Missed Miscarriage May 11th, 2009
Missed Miscarriage February 14th, 2011
British Columbia, Canada
In late March of 2009, my then fiance and I discovered we were expecting our first child together. For the last week I had thought that something was different, but I didn’t want to give myself over to the thought of being pregnant until I could know for sure since my periods had a history of being late. After we found out we were both so excited and went to the doctor the next day. When we heard all of my blood work was fine we began to tell people. At this time my biggest worry was that my wedding dress would not fit when I was three and a half months pregnant.

Everything began to unravel for us when I went in for my dating ultrasound on May 11th. Having never been pregnant I was not sure what to expect, but I thought that seeing your baby was a sure thing. The tech was very quiet throughout and would not let my fiance in. She asked me to empty my bladder for an internal ultrasound, after which she asked me to just wait outside. Grasping for anything and confused, I asked for a picture of my baby. While we waited I talked to my mom and she asked me what the heartbeat was and I felt my heart drop, I never heard a heartbeat. I did not want to give up hope and began to sob when my fiances mom said “these things just happen you know, you can try again”. After what seemed like an eternity the technician came out and handed me a picture of my baby and said that I should head to see my midwife. When I got there I was informed my baby had stopped growing at eight weeks and gave me my options of waiting, taking medication, or having a D and C. I began asking right away for a D and C, which she would not schedule saying I could expect to miscarry any day. I did not want to have a miscarriage, the thought of seeing what I percieved as pieces of my baby frightened me. I kept thinking that something had to be wrong, my baby looked so perfect, and I did not feel that I was miscarrying. I talked to my midwife and was able to get another ultrasound which confirmed my baby was gone. After two more weeks of being told to wait for my body, I went to my local emergency room begging for help. I could not go on carrying my baby inside of me anymore. The doctors were shocked that I had been carrying my baby like this for five weeks, and had me into a specialist the next day. The following day I had my first D and C.
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Mother to Ella, lost to miscarriage January 3rd, 2009
and Angel Baby #2, lost to miscarriage April, 2009
Olathe, Kansas
Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to have children.  I think that is what most little girls want.  That is why we love dolls so much.  So it is no surprise that shortly after I got married, I started thinking more seriously about starting a family.  This is the story of my journey to becoming a mother.  It is a deeply painful and personal story.  I have chosen to share it for two reasons.  One is because it brings meaning to my struggle.  My pain will not have been in vain and it keeps the memory of those loved and lost alive.  The second reason, of equal importance, is so I might offer help and hope to other women experiencing the same loss.  Here is my story.

In November 2008, on my first wedding anniversary, I found out I was pregnant with a surprise baby.  Although surprised, my husband and I were thrilled.  We started seeing the doctor and went in for a routine 6 week ultra sound.  The technician told us the baby’s heart beat seemed a little slow but not to worry.  It was probably just because it had just started beating within the last few days.  We did not worry at all.  We went on our way without any problems.  At 11 weeks we went in for another routine doctors visit and our doctor said we could hear the baby’s heart beat and put an instrument on my tummy to find it.  She searched for 10 minutes to find the baby’s heart beat and never did.  I began to worry and asked her if anything was wrong.  She said, “You had an ultra sound at 6 weeks right?“.  I told her I had and she said she was sure everything was fine and the baby was just too little to pick up the heart beat yet.  Again we were sent on our way and told not to worry.  So we went on our way and did not worry.  When I was 12 weeks pregnant I can remember thinking, “Oh good, I am past the first trimester and the worst time for miscarriage”.  I was relieved.  Later that same day, after shopping for nursery furniture, I started bleeding very heavily.  It was a Sunday so my doctor’s office was closed.  I called the ER and spoke to the on call doctor who informed me I was probably miscarrying and I needed to call my OBGYN the next day to confirm this.  I asked him if I needed to come in to the hospital that day and he said, “No.  If you are miscarrying, you are miscarrying and there is nothing I can do to help you.”  My heart dropped when I heard him say this and I did not accept this.  What if my baby was still alive and just needed some help?  So I ignored the doctor and went to the ER anyway.  I was admitted and a doctor (not the same one I talked to on the phone) came in to examine me.  He said my cervix was still closed which was a good sign but unless he did an ultra sound he could not confirm the baby’s condition.  We opted to have the ultra sound.  The technician came in and quickly found the baby on the screen.  He started telling me where the legs and arms and various body parts were and I sensed he was avoiding telling me the only thing my husband and I really wanted to know.  I asked him if the baby’s heart was beating and he paused and then very nicely and quietly said, “I’m sorry.  I am not detecting any fetal heart movement.”  I said ok and sat silently while he packed his machine up and left the room.  Our family was waiting outside the door.  As soon as he was gone my husband and I both starting crying and hugging and all I could say over and over again was how sorry I was.  When our family came in to see us I just kept telling them how sorry I was.  It is interesting, as a mother, how you fully take the blame for a miscarriage right away.  Everyone kept telling me it was not my fault, but all I could say was how sorry I was.  This was the first grandchild on both sides of our family and everyone was so excited.  I felt I had let them all down and their hearts were broken just like mine.  I actually felt bad for them.  My father-in-law, a man known professionally for being very strong and not emotional at all, put his hand on mine and never let go of me the entire time we were in the hospital room.  That was January 3rd, 2009.

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Miscarriage on March 4th, 2011 at 10 weeks
Lexington, South Carolina
January 24th, 2011: Surprise! We found out we were expecting our second child. My husband and I were both very excited and we called our parents right away to share our news. I then called my doctor to schedule my first baby appointment. We were scheduled for February 22nd.
I had the usual pregnancy symptoms; extreme fatigue, nausea and roller coaster emotions. I ended up feeling like I was getting a urinary tract infection (UTI), so I called my doctor. At this point I was 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Because of the UTI my doctor wanted to see me, and as a precaution she scheduled an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech said that the baby was only measuring 4 weeks. I was concerned but my doctor said that it was perfectly fine at this point.

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Missed Miscarriage
You know “they” say once you’re pregnant your whole world changes, it’s true, your whole world does change from the moment you see the two lines, a plus, or if using one of those digital tests “pregnant” in big bold letters. Our baby wasn’t planned but we loved him/her from the moment we found out. Only to have all that hope and happiness thrown out.
So after I found out baby no longer had a heartbeat and had only made it to 8 weeks. I broke down. We broke down. How is that possible? I really didn’t have cramps everyday, and I certainly wasn’t bleeding. I prayed and prayed the tech made a mistake. I held on to a little peace of hope that she was wrong, maybe my dates were way off and baby was supposed to be 8 weeks.  I went to my midwife on December 28th, holding on to that little bit of hope-and I didn’t even have to ask her to do a second ultrasound for me, she told me right away she would. Thanks for not making me seem so stupid midwife. Holding onto that little glimmer of hope, because my belly had seemed to be getting bigger still (oh yeah apparently that can happen even if your baby has passed-thanks for the false hope mother nature) she did an external ultrasound, and there was my baby. Finally I got to see our baby. One problem-baby was not moving, baby was still. And yet again broke down. Why was I expecting anything to be different? Maybe I shouldn’t of read those stories on misdiagnosed miscarriages. But I’m glad I didn’t have to sit there looking dumb asking for another ultrasound, that my midwife just knew what I wanted. We needed closure and we got it.

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Mom to Baby Shay
Miscarried at 8 weeks
Redding, California
A week before Christmas, I was on the internet looking at baby names. My husband asked suspiciously, “You’re not adopting any more pets, are you?” “No,” I replied, “I think I’m pregnant.” He laughed. I was on the pill and hadn’t missed a period or experienced any signs of pregnancy, so it certainly didn’t seem likely. Despite never being pregnant before, I insisted that I ‘felt’ pregnant. Three days later I took a test and saw a positive.

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Baby # 1 (My Hope) 
EDD February 17th, 2011 – D & C  July 19th, 2010
Baby # 2 (My Spot)
EDD August 1st, 2011 – D & C January 8th, 2011
Louisville, Kentucky

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Miscarriage April 2009 at 5 1/2 weeks
Miscarriage December 2009 at 6 weeks
Missed Miscarriage December 2010 at 10 1/2 weeks
Melbourne, Australia

I am 33 years old and my husband and I have been trying to conceive our first child since January 2009. For a long time I thought I would never be married.  I have mild cerebral palsy which affects my left side and I was always aware that this might put some guys off.  But my biggest obstacle to meeting someone was myself – I didn’t have much confidence.  

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Early Miscarriage at 5 weeks, 5 days
May 2010
Missed Miscarriage at 12 weeks, 4 days
November 2010
Aurora, CO
On May 1st, 2010 my husband (Erik) and I found out we were expecting for the second time. Immediately, we told our 2 year old he was going to be a big brother. He knew Mommy had a baby in her tummy. The pregnancy was very different than my first. I didn’t have morning sickness right away and I felt like I was going to have my period at any moment. I wasn’t concerned because I had heard this was a symptom many women feel early in their pregnancies. One night, after we had put our son to bed, Erik and I cuddled up to watch ‘The Time Traveler’s Wife’. I’d never seen it before and didn’t know what to expect. I went to bed that night very emotional. Being newly pregnant, the multiple miscarriages she’d had filled me with worry. I had a sick feeling in my stomach all night.

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Missed Miscarriage at 12 weeks
December 2010
Albany, New York

My husband and I were thrilled to be expecting our 2nd child. We had a 6 week scan, which was routine at my OB and saw a strong heartbeat.  Things progressed…I had horrible morning sickness, but told myself it was all worth it.

At 11 weeks, we had an NT scan, and the heart rate was great, the baby measured 11w5d (on target, even a bit ahead.) He/she was not amused at being awakened…started wriggling and often putting its tiny fist to its mouth. The tech said growth looked good, and the results ended up being normal.
We had a great Christmas. On the Monday after Christmas, I had my 12 week OB appointment scheduled. This was exactly 1 week after the NT scan. There had been a horrible snowstorm, and I thought the appointment might be canceled, but it wasn’t. I braved the 45 minute drive on the horrible roads, and got there. When the doctor tried to hear the heartbeat with the Doppler, he couldn’t find it. I laid on the table trying to reassure myself, because they had a hard time finding my son’s heartbeat around the same time of pregnancy, and he’d been fine. The doctor changed the battery out but still couldn’t find it. They said they’d schedule me for an ultrasound at 4pm the next day, a full 24 hours later. He said probably everything was okay, that I might have a tilted uterus. As the nurse was scheduling my ultrasound on the phone, she said, “No fetal heart tones found.” Another pregnant woman walked out and was scheduling her anatomy scan while I tried not to cry.

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Suffered a Missed Miscarriage on March 13th, 2009
Wayne, NJ
My husband and I decided we were ready to have a baby back in November 08. We started trying and by the end of January, i found out i was pregnant!! We went to our first doctors appointment and found out we were 6 weeks along. We scheduled our first ultrasound for 8 weeks. So 2 weeks later we went back and saw our little peanut on the screen. The heartbeat was there and strong. We were so excited that we shared the news with a lot of people.

2 weeks later we were going away on vacation and i had a doctors appt the day before we were leaving. When i got there, i found out that they had overbooked my dr.(something the office ALWAYS did). I waited an hour for another doctor to see me. I wasnt very happy about this because I wanted my doctor, but i didnt have a choice. I finally got called in. I was seeing some doctor i didnt know. He did a Doppler on my belly, but there was no heartbeat. I must have asked him 100 times if that was ok and he INSISTED that it was and for me to go and have a great vacation. When we came back, we were scheduled for my 12 week ultrasound and I would see it was fine then. I left there feeling not so confident, but he was the doctor!
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Mom to
Baby Roth, June 2003
Aiden Robert, July 2, 2004
Centerville, Minnesota
Soon after our first wedding anniversary, we became pregnant. We were ecstatic! We were in the process of buying our first home and couldn’t wait to start a family.

The day after we moved into our home, we had our 10 week doctor appointment and we were thrilled at knowing that we would be able to hear our child’s heart beat for the first time. We entered the doctor’s office with great anticipation. We were devastated to learn that there was no heartbeat. We went home with broken hearts. I had had a missed miscarriage. Something I had never heard of before. The months that followed were a blur of tears and heartache. I felt as though all of my hopes and dreams had been ripped away from me.

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Mom to Jordan
November 10th, 2005
It is November and the rain has come again. My stomach has begun to bloat with a much-desired second child. The boxes of maternity clothes I wore while expecting my first have been dragged out of the dusty stacks in the garage. I’ve been feeling fairly well. Not as nauseated as with my first, when after every dinner I found myself in the bathroom. I’m proud to be starting to show. I love this part, where it becomes obvious that there’s a baby growing within me. I am a creature of comfort, and have been wearing a new pair of grey athletic pants with double pink stripes up the pant legs. When I go out, I look the part of “put-together-stay-at-home-mom,” but once at home I am quick to shed these classy garments, and cozy back into my comfy pants.

I’ve taken to eating fruit in the evenings, while my husband and I watch our television show. Canned peaches are the current favorite. Pears and pineapple have had their turn too. We have been talking about this baby for so long that we’ve already settled on names: Benjamin for a boy (of course I’ll call him Ben), and Sierrah for a girl (the ‘h’ just makes it look more balanced I think, more finished. And of course that way it will go with our first daughter’s name – Hannah, also with an ‘h’ on the end.)

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Missed Miscarriage January 25th, 2010
Braselton, Georgia

Face of loss: From the moment I got married, my husband and I had started picking out baby names and had talked frequently about starting a family. I felt like we needed to wait a couple years and have some “couple” time, and he wanted to start right away. Fortunately for me, I won that argument and managed to hold off on trying for a baby for just over 2 years after our wedding in October of 2007. When our 2 year anniversary came, we really sat down and discussed what our “plan” was going to be. We agreed to start trying in January of 2010, but also decided that for the remainder of 2009 (it was only November and December left, after all), we would take the course of “not trying, not preventing”.
In mid-December, on a Tuesday, a few days before I expected my period, I had an episode of random nausea at work. I had never experienced anything like it before – I was sitting at my desk working, and then out of nowhere, I was convinced I was going to throw up on my desk. For the next two hours, I battled the feeling of “about to throw up any second”. I thought that was particularly strange, and the first thing that popped into my mind was “Am I pregnant?”. I decided to stop by the drug store on the way home and grab a box of pregnancy tests. I was so anxious that I took one as soon as I got home. It was negative. I shrugged it off and decided that maybe I just had a bad lunch. Plus, I had bought a box with 2 tests, so I knew I could take another one later if I still felt like something was different.

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First baby went to heaven January 7th, 2010
Second baby went to heaven May 18th, 2010
On January 5th, 2010, at 10 weeks 2 days pregnant I went to the doctor for my first appointment. First we went over everything that would happen throughout the pregnancy such as when ultrasounds and blood work would be. After going over all of this, and my medical history, they led me to the ultrasound room. Everything was so exciting. I couldn’t wait to finally see my little nugget growing inside of me.  Part of me became concerned when the doctor got quiet, but I tried to dismiss it. When she told me that she couldn’t find a heart beat I was shocked and confused. “What does this mean?” I asked, tears welling in my eyes. She explained that I had had a miscarriage. For the first time I learned what a missed miscarriage was. I didn’t understand how that could happen. I thought that having a miscarriage meant you bled and lost the baby. I had no idea something could go wrong and the baby could die with little or no signs. “Her” heart had stopped beating and she had stopped growing at 9 weeks 1 day.

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Mom to 
“Baby Bean,” Born February 24th, 2010, Due September 4th, 2010
and Jakob Bean, Born August 17th, 2010, Due February 24th, 2011
LaVerne, California
My story is two, separate stories. I am a 30 year old woman, and after trying for nearly 2 years to become pregnant, on January 4th, 2010, to my surprise received a late Christmas present. I was finally expecting! Praise the Lord! I was ecstatic! I couldn’t believe it! 

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1st loss- February 12th, 2009
2nd loss- October 13th, 2009
3rd loss- December 16th, 2009
Chemical Pregnancy- January 22nd, 2009
Long Island, New York 
In 1 year, I have suffered 3 miscarriages, I chemical pregnancy, 3 D&Cs, 2 cycles of IVF, 6 IUIs, an HSG and Lap procedure, OHSS, given hundreds of vials of blood, given myself hundreds, if not a thousand shots, been diagnosed with auto immune and thrombophilia issues, and have cried an infinite number of tears.  My journey to become a mother has changed me.  This is my story. 
Like many infertile women would say, I thought getting pregnant would be a piece of cake.  Each month, I thought, “this is it.” My first pregnancy came after 7 months of trying and using an ovulation fertility monitor.  It was off to a fantastic start.  I experienced all of the early pregnancy symptoms, each day reminding me of my new found excitement, pregnancy and becoming a mother.  When I woke up and started bleeding, I knew something was wrong.  I always trust my instincts; however, the blood tests were great and showed my beta levels rising.  My OB didn’t prescribe a sono until 4 days later, only because the bleeding continued.  I already knew what the sono would confirm, that there was a gestational sac and yolk, sac, but no fetal growth.  I had a D&C at 7 weeks, 3 days.  Tissue tests came back inconclusive.    
After our 1st loss, my husband and I decided that we would give it our all, to start a family.  After 5 long months, we took the next step and scheduled a consult with a Reproductive Endocrinologist at a top notch Long Island clinic.  Without much investigation or testing, I now had a DR in charge of my fertility, who prescribed the well known fertility drug, Clomid. We did two cycles of IUIs and I was pregnant again.  “Cautiously optimistic “were the Dr.’s words.  My beta again was great but fetal development was slow to grow.  I began naturally miscarrying at 6 weeks.  One of the most physically painful experiences of my life is where natural miscarriage is listed in my book.  If I let myself, I can recall the intense back pain, horrible contractions, cramping and bleeding.  It was beyond terrifying and I hope to keep those feelings safely tucked away.  I was given no explanation for this miscarriage, just that “miscarriage is common.” 

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Mom to Baby Ratliff
Missed Miscarriage January 2008 at 13 weeks
Chemical Pregnancy in May 2010
Midland, Texas
My husband and I started to try for a family in October 2007. I was so excited and did not expect to get pregnant on the first month of trying. I couldn’t believe it we were going to be parents. I also felt like I was having a smooth pregnancy with absolutely no morning sickness and more energy than expected. 

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Missed Miscarriage 
Discovered September 27th, 2010
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
9/27/2010 at 2pm. My fiancé and I took several home pregnancy tests on the evening of 8/20/2010 and were shocked but happily surprised to discover I was pregnant. Anxious and eager to ensure a healthy pregnancy, I called my OB-GYN’s office expecting to make an appointment right away. Little did I know that it was standard practice of this medical office and many others not to schedule a first appointment until the 10 week marker. So I anxiously waited for 9/17/10 to come, signifying my 10th week and my “readiness” to see the doctor. My fiancé accompanied me to the first appointment, which lasted 3 hours! We left excited and happy with an ultrasound scheduled for the following week and a due date projected of 4/18/2011. Fast forward to 9/27/2010.

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Mom to Angel Baby
Melbourne, Australia
I was so excited to find out that i was pregnant! It’s what my husband and I wanted, we wanted to start a family.  All was going well, and when I was 7 weeks I went and had a dating scan done.  There was my tiny baby, growing inside of me and it’s little heart was beating strong :)  I couldn’t contain my tears, I was so happy to know that my little one was alive and growing.
My next scan was booked in for when I was 12 weeks. So from 7 weeks to 12 weeks, all seemed good. I still had all the normal pregnancy symptoms.. nausea, tired, growing belly, tender breasts etc.
I was so excited that I was reaching the 12 week mark, so I could finally tell the world my exciting news!
Then during my 12 weeks scan, I was given the devastating news… my baby had died…
So many things were going through my head all at once..why, how, when! And so many different feelings all at the same time.. upset, angry, confused, denial, heart ache.

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Mom to Nevaeh Grace Spiker
Lived for 59 wonderful minutes on August 25th, 2009
Miscarriage, April 19th, 2005 at 12 weeks
I am the mother of 5 children, 2 whom walk beside of me, 2 that fly high in heaven and 1 precious rainbow baby due in January 2011.  All of whom are girls….

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