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La’Porchia
Mom to Jyson
June 15, 2018
Rock Hill, South Carolina

Being a mother is a role that you simply have to experience to truly know what it is like. There is nothing anyone can prepare you for or help you relate to. Although the road has been quite bumpy, being a mother is one of my greatest joys. My name is La’Porchia. I am 31 years old and I am a mother of two. My daughter is 11 and my son is 5. We reside in Rock Hill, South Carolina. After I gave birth to my son, I was not jumping at the chance to have more children as he is very active and drives me nuts with his never-ending energy.

So, when my fiancé, June, and I found out we were expecting again, shocked is an understatement of how we felt. We were in the middle of wedding planning and had to push the date back as a result of the pregnancy. Everything was happening so fast around me. I was nearly finished with the first semester of my senior year in college and most days, I didn’t know if I was coming or going. Nevertheless, we were excited about the baby. This pregnancy was very rough for me. I found myself vomiting every other day. No matter the dish, it seemed it made me sick which caused me not to gain much weight.

I had my first high blood pressure reading in 31 years during my 37-week appointment. I think it was in the 160 range. The doctor sent me to labor and delivery at the hospital to monitor my blood pressure. They monitored me for 2 hours. Before I was sent home, I was given a jug with the instructions to place all of my urine over the next 24 hours in the jug. This was to ensure there was no protein in my urine. The results showed my urine had no protein. When I reached my 38-week mark, I was OVER being pregnant but anxious to meet my little one. We had finally decided to name him Jyson Louis Davis.

I had my 38-week appointment and my pre-op appointment on the same day. I had a scheduled c-section for the following Thursday. At this appointment, they checked the baby’s heartbeat and my blood pressure and everything was great! So…how is it that the very next day, I am at the hospital and the nurses are telling me that they can’t find my baby’s heartbeat. At first, I thought it was Jyson being stubborn but I soon learned that something was very wrong. The pain that I thought were contractions were just my body telling me that something was wrong. As my fears turned into tears, all I heard was apologies from the nurse.

At this point, I can hardly control my crying because I am nearly sobbing. I am then told that my blood pressure has skyrocketed and they are rushing me into emergency surgery. I cannot begin to explain the emptiness and sadness that I felt when the doctor confirmed that Jyson did not survive. He was 6 lbs 8 oz and did I mention he was gorgeous? He was. Everything about him was perfect. My placenta ruptured. Supposedly, it was preeclampsia. Just like that, he was gone. The date and time of death was Friday, June 15, 2018 at 10:35 pm.

How could I not know that something was wrong? How could the doctors not detect preeclampsia during the numerous doctor’s visits? How is it fair that God allows so many unfit parents to continue to bear children but He took our son away? How could everything be great yesterday and be snatched away in an instant today? I had so many questions and not enough answers. As I held him, I felt so empty. It seemed I had run out of tears in that moment. I felt sad for my children who were anxious to have a little brother to play with. I felt sad for June because I know he was just as devastated as I was. I felt sad for my family who was so excited about the new addition to our family.

Meanwhile, I am told that I almost died along with my son and I am baffled of how could all of this be happening without any warning signs. Whether I chose to accept it or not, my son was dead and we were forced to pick up the pieces of our lives that weren’t scattered about and live. Even with the love and support of others, I found myself crying some nights when everyone had gone home and there was nothing left to deal with but the pain in my heart. I was so angry!! It seems that since Jyson’s passing, I hear good news concerning babies or see so many baby-related ads and it makes me sad. A very good friend of mine had her baby the day after I was supposed to have Jyson and I saw it on social media. Seeing that cut me so deep because I felt robbed. I texted her and congratulated her while my eyes were filled with tears and my heart was filled with pain. It is so hard seeing someone love on their little one when yours has been taken away.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2018/09/8725.html

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Yolandé

Mom to Ivy Kathryn

June 1, 2017

South Africa

I had visited my cousin’s for the weekend. I came back on the Monday. The Tuesday I noticed she wasn’t moving and told my midwife that I hadn’t felt her or rather can’t remember when last I felt her. I had started before then to do a kicking chart and did it that night also, as my midwife instructed. I did everything. Drank juice, lied down on my left side. I rested. I moved, tried to feel her, talked to her. Deep down I knew something was wrong. I made an appointment with my general practitioner who I’ve come to trust although I planned on doing water birth with a midwife.

My partner did not go in with me. I later saw messages on his phone that he told his mother that he was so stressed for the doctor’s appointment but that he chose to not go in with me and should it not be good news, he wouldn’t know how to deal with it. It’s these little details one never forgets. The image of her in my womb, dead. Lifeless, my body had failed me. How she felt when she died. Did she feel? These thoughts haunt me, daily. 

During my pregnancy, I was fairly stressed. The worry of another child, how we must prepare, how we must prepare our 16-month-old baby boy for his sister got to me and my relationship. Still, my partner stayed. I try to believe and accept that it wasn’t her time and that it is not my fault. Heaven needs her more.

I went into the doctor’s room. I started the consultation by asking the doctor for something for depression or something to calm my nerves and broke down, as I have always felt ashamed to ask for help, emotionally. As if this makes me a weaker person. He said [it was] no problem and then I mentioned that why I was actually there was because I couldn’t remember when I last felt her moving. It did not quite register that there was no heartbeat and that he was looking at my placenta and that there was a tear right there. I was waiting for him to tell me everything is fine, just take it easy and go home, start your anti-depressants. Ivy is fine.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/06/8496.html

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Jenny

Mom to Baby R and River Beth

December 28, 2015 and December 22, 2016

Spokane, Washington

We were so excited to finally be pregnant after almost 6 months of trying. It was November 27, 2015, the day after Thanksgiving, when that pregnancy test showed a positive line. I blurted it out to my best friend because I couldn’t hold the excitement. My mother-in-law met me at my office and I gave her a card that had the news on it. I had been planning the announcements for months, waiting for that positive test. We drove to Babies R Us so that I could find the perfect onesie to announce to my husband that we were finally going to have a baby.

Our first ultrasound at 6 weeks was perfect. We told my sister-in-law, the grandparents, the cousins and some of our friends. We celebrated Christmas full of glee and opened presents for Baby R.

At 8 weeks, 3 days after Christmas, my in-laws went with us to the ultrasound. I will never forget the words, “I’m sorry, there’s no heartbeat.”

That was the first time our world was shattered. My doctor ran dozens of tests. We already knew I had endometriosis, a bicornuate uterus, and low progesterone. What we didn’t know was that my endometriosis was stage 3 and everywhere. Or to the extent my uterus was bicornuate. With my bleeding disorder I couldn’t miscarry at home due to risk of bleeding out. The D&C was scheduled for three days after the news of losing our first child.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/04/8447.html

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Kelly Kittel

Mom to Noah Patrick, Jonah Emmanuel and 6 Siblings

May 18, 1996 – August 10, 1997 and May 14, 1998

Portsmouth, Rhode Island

Andy kissed me awake early. I drew in my breath, realizing my contractions were getting more uncomfortable. “I hope these are working,” I said. “That nurse better check my dilation today, or you’ll have to.”

“Gladly,” he said, grinning.

Easing out of bed, I followed him to the kitchen. After months of bed rest, waiting and worrying, I was ready to have this baby. “Have a great day,” I said, kissing Hannah and Christiana. “Maybe today we’ll have a baby.” For the first time in ages, I watched them skip off to school. The sun reflected off their blond hair and the dew in the grass, the spring air sparkling with new growth and possibility.

Andy and I headed back down the hall—I to shower, he to dress Micah—and soon I heard them arguing. “Pleeeeze, you only have to wear them for an hour.” Micah skipped in, dressed in the corduroy pants he hated. “See, Mom? They swish when I move. Are you coming to my music?”

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/04/8433.html

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Courtney

Mom to Alexandra Renee

September 10, 2016

Fort Walton Beach, Florida

I found out I was pregnant on Mother’s Day of all days. To someone who did not think they could get pregnant without medical intervention, this was very significant. My husband and I had been trying/not preventing for almost two years. When those two pink lines appeared, I was overwhelmed but also overjoyed. 

I had a fairly difficult first trimester with morning sickness, but nothing could bring me down. This would be our first baby and we were so happy. We spent the entire summer in bliss. We researched strollers, car seats, brainstormed baby names, and imagined how wonderful our life would be once he/she arrived. All of our appointments went well. Our ultrasounds were normal and we soon found out we were expecting a little girl.

http://facesofloss.com/2016/11/8382.html

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Jen

Mom to Rosalie Joy

November 5, 2015

West Lincoln, Ontario, Canada

On November 5, 2015, I had my baby girl. She was born at 39 weeks 3 days – beautiful, perfect in every way. She weighed 8lbs, 1oz. She was born at 1:05 am.

She died at 7:25am. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/01/8081.html

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Hanna

Mom to Maddox Tye

July 13, 2014 – October 17, 2014

Columbia, Kentucky

My husband and I found out we were 6 weeks pregnant in March of 2014. We were so excited. Shortly afterwards, I had a few concerns with my pregnancy and I went to the ER. Come to find out I had a placenta abruption. The doctors told me it would either resolve on its own or get worse. Only time would tell. So time went on and things were fine until I was about 12 weeks, I had another round of issues so I decided to be seen again. It was the same problem, it hadn’t gotten worse but it hadn’t resolved either. The doctor sent me home on mild bed rest. Things went well again and we found out we had a healthy growing baby boy.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/03/7609.html

edith

Edith

Mom to Avalon

Born still December 13, 2012 at 20 weeks gestation

Ann Arbor, Michigan

I’ve always wanted a daughter. I’m the seventh in a line of mothers and daughters, through which the property I own has been passed down. The mothers and daughters in my family are very close, and there was nothing I wanted more than the next girl of our line. My sisters both had little girls as well, and my mother was rooting for a girl from the start. I used a sperm donor to conceive, and got pregnant on the fourth try. I was one week away from my 19 week anatomy scan when I suddenly began to bleed. I was hospitalized with a suspected partial placental abruption, but luckily the baby was ok and my cervix was closed, although on the thin side. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7413.html

michelle

Mom to Katie

Born sleeping May 26, 2009

Aberystwyth, Ceredigion

This is for our precious angel, Katie Isobel.

She didn’t have a long life. In fact she never even took her first breath in our world, but despite all of that, she was — and still is — loved by so many. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7259.html

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Leigha

Mom to Reagan

September 1, 2013

Tempe, Arizona

My name is Leigha, and I am here to tell you Reagan’s story. I found out I was pregnant in June 2013. I was very scared, and didn’t know what to do. I knew one thing, I wanted this beautiful child. I struggled for months with light bleeding. ER visits galore. They found a large cyst on my one remaining ovary that was growing very rapidly, and gave the cyst a month to shrink. The doctor said if it doesn’t get smaller, surgery was my only option. A month passed by, and the cyst shrunk from 8 cm to 2.4 cm!! I was so relieved, and thanked God so much that I didn’t need surgery. Everything was fine I thought… but it wasn’t.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7163.html

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Amy

Mom to Ivy Renee

Born Still on July 21, 2012

Richmond, Kentucky

I woke up around 3:30am. I had only been asleep for an hour and a half at the most. I had to pee really bad as usual that late in the third trimester. I noticed my stomach was really hard, like a contraction that just wouldn’t let up. I was feeling a bit uncomfortable, nothing too bad, just some mild cramping. I almost tried to lay back down for a second but got right back up and thought, “No, something isn’t right.” So, I called a few people that I had been in touch with that day or within the days before but no one answered. Then I called my friend, Tonia. She answered right away, thinking I was calling about the missing person we were all so concerned with in our town. I told her I thought I was in labor and needed to go to the hospital but I needed to call someone else to come down and stay with my three kids. I called another friend, Angel, whom I hadn’t spoken with in quite some time, but I knew she’d be there for me if I ever needed her and she was. I even talked with her about maybe I was overreacting, but she assured me it was better to be safe. Angel and Tonia were on their way. I quickly threw some things in my hospital bag. I didn’t even have any clothes for Ivy packed. I was planning on waiting until Jason flew home and have him go upstairs in the attic and bring down all of Violet’s newborn baby clothes. He was coming home soon because my induction date was only 10 days away, August 10th. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/6732.html

Natasha FOL

Natasha

Mom to Miguel Angel Jr. – Born into Heaven June 12, 2000

Ontario, California

We found out I was pregnant in March of 2000. We were so excited until I started bleeding on Mother’s Day. I went to the Emergency Room and they told me there was nothing they could do- it was a threatened abortion and to make an appointment with my doctor. Heartbroken, they sent me home.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/01/6529.html

Jennifer

Mom to Agustin
Born and died September 30, 2012

and

Aristeo
Born sleeping September 30, 2012

Bradenton, Florida

 

Knowing I was pregnant was the scariest and happiest day of my life. It was even scarier telling my mother; she already knew, but was scared to ask me. One day she handed me a pregnancy test and told me to take it. I was so scared, but after taking the test, which you could hardly read what the results were, I told her I was already 3 months.  She was happy because she was not yet a grandmother.. I was frightened I’d be a mother at 18. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/11/6183.html

Nichole

Mom to Gregory Harrison

Born still on October 8, 2006

Tamaqua, Pennsylvania

Getting pregnant and becoming a parent is supposed to be easy. That was what I had assumed when my husband and I decided it was time to start a family of our own. We had been together since 1995, married since 2001, had purchased our first home. The logical progression said that we should start a family. More importantly, our hearts told us it was time. As time passed, we felt that something was missing from our lives, and being parents was that missing facet. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/10/6010.html

Amy

Mom to Caleb Dean

Born April 16, 2012

Indiana

My husband and I started having children almost as soon as we got married.  At our first wedding anniversary, we announced that we were pregnant with our first daughter.  Our family was thrilled, and so were we!  We went on to have four children, two girls and two boys.  When our oldest daughter was 11, our youngest son 4, and I was 35, we decided to have another baby.  Everything had always been textbook normal with my other pregnancies, and we expected nothing less.  We announced to the world that we were pregnant at 4 weeks.  In September 2011 at 9 weeks, I began bleeding and found out that I had miscarried our child.  We were devastated, but having to share the grief with our children was terrible.  Sad and disappointed doesn’t cover it. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/06/5605.html

Amy

Mom to Aliya Amy and Bennett Paul

Lost August 5, 2011

Tenino, Washington

Paul and I were introduced in April 2005 by my friend Amanda, who was engaged to Paul’s younger brother (she’s my sister-in-law now). Even though I was dating someone else at the time, she declared me Paul’s perfect match and would not let it go! She was right, of course…although very different, we were perfect for each other. Our paths crossed again in July 2005, and since I had broken up with the other guy, Paul found the nerve to ask me out. We had our first date a couple of weeks later and have been together ever since. We got engaged Thanksgiving weekend 2005 and married in September 2006. We started trying for our first child in October 2007, one month after our first wedding anniversary. I’d been on and off birth control for years to prevent pregnancy…little did I know how difficult it would actually be for us to get pregnant. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/04/5150.html

Monica

Mom to Ryan Alan – December 7, 2011
and
Andrew Jonathan – December 8, 2011

Oak Island, North Carolina

After trying to conceive for 4 years my husband and I discovered we were pregnant with triplets in September.  We were happy but overwhelmed; at 7 weeks we met with the maternal fetal specialist who explained the risks and options.  She sent us to Duke to meet with another specialist who did genetic testing and advised us to reduce to twins.  It was a very hard decision but we felt that it would give the other two the best chance.  It was a horrible procedure to go through, and in hindsight I don’t know that I would do it again, but at the time I thought I was increasing my babies’ odds…It was so strange to grieve one and yet be excited for two. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/04/5142.html

Angie

Mom to Leia

Born Sleeping on October 6, 2011

Kitchener, Ontario, Canada

My name is Angela. I was born May 14, 1976 in a small northern Ontario town.  I have always had been dreams of being a famous author. I successfully completed a three-year course with The Institute of Children’s Literature. Put my writing on the back burner for so very long. Met my husband Mickey on ICQ in 1996. He was in Texas, I was in Canada.  After many years of traveling back and forth we married in Canada on April 23, 2004. I have been in love with the band Aerosmith for over 20 years, and met 4/5 of the band members in 2010. I have Steven, Joe, Joey and Tom’s signatures tattooed on my back. I also have a cow jumping over the moon on my ankle, Curious George on my breast, a pumpkin on the small of my back, and the most recent, Leia’s footprints with her name under it on my forearm. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/03/4840.html

Nicki
Ellersley Grace – August 13th, 2011 birth and death
Louisville, OH
My name is Nicki and I am a mommy to a little lady who dances on the other side of eternity. We found out we were pregnant on February 17th, 2011. We had been trying for about 2.5 years and we could not BELIEVE what we were seeing! We were filled to the brim with Joy and Love for the sweet baby we didn’t even know yet! We went through our pregnancy with flying colors, I was healthy and the baby was healthy. All was well in our world. We came to June and we decided to have a gender reveal party; we cut the cake and the inside color told us what my belly held inside. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/01/4506.html

Melissa

Mom to “Little One,”  lost at 6 weeks

Wesley Major, born at 25 weeks and 4 days on
January 5, 2011 and lost January 7, 2011

“Baby Angel” lost at 9 weeks

My husband and I went to our infertility specialist after 4 years of marriage and struggling to become parents. I was diagnosed with PCOS. We decided on an IUI and were pleasantly surprised to find out we were pregnant on the first try! We were over the moon and I was very cautious. When we went in for our first ultrasound we saw there was no heartbeat, and I naturally miscarried a week later. It was devastating. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/12/4263.html

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