Mom to Richard Allen
May 16, 2016 – May 17, 2016
Mom to Richard Allen
May 16, 2016 – May 17, 2016
Mom to Meredith
April 29, 2016
And now, O Lord, for what do I wait? My hope is in you. -Psalm 39:7
We buried our baby on her due date. We found out our sweet baby Meredith’s heart stopped beating on April 28th. One week before – she had a strong heartbeat, my belly was growing. Two weeks before, I had a non-stress test and she was healthy and reactive. Three weeks before, she was perfect on our last ultrasound – 47th percentile in growth – what a perfect baby. Six pounds already. In the next three weeks she gained almost two more pounds and was moving like crazy. Yes, she had quiet moments during the day, but I never felt her stop. I never felt her die. I was 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant. There is no fetal heartbeat. Sometimes this just happens. Your baby is beautiful – perfect. Except she is dead. 7 lbs, 12 ounces, 21 inches. Much bigger than her big brother Cameron when he was born. I prayed throughout my pregnancy that my girl would have a head of dark hair, like me. And she did. Maybe I should’ve prayed more for her health…how dare I take that for granted. There was not a time during my pregnancy that I doubted she would be born healthy and alive. How dare I be so bold. I already had one healthy pregnancy and one perfect child – why would this be any different? [Read more…]
Mom to Samuel
Born and Died on October 1, 2015
I married the most wonderful man and my best friend in September 2013. We decided we’d start trying to have a baby in January 2015, with the thought it may take awhile to get pregnant. I was so anxious and excited to get pregnant that I would take so many pregnancy tests. When I saw that first positive stick, I couldn’t believe it. Mark and I were supposed to take a vacation in Saint Martin in December 2015 and I remember telling him that I didn’t think we would be able to go. He said “why not”. That was when I showed him the positive test and said “Because I’m pregnant!” That was a happy moment.
I was so blessed not to have morning sickness or anything too severe. Smelling beer, charcoal grilling, and the dishwasher made me feel nauseous but that was nothing compared to some mamas. Mark swore we were having a girl because I craved sushi, couldn’t stand the smell of beer and charcoal grilling. Our plan was to not find out the sex of the baby. We all know that plans don’t really work out the way we intend though.
At 10 weeks, I bled. I bled a lot. I woke up early that morning and went downstairs to feed the cat and get some cereal. While downstairs, I felt something warm dripping down my legs which turned out to be blood. I thought I miscarried. I woke Mark and we laid in bed and prayed. I was so scared. I went in for an ultrasound that morning and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Our little squirming coil (as my husband liked to call the baby) was wiggling around and with a strong heartbeat. I was told I had Placenta Previa and was put on pelvic rest for 5 weeks.
Mom to Larkin Amelia
October 7, 2015
I am sharing our story because my grief counselor keeps suggesting writing as a way to heal. I am sharing our story for other mothers out there who might feel alone in their grief, too. I am sharing our story because I had a daughter, and I want people to know about her. I am sharing our story because the memories and love for her are all we have left to share. [Read more…]
Mom to Six Angels
April 1997, December 1997, August 2000, March 2001, November 2001, April 2003
My name is Melissa and I have six beautiful angels in Heaven. I never dreamed I would suffer so much heartache. When you suffer a miscarriage during your first pregnancy you hear, “It’s common, try again. It just wasn’t meant to be.” You really don’t think much about it. Yes, it was heartbreaking but knowing it was so common, I still felt positive and hopeful. Then when I got pregnant a second time and miscarried again, we were told we could send it off for testing to see if there was a reason. So we did. When we received the results back, they stressed nothing was definite without further genetic testing; it could have been a fluke so don’t stress.
My first pregnancy, I lost the baby naturally. I started spotting at 8 weeks. When we went to the ER, there was no heartbeat, so I was sent home to let nature takes its course and miscarry. Our second pregnancy, I was 10-11 weeks when we had an ultrasound and saw that the embryo stopped developing at 7 weeks but my body did not miscarry it. So, I was wheeled into the OR for my first D&C. We know from the testing that we lost a little girl. [Read more…]
Mom to Jesse & Joshua
June 10, 2010 & February 12, 2013
This story starts before Joshua was conceived. In the late spring/early summer of 2012, one night I had a dream, in this dream my mother asked me (whom I only dreamed of one time prior) if I was pregnant. In this dream Mikey had 4 teeth and was walking up the steps. At that present time Mikey didn’t have that amount of teeth and wasn’t yet walking up the steps. Fast forward a few months in the fall of 2012 Mikey, now had the amount of teeth in my dream and also was walking up the steps. By then I forgot much about the dream, but I wrote it down because it was a particular dream. Only when “my friend” was very short did I suspect that I might be and then also remembered the dream.
Mother to Samuel Robert
January 29, 2015
Samuel was our “Bonus Baby” or so we called him. The news of our pregnancy was a surprise. Our kids were 9 and 11 when we found out we were expecting. We had always wanted a third child but so much time had passed we didn’t think it would happened. We so excited to learn that we would be adding a new member of the family. My children helped with names and dreamt of the future they would have with their new brother or sister. The day we learned that our Bonus Baby was a boy, we immediately went shopping and bought the most adorable baby outfits. My son, who is a baseball fanatic, picked out a special baseball rattle for his brother. The two of them also agreed on a stuffed Dumbo for Samuel that would hold a special place in his nursery.
Second pregnancy lost at 16.5 weeks
Third pregnancy lost at 6 weeks
Fourth & Fifth pregnancies lost at 8 weeks
My story, copied from my first blog post:
Med school in our early twenties.
Met shortly after that. Well, his last year and my first in Residency. On a medical mission trip in Costa Rica. Yeah, that’s how God started our life together… years with only a couple hundred miles apart but we had to meet a few thousand miles away.
First kid born full term, we were both 30; he was conceived after two months of “trying.” We’re thankful for fertility.
Human life is a blessing. We learned that in church (Catholic grade school for me, Sunday-school for him) and then again in medical school. When I dissected the hand in Anatomy, I really knew it. Only a divine creator could fathom something so intricately beautiful. And then on those ultrasounds, I really knew it. Finally, when you hold a perfect creation in your arms, it is true. What a gift.
About nine months later, we were pregnant for the second time. Miscarried at 16.5 week, baby number 2 had Trisomy 18. A blessing in disguise, they said. Better to lose her now, than later.
Mother to Sarah
November 12, 2009 – November 15, 2009
Grove City, Pennsylvania
Sarah Elisabeth was born on November 12, 2009. She weighed 6 pounds, 9 ½ ounces and was 19 ¼ inches long. She had black curly hair and dark blue eyes. She was my first child. My pregnancy journey began on April 7, 2009, when I found out I was pregnant. Much of my pregnancy was normal. I felt sick and needed to eat every few hours. I was so tired I would take naps.
Mother to Sydney Jon
July 9, 2013
On July 9, 2013, our lives were changed forever. I was 37-weeks pregnant with our second child (I had a miscarriage in March 2011) when I was at the doctor for a “routine” check-up. As the doctor was attempting to listen to the baby’s heartbeat, he looked up at me and said, “I’m sorry. There’s no heartbeat.” They say losing a child is the most devastating thing a person can go through and I must say we agree.
Mom to Dallas Taylor
March 8, 2013
I found out I was pregnant December 29, 2012. I felt great and was absolutely thrilled! My husband and I were so excited and couldn’t wait to add a new addition to the family! My two boys were also happy and they wanted a baby sister. I had my first baby doctor’s appointment on January 2nd and everything was great. After my first doctor’s appointment, I ended up having an internal ultrasound done to check on the baby and the [technician] was so rude and very rough. It hurt very badly, and she even ripped me. Anyway, the following Sunday I had a spot of blood but I didn’t worry about it.
Mom to Lilliana Francesca
December 15, 2012
My husband and I were thrilled to find out the awesome news that in May 2012, we were expecting. I had a wonderful pregnancy with no morning sickness. I continued to exercise, ate healthy and did all the things I was supposed to. Because of my age (39 at the time) I was monitored at lot, beginning at 32 weeks. I was going twice a week for ultrasounds, non-stress tests, etc. All looked great! Lilliana even passed her bio-physical with flying colors. We were so happy and anticipating her arrival. We had just about finished her nursery, her clothes were washed and waiting for her.
Mom to Allison, James, and Colin
December 31, 2012
Three ectopic pregnancies:
January 8, 2009 (9 weeks),
January 8, 2010 (5 weeks),
December 13, 2011 (5w5d with a heartbeat)
My name is Bethany Anderson. My husband and I live in a small rural community in Pennsylvania called Mercersburg. I am twenty-two years-old and my husband, Thomas, is twenty-eight. Thomas and I have been together for almost 5 years and we were married in August of 2011. We have a dog, which is like my child, Chino Taco Anderson. My husband has a son, named Cadon, who is now 6 years old. Although I wish he would be with us every single day, he lives with his mother and we don’t get to see him as often as we’d like. We were told the only way for us to conceive after our extremely difficult losses, was through in-vitro fertilization. This is our infertility story. [Read more…]
Mom to Mae Elizabeth
Born still May 18, 2012
My husband and I lost our first born baby girl when she was born still on May 18th, 2012. She was born full-term (40 weeks, 1 day) after 9 months of a healthy pregnancy. She was wiggling and moving on May 16th and at our 40 week check-up, she was gone. [Read more…]
Mom to Gregory Harrison
Born still on October 8, 2006
Getting pregnant and becoming a parent is supposed to be easy. That was what I had assumed when my husband and I decided it was time to start a family of our own. We had been together since 1995, married since 2001, had purchased our first home. The logical progression said that we should start a family. More importantly, our hearts told us it was time. As time passed, we felt that something was missing from our lives, and being parents was that missing facet. [Read more…]
Mom to Lorelei Grace
Stillborn on April 30, 2012
New Columbia, Pennsylvania
We lost our Lorelei on April 30, 2012 at 36 weeks 6 days, two days before I was supposed to be induced. She was going to need surgery after she was born and would spend time in the NICU because she had a gastroschesis (her bowel, stomach, and bladder had come through a hole in her abdominal wall beside the umbilical cord). We were prepared for that and had come to terms with it, but we were NOT expecting to never bring her home. [Read more…]
Mom to Daniel James
Born May 18, 2012
My husband Tyler and I decided to start trying for a baby at the beginning of 2012. We were excited and surprised to get pregnant right away! I took a pregnancy test on Sunday, January 29th and was thrilled to see “Pregnant”!! We went to church later that morning and were so thankful to God for the blessing of this new life created. I called the doctor the next day and scheduled my first prenatal appointment for when I would be 6 weeks pregnant. We had our first appointment and after we got the official confirmation at the doctor’s, we started calling and visiting our parents and siblings to share the great news. We asked them not to say anything until we got further along in the pregnancy, as I had already been reading a lot about pregnancy and I knew what the risks of miscarriage in the first trimester were. 5 days after we told our families, I started spotting a little bit. I called the doctor right away and she scheduled an ultrasound for me. I was so nervous going to that ultrasound, but breathed a huge sigh of relief and my eyes welled with tears of joy as I saw our little baby’s heart beating away. I got a picture to take home, and I was so amazed at how tiny, but how perfectly formed our baby was. I framed the ultrasound picture and kept it on our bedroom dresser to look each and every day. [Read more…]
Mom to Elliot Michael
Lost May 30, 2012 at 18 weeks’ gestation
On February 15th of this year, I thought my dreams were coming true. My boyfriend and I had been talking about trying to conceive our first child together and in the middle of the hated two week wait I decided to test early. Imagine my surprise when, 9 days post ovulation I have a big fat positive staring me in the face. I called my boyfriend into the bathroom and showed him the test. He rejoiced with me, though in a much calmer, manlier way, and then said to use the digital test I had on hand the next morning just to be sure. I agreed and woke up at 6 in the morning the next day so I could test before he went to work. Seeing the word “Pregnant” on the stick I was holding made it all the more real. I rushed out of the bathroom, shoving the test under my boyfriend’s nose, my mind racing with images of cribs and strollers, freshly painted nurseries and my daughter and stepson holding their brand new sibling. I couldn’t even fathom something going wrong. [Read more…]
Mom to Emma Suzanne “Emma Sue”
Born sleeping May 17, 2012
My husband, Jeff, and I met in June of 2008. He wanted to date me from the start, but I had just gotten out of 2 really bad relationships, one right after the other, and decided I wanted to be single for a while. I also had my son to think of. After a summer of freedom Jeff was still coming around, so I finally decided to give him a chance. We got along great. He treated me like I should be treated, not what I was used to. And after a few months together I finally introduced him to my son, we made it official that we were a couple in November. He had already started talking about having children, but already having one child from a failed relationship I wasn’t ready. After sometime we started talking about marriage, and I started to feel more secure that this was the man I was going to marry. Wanting to have another baby pretty bad, I decided to go ahead and start trying with Jeff. So I told him I wasn’t starting a new pack of my birth control pills and we could start trying. I thought it would take some time to get pregnant since I was on birth control so long, but we were pregnant right away. Halfway through the pregnancy, we decided to get married, a little sooner than we expected due to Jeff having bad health problems and me having had very good insurance at the time. We were married in September, and our daughter Aubrey was born that New Year’s Eve via c-section like my son. [Read more…]