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Jolinda

Mom to Talaofa and Two Siblings

October 3, 2016, April 2016, November 2014

Honolulu, Hawaii

November 2014 I just reached 19 weeks. That very same day I had contractions and went to the ER. When I got there my water broke and I began bleeding a lot. The doctor told me my baby could no longer survive without the water bag to protect it and that I had to have surgery to terminate the pregnancy due to the fact that I had a vertical cut on my uterus with my previous preemie baby ( my miracle child), and vaginal delivery would rupture my uterus. I never got to find out the gender nor did I get to name that baby.

April 2016 4 months into 3rd pregnancy, I had a miscarriage.

October 2, 2016 [I was pregnant for the fourth time]. At 19 weeks and 4 days, contractions started and I went to the hospital immediately. The plan was to do a rescue cerclage if my contractions didn’t continue the rest of the night. The next day my hopes were shot and my contractions kept coming and I was 1 cm dilated. At 11:35 a.m. I gave birth to my son. It was too late to do a surgery, so we took our chances with a vaginal delivery and it all went well except for the fact that I lost my son at 12:35 p.m. When he was born the doctors asked me if I wanted to hold him or if I wanted them to take him away. I wanted to hold him, love him, and pray for him while we still had the time to spend with him.

My husband couldn’t handle to cut his umbilical cord, and didn’t want to hold him but I made him hold our angel baby. I knew he would regret not being able to hold him while he was still alive, and I’m glad I made him hold our baby. He died in his daddy/s arms, and I took him back to hold him. I placed him on my chest and kept singing a song I’d always make him listen to while he was in my tummy, hoping and praying for some sort of miracle. Tons of questions [are] going on in my head. Why me? Is it me?  What could I have done differently? Where is God when we need him the most? Why is he ignoring me and my prayers? October 14th we buried our angel baby in a cemetery called Baby Land. My mother-in-law had our bishop come over to give me a comfort blessing and all it did was help me sleep better at night. It wasn’t until October 28th that I finally let go of all the emotions I was holding in, stress and frustration triggered it all.

I went church Sunday and the talk helped me a lot. They talked about how we never understand why God works the way He does, but we have to trust that there is a blessing that will come out of it. He puts us through hardships to prepare us for whatever He has planned for us in the near future. He doesn’t let us go through heartbreaks without giving us a blessing out of it. I’m still waiting for redemption, but for now, I’m okay. For now, I’m focusing on me, letting my body heal physically emotionally, and mentally. Our babies were just too beautiful for Earth, and although they did not get to experience this painful yet magical place we call Earth, I like to believe they are in a much better, peaceful place. My favorite quote, “The road isn’t paved with perfection, don’t get lost in the journey, let the struggle help you discover who you really are.” May our angels babies rest in love. Never forgotten. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/11/8372.html

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Heather

Mom to Baby Girl Smith

October 23, 2015

Alexandria, Virginia

October 15th is National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Day.

Last October 15th, I was blissfully, naively pregnant — as one should be — taking belly photos with my husband and dreaming about finally being a family of three.  After struggling with infertility for over 2 years, we were pregnant!  We had seen the baby!  And the heartbeat!  We were over the moon.

Little did I know, by that time, our sweet baby had already slipped away.  She was gone and I was none the wiser.  Isn’t a mother supposed to know when her child is no longer alive? I did not.  It wasn’t until a routine ultrasound on October 23rd, that my doctor would say the words that changed everything:  I’m afraid I don’t have good news.  And for what seemed like an eternity — I stared at the motionless screen, along with my doctor and the ultrasound technician — desperately hoping for some sign of life.  

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/10/8358.html

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Megan

Mom to Angel Baby & Connelly Harding

2013 and February 15, 2016

Louisville, Kentucky

Dear Connelly Harding,

My sweet, sweet boy. This is your story. Some of the details are left out; some are tucked away in my private journal, some we do not know yet. Even though you never took a breathe in this world, your impact continues to live on. I receive messages a few times a week of people your name has reached. Your life may have ended, but your story will continue on. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/07/8285.html

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Rose

Mother to Quail (July 2011),

Bluebird (March 2012),

Owlet (November 2012)

San Luis Obispo, CA

It was a bright spring morning. The sky was blue, the air was warm. My partner and I sat on our front porch. I read our horoscopes. That’s when it happened. He looked at me and said, “I want to have a baby with you.” And so our journey began… [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/03/8157.html

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Sarah

Mom to Rebecca Anne

September 4, 2015 – September 5, 2015

Millington, TN

My first pregnancy was textbook, perfect.  No morning sickness, no surprises.  I actually delivered a beautiful, healthy daughter on my due date.

When I got pregnant again, I expected more of the same.  I was so excited I began telling everyone as soon as I found out.  A few weeks later, I had a persistent lower backache one day at work.  I didn’t think much of it, but when I got home, I discovered that I was spotting.  I panicked and called my doctors office, but it was after hours so I wasn’t able to speak to anyone til the next day.  I spent that night completely terrified, researching miscarriage online.  No one I knew had had a miscarriage, or so I thought.  I went to the doctor the next day, still hoping everything was ok.  They performed an ultrasound and my worst fears were confirmed. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/03/8140.html

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Lindsay

Mom to Baby Cavagnaro

February 23, 2016

Cincinnati, Ohio

I’m writing this very soon after as a way to help me cope.  On Monday, January 18th, I left work early.  I was too tired to remain at my desk anymore and I could not understand it.  I had slept all weekend – about 14 hours per day – and had over 9 hours of sleep Sunday night to Monday morning (after a long nap Sunday afternoon) so I knew something was wrong for me to be this exhausted.  My work has their own clinic onsite so on Tuesday when I still felt exhausted, after another full night’s sleep and a four hour nap the day before, I scheduled an appointment.

I emailed my mother that I was afraid I was anemic.  I had been having a period, albeit a light one, for over two weeks and I thought this blood loss must be causing me to have at least situational anemia.  I went to my appointment on January 21st and the doctor explained it could be anemia or it could be a virus, but since I was a little sore on the right side of my stomach and bleeding we also needed to rule out a tubal pregnancy.  I peed in the cup with the full confidence of a woman who had been on birth control the majority of her adult life, and said birth control had worked. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/02/8132.html

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Dora

Mom to Baby

Went to Heaven on November 12, 2015

Budapest, Hungary

“I made you, but you made me a mother.”

My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years when we decided to start trying for a baby. I was 19 and my boyfriend was 20.

I always knew there was something wrong with my fertility. When we first started dating, I wasn’t on birth control. We were using the ‘pull out method’ for 10 months and I had never gotten pregnant. I knew there was something wrong with me. We used birth control pills for one and a half years. I got tired of it, and I had awful baby fever for years by that time, and we started trying in May 2015.

After 6 months, I started to get impatient, and decided to visit my OBGYN. He prescribed me Clomid. I took Clomid in November 2015, our 7th cycle. I was supposed to see my doctor on the second week of my cycle, to see if my follicles were growing or not, but I could only see him a week later. When I finally had my appointment, the doctor checked my uterus with the ultrasound, and said that he could see a gestational sac! He showed me what he was seeing on the monitor, and I saw our baby for the first and last time. I was 2 weeks, 6 days. It was super early, and he had warned me that things could still go either way. But I didn’t care. I was so happy! I was smiling all day, and I felt so happy like never before.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8031.html

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Wanda

Mom to Baby M

Miscarried: February 15, 2015,  Expected Due Date: September 10, 2015

Boston, Massachusetts

I managed to take a shower as the blood dripped out of my body and spiraled down the drain. It will take two hours for a cab, the voice on the other end of the phone stated. Admittedly, I should have called for an ambulance, especially since we were in the middle of another New England blizzard with zero driving visibility. In my mind though, that would have made the experience that much more of an emergency. This was not an emergency. At least, I didn’t want it to be—even though, intellectually I knew that I was losing the life inside of me with every passing minute.

I trudged through the six or so inches of snow on the ground towards my car. Incoming call. I answer. What’s wrong? The voice asked. I’m bleeding. I think I’m losing the baby. I tell my friend through the tears streaming down my face. I’ll meet you at the hospital, she said. 

I don’t know how, but I managed to drive myself to the emergency room. For two miles, the only people I shared the road with were the snowplow drivers. I’m almost 11 weeks pregnant and I’m bleeding, was all that I could manage to say to the receptionist before I broke down sobbing and wiping away my tears with my scarf.

I was immediately brought into a room where I was given a gown, poked with an IV needle, and asked what seemed to be 100 questions in a matter of minutes. Yes, I called my midwife. No, I did not do anything out of the ordinary today.

No, the baby’s father is not involved. Yes, I have health insurance. Yes, I called my brother and friend who will be meeting me here. No, I have not had an ultrasound; it is scheduled for next week. As I answered the questions, a short dark-haired doctor approached the bedside. She tried to assure me that although I was bleeding heavily it did not mean that I was losing my baby. She tried to comfort me, but I knew what was happening. I knew that my body had betrayed me in the most unimaginable way.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/11/7982.html

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Nikki

Mother to Raylee Nichole, and three other babies in Heaven.

Baby one lost at 6 weeks in January 2007.

Baby two lost at 7 weeks in April 2007.

Baby three lost at 11 weeks in October 2008.

Raylee Nichole born August 6 2015 at 16 weeks and 5 days

West Lafayette, Indiana

My name is Nikki and I have four beautiful angels in heaven. It all started in 2007 when my period hadn’t come on its regularly scheduled day. Growing up my periods have never been quite “normal”. I was young and didn’t think anything about it. I figured it could have been due to stress or something and surely I would start soon. I began to bleed about 3 weeks after my estimated start day. I just assumed it was my period finally coming. But as the days went on the cramping got pretty intense and I was passing pretty large blood clots. I got nervous and went to the emergency room. Regular protocol is to take a urine pregnancy test. It came back positive. Holy cow, I was pregnant.

[Read more…]

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http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7925.html

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Elizabeth

Mom to twins: Lucy and Anthony
and Baby Taylor

Miscarried at 13.5 weeks gestation on January 13, 2015 & 4 weeks on June 1, 2015

Gainesville, Florida

No woman at 18 years of age should ever have to mumble the devastating words of “I lost my babies.” Those words should have never had to leave my mouth.  God, however, had other plans. That was my life, a good 6 months of it. This is my story of loss, of hope, and of courage.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7918.html

Heather

Heather 

Mom to Angel Baby and Angel Girl Baby

April 8, 2015 and August 6, 2015

Oconomowoc, Wisconsin

On March 7th, I took a home pregnancy test. This wasn’t my first test ever, but it was the first one that was positive. Scott and I had decided in December, when my birth control pills ran out that I wouldn’t renew them, however, we weren’t “trying.” We figured since I had been on the pill since my freshman year of high school it was going to take a while. Like a year. Well, we were wrong.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7913.html

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Sidney

Mom to Aiden Christen

September 24, 2015

                                                         Atlanta, Georgia

Instead of writing a story, I just want to share my letter I wrote my unborn child. He would have been named Aiden Christen.

Dear Aiden Christen,

I remember when I found out you were growing inside of me. I was still in Taiwan traveling aboard and there you were with me soaking in this wonderful experience that few get the chance to have. I remember being so scared and unsure how we were going to make it, but I knew I would find a way for us.

Unfortunately, I allowed the negative thoughts of people engulf me and make me consider terminating your precious life that was so short lived. I regret allowing them to tell me that we would not be successful. I am sorry I allowed them to tell me you would ruin my life. I am sorry I was mentally weak and allowed those people’s negativity cloud my mind.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7896.html

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Cheri

Mom to Two Babies

March 9, 2009 and September 4, 2015

Richmond, Virginia

It’s hard enough when you are terrified from the moment you find out you’re pregnant. Having multiple miscarriages makes it even harder. When you’ve tried for over 5 years to get pregnant after the first miscarriage, I think fear doesn’t even begin to explain the feelings you have during that time.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/09/7884.html

AngelicaAngelica

Mom to Baby Gunn

May 11, 2015

Overland Park, Kansas

Why did this happen to us? After months of trying to convince my husband to have another child, we finally began trying. We became pregnant and then 12 weeks later we lost our baby on the bathroom floor.

I just don’t understand it and I’m not sure I ever will. I knew from our very first ultrasound at 5 weeks in the emergency room for cramping that something wasn’t right. The doctor came in and said “we see a gestational sac but there is no baby in it at this time”, my heart sunk and I became speechless. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/09/7877.html

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Alyssa
Mommy to Messiah
04/01/2015
Buffalo, NY

About four and a half months ago [at time of writing] at 18 weeks I lost my son due to an infection called chorioamnionitis. I was told at one of my pre natal appointments I had the group b strep bacteria in my vagina, but they could not give me anything until I was in labor. About a month after I had my miscarriage, the doctor told me the infection is what caused my water to break early. The group b strep is what caused the chorioamnionitis. Finding out the physical cause of why I lost my son helped a little. The doctor described the probability of the infection as ‘bad luck’ and ‘ rare’. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/08/7866.html

1Dominique

Mom to Elena and Baby

March 19, 2015 and July 8, 2015

Lake Grove, New York

After just about 6 months of fertility treatments, I was fortunate enough to get pregnant with my daughter with my first IVF cycle in 2011. After threatened miscarriage and third trimester high blood pressure, my beautiful girl was born perfect in July 2012.

We had one snow baby left from that cycle, so I waited until our daughter turned two to start trying again.  This time, getting pregnant became even more difficult.  After the first two FET cycles were cancelled due to poor lining and polyps, I had a D&C and gave myself the holidays off to recover.  In January 2015, I had a successful transfer and got my positive pregnancy test in February 2015.  The numbers were low to start (HCG was 30), but they rose at a steady rate and from the time I saw the first heartbeat, I was in love.  I slowly began to believe I was lucky enough to get pregnant 2x in a row via IVF with no further complications.  My husband and I told all of our close family and friends and by week 8, we began to tell our jobs.  I have the apps in my phone to follow the development of the pregnancy and spent my nights before bed dreaming that my family would soon be complete.  I couldn’t wait for October 24, 2015.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/07/7805.html

Wendi

Wendi

Mom to Jesse & Joshua

Lebanon, Pennsylvania

June 10, 2010 & February 12, 2013

This story starts before Joshua was conceived. In the late spring/early summer of 2012, one night I had a dream, in this dream my mother asked me (whom I only dreamed of one time prior) if I was pregnant. In this dream Mikey had 4 teeth and was walking up the steps. At that present time Mikey didn’t have that amount of teeth and wasn’t yet walking up the steps. Fast forward a few months in the fall of 2012 Mikey, now had the amount of teeth in my dream and also was walking up the steps. By then I forgot much about the dream, but I wrote it down because it was a particular dream. Only when “my friend” was very short did I suspect that I might be and then also remembered the dream.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/06/7750.html

holly

Holly

Baby 1 – 03.25.2010

Baby 2 – 09.03.2014

Cape Canaveral, Florida

Miscarriage, 2010, 2014, Florida

My name is Holly, very soon after my husband and I married in 2009, we knew right away we wanted to start a family.  We figured it would be easy.  Never once crossing our minds that we would have any issues or complications.  All of 2009, we tried and decided to move to the state of Florida in February 2010. I had told my husband right before our move that I would not think about getting pregnant and just let it happen.  Well little did we know within 14 days of moving to Florida we fell pregnant.  I took a test and there were the lines, I called him and was crying “you are going to be a daddy”!

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/04/7665.html

Jamie

Jamie Lynn

Mom to Edward Malcolm Joseph October 29, 2013

Baby M #1: 11 weeks, July 2014

Baby M #2: 9 weeks, November 2014

Posterior Urethral Valves (PUV)

Ontario, Canada

 

Three years after marrying my amazing husband Michael, we decided to start a family. After a few months of unsuccessful trying, I had a feeling there had to be something wrong… I called my mom and luckily she knew a fantastic fertility doctor who could see me right away.

It was a pretty quick diagnosis – it only took one ultrasound to discover I have polycystic ovaries. We tried a couple cycles of Clomid and then opted for surgery to get my ovaries to respond. Two months later I was pregnant with our absolutely gorgeous and wonderful little girl, Halina. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/03/7633.html

Maria Juan

Maria

February 13, 2012

Henderson, Kentucky

I found out I was pregnant sometime around December 2012. I was 18 years old at the time. I was very happy, but very scared of what my father would say, so I didn’t say a word to him. I decided to tell my mother because I knew she wouldn’t be angry with me. My boyfriend Cody (19 years old at the time) didn’t take the news that great, but he came around.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/6755.html

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