was looking for that one thing, the thing that they could say “THAT!” & have an answer for this. Because see, babies shouldn’t just die. But mine had. I did nothing and he died. And I wondered, maybe he died because I did nothing. It was a surreal position to be in.

We went from talking about a baby to talking about a funeral, all in just a couple short hours. Looking in a phone book to see funeral home ads, picking one just because it listed “infant services.” Never got around to picking out his first outfit, instead we went into his room that night and picked out the only outfit he would wear, complete with a hat and fuzzy socks. I insisted on the fuzzy socks. Two blankets, one to leave with him and one to bring home. Only thing I knew for sure we’d be bringing home. I’d been holding onto a 50% off coupon for Sears to get the boys pictures made in a matching outfit. Instead, I threw it away & went on to call Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep, because those would be the only pictures I’d ever have.

The next day I was given another ultrasound & lab work before I was sent to labor & delivery again. My husband wasn’t allowed in the room with me during the ultrasound, the tech had no idea our son had already been confirmed dead & made small talk asking why I was worried that something was wrong. I’d hoped she would tell me he was alright, that they’d been wrong the night before. I asked her to tell me something, she told me she couldn’t but the radiologist would when he came back. When the radiologist came back, he stood a foot away from me, never making eye contact, and pointing at the screen talking about “head deformities” and commented that there is “no way to know how long it’s been dead” with the technician. He finally did make eye contact with me, smiled, & told me to go back to my doctors office for a report of the ultrasound. As if I didn’t just hear everything he’d said about my son. After that I spent about 2 hours in the lobby, hysterically crying, horrified about what he’d just said about my son, scared to deliver and even scared to ever see my son. I was induced after being denied the c-section I sat in a waiting room & cried & begged for because I couldn’t handle going though a long labor & delivery like I’d had with my older son. During my induction people came in the room who obviously had no idea what was going on, as one woman talked about her induction & labors with her living children like it was nothing. Everyone who came in the room asked, “so, you gonna try again?” Of course, as we sat in the doctors office while he filled out my admit paperwork & other things, he went on & on himself about how we can have another & if I had this problem or that it’d be easily fixed as if I, well, wasn’t sitting there 40 weeks pregnant with my child dead & about to go through labor & delivery with him.

[Read more...]

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