Mom to AJ
January 29, 2014
Mom to AJ
January 29, 2014
Mom to Faith Elizabeth and Grace Katherine
Stillborn November 3, 1996 at 26 weeks’ gestation
Born and died July 14, 1998
Tim and I were married in March of 1994. We had a son, Timothy. Two years into our marriage, I was expecting again…and there were many surprises…First of all, everything was different with this pregnancy…there was more fatigue, more nausea, more belly, and more “stretching pains”. At our first ultrasound appointment around 6-8 weeks, the doctor confirmed, after a series of disconcerting “Hmmmms…” that we were expecting TWINS. I had a slight panic attack on the table, immediately overwhelmed with all the additional concerns and possible complications that could come with a twin pregnancy. Tim’s twenty-year-old face was covered in shock, bewilderment, and stunned excitement. I staggered my way off the examining table, and once safely behind the curtain, I began to change out of the napkin gown we ladies wear at the OB, and the fears started to emerge in the form of tears, which gave way to sobs. [Read more…]
Mom to Jayden Dayne
Born and passed April 29, 2004
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
My husband, Jason, and I found out we were expecting our first child after only 2 years of marriage. We both loved kids and couldn’t have been more excited!
My first trimester was a nightmare. I couldn’t keep anything down, not even water. I went into the ER for dehydration, lost 25 lbs in two weeks, and Jason had to carry me to and from the bathroom to bathe me. Through multiple doctors visits, baby seemed just fine. At exactly 12 weeks, the first trimester sickness left as quickly as it came on. I started eating everything in sight! Haha! It took me two weeks to regain strength enough to walk on my own. Having never been through this before, I assumed this was normal. I found out years later this was not. [Read more…]
Mom to Grace Elizabeth
February 23, 2011
So this is mine and my husband’s first child. We were so excited to find out that I was pregnant. I found out when I was 18 that I have endometriosis and it would be difficult for me to get pregnant. So at the time I wasn’t seeing anyone seriously and I went on the Depo shot for birth control. Well then I met my husband and a little over a year later we were married and I stopped taking the depo shot that I had been on for a little over 2 yrs. About 6 months into the marriage we were trying to get pregnant but no luck. So we were getting ready to go talk to a doctor after it had been a yr and no luck. Then I found out I was pregnant.
Mom to Leilani Ramirez
Born August 7th, 2011 at 7:40 a.m.
Died August 7th, 2011 at 8:15 a.m.
My husband and I started trying for our 3rd child together in December 2010. On our 6th wedding anniversary, April 6th 2011, we found out we were expecting. We broke the news to our 2 daughters and my stepson along with the rest of our family. Super excited to be pregnant and to bring the last addition to our family in December 2011. Cinco de Mayo was our first routine doctor’s appointment which included our first ultrasound. We took both girls to see the ultrasound and their new baby. The baby was perfect healthy and measuring right on track. [Read more…]
Mom to Enzo Leandre
July 28th, 2011 – July 29th, 2011
On a day when most like to play practical jokes, I found out I had nothing to joke about but, rather, jump of joy. On April 1st 2011, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. My husband, Leandre and I were filled with complete and utter joy! We had wanted to start a family for months. We went through the three months of morning (or should I say, everyday) sickness. The weight gain. The doctor visits. The careful diet. All of those wonderful and amazing things, that most of us take for granted, but that I never will again. [Read more…]
Mom to Oliver James
June 14th, 2011
My husband and I found out we were expecting our fourth baby in the beginning of December 2010. We were so excited! I couldn’t wait to tell the kids.
At 12 weeks it was discovered that I had gestational diabetes. My OB found it so early that she decided that I must be pre-diabetic. Finally, after several weeks of waiting to find out what to do, a dietician called me from our hospital. She was amazing! She sat with my husband and I for hours and showed us how we could manage my new lifestyle. I was bummed about not being able to indulge in every craving that pregnancy enticed me with, but I knew we would work it out. I have so many people supporting me, my husband, my family, my OB, my dietician, my friends.
At 17 weeks we had our ultra sound for the anatomy scan, and we were so excited to find out the sex of our little baby. We were then told that my fluids were extremely low. We were politely ushered out and sent directly to a specialist. I first met with a sonogram specialist that didn’t have any good news, and then Dr. M, who had nothing to tell us but that my amniotic fluid was low and that I needed to start planning for termination. I was told that it could either be a tear in the sac (which may or may not repair itself), the baby could be lacking kidneys, a bladder or have some sort of blockage, or it could be a genetic issue. When I asked him what he would do if he were in my situation, his answer was “Well, I am not a woman.” We hated him from that moment on and wanted a second opinion. We weren’t scheduled to come back for several weeks to see if there could be any change in the fluid levels. I was given an alpha-fetoprotein (AFP) blood test to see if I tested high for chromosomal abnormalities. Dr. M then instructed me to basically be on bed rest and to not travel. I then spoke with my OB and she told me to “Go, take it easy, and go be with your family on vacation.”
I went to the beach the following week with my family. I drank a gallon of water every day, took it easy, kept my sugar numbers where they needed to be, and just tried to enjoy my time with my family, my husband, and the special little baby inside of me. I would stroke my belly and pray every moment that I had. I thanked God for giving me these 4 precious months with this baby. I begged God not to take it away from me. I just wanted to hold him or her while trying to decide who he or she looked like. I wanted it to all work out. I would do anything to make it work. I prayed knowing that there was a huge chance that it may not work out, and I tried my best to be optimistic.
When I got back from a week in Florida, I visited my OB to go over my sugar numbers and found out that my AFP test came back normal. There was nothing chromosomally wrong with my baby. I also got to hear its little heartbeat, and it was normal. It gave me so much hope. My belly even seemed to pop out a bit, I was officially 18 weeks and I was starting to show. Lots more praying, tummy rubbing and “come on baby” ensued…even my husband was in on it.
The following week, I was 19 weeks pregnant and met with another specialist in the Atlanta Fetal Maternal Medicine group, Dr. Y. I instantly trusted her. She gave us the horrifying news that our baby had a fatal birth defect, renal agenesis. Bilateral renal agenesis is the uncommon and serious failure of both a fetus’ kidneys to develop during gestation. Most infants that are born alive do not live beyond four hours. She told us that in our case it was not genetic, that it was like lightening striking– a stroke of bad luck. She hugged me. She gave me every bit of info that I needed. After speaking with Dr. Y, my husband and I felt very confident about how we needed to handle the situation, the loss of our baby, our child. This is where it all begins, or ends…
My choices in my state at 20 weeks with a baby with a fatal birth defect were to:
A. Continue the pregnancy, and deliver at the earliest that I could. Make funeral arrangements. See my dead baby, hold my dead baby.