20161026_082051

Charissa

Mom to Finn Liam

January 24, 2016

Gardner, Kansas

Two years after we initially started trying, we wondered if we would ever be able to have a second child. In June 2015, we went on vacation to the Smoky mountains and visited Dollywood. After riding a triple inversion roller coaster, I felt very off, which was unusual for me because I usually handle roller coasters very well. The next day I took a test and was thrilled to see two lines — I was finally pregnant with our second child! My pregnancy progressed smoothly and uneventfully, and our 18-week sonogram revealed a healthy baby who danced his little legs around and showed off for us. We learned our baby was a boy. Over the next few months, we painted his room and re-assembled the crib. As his due date of February 27th drew closer, I unpacked the baby gear and folded the newborn clothes neatly in his closet, including a couple of “Little Brother” sleepers I had picked out just for him. I packed a hospital bag with a newborn-sized coming home outfit. I unpacked and washed the infant car seat and ordered diapers online. We were so ready and excited to meet our baby!

On the morning of January 23rd, I didn’t wake up until it was almost time to leave for my hair appointment. I was exhausted as I had been fighting a cold and sinus infection all week. It didn’t seem like my baby had been very active that morning, but then again I hadn’t been awake very long and thought I might have just missed his activity. He was usually most active at night around bedtime. I had an anterior placenta, so it was often difficult to notice his movements unless I was paying attention. I didn’t feel him as distinctly as I had with my first child, Jaxton.

After my hair appointment, I still wasn’t feeling much, so I went home determined to monitor his movements. At home I glided the home doppler over my belly. Immediately, the sound of his strong heartbeat met my ears and I relaxed a bit. Maybe he was just having a slow day or in a different position than usual. Lying on my side in bed, I attempted to count his movements. I tried shaking my belly to get a reaction. I was getting barely anything. I decided to go eat and drink some sugary juice to see if that would perk him up. As I ate, I noticed his feet were poking out in their usual spot at the top of my belly. We often played a game in which he would poke out his feet and I would push back in on them and he would react by pushing back or moving them. On that night, his feet seemed to be pressing out with more force and they remained that way despite me pushing on them.

At that point, I was getting really worried. I checked the doppler again and his heart still sounded strong. I sat in a chair with my 3 year old son Jaxton on my lap while he was watching YouTube videos. In retrospect he should have been in bed, but I was too worried about the situation at hand to go through our bedtime routine. Usually when Jaxton would sit on my lap and lean against my belly, the baby would squirm or kick in response. My husband Phillip and I always joked it was sibling rivalry starting early. That night, there were no kicks or squirms. I thought I felt a shifting inside of me. I grabbed my doppler, hurriedly rubbed coconut oil on my belly to help it glide, and listened again. Nothing but the sounds of my own body met my ears. At that moment, I truly understood the meaning of deafening silence. My heart raced as I searched and searched, hoping and praying that he was just hiding or that my doppler wasn’t working correctly. I frantically told Phillip we needed to go to the hospital right away. We grabbed our coats, bundled up our son, and rushed out the door. I didn’t say a word the whole way there; I just prayed to God to please let my baby be ok.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/01/8404.html

33417_1558264915433_6671174_nMargarita

Mommy to Baby Girl Eva born still on September 29, 2006 and
Baby Boy Elijiah on November 30, 2012

Anza, California

My name is Margarita. I was born and raised in the Ukraine. I moved to CA when I was 17 so I could go to a college here. When I was 21, I met my future husband, that I’m still over the hill in love with. We got married one year after we met each other. Six months later, we found out that we were expecting our first child. We were beyond happy and could not wait to meet our baby. We found out that it was a girl. I already had a name for her that I had in my mind for years and years… Eva! I had an easy, without any complications pregnancy.

My family and friends had a beautiful baby shower for me, where we got tons of pretty pink stuff, and we just put the crib together in our bedroom. On the September 28th, I had my regular check-up appointment. That day I felt weird and I felt like I haven’t felt the baby move. After my husband got home, we went to see our OB and that’s when they confirmed that there was no heartbeat. I was a little over 35 weeks of pregnancy. I remember how heartbroken we were, how confused, but yet we trusted our God. That night we went to the hospital and I was induced into labor. Baby Eva was born silent the next day. We got to hold her, share her with family and friends and take some pictures of her beautiful little face. We end up doing an autopsy, because there were no reasons of her death that we could see. The tests showed us that she had a genetic disorder. My husband and I got tested too, the results came back normal. So, we got an ok from our OB to start trying for another baby.

We got pregnant 3 months after our loss with Eva. We end up having a healthy little boy that was born at 36 weeks of pregnancy, who is 5 years old now [at time of writing]. When he was 9 months old, I got pregnant again with our next son, who is also healthy and was born at 37 weeks of my pregnancy.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7270.html

Mary Anne

Mom to Emma Suzanne “Emma Sue”

Born sleeping May 17, 2012

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

My husband, Jeff, and I met in June of 2008. He wanted to date me from the start, but I had just gotten out of 2 really bad relationships, one right after the other, and decided I wanted to be single for a while. I also had my son to think of.  After a summer of freedom Jeff was still coming around, so I finally decided to give him a chance. We got along great. He treated me like I should be treated, not what I was used to. And after a few months together I finally introduced him to my son, we made it official that we were a couple in November. He had already started talking about having children, but already having one child from a failed relationship I wasn’t ready. After sometime we started talking about marriage, and I started to feel more secure that this was the man I was going to marry. Wanting to have another baby pretty bad, I decided to go ahead and start trying with Jeff. So I told him I wasn’t starting a new pack of my birth control pills and we could start trying. I thought it would take some time to get pregnant since I was on birth control so long, but we were pregnant right away. Halfway through the pregnancy, we decided to get married, a little sooner than we expected due to Jeff having bad health problems and me having had very good insurance at the time. We were married in September, and our daughter Aubrey was born that New Year’s Eve via c-section like my son. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/06/5458.html

Jennifer

Mom to Harlow

Born April 2, 2012 at 28 weeks

Pocatello, Idaho

My thoughts and hopes with telling Harlow’s birth story and continuing our journey is that we may be able to help other Angel Mommies feel like they are not alone, like they are “normal” in their thoughts, and like they can make it through. It’s also to help those in our lives feel more connected with Harlow and me, to know how truly real she was, and will continue to be so in our lives. Because we are so far from friends and family, I was unable to share my pregnancy with everyone, besides pictures. And I was deprived of sharing it during our trip home since we fell short on time. So I will share what I can of our time with her, and our memories. And in this time after…I will find my new self, as my life has changed. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/05/5355.html

Alyson

Mom to Lauren

Lost at 37 weeks Gestation on October 3rd, 2011

Stillborn on October 5th, 2011

Nashville, Tennessee

This is the story of how my husband Ken and I lost our first child, our baby girl. Lauren died before she ever had the chance to be born, and we went from being expectant parents to being bereaved parents without ever having had the chance to meet our daughter face to face. I share our story in the hope that others who have suffered a perinatal death may find comfort in the knowledge that they are not alone in their grief. I also hope to pass on the greatest lesson that Lauren taught us: take nothing for granted, for the future you imagine is never guaranteed. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3610.html

Hannah

Mom to Baby Roberts

Ectopic Pregnancy February 22nd, 2010

and Ethan James

Stillborn August 30th, 2011

Cottage Grove, Oregon

My husband, Jon, and I were married in October 2007. Eight months into our marriage, we decided to start trying for a family. I got off bc pills and hoped and prayed that my cycles would start soon and we would get a positive pregnancy test. But nothing happened. In February of 2009 I went to see my doctor for testing and found out I had a mild case of PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). I went through three months of Clomid but never saw that positive pregnancy test. The stress of fertility treatments was taking its toll so we decided to not pursue any further testing or treatments. We were taking a break from trying to get pregnant. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/10/3243.html

Amber

Mom to Violet Evelyn Ochoa

Stillborn at 36 weeks on August 12th, 2011

Honolulu, Hawaii

I suppose I’ll start from the very beginning.  I found out I was pregnant on Christmas Eve.  I wasn’t trying to conceive, I have always been told I have PCOS, and I would have problems with fertility.  I was shocked and scared, but I fell in love with my baby from the second I saw those 2 pink lines.  I was 27 years old when I discovered I was pregnant, and I have always wanted children.  I have 2 sisters, and they both have kids.  My fiance, Felipe, was also quite shocked!  Once it set in, we were both very excited but also very scared to be parents for the first time.   [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/10/3213.html

Amber

Mom to Dakota Blakely

Born to Angels May 24th, 2011

Fort Bragg, North Carolina

I suffer from a serious condition during pregnancy called Cholestasis. I found out I was getting it again with my daughter a few days from my doctor appointment, so I waited. I went in and they did the blood test and called me back a few days later to come in for a NST. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/10/3208.html

Heather

Mom to Brinley Nicole

Stillborn at 37 weeks on August 18th, 2010

Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

 

From the beginning, I was scared of the little life inside of me. I didn’t know what I would do with a baby. I didn’t feel ready yet to be a mother. Of course, I loved little kids, but babies? Babies were a different kind of commitment. They completely rely on you for their comfort of living. It took me 8 months to be ready to have this new baby in my life. I was feeling ready to take care of her for the rest of my life. I looked forward to holding her, dressing her, feeding her, and playing with her. She was going to be a new chapter in my life that I was excited to start writing. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/09/2980.html

Kasey

Mommy to Brandon Thomas

Stillborn on December 29th, 1997

Bowling Green, KY

At 18 years old, I found out I was pregnant. I was a month out of high school and supposed to start college in the fall. My pregnancy went forward like something out of a textbook: very healthy, no complications. I gained an acceptable amount of weight. I was four days overdue and had to be induced because my amniotic fluid started leaking. The delivery of my 1st child was completely normal. The only thing that was surprising was my son’s weight – he weighed in at a whopping 10 lbs 6.5 oz and was 23.5 inches long! His blood sugar and temp were low at birth, but after a few hours he was fine. My midwife told me that I “was born to have babies.” [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/09/2938.html

Angela

Mom to Lily Rose Lambert

Stillborn yet still born, April 22, 2011

Durango, Colorado

Lily Rose Lambert, stillborn yet still born, April 22, 2011.  This date marks perhaps the most tender moment of my life, a stillbirth I was certain wouldn’t happen, not if Lily’s fighting spirit were anything like mine.  And boy did she give a good fight!  My name is Angela and I’m 41 years old, mother to Lily Rose.  [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/08/2928.html

Nicole De Leon

Mom to Isabella “Bella” Pearl

March 5, 2011 at 37 weeks and 5 day

Schertz, Texas

 

We found out we were pregnant in July 2010.  This was definitely God’s plan.  We already had three children at home, a daughter and two sons.  We prayed for a little girl.  [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/08/2781.html

Jennifer

Mom to Jason

May 5, 2008

Metro Atlanta, GA

 

My name is Jennifer, and boy am I terrible at pregnancy. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/07/2647.html

Alyssa

Mom to Paxton Lucas

June 3, 2011

Commerce City, CO

 

My husband and I had been trying to conceive for a few months and I had been having some cycle abnormalities and had a HSG scheduled for early October 2010 as well as a prescription for clomid to take in October.  Well to our surprise we got a BFP on September 27th 2010. It was a very faint positive but a positive none the less and we were ecstatic. I had always wanted 2 children close in age and we would be getting our wish, 2 kids 22 months apart, everything was going to be perfect. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/07/2449.html

Cathy

Mom to Griffin

Died June 12, 1993

Born June 13, 1993

And

Snowflake

January 1994

Greensboro , NC

I cannot believe it has been 18 years since my son, Griffin, was stillborn. I guess when it all happened, I was pretty sure that I would not be thinking about it nearly every day for the rest of my life, but I do. His 18th birthday is just ahead and it stirs up all the feelings from that weekend. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/06/2149.html

Stefanie

Mom to Sam Joseph

Born still at 38 weeks on May 9th, 2011

McHenry, Illinois

I am, what some may call a type A personality, I plan everything and make sure I have control over all that I can. Since I am a teacher, we needed to plan the pregnancy for delivery towards the end of the school year, just like we did with our daughter. May, it’s the perfect time, it allowed for me to take a few weeks off for the delivery and have the whole summer with my new addition to my family. So, we did the same plan we did with our daughter. I purchased the ovulation kit and hoped to get pregnant in August some time.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/06/1897.html

 

Kerry
Mom to Evan Tyler
September 12th, 2010
Sarnia, Ontario, Canada

I was almost 36 weeks pregnant and had started my maternity leave a bit early to get the house ready for baby #2.  I had noticed a bit of lightening and a decrease in movement for a couple of days, but that’s normal in the final months of pregnancy because the baby has less space to move, and I still felt the baby rolling and turning and at times it felt like he was stretching out in there so I just brushed it off as being normal. The Friday before he was born I went to Toys R Us to buy him an infant rocker and I remember while I was sitting on the floor at home putting it together that it seemed a bit easier to move around, I just figured it was the lightening you hear about as the baby begins to drop…
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/03/746.html

Natasha
Mom to Aiden William
November 2nd, 2010
Sugar Land, Texas
In the words of my niece Kayla Marie….“my whole life!” My whole life all I’ve ever wanted to be is a wife and a mother. I have the best husband in the world. I was so so close to having my perfect baby boy here with me. Here is his story……

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/03/734.html

Kaila
Mom to Hayden James
January 8th, 2011
Clovis, California
On January 7th, 2011, I learned that I will experience the worst incident anyone could possibly imagine: the loss of their child. I don’t even know what to say about the whole thing except for how it’s not fair. Why does everyone else get to go home with their babies and mine lies asleep forever?


The weekend we welcomed the new year of 2011 was great. I am 21 years old and had been having the “perfect” pregnancy. Beyond healthy, and beyond excited. My husband and I were down south visiting my family for the new year and it was full of joy and laughter. I had noticed that Hayden’s movements were not as often or as “hard” as they had been and began to worry. I shared with my husband my concern and he tried to comfort me telling me he was probably just resting. I assumed I was probably being paranoid, but as Hayden’s movements got slower and slower, my concern grew greater and greater. The morning we were getting ready to head home, I lay in bed praying, God just please make him kick. And he did! Very hard! I was so excited and felt so relieved, but little did I know that would be the last swift kick he would give. He was telling me goodbye and that he was heading off to be with the angels. After that kick, Hayden’s movements were extremely few and far between.

Friday, January 7th, slow turned to stop and I just knew something wasn’t right. I called Dr. Dave’s office on Friday afternoon around 2:00pm and let them know what was happening. They told me to immediately go to labor and delivery at the hospital for a stress test, and told me that everything was probably okay, but to go in just in case. Immediately my heart began racing. I was at work at the time and my boss told me she didn’t think I should drive myself there. Thank goodness for that. My husband was at work and I didn’t want him to worry unless there was a definite cause for it, so I just told him I would call him once at the hospital. My mom picked me up from work and we headed there. My mind told me everything would be fine; but my heart knew otherwise. The second they placed the doppler to my stomach and there was no heartbeat, my entire sense of being disappeared. I just looked around the room for someone to please just help my baby but there was nothing anyone could do; he was gone. They nurses pushed and pressed against my stomach trying and trying to find the heartbeat as I lay there screaming and crying. My mom was just holding me and crying. She went and called my husband and told him to come immediately. I was immediately put into a labor and delivery room where they shut the doors to the nursery because my baby would not be staying in there. I had to listen to the other women and families in the rooms next door crying tears of joy as we cried tears of sorrow.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/01/658.html

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