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Shameema

Mom to Ayden

June 2, 2016 – July 1, 2016

Hyderabad, India

When I conceived, we’d been married for seven-and-a-half years. We didn’t want to have kids all these years. We wanted to plan it, we wanted to be financially stable, we wanted to prepare. We weren’t spared at all by family for this decision of ours. “So when are you having a baby?” “Why don’t you have kids?” “Your cousins and friends younger to you have 2 kids.” The list goes on. Needless to say, it was very uncomfortable. But, we knew – if we wanted a baby & when we wanted.

We had our moments – happy, sad, bad. We had our little friendly fights, arguments, I-hate-yous and I-love-yous. We celebrated our birthdays and anniversaries. Had dinner watching Two and a Half Men & The Big Bang Theory. We fought over wet towels on the bed and used coffee mugs at the dressing table.

Finally, on a pleasant Sunday morning of October 2015, we found out I was pregnant. Both our parents were going to have their first grandchild. Our siblings were going to have their first niece/nephew.

Nervous, excited and multiple other feelings. We made memories every day. We took pictures of my bump progression every month. We looked forward to the ultrasounds. Pregnancy was the happiest I have been. That was the happiest we have been as a couple.

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Jackie

Mom to Luke Patrick

January 27, 2017

Ontario, Canada

When I was ten weeks pregnant, I began to bleed. I didn’t know what to do, so I went to the ER. I happen to be an Emergency Room RN, and I trust my co-workers with my life, so where else would I go but my ER. That was how most people found out I was pregnant. Not the most ideal way to tell people, but nothing about my pregnancy was ideal. Luke’s heart beat was 170 bpm at 10 weeks, they had no explanation for the bleeding and he continued to thrive. I had many trips planned before I found out I was pregnant, so Luke traveled to Las Vegas twice, Wisconsin and Hawaii all within the first 3 months he was conceived.

I had horrible morning sickness all the way up to 20 weeks of pregnancy. Even up to the point of delivering Luke, I was throwing up. And the heartburn. I never knew heartburn could cause you to throw up until being pregnant. I was also having horrible rib pain. We were sent to a perinatologist after they found Luke’s kidney was slightly enlarged. They told us he had cyst on the back of his neck, and his kidney was measuring 4.5 and it should be less than 4. They asked to perform an amniocentesis. I refused. No matter what was wrong, I was going to have Luke, and I was going to love him regardless. They did blood tests, eventually everything came back negative on the genetic aspect. Scheduled an echo, all came back good. We were told that they would have more information at 30 weeks, and that appointment was scheduled.

I went in for my scheduled OB appointment at 27 weeks. I was miserable. My ribs were killing me. I had to pee literally every 15 minutes. My OB offered to take me off work but I wanted to keep working for a few more weeks. That night, I lost part of my mucous plug. Researched it online and saw a lot of people had this happen, it could be normal. I wasn’t able to sleep much that night, woke up at 7 am with period-like cramps. Took some Tylenol, was able to sleep for 3 hours. My friends urged me to call my OB. I told you, I am a nurse. I am stubborn. I didn’t want to go in. My OB told me to go to the hospital to get checked for peace of mind. I went, all the while thinking it was overkill. The nurses told me I was having contractions. They checked my cervix (ow) and did an AFP test. My cervix was closed, however the AFP test came back positive. A positive did not mean I was going to go into labor, but a negative test tells them that there is a 99% chance I would not go into labor for the next 2 weeks. The doctor checked my cervix then (double ow) and I was still closed. Ordered an ultrasound, my cervix was still long, however she wanted to keep me overnight. They gave me Terbutaline twice, and started me on Procardia to try to stop the contractions. In the morning, she checked me again (with the promise I could go home if it was closed) and I was still closed. Sent home on modified bedrest.

Fast forward to one week (exactly) later, I went to the restroom, on the toilet paper, bright red blood. Refusing to want to go to the hospital, I waited an hour. I wanted to stay home however I called my OB and she asked me to come in. I really, REALLY did not want to go in. The cervix checks were so painful. Thinking of Luke’s well-being, I went in. They checked my cervix (yippee) and I was 1-2 cm dilated. I was 28 weeks and 3 days. I couldn’t possibly be in labor. But I was. I was placed on strict bedrest. I put people on bedpans. I did not go on bedpans. I already told you I was going pee every 15 minutes. I’m not exaggerating. I was that annoying patient on the call light, even though I was trying to wait as long as I could. My OB told me I would be in the hospital for weeks. I cried. I couldn’t sleep in hospitals. I was placed on Magnesium. I was awake all night. At 6:45 am I had to pee so bad, but it was almost shift change so I decided to wait until my nurse came in. At 7:15 the OB and my nurse came in. He asked me if I was ok, I told him I had a lot of pressure and I really needed the bedpan. He explained that my baby was breech in the ultrasound from last night and he needed to check to make sure a foot was not coming out. Then, of course, the dreadful cervix check. I was 6 cm. He told me (while I was in shock) that they needed to do a c-section right away. I had sent my family home, I was alone. I couldn’t have Luke by myself. I was able to get ahold of my boyfriend and my mom, they were already prepping me. It was surreal from that moment. I couldn’t have Luke. The nursery wasn’t ready.  He wasn’t done cooking.

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Jolinda

Mom to Talaofa and Two Siblings

October 3, 2016, April 2016, November 2014

Honolulu, Hawaii

November 2014 I just reached 19 weeks. That very same day I had contractions and went to the ER. When I got there my water broke and I began bleeding a lot. The doctor told me my baby could no longer survive without the water bag to protect it and that I had to have surgery to terminate the pregnancy due to the fact that I had a vertical cut on my uterus with my previous preemie baby ( my miracle child), and vaginal delivery would rupture my uterus. I never got to find out the gender nor did I get to name that baby.

April 2016 4 months into 3rd pregnancy, I had a miscarriage.

October 2, 2016 [I was pregnant for the fourth time]. At 19 weeks and 4 days, contractions started and I went to the hospital immediately. The plan was to do a rescue cerclage if my contractions didn’t continue the rest of the night. The next day my hopes were shot and my contractions kept coming and I was 1 cm dilated. At 11:35 a.m. I gave birth to my son. It was too late to do a surgery, so we took our chances with a vaginal delivery and it all went well except for the fact that I lost my son at 12:35 p.m. When he was born the doctors asked me if I wanted to hold him or if I wanted them to take him away. I wanted to hold him, love him, and pray for him while we still had the time to spend with him.

My husband couldn’t handle to cut his umbilical cord, and didn’t want to hold him but I made him hold our angel baby. I knew he would regret not being able to hold him while he was still alive, and I’m glad I made him hold our baby. He died in his daddy/s arms, and I took him back to hold him. I placed him on my chest and kept singing a song I’d always make him listen to while he was in my tummy, hoping and praying for some sort of miracle. Tons of questions [are] going on in my head. Why me? Is it me?  What could I have done differently? Where is God when we need him the most? Why is he ignoring me and my prayers? October 14th we buried our angel baby in a cemetery called Baby Land. My mother-in-law had our bishop come over to give me a comfort blessing and all it did was help me sleep better at night. It wasn’t until October 28th that I finally let go of all the emotions I was holding in, stress and frustration triggered it all.

I went church Sunday and the talk helped me a lot. They talked about how we never understand why God works the way He does, but we have to trust that there is a blessing that will come out of it. He puts us through hardships to prepare us for whatever He has planned for us in the near future. He doesn’t let us go through heartbreaks without giving us a blessing out of it. I’m still waiting for redemption, but for now, I’m okay. For now, I’m focusing on me, letting my body heal physically emotionally, and mentally. Our babies were just too beautiful for Earth, and although they did not get to experience this painful yet magical place we call Earth, I like to believe they are in a much better, peaceful place. My favorite quote, “The road isn’t paved with perfection, don’t get lost in the journey, let the struggle help you discover who you really are.” May our angels babies rest in love. Never forgotten. [Read more…]

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Amanda

Mom to Ivan Joaquin

March 2, 2014 – March 10, 2014

Port Lavaca, Texas

It was a Tuesday morning. I felt sick and I felt exhausted. I couldn’t sleep the night before because I had a weird feeling in my stomach. While I was at work, I asked my mom if she could get me some medicine from the store. I explained my symptoms to her and chalked it off as just getting a cold or the flu. Her first question was, “Well have you started your period?” So….. I thought back, and No!

Actually I was 5 days late! But, I had been known to have irregular periods so I didn’t think too much about it. Plus I take the pill, so there is no way that could be an option. So when I got home on my lunch break, there was a bag from the drugstore with Dayquil, cough drops and a pregnancy test. I thought, “Yeah right, there is no way, but she bought it so I will take it.” [Read more…]

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Mary Kate

Mom to Charlie Valor

October 29, 2015 – December 22, 2015

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

“A honeymoon baby!!!” My mom had the best reaction when we told her I was pregnant. It was May 2015, six weeks into the pregnancy. I was glowing and couldn’t hide it.  I remember looking in the mirror saying to myself, “You are a mother.”

I travel for my job, and over the next three months, I had two meetings in Europe and another meeting in Asia scheduled. I saw the OB and had my first ultrasound 2 days before I left for my business trip to Europe. At that 8 week ultrasound, we found that there was a vanishing twin. This saddened me, and it gave me my first taste of fear in my pregnancy.  I could have been Mommy to twins, and it scared me to think about how the surviving baby would be affected. At the eleven week ultrasound, I was reassured that the baby was ok, measuring on target. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/02/8117.html

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Deb

Mom to Samuel

Born and Died on October 1, 2015

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

I married the most wonderful man and my best friend in September 2013. We decided we’d start trying to have a baby in January 2015, with the thought it may take awhile to get pregnant. I was so anxious and excited to get pregnant that I would take so many pregnancy tests. When I saw that first positive stick, I couldn’t believe it. Mark and I were supposed to take a vacation in Saint Martin in December 2015 and I remember telling him that I didn’t think we would be able to go. He said “why not”. That was when I showed him the positive test and said “Because I’m pregnant!” That was a happy moment.

I was so blessed not to have morning sickness or anything too severe. Smelling beer, charcoal grilling, and the dishwasher made me feel nauseous but that was nothing compared to some mamas. Mark swore we were having a girl because I craved sushi, couldn’t stand the smell of beer and charcoal grilling. Our plan was to not find out the sex of the baby. We all know that plans don’t really work out the way we intend though.

At 10 weeks, I bled. I bled a lot. I woke up early that morning and went downstairs to feed the cat and get some cereal. While downstairs, I felt something warm dripping down my legs which turned out to be blood. I thought I miscarried. I woke Mark and we laid in bed and prayed. I was so scared. I went in for an ultrasound that morning and I couldn’t believe my eyes. Our little squirming coil (as my husband liked to call the baby) was wiggling around and with a strong heartbeat. I was told I had Placenta Previa and was put on pelvic rest for 5 weeks. 

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Crystal

Mom to Averie

Born and Died February 12, 2015

Calcium, New York

Up until reaching 33 weeks, my pregnancy had been great. Super easy with very little to no symptoms. I never had morning sickness with her and the heartburn everyone talks about? I was never lucky enough to experience that either. On February 11th, I started noticing strange discharge when I went to the bathroom. It didn’t look normal and at first I thought it was my mucus plug. I researched everything I could find on the internet, which of course is a always a bad idea. I decided it was best to go to the doctor just in case. I called the doctor’s office and they suggested I come in to just make sure that it wasn’t signs of pre-term labor.
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Heather

Mom to Camden

August, 17, 2013 – May 21, 2014

York, Pennsylvania

On August 17, 2013 our baby Camden was born at 37 weeks. He was born via c-section due to being breech the entire pregnancy. He didn’t cry when he was born and had a hard time breathing in his own, so he had to spend the first night in the NICU. The next morning they brought him to our room and my husband and I took turns loving on him and talking about everyone who was going to come see him that morning. I decided to take a shower and my husband spent that time with Camden. After my shower, I picked Camden out of the bassinet and he seemed a little pale to me, so I set him on the bed. I started to undress him to make him a little more uncomfortable, just to make sure he was ok. I got no response from him. I pushed the nurses’ call button and the nurse came in. I asked her if he looked ok to her and she looked at him, picked him up, put him in the bassinet and ran with him out of the room. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/06/7756.html

Wendi

Wendi

Mom to Jesse & Joshua

Lebanon, Pennsylvania

June 10, 2010 & February 12, 2013

This story starts before Joshua was conceived. In the late spring/early summer of 2012, one night I had a dream, in this dream my mother asked me (whom I only dreamed of one time prior) if I was pregnant. In this dream Mikey had 4 teeth and was walking up the steps. At that present time Mikey didn’t have that amount of teeth and wasn’t yet walking up the steps. Fast forward a few months in the fall of 2012 Mikey, now had the amount of teeth in my dream and also was walking up the steps. By then I forgot much about the dream, but I wrote it down because it was a particular dream. Only when “my friend” was very short did I suspect that I might be and then also remembered the dream.

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http://facesofloss.com/2015/06/7750.html

028Megan

Mom to Jackson Davis

Born and Died February 25, 2015

Cleveland, Ohio

When you’re younger, you think about your life and whether or not you want to have children. You might already know you want them so you imagine being pregnant with your cute little bump, a lovely baby shower with your closest friends and family, and then you daydream about what your little one will be like and whether they will look like Mommy or Daddy, who they will grow up to be and so on. Never does it cross anyone’s mind that the child you have longed for, planned for, waited to welcome into this world, would be gone so quickly and there would be nothing you could do.

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http://facesofloss.com/2015/04/7711.html

IMAG0054_1Alyson

Mom to Xavier

July 7, 2013 – August 2, 2013

Stanton, Kentucky

“Well, this sucks.”

That was the actual thought that went through my head as we were driving home from the hospital. Driving home without our baby. Without our little Xavier. I remember thinking to myself, no…that’s not the right emotion. That’s not the proper reaction. Why am I not having the proper reaction to this situation? I hadn’t been having the proper reaction to things all morning. Why do I feel so weird. I later learned that I was in a very deep state of shock and I didn’t fully understand what had happened until I saw my Xavier laying in his casket the day of the funeral.

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http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7390.html

photo(3)Josephine

Mom to Jonah Christopher

July 4, 2012 – July 17, 2012

Cincinnati, Ohio

A few weeks after my 17th birthday, I found out I was pregnant. I was a junior in high school and my peers were discussing where they would be applying to college, summer plans, and how amazing our senior year was going to be. I no longer had the same priorities as the people I had known since middle school. I was wary of telling people I was pregnant, mainly because of the social stigma that comes along with being a teenage mother.

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http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7359.html

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Mom to Kaleb Mark

August 28, 2011 – May 22, 2012

Cathedral City, California

I found out I was pregnant for the 2nd time on January 11th, 2011. I was labeled as a high risk pregnancy because of our genetics test coming back abnormal. We knew our baby was not going to be 100% healthy, but we were going to love him no matter what. On Aug 28th 2012, I gave birth to Kaleb Mark.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7235.html

richRich

Daddy to Sarah-Taran

February 20, 2013 – April 23, 2013

Nashua, New Hampshire & Paharganj, New Delhi, India

For two Dads-to-be, Gestational Surrogacy in India was our only option. Sarah-Taran Katherine was our first child together, born through a Gestational Surrogate-Mother. Sarah entered the world 9 weeks too early. Alone, in an Indian Hospital, she waited for me as I rushed from Boston Logan International Airport to Indira Ghandi International Airport in New Delhi, India. Twenty-seven hours by plane, three hours by auto, another 20 minutes to make my way through the sea of people, stopped by each and every security guard for appearing “out of place.” I guess that is the reality for a 6’2” 185 lb Eastern European blonde, blue-eyed 34-year-old in the company of so many people whose faces where covered. I wished I could have covered my face without looking even more inconspicuous than I already did.

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http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7157.html

1312Rhonda

Mom to Miracle Grace & Liam Omar

August 18, 2008 & July 20, 2013

Lakeland, Florida

When I was 17 years old, I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified, but excited. The entire pregnancy was perfect, resulting in a beautiful healthy little boy. A year and a half later, I found out I was pregnant again. Of course, I thought everything would be just as easy. How naive I was. Less than a week after I’d found out, I started spotting. I went to the ER, where blood work was done (twice, since they lost it!) as well as an emergency ultrasound. After the technician did her measurements, she turned the screen to me and showed me my perfect little bean, with a good strong heartbeat.

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http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7149.html

IMG_3657Tracey

Mom to Liam James

March 25, 2014 – May 28, 2014

Las Vegas, Nevada

I’ve been with my high school sweetheart since 2005. After many ups and downs of regular life, we decided to get married in 2012. It was a dream come true, but of course we were now ready to take yet another step forward – children.

After suffering a miscarriage in April 2013, we were thrilled to find out that we were again pregnant in July. We were expecting a son April 15, 2014. We couldn’t have been any happier. Our family and friends showered us with gifts, love and support. We spent hours designing and building a nursery and converting our house to welcome out baby boy. Everything throughout the pregnancy was perfect. I had little nausea and fatigue, I worked out lightly throughout the entire pregnancy and made sure to take vitamins and eat well. On March 25th, I began having contractions. I planned on having a natural birth, but Liam had other plans. His heart rate wasn’t as strong as they wanted it to be for any pain medication. After monitoring him for some time he seemed to become distressed and aspirated meconium. It was time for a cesarean. 

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http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7129.html

Victoria

Victoria

Mom to Joshua Patrick

February 20th – 22nd, 2013

Kansas City, Missouri

My husband, Patrick, and I met on August 22, 2010.  We both quickly realized that this was different than any other relationship that had come before.  We fell in love fast and were engaged in April of 2011.  We got married on the one year anniversary of our first “official date” on August 27th, 2011.  We both knew we really wanted kids, but thought we should wait one year before officially “trying.”  It was August 25th, 2012, when I first saw those two pink lines.  We were so excited!  August was definitely a good month for us!  We went through all of the normal first time parent’s excitement and nervousness.  We read books, we shopped for baby clothes, we did everything you’re supposed to do.  Every kick, every heartbeat were all amazing and brought so much joy.  We were so filled with love for this tiny little person.  We were in awe.
 

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http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7043.html

chanel

Chanel

Mom to Christopher – July 8, 2008

Michai – April 9, 2014

Aria Vianne – November 1, 2014 – November 2, 2014

Fort Lauderdale, Florida

I was pregnant with my first son in 2008 when my water broke at 16 weeks and I lost him. I was numb to the pain of this miscarriage, mainly because the people around me convinced me that I would get pregnant again and not to worry. It hurt me, but I didn’t allow myself to grieve. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7014.html

Photo 5(1)Bonnie

Mom to Delilah

February 13 2013 – February 14, 2013

Livermore, California

My name is Bonnie. I am 30 years old, married to my loving husband since 2010 and this year (2013) [at time of submission] I was supposed to become a mommy. Her name was Delilah Sage and she was born full tern at 40 weeks and 4 days. She was a beautiful little girl, 6 pounds and 6 ounces and she was perfect. She had my nose and big eyes like her daddy. Her upper lip was like hers dad’s while her lower lip was like mine. She had my long toes. I carried her for nine months and every single one of those days I fell in love with her more.

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http://facesofloss.com/2015/01/6705.html

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Nicole

Mom to Michael

October 14, 2012 – October 18, 2012

Springville, PA

I have sat down several times the past few days with intentions of writing out my sweet baby Michael’s birth story, only to stare at a blank screen. I have so much that I want to say, that I need to say while the memories are still fresh but I just don’t know where to start. I am so afraid that I am going to miss something important. After going over the birth of my precious angel time and time again in my mind, I realized that it is quite impossible to tell you about the birth of my baby without starting at the very beginning, when we first found our we were expecting him. I also am compelled to tell you about his short, but very important and so very special, four days of life. To fully understand how special my Michael is, you need to hear his whole story. The beginning is just as important as the middle which is just as important as the end.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/01/6528.html

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