Kelsey

Mom to Audrinna Lynn

August 18, 2012 – September 19, 2012

Tulsa, Oklahoma

I am a teen mother and unlike most teen moms I had my priorities straight from the get go. My daughter, Audrinna Lynn Pike, was born on August 18th, 2012 and she got her wings on September 19th, 2012. Although my daughter was a surprise, I would never call it a mistake. I was a single parent to her throughout my whole pregnancy and the month that she was alive. I had a very normal non-eventful pregnancy for the most part, and my daughter was born very healthy and normal into this world at 41 weeks on August 18th, weighing 8 pounds and 15 ounces. We spent a few days in the hospital, as any normal mother and child would, and then we were free to go home. [Read more...]

Courtney

Mom to Armony Lane

Lost December 6, 2010

San Antonio, Texas

Most believe every pregnancy ends in a baby, but for me that was not the case. I was 17, a senior in high school, and three months before my 18th birthday when I made the decision to have unprotected sex with a co-worker. His name is Dustin, and was everything I wanted in a guy, plus was from my home state of Texas (at the time I was residing in Montana with my step-dad and mom). [Read more...]

Susan

Mom to Hayden Michael

Born and died February 28, 2012

Gilbert, Arizona

I found out I was pregnant the week before Halloween. I was 18 years old, and absolutely terrified. I’d been feeling strange for a week or so, and just had this feeling that I was pregnant. I took the test and was so scared when it came out positive; all I could do was stare at the test and mutter, “Oh. My. Gosh,” over and over. But during my pregnancy, I would look at my stomach and marvel that there was a life, a baby, a precious being that was mine inside my belly. My boyfriend and I fought for months over my decision to A) not abort the baby, and B) place the baby for adoption. He was of the mindset that we weren’t ready for a baby, but if I WAS going to have the baby, he didn’t want his kid to be raised by strangers. I was determined to place for adoption, and to find my baby amazing, loving, and prepared parents who were unable to have children of their own. I am not trying to glorify myself or sound self-sacrificing: I had been careless and irresponsible in his conceiving, but I was going to give my baby the best life I could – better than I could give him. I knew adoption was the right choice. [Read more...]

Emma

Mom to Lily Natalie Anne, miscarried at 10 weeks August 10th, 2006

and “Little Speck”, miscarried at 6 weeks October 13, 2009

Australia

Lily Natalie’s story:

Ever since I knew the meaning of being a mother, I knew that was what I wanted to be. Even my chosen career path as a teacher involves me utilising my maternal feelings in guiding students through their education. As cousins, friends’ babies and other family members were born, I knew that, even at the age of 11, the feeling of a newborn baby in my arms was just…right. I dreamed, imagined, visualised myself holding a baby, mothering a baby, raising a tiny life. [Read more...]

Courtney

Mom to James Michael Watson

November 30th, 2007

Ozark, Alabama

I found out I was pregnant on 20 November 2007.  I was 16.  I took 3 different tests to make sure I really was. The following day I went to school, and told my best friend.  She, too, had just found out she was expecting! We went to the doctor together, and I got a test done, it was positive! I didn’t really know what to do or say at that moment, I just knew my mother wouldn’t be too happy about it. [Read more...]

 

Ashley

Mom to Grace Marie

November 5th, 2010

Florida

My name is Ashley and I am an angel mother of a baby girl name Grace Marie. I was 17 when I found out I was pregnant. I am now 18. It was unplanned but I loved my baby the moment I saw those two pink lines.I fought to keep her. I wanted to give this beautiful baby inside me a chance. [Read more...]

Shelbie
Mom to Kamberlyn Nicole
Born Still on December 27th, 2010
Abbeville, Alabama
I had a perfect pregnancy, never had any blood pressure problems or any problems really. I was due on February 1, 2011. 


[Read more...]

Brooke
Mom to Maddox
September 14th, 2010 – January 14th, 2011
Dixon, Illinois
I got pregnant in December 2009. I am a teen so at first it seemed like a bad situation but I knew I was made to be a mother. Abortion or Adoption never crossed my mind. I knew I wanted to love and be with my child, and my entire pregnancy I studied, researched, and prepared for my beautiful son. I put my whole self into every decision I made for him and when he finally entered this world on September, 14th, 2010, my whole life changed. I was so ready to be a parent. I loved my son so much already. 

[Read more...]

Shawna
Mommy to Austin Liam
January 2nd, 2008
Adams, New York
On April 28th, 2007, I found out I was pregnant for my firstborn son, Austin. I was 17 at the time and scared to death but I was happily going through with the pregnancy. I went to the doctor that my boyfriend’s mom recommended because she had him with her last son…and I wish that I had gone with my first instincts about him because he turned out to be the last person who should have taken care of us. He was very opinionated even going as far as to tell me that I was too young to be having a baby. That may have been, but I believe that it was completely unprofessional to say that to me.

We found out that I was O-Negative meaning I would have to have rhogam shots. Fine. I never had a problem throughout my whole pregnancy until December 27th, my due date. I was having severe back pain and went in to my doctors office. He checked the babies heartbeat and it was ALOT lower than normal. I knew what his heartrate was from every single appointment because it seemed important to know. Then, the doctor told me that I was fine and sent me home saying he’d see me at my next appointment. I didn’t feel the baby move really for a few days and I didn’t even really think about it because everyone tells you that the baby doesn’t move as much when you get near the end of your pregnancy. So, I just assumed it was normal. On December 31st, I started having some back contractions but nothing timeable so I didn’t think much of it. The next morning I was having contractions that timed at 7 minutes apart. I called the doctor and he told me that once they got to 5 minutes apart to call him back. As soon as I was able to call him back he told me to go ahead and meet him at the hospital.
 

[Read more...]

Allyson
Mom to Olivia Grace
Born Prematurely on January 15, 2011
Frisco, Texas

I will never forget my first morning with morning sickness. At first I thought it was the stomach flu, but after a week I decided it was time for a test. It took 8 tests to make me believe I was actually pregnant. I called my boyfriend, who lived hours away at the time, with the news. The excitement started from there.

[Read more...]

Angelina
Mom to Alana Elizabeth
November 16th, 2008 – December 26th, 2008
Tampa, Florida
On April 6th, 2008, at 15, I found out I was pregnant and my entire life changed. I moved in with my mom and enjoyed every second of my pregnancy. 
 

[Read more...]

Katie
Mom to “Sprout”
Lost on September 22nd, 1993
Columbus, Ohio
I was 18 years old in summer of 1993, soon to be heading away to college on a scholarship. I had broken up with my long-time boyfriend that spring and began dating someone new and fun, a summer fling expected to run its course by autumn.

I somehow knew I was pregnant the day after I conceived. Something felt faintly tingly inside my abdomen and “off” to me, and I remember commenting about it to a coworker at the restaurant where I worked. I tried to put it out of my mind and waited until the first possible cycle day where I could test for pregnancy. I bought a pregnancy test and, optimistically, a box of condoms. I took the test in the store bathroom and shook as I leaned against the stall wall reading the positive result. That evening, I drove to my boyfriend’s house to tell him our news. I was in tears and remember driving past a church with this phrase displayed on its sign: “Hangeth in there.”

[Read more...]

Laura
Mummy to Lacey Jai Hughes
August 25th, 2010
England
When I found out I was pregnant, it was a big shock as I was just 19 at the time. I have grown up around young children and have always loved them.


Through being pregnant I had no morning sickness at all just HUGE cravings of chocolate cake, YUM!
I didn’t really enjoy being pregnant towards the end as my bump was rather big. I couldn’t sleep properly, was always narky with family and felt I was on my own.

[Read more...]

Jenifer
First Baby, Miscarried August 27th, 2010
Ohio
I found out i was pregnant June 21, 2010. I told my parents a couple of days after.  

 They were very upset, they took me to the hospital demanding me to get an abortion. I was really scared, I didn’t want to have an abortion, the cops came and told them they couldn’t force me to have an abortion. Tym, my boyfriend, was told by my step dad that he couldn’t be allowed to see me anymore. Tym was 21 years old, they tried to press charges on him but in Ohio there is a law of consent at age 16. My step dad also told Tym there wasn’t going to be a baby in the picture so there is no need for him to be around. 

[Read more...]

Nycole
Mom to Catherine Lynn Kaat, Born and died January 2nd, 2005
Dakota and Adrianne Kaat, June 18th & 20th
Sheboygan, Wisconsin
I found out I was pregnant with Catherine when I was 15, she was my first child. I didn’t find out till I was already 12 weeks pregnant with her, and at first I had planned on giving her up for adoption. When I was 20 weeks pregnant with her, I went into false labor, and she ended up dropping into the birth canal. 
 For the next 7 weeks I was on bed rest. At 2:00 am on Jan 2, I had contractions again. I didn’t know I was having them since I was only 15, my first pregnancy, and it felt like I had gas, or like I was constipated. My mom called the hospital and they said if I wasn’t bleeding not to come in. While my mom was on the phone, I ended up delivering her in our bathroom. Only two pushes and she were out. My water never broke, so she drowned. I got to the hospital and the doctors straight out said there was nothing they could do. They didn’t even try.  It’s been 5 and a half years since I said good-bye, and there isn’t a day I don’t think of her, and wonder what life would have been like if she would have made it.

[Read more...]

Amanda
Mom to Ailynn Chevy
Born Sleeping September 12th, 2009
Mesa, Arizona
Last months of my junior year in high school I found out I was pregnant, yes I am a teen mom. Life for me truly changed when I say on the pee stick “Pregnant”, at that moment my heart broke and I just cried. This was the one thing that I never wanted to happen to me and it happened. There was no way I was going to tell my parents, they would kill me.  So as time went by I did not tell my parents anything. I was also a single teen mom to make things worse on me, the ex wanted an abortion and I was not going to do that so he left, and I told him to stay away from me and my baby. 

[Read more...]

Mallory
Mom to Jacob “Brodie” Lankford
Born sleeping on February 28th, 2010
Mobile, Alabama

I can‘t believe that a year has come and gone so quickly. An entire year since I sat telling my best friend how I just had to have my strawberry cheesecake ice cream at that exact moment. An entire year since I thought I had lost my mind when I cried while watching the movie, “Knocked Up.” Most importantly, it has been an entire year since the day I found out that I was a going to be a mommy.

I still remember the night like it was yesterday. After a lazy day of sitting around the house watching television and resting from a long night before, I finally decided to go over to my friend’s house and take a pregnancy test. When I got there, it took a few minutes for Brodie’s dad and my best friend to talk me into taking the tests. You know the feeling of wanting to know something, but you don’t want to know? Well, that was exactly how I felt, I was so anxious to find out, but then again I just didn’t want to know yet. I absolutely couldn’t believe it when both tests came back positive. So many emotions filled my mind at the exact moment. Excitement, nervousness, fear, and shock. What was I going to tell my parents? What would I do about school? How would I afford everything? Although I was worried about what would happen, I have to say I was so excited and happy from the start. I just knew everything would work out and in nine months I would be the proud mommy to a sweet little baby.


After everything was out in the open, my parents and family were absolutely furious. I had just graduated high school in May as valedictorian and had a full- paid college scholarship. They asked how I was going to do this, and I simply told them the best way I knew how. I would continue with my classes throughout the fall, and then take online classes during the spring because I would be nearing my due date. It took a few weeks for them to come around, but it happened, and they supported me.


At my first doctor’s appointment they confirmed my pregnancy, and I was told that I was about five weeks along. I loved going to my doctor’s appointments, and they were always the highlight of my month. I wished I could go every single week, just to make sure that my little bundle of joy was doing okay. From the very beginning, I worried about every little thing. I was so scared that I would hurt the baby or have a miscarriage. From eating healthy to getting plenty of rest, I made sure everything I did was safe for the baby. Pain didn’t matter to me, and I even refused to take Tylenol, which my doctor told me over and over was a safe medication. The risk just seemed to be there, and I couldn’t live with myself if something happened.


The days turned into weeks, the weeks into months, and the moment had arrived when we would find out if we were having a boy or girl. At my eighteen week ultrasound, it was confirmed that my miracle was a boy. For some reason, I always knew deep down that it was going to be a little boy. I could just see him growing up to be an Alabama quarterback and making his mommy proud. Of course I would be proud of him with whatever he chose to be, but that was just my imagination running wild. After a few weeks of countless name ideas, we finally came to the decision of Jacob Brodie Lankford. Jacob was after his daddy, and Brodie came from the star quarterback, Brodie Croyle, of the University of Alabama. I wanted to buy him every single little outfit and baby item I saw, they were just all so cute. My perfect boy was going to be quite the little man with all of his Polo outfits, and he even had a pair of red and black Nike Shox!


Everything seemed to be going perfect with my pregnancy, except for those pesky bladder infections I seemed to keep the entire time. I don’t think I ever complained about them though because I just knew it would all be more than worth it. My sugar test came back normal at my twenty-eight week visit, and my boy’s growth was right on track. For several months, I had put a little money aside so that I could do a 4-D ultrasound at my thirty week mark. I was so excited to see all of his features and could hardly wait. When the day finally came, the ultrasound tech kept telling us what a beautiful profile he had, and that he was going to be a big boy. Of course, that was a huge relief to me, supposedly meaning that everything was okay. After worrying my entire pregnancy so far, I finally decided that I would try to stop stressing myself out so much. I figured that since I was over thirty weeks that even if I went into labor early, he would still be okay if something like that happened. How naïve could I have been? The thought of stillbirth had crossed my mind, and I had read about it online and in books, but it only happened in one percent of pregnancies. So, I was safe, right?


As soon as I started to enjoy being pregnant instead of worrying about every little thing, the unthinkable happened. In week thirty-four of my pregnancy, I woke up on a Wednesday morning and noticed a slight decrease in movement. I tried drinking some orange juice, and that got him moving around a little, but I was still concerned. I called my doctor’s office and was told to come in for a non-stress test that afternoon. During the test, Brodie was moving, but still not very much. After an hour on the machine, I was sent to labor and delivery for some fluids and to be monitored for a while longer. They told me that dehydration could be playing a factor, so I was given an IV. After drinking countless bottles of water and juice, I figured there was no way I could be dehydrated, but I listened to the doctors. They are supposed to know what they are talking about you know. After a few hours of rest and fluids, Brodie’s movement picked up and his heart rate was normal, or so I was told. I was sent home and scheduled for a check-up the following Monday. If only I had known that would be too late.


On Thursday, Brodie was being very active, but then on Friday his movements decreased again. I woke up and laid in the bed for a little while waiting on his movements to pick up, but I had to get ready to go meet some friends for lunch. Sometimes he would be lazy in the mornings so I decided that everything was fine and not to worry yet. While driving to lunch, I felt him move a few times, and then during lunch also. That would be the last few times that I was sure I felt his little kicks and punches. The entire afternoon I started to worry about him, but once again I made an excuse up and blamed it on my moving around all day and just not noticing it. After laying down from an exhausting day, I decided to drink something sweet and do my daily kick counts. I thought I felt him moving, but now looking back, something was different. He also had hiccups, so that could have been a sign that he was in danger. Why didn’t I know that, or why doesn’t anyone ever tell you that hiccups are a bad sign?


The next morning was my very first shower, and everyone was so excited. I could tell that I was feeling “strange,” but then again you aren’t exactly supposed to feel normal when you are thirty five weeks pregnant. Of course, I thought everything was just normal pregnancy aches and pains. The day went by, and I still didn’t want to bring myself to believe that something was wrong. I think I knew it all along, but I was scared to death to have it confirmed. On Sunday morning, I woke up crying. I couldn’t get him to move or hiccup or anything. I told my mother that we had to get to the hospital as soon as possible. I was supposed to have another shower that afternoon, but everyone was just going to have to wait. Brodie’s health was more important than a shower.


When we arrived at the hospital, we signed in at the emergency room and were sent for a non-stress test once again. The nurses searched for his little heartbeat, but it was no where to be found. My poor baby boy was gone, and it was all my fault. The ultrasound technician came into the room to confirm the outcome, and it was true, there was no heartbeat.


What was I supposed to do now? I couldn’t bear the thought of being in labor for hours and hours and not even getting to hear his first cry. My doctor gave me the choices of being induced, waiting on natural labor to occur, or his least favorite possibility, a c-section. Everyone tried to talk me out of it because it was major surgery, but it was my decision. I was an emotional wreck. No one could calm me down or stop me from crying, and the only words I could say were, “I’m sorry.” All I had to do was get my son here, and once again I failed. I seriously shook the entire time, and the epidural only made it worse. After hours of waiting because I had eaten breakfast that morning, it was finally time for the operation.


At 6:08 P.M., Jacob Brodie Lankford was born into heaven. He weighed eight pounds, two ounces, and he was eighteen inches long. Just like everyone said, he was a big boy. He was perfect in every single way except for his umbilical cord. About an inch from his belly button, his blood flow and oxygen was just completely cut off. No knot, no kink, just cut off. I chose not to have an autopsy because I couldn’t stand the thought of him being hurt, so I guess we will never know the exact reason.


Over the next few days, I spent as much time with him as possible. On the day I was due to be dismissed, I begged the staff not to send me home. I felt like I was leaving my little boy, and that absolutely killed me. A few days later, Brodie was buried right beside my great-grandparents. That week will forever be the worst week of my life. No parent should have to bury their own child, especially not an innocent baby!


Losing Brodie has changed my life. He was my little miracle. He was one of the few things I have ever done right in my life. Now, after nine months of a perfect pregnancy, here I am. Empty arms and a broken heart.

Mallory blogs at www.babybrodieslove.blogspot.com
You can contact her at mal_mal2513@yahoo.com

Rachel
Mother to Isobel Nixie
Due August 7th, 2001; lost to miscarriage at 9 weeks

Kansas City, KS
Two months shy of my nineteenth birthday, I missed a period. As a freshman at college with few close friends and no mode of transportation, I didn’t know what to do or who to turn to. The whole thing was stupid anyway. I was having manic and depressive mood swings coming off of Prozac. I was feeling rejected by a guy so I started fooling around with another guy who was nice and who missed his girlfriend back home. It was just a silly fling to get us over them. None of these are excuses, just factors. Like I said, it was stupid.

Regardless, here I found myself. I had to ask my roommate for a ride to the drugstore so I could buy a pregnancy test. I tried to hide it from her but I’m sure she knew, even though she never said anything about it. I spent what seemed like hours in the “community bathroom” of my dorm floor reading the test instructions, peeing on the stick, and subsequently freaking out – all very quietly, I might add.

After a long night of crying, I started making a plan. I decided not to tell the father. For one thing, neither of us had any intention for our fling to last past the semester. I didn’t really want to be with him, nor he with me. Plus, I didn’t want him to have any say in the pregnancy or the baby’s future. I guess I was selfish, but we were both 18 and neither of us were ready for parenthood.

I started looking at open adoption agencies. I even thought of giving my baby up to a gay or lesbian couple to raise. I knew that I couldn’t provide for a child as well as a family could. I also knew that although I support the right for a woman to choose, I personally could not get an abortion because the whole procedure terrified me. I was going to have the baby. The problem was how to hide the pregnancy from my family.

By the time Christmas break arrived, I was going crazy trying to figure everything out and keep it all a secret. I truly had no one I thought I could turn to with this kind of information. I was so scared and worried about how my parents would react if they found out. I really don’t remember how I acted those weeks at home, but I vividly remember one night.

I was crying in bed after everyone else had gone to sleep thinking about what I was going to do. I finally broke down and prayed to God and told him that I just couldn’t handle this. I said I was lost and I needed help. The next day, my stomach hurt just a little. A few days after that, I started bleeding.

At first, I thought it was nothing, but after a day I started to worry. I read about ectopic pregnancies where the fetus attaches itself outside of the uterus and as it grows it could kill the woman. That had me really worried so I finally broke down and decided to talk to someone. I chose my preacher’s wife because I knew she was very young when she had her first child. I was so afraid to tell her because it would be admitting that I had done something wrong. However, I really had no choice.

We talked for about 2 hours before I told her the reason for my visit. She didn’t criticize or lecture or anything. For that I was relieved. She called a few people she knew with medical backgrounds and asked their recommendations. They suggested a visit to the hospital and so we went.

Once in the ER, time seemed to stand still. We waited to be called. We waited for a nurse. We waited for a doctor. We waited for a sonogram. We waited for results. It could have been days for all I knew. I remember when they did the sonogram and how I really wanted to see my baby, but was too shy to ask. I wish I had. I think that would have made it feel like a real baby instead of just some medical problem. They kept asking me how far along I was and if I was sure. I knew then that something was wrong.

The whole thing was very impersonal. It felt like they were all shaming me for what I had done. No one spoke to me like I was an expectant mother. They talked to me like I was a stupid child who had gone and screwed everything up. No one tried to reassure me that it would be okay. They acted like I was inconveniencing them. No one really acknowledged that there was a life involved, including mine.

The results finally came back. I was supposed to be 9 weeks along, but the baby measured at 7 weeks. The baby was at least two weeks too small and had no detectable heartbeat. They ruled it a spontaneous abortion (miscarriage) and said to go home and just let it pass. If I kept bleeding for more than 2 weeks, I was to return for a D&C to clear everything out. Then we left.

That was it. It was over. Immediately, I felt better. I could breathe again. I could think again. I could smile again. Even the pain seemed to go away as soon as we left the hospital. I just had to tell my parents. I felt like I could now because it was over and there was nothing that they could do or say to make it worse.

I was nervous and I could barely get the words out through my tears but I told them the bare details: that I was pregnant, but the hospital said there was no heartbeat and that the pregnancy would end on its own. My mom cried. My dad only asked if there was anything that could be done to save the baby and I told him no.

As far as the physical end of the pregnancy goes, I continued bleeding and having cramps, but took some prescription medicine to ease the pain. It felt like a normal period. One day I passed what felt like a clump of something. I went to change my pad and there it was – my dead baby. It was just a round, gelatinous clump of bloody tissue about half the size of my fist. I wanted to look at it, but I was repulsed. I flushed it like a goldfish. I wasn’t ready to admit it was my baby.

After it was over, I was so thankful that I didn’t have to go through everything and could maintain a normal life. I went back to school as if nothing had happened. I did tell the father that I had been pregnant and miscarried. All he said was “good”. We didn’t really talk much after that. I decided that there was nothing more to the story and never thought I would really care. At the time, I was still so self-absorbed that it didn’t really occur to me that I was rejoicing at the death of a baby.

It was months before I really thought about it again. It was approaching the due date and I started to think of the baby that wasn’t anymore. At first it was more like research. I wanted to see how far along I’d be and what the baby would look like. Then I started looking for information on miscarriages and the causes. Turns out there’s not much. Most miscarriages have no known cause. Some pregnancies just end. I started worrying that whatever the cause, it might affect me in the future and maybe I’d never have children. I still think about that.

Most of the stuff I found on miscarriages had to do with couples trying to have a baby. Very little had anything to do with teenagers and I found nothing on the loss of an unwanted child. I guess they figure that if it’s unwanted, the only thing to feel is relief at the loss. And I did, but then I didn’t. It became a child – a child with my DNA.

I decided that I should honor my baby and not just forget. I began by choosing a name: Isobel Nixie. Isobel means consecrated to God and Nixie means spirit. In essence, I named her for her death, though I picked the name before looking up the meaning. I also decided to give her a permanent presence in the form of a tattoo. The tattoo is her initials (INW) placed on top of each other to form a square with lines in the middle. It’s located on the inside of my hip, the relative position of her entire life.

I did all kinds of internet research on pregnancy, miscarriage, child birth, child development and all sorts of related topics. It was then that I discovered that there wasn’t much for people like me. I hadn’t wanted a child. I didn’t plan the pregnancy. But I was still feeling things for this baby. I constantly thought about how old my girl would be and how my life would be different with her.

That was almost 10 years ago. I still wonder about what my daughter would be like now. I still wonder if I’ll be able to have kids, should I decide to. My biggest fear is that she was my only chance to be a parent, and I blew it by praying for her to go away. There’s nothing like thinking you killed your baby. I know I didn’t do anything physically, but I still wonder if I didn’t kill her by not loving her from the beginning.

I know my story is different from many of the others, but I feel like I need to put it out there for the other women who may end up in the same position I did. Just because it wasn’t planned and it took me longer to come to terms with it, doesn’t mean I didn’t love my baby and doesn’t mean I don’t miss her. It’s so nice to see that there is more support out there now than back then.
You can contact Rachel at raevynfyre@yahoo.com

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