Nikki
Mom to Angel Baby “Wrinkle”
Misscarried at 12 Weeks on November 17, 2010
Port Orchard, Washington

I had been feeling lousy for nearly two months and hadn’t had a normal period since August but I stopped nursing my son in July so it didn’t seem too strange ~ it never occurred to me that I could be pregnant given our history of infertility. On October 27, 2010, we decided to take a pregnancy test simply to rule out what we already knew (i.e. that we were not pregnant).

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/01/655.html

Jennifer
Mom to Paige Marie
Born Still on August 2, 2010
Richland, Washington

He flipped the switch and the room darkened. “Maybe now we will get a clearer view” he said.
I stared at the screen and it was still. Nothing. No movement or fluttering at all. “There is no heartbeat is there?” I said, fighting back tears.



“I am so sorry” he said as he sighed.

“What do we do now?” I cried as he wiped my stomach clean and helped me up. What a horrible day I had picked to come to my appointment alone. Just a few hours ago I had been shopping online for her crib bedding and now she was gone. Do I go to the hospital? How can we help her? Defibrillator? Heart transplant? What? Tell me what to do and we will do it, I thought.

He gave me a hug and with tears in his eyes he told me, “It is not your fault. Nothing could have prevented this. Her heart just stopped. It may be something chromosomal. And there does appear to be some fluid around the base of her brain. It is a Friday and you definitely need some time to grieve so I want you to go home, come back Monday morning for another ultrasound, and then we will schedule your delivery at the hospital to get her out. Once that happens we can test her chromosomes, look at the placenta, and order some blood work to get a better understanding of what happened. Is there someone you can call so that you aren’t alone?”

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/01/649.html

Kristen
Mom to Zachary Logan
Passed away November 3rd, 2010 at 2 months gestation
Bellingham, Washington

This is 4 weeks from the loss of my baby Zachary Logan. I have searched for resources, for people who have been through something similar and I have grown frustrated with little support for people who have had abdominal pregnancies. So I figure there are others out there who are feeling this way too – so I am writing this for those searching for someone else who has been there. 
My story is unique. I did not know that I was pregnant – in fact i was doing my darndest to not be pregnant. I had an IUD. I had a lot of vaginal pressure at work in the morning –  thought my IUD may be falling out, and called the Dr office. They got me in at 11:00.  I found out at 11:10 on Thursday November 4th that I was pregnant. Although the initial reactions was intense shock – it turned into joy and trying to figure out how to tell my husband and family. (since they all were going to be as shocked as well). 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/12/608.html

Kathryn
Mom to Nathan Alin
Miscarried August 23rd, 2010 at 6 weeks 5 days
Edmonds, Washington
My name is Kathryn, I am 25 years old and I lost my baby Nathan at 6 weeks, 5 days on August 23, 2010. My pregnancy was completely unplanned and unexpected. I got pregnant as a result of a one-night stand with someone I barely knew. It was not my proudest moment and I agonized over the fact that my baby would grow up without a dad. But from the beginning I wanted my baby so much. I knew I was pregnant right away. I started dreaming about a little boy. I was so excited to become a mother. My family was not supportive of the pregnancy because I wasn’t married; it was really hard to have everyone receive my good news as bad.


Adding to the stress was the fact that I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to carry to term. My mom and both grandmothers suffered multiple miscarriages and infant losses. I don’t know if it’s genetic or not but I was always afraid it was going to happen to me too. August 23rd was the worst day of my life. I was getting ready to leave for my first doctor’s appointment of the pregnancy when I started feeling bad cramps. I had had some cramping before this but this time I also had a lower backache that wouldn’t go away. I went into the bathroom and saw blood on the tissue. It was bright red. I started hyperventilating and just sank to the floor and rocked back and forth praying that everything was okay. I knew it wasn’t. I eventually got up, called my mother to come with me to the doctor’s and somehow made it out the door. At the doctor’s office I was holding back tears as the nurse took my history. The doctor finally came in and did an exam, she said that it was likely that I was miscarrying but they were going to run a blood test to check my hormone levels. She said she would call me within the next two hours. My mom and I left the doctors and drove home; stopping at the grocery store for some soup and chocolate.  As I was walking back to the car after the store my phone rang. I answered and it was the doctor who told me my hormone levels had dropped, I was miscarrying. I just started crying and crying. My mother drove me home and I laid on the couch, bleeding and crying for the rest of the day.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/549.html

Mary Beth
Mom to Reese Aleyna Lowell
August 24th, 2010
Everett, Washington
We decided sometime in the summer or fall of 2009 that we wanted to start trying for our second baby. I recall thinking it took a long time to get pregnant, but in reality, it was probably only a few months. When you’re ready, you’re ready and anxious.

I found out in December that I was pregnant and we were thrilled. The 12 weeks we had to wait to tell anyone were a bit nerve wracking and I tried not to get emotionally attached to the baby so as to protect myself in case of miscarriage. I felt like I started showing right away and I was so excited to finally tell people “No, I’m not getting fat, I’m pregnant!” Once past 12 weeks, it seemed we were home free. We were going to have a baby. The ultrasound tech and I watched as she moved around, her little heart beating perfectly. Even at that stage, I could make out her body quite clearly. “I could watch them for hours, they are so cute and wonderful,” I remember the tech saying to me. “So could I,” I told her.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/538.html

Jenny
Mom to Megan September 2nd, 2008 – March 10th, 2010
and Rainbow Baby, Miscarried September 14th, 2010 at 11 weeks
Washington
March 10, 2010 will be a day forever burned into my memory.  It was a day I said good bye to my sweet little girl.  I just didn’t know I would be saying goodbye.  I didn’t know that it was a day I should hold her for her last nap, I didn’t know that my world would come crashing down in a matter of seconds.  This is my story. There are enough bad things in this world, that a nap shouldn’t be one of them.
 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/411.html

Jessica
First Miscarriage, January 29th, 2009
Second Miscarriage, September 17th, 2009
Yakima, Washington
Me and my husband always wanted to start a family right away, I got off birth control in the summer of 2008 and we were beyond thrilled to find out we were pregnant in December of 2008 we instantly told EVERYONE! We were so excited and so were all of our family and friends. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/409.html

Melissa Joy
Mom to
Covenant Hope, Miscarried July 2007
Glory Hesed, Miscarried March 2009 
Promise Anastasis, Miscarried June 2009
Peace Nikonos, Miscarried November 2009 
Mercy Kyrie, Miscarried January 2010 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/380.html

Amanda
Mom to Connor Railton
Stillborn on June 24th, 2009
Kent, WA
Tuesday, June 23rd 2009, I had noticed some movements in the morning but not as many as my doctor had instructed me to watch for. Around noon I decided we needed to go in yet I had to wait a few hours until my husband could get home with the kids and I could get picked up by my mother.


[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/09/259.html

Haley
Mom to Baby #1, miscarried at 5 weeks on June 13th, 2010
and Baby #2, miscarried at 5 weeks on July 16th, 2010
Vancouver, WA
We have been trying to have another child for almost a year now. I was so excited when I saw that second line on the pregnancy test – finally! A week later, I began spotting but thought nothing of it, this happened with my first pregnancy with no complications. The next day, we were about to share the news with my family, and I went to the bathroom to find out that I was bleeding. I knew right away that I was having a miscarriage. The cramping and bleeding got worse, and when I got to the doctor’s office the ultrasound did not show a sac. My hcg level was a 4 – barely anything. I felt completely drained for the next couple of weeks, my hormones were all over the place and I had horrible migraines. I was devastated, and scared that something was wrong with me. My husband didn’t say much, except that he was sad.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/09/244.html

Leslie
Mom to twin sons Emmett and Everett
Born too early on August 4th, 2010
Puyallup, Washington
My husband and I married on August 12th, 2006 after having been engaged for 7 years. It was truly one of the best days of my life. Soon after being married we began to try and start a family.  [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/08/179.html

Megan
Ella, stillborn at 22 weeks 3 days 10.14.09
Missed miscarriage at 15 weeks 4.6.10
Miscarriage at 9 weeks 8.3.10
Bellingham, Washington
 
On June 5th 2009 I found out I was pregnant, and was so very happy. This baby was so wanted and so loved by me for so long. Things went well, until late July 2009 when I found out that I had thyroid cancer and would have to have surgery while pregnant to get it removed. I was told we would do it after I reached my 2nd trimester when it would be the safest for me and the baby. On September 21st just 2 days before I was going to have surgery I went in and had my 20 week ultrasound to see how baby was doing….She was so healthy and perfect, and a girl!!! I couldn’t have been happier.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/08/151.html

Amy
Early pregnancy loss on May 11th, 2010
Kingston, WA

We found out in April that we were expecting baby number 2. We got pregnant the first time we “tried” just like we did with Rozlynn, to make things even more exciting we had the same due date, December 21. Roz made her way to us November 25, 2008 but needless to say it was the same EDD.

From the very beginning I kind of felt like there was something wrong. I just didn’t feel right, I hardly had any pregnancy symptoms and I think it was just my 6th sense kicking in.

About 2 -3 weeks after we found and foolishly told several people the spotting began. At first I thought maybe it was because I ran across the parking lot at work. I wasn’t too concerned as I had had 1st trimester bleeding with Roz so we assumed it would be ok. After a few days of spotting and mild cramping I saw my family doctor, who I happened to work with. We were in Alaska at the time and there was no hospital or OB in the area. She did a pelvic exam and drew labs and sent me home to take it easy. I believe that was on a Thursday.

The following Monday I was still spotting and begged for an ultrasound. I knew there was something wrong and wanted confirmation. The problem was the closest place to get one was an airplane ride away in Sitka. I was flown to Sitka and low and behold there was my bean with a little heart beat beating away at 120. I went home the next day and found out my hcg levels only went up 100 points in 2 days. Another bad sign but I still had hope; there was a heartbeat after all.

I had another ultrasound on Thursday as the ultrasound technician was at our clinic for a few days. Baby still looked good, strong heart beat. However I was now starting to bleed and cramp. These few weeks were torture. I always thought a miscarriage would be quick and that you, “Just had them.” I had no idea they can drag out for weeks and weeks. Something just kept telling me in the pit of my stomach that this wasn’t going to end well. I just knew. Everyone around me kept telling me I was over reacting and being paranoid. I don’t know how many times I was told to just stop worrying and just enjoy being pregnant. I think that is around the time I shut down and shut everyone out. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about the baby, if I didn’t talk about it maybe it would be ok……. All the while I still had hope.

Over that weekend slightly spotting mild cramping then Sunday I got sick! I thought I had the stomach flu. I had the worst cramps with diarrhea I have ever had. The cramps continued through the night. I told my husband that it felt like contractions.

I stayed home from work Monday and went in for a third ultrasound on Tuesday. The technician was nice enough to let me see the screen as I worked with her when she was down from Sitka. I saw that the baby had grown so there was a flicker of hope for a few seconds. Then I realized the sac was collapsing and the heartbeat was down to 54. I was crushed. Things like this didn’t happen to me, how could it? To make matters worse I had to walk out of the ultrasound room and face all my coworkers. They were amazing and gave me lots of hugs. My dr. came in and cried with me. At that point we decided that a DNC would be my best option.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/08/113.html

Priscilla and James
Parents to our three angels
Jacob Tyler, September 4th, 2003 (stillborn at 21.5 weeks)
Jordan Skye, April 21st, 2006 (miscarriage at 7 weeks)
Olivia Hayden, December 14th, 2009 (stillborn at 36.5 weeks)
Olympia, WA

My husband and I have been struggling with the loss of our three children for nearly seven years now. We got married in August 2002, and knew right away that we wanted a family. Six months later, we decided we wanted to make that a reality, so we went off the pill. Just a month after trying, we were excited to find out that we were pregnant! The morning sickness was absolutely awful, but I didn’t mind, as I was too excited about having that child 9 months later. Aside from that, the pregnancy was going well up until 21 weeks. The following is the story told by my husband of what happened after that…

The experience of Jacob:

It’s amazing what shock can do to a man. The confusion it nails into your mind. Driving my wife to the hospital seemed like such a long trek. The heartbreak I felt could not be compared to anything I have experienced before. All the hopes my wife and I had were being flattened by the wheels of our car as we drove that warm and haunting morning.

She called my name out from the bathroom. I woke up in a daze. She fearfully told me that her water broke. I frantically searched our apartment for an emergency number to call. I was in a stupor. I could not believe the horror that was about to unfold. We quickly fled out of town to the nearest hospital. The next day my unit was preparing to deploy to Bosnia. The moment was too surreal to explain.

When we arrived to the hospital, the nurses laid her down on a bed to examine her. The diagnosis was not hopeful. After my wife was moved into a room, I left to quickly eat some breakfast. I knew my day would be long and I needed some sustenance. My stomach was full of grief. I could barely eat anything. I so desperately wanted to be with my wife. I stashed my dishes away and made my way back to her room. When I was in the room, I locked myself away in the bathroom. My pain began to flood my chest, which poured through my mouth and eyes. I wept. My several years of walking with God led me to believe He had a divine reason for all this horror. But I could not imagine what it was for.

Several days crept by. I still held out hope for God to bestow a miracle on us. So many people destroy their babies in the first few months of pregnancy, but yet we could not wait to hold ours and he was tragically taken from us. Every year babies are dumped into the trash, some given away, and others are born to a substance addicted mother who recklessly became pregnant through irresponsible sexual behavior. But we had to let go of our son. My wife and I were so proud of him. He hung on for two days before his fragile little body gave out, too exhausted to keep fighting. He was so strong. I know he would have been a wonderful son. All he did was move and kick inside his little home. He would have been mischievous and active. We will never get to see our dog steal his toys. I will never sit down with him and teach him the love of God. My wife will never hold our son when he gets scared from the thunderstorms. My wife and I will never find our son sneaking our dog into bed with him to protect him throughout the night. We will never gaze into his eyes as he tells us he has found the woman he wants to marry with the same excitement we had when we discovered we were having him. And we will never get to watch his amazement when he is expecting his first child.

We named him Jacob Tyler Moore. It has a ring to it. It sounds strong. It has personality. Yet it is tender as well. Qualities we found he possessed as we were in the midst of losing him. We will never forget him. And it is only by grace that my wife and I can move on, but never get over his death.

http://facesofloss.com/2010/07/94.html

Jennifer
Mom to Rebecca Lee Hartling-Thompson
Stillborn on October 30th, 2003 at 27 weeks
Oak Harbor, WA

My first pregnancy was amazing – I went through it without a single care in the world – I was 20 years old and expecting my first child – I was engaged, we were happy. October 27th 2003 my world ended. A normal doctors appointment showed a heartbeat he couldn’t find – that afternoon it was confirmed that my child had passed away. We began the process to induce my labor and at 21 years old now (my birthday is in September) – I delivered on October 30th 2003 a beautiful 1lb 14.3oz baby girl named Rebecca Lee. Rebecca never got to see my face but I saw hers and can still picture her to this day and she is forever a part of my life.
I was young – I was naive – I never thought anything could happen to my baby. I don’t want to scare people with the thought that there baby may die but people need to realize that after 12 weeks you aren’t safe anymore. I thought I made it past 12 weeks and I was safe. There is really NO SAFE point in a pregnancy – no one told me about kick counts – no one told me that my baby could die. I had no idea that stillbirth existed till I met my daughter.
I am now the co-host of a stillbirth board on Justmommies.com and I am educating people as much as I can about my daughter. My daughter is my daughter and will forever be part of our lives. I have since had two beautiful boys since losing her – spent 6 weeks in the NICU with breathing issues with my son Benjamin and then was asked if I wanted to terminate Logan at 18 weeks gestation due to Partial Agensis of the Corpus Callosum – I chose to keep the pregnancy and he is perfect with no issues and has a full corpus callosum.
I would love to be able to share my story with the world – educate people on stillbirth and the importance of kick counts. There are so many ladies that I have made incredible friendships with over the last 7 years since losing Rebecca that I would never have gotten to meet had she not came into my world.
You can contact Jennifer at Jenniferthompson.whidbey@comcast.net

http://facesofloss.com/2010/07/67.html

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