Everything else had gone so slow but those last seven days went to fast. We stopped all medical intervention that had been supporting her life and focused on making her comfortable. Tommy and I took those last days to tell her our stories, hopes and dreams. We prepared ourselves as best we could for what was coming and called on our family and friends to be by our side. We asked them to be our strength in the moments we fell short and to hold us in the moments we were weak.  We came to terms with the fact that this was our experience and understood that our world would never be the same. She took her last breath in my arms on July 9th.

The months following Nevys death are a blur for me. My cries came from a place deep in my soul, and my sorrow consumed me. I felt as thought people looked at us the same way they looked at car accidents as they passed them on the highway. It was an expression of utter sorrow for us and sincere appreciation for themselves that it was not their car and being that had been demolished. I wanted to escape from everything, but I could not muster the strength to walk. As uncomfortable as it was, I had to lean into our support system and let people care for me in a way I could not care for myself.

People have said the most random things in an attempt to make me feel better. I know that most of it comes from a good place with strong intention, however; I would prefer someone ask me about a favorite memory then stumble on crazy statements. Insterstingly the thing I hear most often is the one that stings the most. Its usually from another mom and it goes something like this, “I have no idea how you have made it through this, I would die if I lost one of my children. You are so strong and brave.” I want to scream each time it happens. We have suffered a loss that I would never want anyone to imagine. We have made it to where we are today out of necessity, none of this was a choice. She came, and she left because it was her destiny. We were the lucky ones because we had time with her. It is those of left behind that must pick up the pieces and carry on because life and love are worth it.

It has taken me a long time to realize that even death does not dissolve the bond we have with Nevaeh. I am still and will always be her mama. I parent her from a different place than I parent my son who is with me physically. We honor her strength of spirt  by sharing about her when ever possible.