Mom to “Bug”
November 14, 2013
Oak Harbor, Washington
Putting a face on miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss
Mom to “Bug”
November 14, 2013
Oak Harbor, Washington
Mom to Caleb Joshua
Born still March 19, 2008
My husband, Jack, was traveling the day my dear sister-in-law, Semmelle, and I excitedly walked into my OB’s office for my 36 week appointment. She had never been to an ultra sound before, and I was so excited to show her a sneak peak of her new nephew. I met her at my mother’s that afternoon, where relatives were still visiting after throwing me a beautiful baby shower that weekend before. My cousins and I had stayed up until late the night of the shower unpacking gifts, laundering tiny clothes, and decorating the nursery while we ate chocolate cake, giggling like little girls. Caleb was the first grandchild in both Jack’s and my side. After years of my fighting an extreme case of bipolar disorder and wondering if I would ever be well enough to bear my own children, we felt the world was celebrating with us as we prepared to welcome our victory child. [Read more...]
Mom to Hudson Ruth
July 11-July 14, 2012
Walla Walla, Washington
It is hard to believe that the best days of your life can be the worst days of your life.
The best days of my life were the three days that I got to be a mommy to Hudson Ruth Walter. [Read more...]
Mom to Kennedy Lost August 30, 2012 at 4weeks
Madison Lost September 30, 2012 at 4 weeks
I knew I always wanted children; ever since I was a little girl I had envisioned a house full of children running around and playing, full of love and fun. I loved playing with my dolls and playing “mommy”. I always thought I would end up having half a dozen children.
My husband, who I married on May 31, 2009, also wanted children but wanted to wait ‘til he was done with grad school. We planned to wait a few years and would then begin our journey as parents. God had other plans, however. [Read more...]
Mom to Sophie Abigail
Stillborn on April 11, 2012
Editor’s Note: Stephanie and her husband were thrilled to learn they were expecting their first baby. Their first ultrasound revealed some troubling news. Later testing showed Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, and hopeful plans were made for heart surgery to fix Sophie’s heart defect. But on April 2, 2012, with only eight weeks until Sophie’s planned 39-week c-section date, doctors became concerned about the growing pocket of fluid around Sophie’s lungs, and the effect that was having on her little body. Stephanie and her husband were given a poor prognosis and prayed for a miracle, but felt Sophie move for the last time on April 4th. Sophie was born still on April 11th, 2012. And then her mama’s health started to fail…
Stephanie blogs at http://www.sophieamoddison.blogspot.com.
You can contact her at email@example.com.
Mom to Aliya Amy and Bennett Paul
Lost August 5, 2011
Paul and I were introduced in April 2005 by my friend Amanda, who was engaged to Paul’s younger brother (she’s my sister-in-law now). Even though I was dating someone else at the time, she declared me Paul’s perfect match and would not let it go! She was right, of course…although very different, we were perfect for each other. Our paths crossed again in July 2005, and since I had broken up with the other guy, Paul found the nerve to ask me out. We had our first date a couple of weeks later and have been together ever since. We got engaged Thanksgiving weekend 2005 and married in September 2006. We started trying for our first child in October 2007, one month after our first wedding anniversary. I’d been on and off birth control for years to prevent pregnancy…little did I know how difficult it would actually be for us to get pregnant. [Read more...]
Mom to Zachary Conner
Born still on November 10, 2011 at 5:53am at 20 weeks
Due March 22, 2012
I prepared for nearly a year, getting my body in what I thought would be perfect condition for carrying a baby.
Mom to Jacob Michael Jones
Born March 8, 2009 at 9pm, and passed away March 8, 2009 at 9:03pm
Rylan Michael Jones
Born sleeping On September 19, 2011
Life has been really tough on me and my fiancé the past four years. In February of 2009, we found out that we were indeed expecting a little boy. We were ecstatic! We picked out a name, Jacob Michael Jones (Michael was his father’s first name)
In March, I started bleeding on the 7th, and by the next morning I woke up to blood all over the bed, and down my legs. We made it to the hospital around noon finally (it was snowing pretty hard) and they rushed me to the ER, where they did a vaginal exam and said that my cervix was dilating and they could see the membranes pushing through. Neither of us really knew what to think, it was all so surreal, and I couldn’t think about anything else besides little Jacob suffering inside me. They took me to ultrasound and again confirmed that it was a little boy and we were 19 weeks and 2 days. [Read more...]
Mom to a little one
Due June 1, 2012, lost October 29, 2011
University Place, Washington
I found out I was pregnant on September 17th. I was so happy, and a little shocked! It’s kind of funny, because even though we were trying to get pregnant, when I saw that positive test I was in a little bit of disbelief. I was thrilled, and my husband was so happy and excited. [Read more...]
Mom to Carter Garen
Born and died on June 5, 2011
On February 10, 2011 we found out we were having twins. We had known we were pregnant for a little bit and had been anxiously awaiting our first appointment to see our baby for the first time. Little did we know what a surprise we were in for! Nothing about our pregnancy was routine, normal, or easy. [Read more...]
Mom to Baby K
Stillborn at 22 weeks 2 days
September 15th, 2009
I had my first son in June of 2007 and he was a happy, healthy boy. My pregnancy was in most respects, a breeze and though the delivery had a few minor complications, everyone was no worse for the wear. We really felt lucky that everything had gone so well. When he was almost two we decided to start trying again. It has never seemed to take very long for us to conceive and this time was no different. Within a week of trying we had conceived. I felt a difference in this pregnancy, fairly early on. I may have been mildly nauseous with my first pregnancy, but I never vomited. This time, I vomited easily and frequently. Sometimes it was so violent; my husband would find me crying on the bathroom floor. Nevertheless, my ultrasound at 8 weeks showed a little heartbeat and what I called our little “gummy bear.” The doctor prescribed some medication for the vomiting and off I went. Because we went out of town and soon after my doctor went out of town, we weren’t able to get my next ultrasound scheduled until my 21st week, but we were all convinced I was having a girl. My mom said that was why I was so nauseous and why I carried the baby differently. In my gut I knew it was a girl as well, but I also felt like something else was wrong. I had hardly felt the baby move. I convinced myself I was being paranoid and waited for the ultrasound. [Read more...]
Mom to Baby Dudley
March 29, 2011
My husband and I always wanted to be parents and just before our 3 year anniversary we made the decision to officially begin trying to conceive. We found out December 21st 2010 that we were pregnant! We were completely overjoyed, and proceeded to tell everyone we knew. [Read more...]
Mom to Oliver James
June 14th, 2011
My husband and I found out we were expecting our fourth baby in the beginning of December 2010. We were so excited! I couldn’t wait to tell the kids.
Mom of Makenzie Marie
Stillborn April 29th, 2011
My husband, Chris, and I have been married for 3 years (together 7). We decided to start our family shortly after I graduated college. It only took us just under 3 months. We were exstatic and when we found out we were having a girl my world felt complete! No one knew that tragically we’d lose her at the end. [Read more...]
He flipped the switch and the room darkened. “Maybe now we will get a clearer view” he said.
I stared at the screen and it was still. Nothing. No movement or fluttering at all. “There is no heartbeat is there?” I said, fighting back tears.
“What do we do now?” I cried as he wiped my stomach clean and helped me up. What a horrible day I had picked to come to my appointment alone. Just a few hours ago I had been shopping online for her crib bedding and now she was gone. Do I go to the hospital? How can we help her? Defibrillator? Heart transplant? What? Tell me what to do and we will do it, I thought.
He gave me a hug and with tears in his eyes he told me, “It is not your fault. Nothing could have prevented this. Her heart just stopped. It may be something chromosomal. And there does appear to be some fluid around the base of her brain. It is a Friday and you definitely need some time to grieve so I want you to go home, come back Monday morning for another ultrasound, and then we will schedule your delivery at the hospital to get her out. Once that happens we can test her chromosomes, look at the placenta, and order some blood work to get a better understanding of what happened. Is there someone you can call so that you aren’t alone?”
Adding to the stress was the fact that I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to carry to term. My mom and both grandmothers suffered multiple miscarriages and infant losses. I don’t know if it’s genetic or not but I was always afraid it was going to happen to me too. August 23rd was the worst day of my life. I was getting ready to leave for my first doctor’s appointment of the pregnancy when I started feeling bad cramps. I had had some cramping before this but this time I also had a lower backache that wouldn’t go away. I went into the bathroom and saw blood on the tissue. It was bright red. I started hyperventilating and just sank to the floor and rocked back and forth praying that everything was okay. I knew it wasn’t. I eventually got up, called my mother to come with me to the doctor’s and somehow made it out the door. At the doctor’s office I was holding back tears as the nurse took my history. The doctor finally came in and did an exam, she said that it was likely that I was miscarrying but they were going to run a blood test to check my hormone levels. She said she would call me within the next two hours. My mom and I left the doctors and drove home; stopping at the grocery store for some soup and chocolate. As I was walking back to the car after the store my phone rang. I answered and it was the doctor who told me my hormone levels had dropped, I was miscarrying. I just started crying and crying. My mother drove me home and I laid on the couch, bleeding and crying for the rest of the day.