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Mom to Aiden Nevin

July 24, 2015

Bellwood, Pennsylvania

I am the mother of an angel, an angel named Aiden.  Here is my story.

Aiden was my second pregnancy.  My husband and I were already parents to our precious 4-year-old boy.  While surprised by Aiden’s upcoming arrival, we weren’t any less excited.  Our family was growing just as we always thought it would.  I can still remember after all of those initial doctor appointments, I was still in such disbelief.  My pregnancy progressed in textbook fashion, just as it did during my first, so what did we have to worry about?  Our 4-year-old was beginning to blossom into a wonderful brother-to-be and my husband and I were watching days and weeks pass us by until Aiden would make his entrance into this world. 

At 38 weeks pregnant, I started back to work after a small summer break when one day I noticed that Aiden wasn’t being his fiery self.  His name literally means “little fire” or “fiery one.”  Thoughts crossed my mind, but faded quickly.  I went on throughout that evening with a small tinge of worry, but just tried my best to brush it off.  When I awoke the next morning to get ready for work, I went on with my normal routine, but had still noticed that Aiden wasn’t moving about.  I immediately called my doctor’s office and they told me to head up to Labor and Delivery just to get checked out.  I awoke my husband and after getting our son off to family, we headed to the hospital.  While that car ride was entirely silent, I still really had no sense of worry.  When I arrived to Labor and Delivery, a nurse immediately set me up in a room and hooked me up to a monitor.  She started searching for the “whoosh whoosh whoosh” sound that all moms know all too well and I would say “That’s him, right?”  She would say “I think I’m just getting you.”  Panic had settled in by now.  I silently started praying and kept repeating the word “No” to myself.  She then proceeded to say that she would have to go and get an ultrasound machine just to be sure.  Any loss mom knows this procedure all too well.  Another nurse came in and completed the ultrasound.  She did say that of course they wouldn’t be able to tell us anything until a doctor was able to read the ultrasound, but I knew just from that ultrasound that he was gone; our Aiden was gone.  No movement at all on that monitor; he was still.  A short time later, a young doctor that I had never met before came in wearing a long white lab coat and had confirmed what I already knew.  There was no heartbeat, Aiden was gone. 

At this point, they discussed all my options with me and my family.  Options that would have never crossed my mind before and they proceeded to induce me into labor.  We started alerting family and close friends with phone calls and messages.  You could hear the tears in their voices and in their words.  Family started pouring in throughout the rest of that afternoon and evening.  I was just so numb; no feelings and hardly any words.  My body was shivering; shivering in July.  I now know that my body was in shock.  I had chosen to stop the induction process for the night and we would proceed with everything the next morning at a time of my choosing.  While tossing and turning all night, I awoke semi-refreshed and then doom and dread immediately lingered over me.  I didn’t want this process to last all day or even days.  I prayed to God and Aiden too that they would see me through this process and start me on a path of grieving and healing.  After only a few hours of active labor and a few pushes, my little angel had arrived.  He was so angelic, so perfect.  What could have happened? My wonderful primary care doctor took the time to come and talk with my family the day before and had explained that things can and do happen at this stage of pregnancy.  Soon after he was born, one of the doctors had explained that he did have a significant blood clot in his umbilical cord.  We did elect to have an autopsy completed prior to his funeral arrangements.  After he was born, I got to hold him and so did my husband.  I took my time kissing him as much as I could.  Family came pouring in soon after and said their “Hello’s” and “Goodbyes” all at once.  We were told that he could stay in our room for as long as we would like, but soon afterwards, after being placed in the warmer for pictures, his looks were changing so much already that I didn’t want to remember him like that.  So, I kissed him one last time and said my final goodbye.

In the coming days and weeks, we were beyond blessed with the support of family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, strangers, etc. as we laid Aiden to rest.  After a few months awaiting his autopsy results and being referred to a high-risk obstetrician, it has been discovered that I have a blood clotting condition known as Antiphospholipid Coagulation Syndrome, APS for short which lead to Aiden’s demise. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Aiden and the little person he would be becoming.  I feel as though I am a shattered piece of pottery; carefully glued back together, but still missing a few shards.  Time and a great support system have healed some wounds, but the entire universe could never heal them all.  He was, is, and always will be my angel.

Mommy forever misses you Aiden Nevin.  Until we meet again and spend all eternity in heaven together; sending you many X’s and O’s, X’s and O’s.   

You can email Alyssa at Akey426@gmail.com.

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Mom to Richard Allen

May 16, 2016 – May 17, 2016

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

My husband and I found out we were pregnant on the eve of my 28th birthday. It seemed like the perfect birthday present and with each passing week, we felt that we were getting closer and closer to our dream of having a child. Every single appointment was perfect and I enjoyed a very healthy, trouble-free pregnancy. 

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Mom to Meredith

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

April 29, 2016

And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. -Psalm 39:7

We buried our baby on her due date. We found out our sweet baby Meredith’s heart stopped beating on April 28th. One week before – she had a strong heartbeat, my belly was growing. Two weeks before, I had a non-stress test and she was healthy and reactive. Three weeks before, she was perfect on our last ultrasound – 47th percentile in growth – what a perfect baby. Six pounds already. In the next three weeks she gained almost two more pounds and was moving like crazy. Yes, she had quiet moments during the day, but I never felt her stop. I never felt her die. I was 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant. There is no fetal heartbeat. Sometimes this just happens. Your baby is beautiful – perfect. Except she is dead. 7 lbs, 12 ounces, 21 inches. Much bigger than her big brother Cameron when he was born. I prayed throughout my pregnancy that my girl would have a head of dark hair, like me. And she did. Maybe I should’ve prayed more for her health…how dare I take that for granted. There was not a time during my pregnancy that I doubted she would be born healthy and alive. How dare I be so bold. I already had one healthy pregnancy and one perfect child – why would this be any different? [Read more…]





Mom to Samuel

Born and Died on October 1, 2015

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

I married the most wonderful man and my best friend in September 2013. We decided we’d start trying to have a baby in January 2015, with the thought it may take awhile to get pregnant. I was so anxious and excited to get pregnant that I would take so many pregnancy tests. When I saw that first positive stick, I couldn’t believe it. Mark and I were supposed to take a vacation in Saint Martin in December 2015 and I remember telling him that I didn’t think we would be able to go. He said “why not”. That was when I showed him the positive test and said “Because I’m pregnant!” That was a happy moment.

I was so blessed not to have morning sickness or anything too severe. Smelling beer, charcoal grilling, and the dishwasher made me feel nauseous but that was nothing compared to some mamas. Mark swore we were having a girl because I craved sushi, couldn’t stand the smell of beer and charcoal grilling. Our plan was to not find out the sex of the baby. We all know that plans don’t really work out the way we intend though.

At 10 weeks, I bled. I bled a lot. I woke up early that morning and went downstairs to feed the cat and get some cereal. While downstairs, I felt something warm dripping down my legs which turned out to be blood. I thought I miscarried. I woke Mark and we laid in bed and prayed. I was so scared. I went in for an ultrasound that morning and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Our little squirming coil (as my husband liked to call the baby) was wiggling around and with a strong heartbeat. I was told I had Placenta Previa and was put on pelvic rest for 5 weeks. 

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Mom to Larkin Amelia

October 7, 2015

Philadelphia, PA

I am sharing our story because my grief counselor keeps suggesting writing as a way to heal. I am sharing our story for other mothers out there who might feel alone in their grief, too. I am sharing our story because I had a daughter, and I want people to know about her. I am sharing our story because the memories and love for her are all we have left to share. [Read more…]


Melissa FOL


Mom to Six Angels

April 1997, December 1997, August 2000, March 2001, November 2001, April 2003


My name is Melissa and I have six beautiful angels in Heaven. I never dreamed I would suffer so much heartache. When you suffer a miscarriage during your first pregnancy you hear, “It’s common, try again. It just wasn’t meant to be.” You really don’t think much about it. Yes, it was heartbreaking but knowing it was so common, I still felt positive and hopeful. Then when I got pregnant a second time and miscarried again, we were told we could send it off for testing to see if there was a reason. So we did. When we received the results back, they stressed nothing was definite without further genetic testing; it could have been a fluke so don’t stress.

My first pregnancy, I lost the baby naturally. I started spotting at 8 weeks. When we went to the ER, there was no heartbeat, so I was sent home to let nature takes its course and miscarry. Our second pregnancy, I was 10-11 weeks when we had an ultrasound and saw that the embryo stopped developing at 7 weeks but my body did not miscarry it. So, I was wheeled into the OR for my first D&C. We know from the testing that we lost a little girl. [Read more…]




Mom to Jesse & Joshua

Lebanon, Pennsylvania

June 10, 2010 & February 12, 2013

This story starts before Joshua was conceived. In the late spring/early summer of 2012, one night I had a dream, in this dream my mother asked me (whom I only dreamed of one time prior) if I was pregnant. In this dream Mikey had 4 teeth and was walking up the steps. At that present time Mikey didn’t have that amount of teeth and wasn’t yet walking up the steps. Fast forward a few months in the fall of 2012 Mikey, now had the amount of teeth in my dream and also was walking up the steps. By then I forgot much about the dream, but I wrote it down because it was a particular dream. Only when “my friend” was very short did I suspect that I might be and then also remembered the dream.

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Mother to Samuel Robert

January 29, 2015

Greenville, Pennsylvania

Samuel was our “Bonus Baby” or so we called him.  The news of our pregnancy was a surprise.  Our kids were 9 and 11 when we found out we were expecting.  We had always wanted a third child but so much time had passed we didn’t think it would happened.  We so excited to learn that we would be adding a new member of the family.  My children helped with names and dreamt of the future they would have with their new brother or sister.  The day we learned that our Bonus Baby was a boy, we immediately went shopping and bought the most adorable baby outfits.  My son, who is a baseball fanatic, picked out a special baseball rattle for his brother.  The two of them also agreed on a stuffed Dumbo for Samuel that would hold a special place in his nursery.

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Second pregnancy lost at 16.5 weeks
Third pregnancy lost at 6 weeks
Fourth & Fifth pregnancies lost at 8 weeks

Harrisburg, Pennsylvania

My story, copied from my first blog post:

Med school in our early twenties.

Met shortly after that. Well, his last year and my first in Residency. On a medical mission trip in Costa Rica. Yeah, that’s how God started our life together… years with only a couple hundred miles apart but we had to meet a few thousand miles away.

First kid born full term, we were both 30; he was conceived after two months of “trying.” We’re thankful for fertility.

Human life is a blessing. We learned that in church (Catholic grade school for me, Sunday-school for him) and then again in medical school. When I dissected the hand in Anatomy, I really knew it. Only a divine creator could fathom something so intricately beautiful. And then on those ultrasounds, I really knew it. Finally, when you hold a perfect creation in your arms, it is true. What a gift.

About nine months later, we were pregnant for the second time. Miscarried at 16.5 week, baby number 2 had Trisomy 18. A blessing in disguise, they said. Better to lose her now, than later.

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Mother to Sarah

November 12, 2009 – November 15, 2009

Grove City, Pennsylvania

Sarah Elisabeth was born on November 12, 2009. She weighed 6 pounds, 9 ½ ounces and was 19 ¼ inches long. She had black curly hair and dark blue eyes. She was my first child. My pregnancy journey began on April 7, 2009, when I found out I was pregnant. Much of my pregnancy was normal. I felt sick and needed to eat every few hours. I was so tired I would take naps.

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312 HillamnJennifer

Mother to Sydney Jon

July 9, 2013

Murrysville, Pennsylvania

On July 9, 2013, our lives were changed forever. I was 37-weeks pregnant with our second child (I had a miscarriage in March 2011) when I was at the doctor for a “routine” check-up. As the doctor was attempting to listen to the baby’s heartbeat, he looked up at me and said, “I’m sorry. There’s no heartbeat.” They say losing a child is the most devastating thing a person can go through and I must say we agree.

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Mom to Dallas Taylor

March 8, 2013

Stoystown, Pennsylvania

I found out I was pregnant December 29, 2012. I felt great and was absolutely thrilled! My husband and I were so excited and couldn’t wait to add a new addition to the family! My two boys were also happy and they wanted a baby sister. I had my first baby doctor’s appointment on January 2nd and everything was great. After my first doctor’s appointment, I ended up having an internal ultrasound done to check on the baby and the [technician] was so rude and very rough. It hurt very badly, and she even ripped me. Anyway, the following Sunday I had a spot of blood but I didn’t worry about it.

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Shannon S


Mom to Lilliana Francesca

December 15, 2012

Springfield, Pennsylvania

My husband and I were thrilled to find out the awesome news that in May 2012, we were expecting. I had a wonderful pregnancy with no morning sickness. I continued to exercise, ate healthy and did all the things I was supposed to. Because of my age (39 at the time) I was monitored at lot, beginning at 32 weeks. I was going twice a week for ultrasounds, non-stress tests, etc. All looked great! Lilliana even passed her bio-physical with flying colors. We were so happy and anticipating her arrival. We had just about finished her nursery, her clothes were washed and waiting for her.
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Mom to Allison, James, and Colin

December 31, 2012

Pittsburgh, PA

After one year of trying to conceive on our own, my husband and I turned to a Reproductive Endocrinologist.  We quickly learned that I had PCOS and started medications right away. Four months later after our first round of injectable hormones, we learned we were expecting triplets!  We were overjoyed to be pregnant, but concerned about the potential complications. The next four months were beautiful.  We were able to see our babies at 9 weeks, 12 weeks, 16 weeks and 19 weeks during routine high-risk visits. They were growing great, placentas looked awesome, and we learned they were all fraternal, so we didn’t have to worry about twin to twin transfusion syndrome. I grew quickly and loved every moment.  I was anxiously awaiting the day when I would feel the first kicks, instead of just little flutters.

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Three ectopic pregnancies:

January 8, 2009 (9 weeks),

January 8, 2010 (5 weeks),


December 13, 2011 (5w5d with a heartbeat)

Mercersburg, Pennsylvania

My name is Bethany Anderson. My husband and I live in a small rural community in Pennsylvania called Mercersburg. I am twenty-two years-old and my husband, Thomas, is twenty-eight. Thomas and I have been together for almost 5 years and we were married in August of 2011. We have a dog, which is like my child, Chino Taco Anderson. My husband has a son, named Cadon, who is now 6 years old. Although I wish he would be with us every single day, he lives with his mother and we don’t get to see him as often as we’d like. We were told the only way for us to conceive after our extremely difficult losses, was through in-vitro fertilization.   This is our infertility story. [Read more…]



Mom to Mae Elizabeth

Born still May 18, 2012

Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

My husband and I lost our first born baby girl when she was born still on May 18th, 2012.  She was born full-term (40 weeks, 1 day) after 9 months of a healthy pregnancy.  She was wiggling and moving on May 16th and at our 40 week check-up, she was gone. [Read more…]



Mom to Gregory Harrison

Born still on October 8, 2006

Tamaqua, Pennsylvania

Getting pregnant and becoming a parent is supposed to be easy. That was what I had assumed when my husband and I decided it was time to start a family of our own. We had been together since 1995, married since 2001, had purchased our first home. The logical progression said that we should start a family. More importantly, our hearts told us it was time. As time passed, we felt that something was missing from our lives, and being parents was that missing facet. [Read more…]



Mom to Lorelei Grace

Stillborn on April 30, 2012

New Columbia, Pennsylvania

We lost our Lorelei on April 30, 2012 at 36 weeks 6 days, two days before I was supposed to be induced. She was going to need surgery after she was born and would spend time in the NICU because she had a gastroschesis (her bowel, stomach, and bladder had come through a hole in her abdominal wall beside the umbilical cord). We were prepared for that and had come to terms with it, but we were NOT expecting to never bring her home. [Read more…]



Mom to Daniel James

Born May 18, 2012

Pittsburg, Pennsylvania

My husband Tyler and I decided to start trying for a baby at the beginning of 2012.  We were excited and surprised to get pregnant right away!  I took a pregnancy test on Sunday, January 29th and was thrilled to see “Pregnant”!! We went to church later that morning and were so thankful to God for the blessing of this new life created.   I called the doctor the next day and scheduled my first prenatal appointment for when I would be 6 weeks pregnant.  We had our first appointment and after we got the official confirmation at the doctor’s, we started calling and visiting our parents and siblings to share the great news.  We asked them not to say anything until we got further along in the pregnancy, as I had already been reading a lot about pregnancy and I knew what the risks of miscarriage in the first trimester were.  5 days after we told our families, I started spotting a little bit.  I called the doctor right away and she scheduled an ultrasound for me.  I was so nervous going to that ultrasound, but breathed a huge sigh of relief and my eyes welled with tears of joy as I saw our little baby’s heart beating away.  I got a picture to take home, and I was so amazed at how tiny, but how perfectly formed our baby was.  I framed the ultrasound picture and kept it on our bedroom dresser to look each and every day.  [Read more…]



Mom to Elliot Michael

Lost May 30, 2012 at 18 weeks’ gestation

Tarentum, Pennsylvania

On February 15th of this year, I thought my dreams were coming true. My boyfriend and I had been talking about trying to conceive our first child together and in the middle of the hated two week wait I decided to test early. Imagine my surprise when, 9 days post ovulation I have a big fat positive staring me in the face. I called my boyfriend into the bathroom and showed him the test. He rejoiced with me, though in a much calmer, manlier way, and then said to use the digital test I had on hand the next morning just to be sure. I agreed and woke up at 6 in the morning the next day so I could test before he went to work. Seeing the word “Pregnant” on the stick I was holding made it all the more real. I rushed out of the bathroom, shoving the test under my boyfriend’s nose, my mind racing with images of cribs and strollers, freshly painted nurseries and my daughter and stepson holding their brand new sibling. I couldn’t even fathom something going wrong. [Read more…]


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