Alyssa

Alyssa

Mom to Brooke Isabelle 

May 23, 2015

 Isanti, Minnesota

I worked with kids my whole life and I couldn’t wait till the day I could have my own. I got pregnant a little less than a year after my husband and I got married and we were both ecstatic! My lifelong dream was coming true. Right away I started planning and getting so excited for our little one’s arrival. My first ultrasound was at 6 weeks and it was such a crazy and surreal thing to see my little baby’s heartbeat fluttering in the screen. I had some morning sickness but otherwise I was feeling great! Each appointment my doctor always said “things look great see you next time!” I let out a big sigh of relief as I passed first trimester as I knew the chance of miscarriage was less likely to happen.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/07/7813.html

emilyEmily

Mom to Ethan Andrew, lost on March 23, 2010

Mom to “Little One,” lost in August 2010

St. Paul, Minnesota

I’m Emily. I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome as a teenager, so we knew from the start that it might be difficult for us to conceive. I took my last birth control pill on my 24th birthday and we gave it a few months before asking my doctor for a little extra help. She wrote a prescription for Clomid and sent us on our way. About a week later, when the Clomid didn’t seem to be working, she referred us to a reproductive endocrinologist. Dr. C spent over an hour with us, explaining the plan and the medications. He wanted to reboot my system with a month of birth control pills but needed me to take a pregnancy test first. It was just a formality. I peed in the cup, set it in the little box and joined my husband Andrew to wait for the nurse to bring us the birth control pills. She never came. Instead, Dr. C dropped off a pregnancy test with two beautiful pink lines. We couldn’t believe it! Joy rushed in full force. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/01/6582.html

Christine

Mom to Lilith “Lily” Aurora
June 8, 2002 – September 17, 2002

and

Unnamed baby
Lost October 2012

Saint Paul Park, Minnesota

I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant for the first time. I was nervous and kind of scared when I found out. My boyfriend at the time wasn’t much of a boyfriend, as he had cheated on me a few times before, he had no job, and no place to live, since I kicked him out when I had found out he cheated. Why I was attracted to him in the first place eludes me now. The only reason I can think of why I reconnected with him after his infidelity, was that I was young, lonely, naive, and he was my first.

I didn’t know what I was going to do. I always dreamed of being a mother, but I didn’t know of I could do it on my own. My sister, a single mother herself, was a huge support for me, and I looked to her for advice before deciding anything. She was the example I saw that conviction me that I could do this; I could have this baby. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/10/6123.html

RaeAnne

Mom to Samuel Evan

Born and died April 14, 2012

North Mankato, Minnesota

After only a few months of trying, my husband and I found out we were pregnant with our first baby in September of 2011. We were overjoyed! We started preparing for him as soon as we knew he was there. We loved him so much and wanted him more than anything. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/09/5852.html

Holle

Mom to “Peanut”
Miscarried April 1, 2010 at 10 weeks 4 days gestation

and

Declan Lloyd
November 18, 2011 to February 14, 2012
(Died at 12 weeks and 4 days old)

St. Peter, Minnesota

My daughter was 4 months old when my husband and I found out we were expecting our third child.  I remember feeling overwhelmed at the thought of another little one to take care of and honestly, a little ashamed that we hadn’t been more careful.  It took me a few weeks to fully embrace my pregnancy, but once I did I was so excited to have another baby.  It felt like we were finally going to be complete.  I had a scheduled ultra sound on April Fool’s Day, 2010.  My husband could not attend; I was there by myself.  I had been chatting with the nurse prior to having the ultrasound and was telling her how different this pregnancy had been and that I was feeling great, with no morning sickness at all.  When I went into the ultrasound, the ultra sound tech got everything ready and started the procedure.  I quickly was able to recognize two little arms and two little legs. It was love at first sight…She didn’t have the picture up more than 45 seconds before she told me she suspected a “demise” and left to get the doctor.  I sat there, all alone, beginning to feel waves of emotions start taking their toll…love for the baby I saw, fear for what the doctor would say, anger at the ultrasound tech, hope that she was wrong…when the doctor came in she confirmed what the tech had thought.  Our baby had passed away…there had indeed been a ”demise”.  His/her short life ended at 10 weeks and 4 days. I found out on April 1st, 2010.  The worst April Fool’s joke you can imagine. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/06/5462.html

Marie 

Mom to Avery Minnie

Born and died on February 27, 2012 

Blaine, Minnesota

All my life I knew I wanted a family.  I didn’t have a dream of career and money; I had a dream of children and softball games, playing at the park, reading a story before bed.  [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/03/4932.html

Laura

Mom to twins, a boy and a girl, lost at 18 weeks on March 30, 2006

Mila Louise, stillborn at 41 weeks on July 1, 2011

Minneapolis, Minnesota

In 2004, when I was 27, my husband and I began trying to conceive. After months of not having any sign of a menstrual cycle, we were referred to a reproductive endocrinologist. After many more months of brutally high doses of fertility drugs we finally got pregnant through intrauterine insemination. We were thrilled, however terrified at the same time because over stimulation of my ovaries caused me to become pregnant with quadruplets. At the suggestion of our perinatal doctor, we reduced the pregnancy to twins at 12 weeks. At 14 weeks and then again at 16 weeks my water broke. It was a gushing of fluid, but I thought I had incontinence and never considered that it could be amniotic fluid. On March 27, 2006, at 18 weeks, we went in for our level II ultrasound and found that neither baby had any amniotic fluid. Our baby boy did not have a heartbeat and our baby girl was alive but struggling with no amniotic fluid remaining. I had a D&E and began the journey to become parents once again. I was devastated, angry, and afraid, but we would not stop until we had our baby. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3810.html

Erin

Mom to Hannah Marie

Stillborn at 23 weeks on November 5, 2011

Maple Grove, MN

     On the morning of November 3, 2011, I had a routine midwife appointment. I’d been writing down a myriad of questions since my last appointment and my midwife, Kathrine, patiently and thoroughly answered everything for me. At the end of the appointment, she had me hop up on the exam table to check for baby’s heartbeat. She tried for a while with the doppler but couldn’t find anything. Neither she nor I thought much about that because we knew from my 20-week ultrasound that my placenta was anterior (on the front wall of my uterus), so it provided a nice buffer and we’d only ever heard the heartbeat with the doppler once at 11 weeks. So she rolled in an old ultrasound machine that the clinic had donated to them and tried to find it with that was but was again unsuccessful. It’s a really grainy machine and she couldn’t even get a good picture of the heart, much less a good enough picture to see if it was beating. She decided that I should get in for an ultrasound that afternoon at a different clinic, and she called and set that up for me.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3797.html

Megan

Mom to Annie Grace

Stillborn October 4, 2011

St. Paul, Minnesota

 I was sitting at a restaurant with my daughter, my mom, and my husband. A young girl, probably around four, started belting out the lyrics to ”Tomorrow” from my favorite childhood movie, Annie. “The sun will come out tomorrow,” she sang. Tears streamed down my face. Just days earlier, my daughter was stillborn. Her name was Annie.

I’ll start from the beginning. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3689.html

Tiffany

Mom to Brodilyn, miscarried at 3 months

2011

Lino Lakes, MN

Dear Brodilyn,
From the moment I took the first pregnancy test I loved you. I wanted to be so certain there was a life growing inside of my tummy- I took seven test all confirming there was a precious life growing right under my heart. Although no one could see my physical changes yet, I felt you. After all the tragedies the past couple years- I finally had my strength, love and hope growing in my tummy so close to my heart. I was so excited to to cuddle you in my arms, show you the world, kiss your precious forehead, and tell my sweet baby how much I love you. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3545.html

Kari

Mom to Zachary Nathan

June 24th, 2011

and Multiple Miscarriages

August 2006

May 2007

June 2007

October 2009

Marshall, Minnesota

On June 23, 2011 we received one of the most devastating news in our lives. Our baby I had been carrying for 16 weeks no longer had a heartbeat. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/10/3393.html

Emily

Mom to Charlie

Miscarried at 11 Weeks

Burnsville, Minnesota

Charlie’s story starts back in March of this year.  I had been going baby crazy and everyone seemed to be pregnant to the point where it was driving me crazy.  So my husband (Mike) and I sat down and had a heart to heart about when it would be the best time to add to our family and set a deadline for us to start trying regardless if we had accomplished everything on our list or not.  We had decided to give ourselves at least a year. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/10/3197.html

Lindsey

Mom to Garrett

Stillborn July 31st, 2004

Eden Prairie, Minnesota

My baby angel Garrett was stillborn July 31, 2004 at 38 weeks.  I had a perfect pregnancy and had no reason to suspect anything would go wrong.  I was surprised to wake up one morning at 2:30am with a horrible feeling that something was wrong.  It wasn’t until a few hours later that I realized I wasn’t feeling my baby move.  Despite that, I was completely blindsided when the doctor told me my son’s heart had stopped beating.  After delivery, we learned that Garrett had died from an umbilical cord accident.  [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/09/3120.html

Melissa Bernatz

Mom to Eden Elizabeth

May 29th, 2011

Hastings, MN

May 27th, 2011 was supposed to be a day of joy and excitement as we were finding out the sex of our baby at our 20 week appointment. It quickly turned into one of the worst days of my life and one I will never forget. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/07/2672.html

 

 

Meg

Mom to Jairus Irvin who was stillborn

December 28, 2010

Roseville, MN

When I was 35 weeks pregnant, I gazed at my son for the first time. But it was too late, he was already gone… [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/06/2235.html

Heather

Mom to Liberty John, Lost at 10 weeks in November 2004

Elijah Lee, Lost at 6 weeks in September 2007

Eden Sky, Lost at 5 weeks in August 2010

and Journey Peace, Lost at 11 weeks in May 2011

Lakeville, Minnesota

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my babies I could never hold here on earth.  No pictures, no foot prints, no lock of hair to hold onto.  Even when my body would physically heal, my heart would still ache with emptiness.  My baby left my body but never made it to my arms … such a strange sad thing to come to terms with.  [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/05/1747.html

Leah
Mom to Isaiah Jack
October 28th, 2010
Minnetonka, Minnesota

I was pregnant with my third baby and couldn’t have been happier. I already had two beautiful children, and was excited to have the third and then be done having kids. We were going to be such a happy little family! My pregnancy was going well and I never could have imagined that anything would happen that would take my precious little baby away from me.

Throughout my pregnancy I had the feeling that something was wrong with my baby. I first felt him move around 15 weeks, but then didn’t feel him very regularly. I was thinking that I was probably just paranoid because I was just so anxious for the baby to be here. I was never good at kick-counting anyway, so I just tried to dismiss those anxious thoughts.
My husband Gary and I went in for the 20-week ultrasound on Wednesday, October 27th, 2010 and were so excited to see our little baby for the first time. This was the first baby that we didn’t find out the sex, so the ultrasound was just going to be to make sure that the baby was healthy and everything was looking good. When the ultrasound tech started the scan, I could tell right away that something was odd. I also noticed that the baby on the screen wasn’t really moving. After a few measurements, and her questioning our due date, she stood up to excuse herself and said that she’d be right back.
After she was gone for a couple minutes, I turned to Gary and said, “Something’s wrong, she shouldn’t be gone this long.” Sure enough when she came back into the room she told me that my midwife was on the phone to talk to me. I knew right then, and could hardly believe the words I was hearing when my midwife told me that my baby was no longer living. Total shock. I had to hold onto the counter because I could feel my legs giving out from under me.
So on the day we went in to see our healthy little baby, we ended up planning my stillborn baby’s birth. We were planning to give birth at a birth center, which could no longer happen, so we found ourselves traveling to a faraway hospital where we knew no one. Our midwife would meet us there and work closely with the OB to help us through labor and delivery.
I got induced on Thursday morning and then the waiting began. One of the most important things on our minds was choosing a name for our little angel. We thought we had 4 more months to figure out a name! And since we still didn’t know the baby’s gender, we picked out a boy and a girl name. 
I am forever grateful that labor went as smooth as possible. We were in such good hands and felt truly cared for. And then our baby was born. I can hardly describe what I was feeling at the time, but it was a mix of complete awe at this little miracle that was born, mixed with the deepest sorrow imaginable. Gary looked a little closer and announced that it was a boy. A boy!! I had wanted a boy so badly for our third. We named him Isaiah, which means God is my Help. We gave him the middle name Jack after his big brother, who was always so excited for his little brother to be here (throughout the pregnancy he insisted that it was a little boy, even though we didn’t know).
We held Isaiah for a long time and just wept. We talked to him, prayed for him, and kissed him. We poured out our love in hugs and tears, knowing this would be the last time we would hold him. I wanted him to be crying. I wanted to nurse him. It was horrible to feel absolutely helpless as his mother; I could do nothing to bring him back.
He was beautiful and perfect in every way and there was no obvious reason for his death. When we held him we admired the ways in which he looked like our other children. He had such amazingly long fingers, big feet, and he was tall. He was our baby.
After having him we decided to get some testing done to see if we could find a reason for Isaiah’s death. To our surprise I was diagnosed with two blood-clotting disorders, MTHFR and Factor V Leiden. This diagnosis made me very aware of two things. First, that I was insanely blessed to have two healthy children. Second, that losing Isaiah possibly saved my life. I would not have known about this had I not lost Isaiah, and that could have put my life in danger. So Isaiah truly is my little angel baby.
There are many days when the sadness is overwhelming. The sadness comes in seeing my children or other babies around me and thinking of all the dreams I had for Isaiah’s life. I know that the sadness will not go away, and that’s okay because I lost my child. But I hope and pray that the sadness will lessen over time, so that I can live a life full of love and happiness- a life that would make Isaiah proud.
 You can contact Leah at Leahjean8@hotmail.com

http://facesofloss.com/2011/02/681.html

Tiffany
Mom to Angel “B” Lost June 2009 at 9 weeks
and Ellie Lauree January 15th, 2010 – October 25th, 2010
Apple Valley, Minnesota
Shortly after my husband and I got married in 2006, I discovered I had severe endometriosis. After several rounds of IUI with Clomid and two surgeries, we met with an Infertility specialist. During our 1st invitro round we implanted two embryos and were blessed with our son Max on October 3, 2008. With my endometriosis, we knew we couldn’t wait a long time to have more children, so in the spring of 2009, we started a second round of invitro. I never suspected the pain that was waiting for us…
On May 13th, 2009, we found out I was pregnant. We had implanted two embryos and my HCG numbers were very high- suspicious for multiples. All along I had suspected that I would get pregnant with twins, but that there would be something wrong. We went in a couple weeks later for a confirmation ultrasound, I was pregnant with twins! However, it was immediately obvious that Twin B was not as strong as Twin A. Its heartbeat was slower and the amniotic sac was much smaller. They told me Twin B would not survive.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/01/639.html

Kerstin
Mom to Jenna Marshal
April 3rd, 2004 – April 9th, 2004
Minneapolis, Minnesota
I was 38 weeks pregnant with our angel Jenna when I woke up feeling like something was wrong. I waited to get out of bed for a while to see if she would start moving but she never did. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/12/609.html

Jolene
Mom to
Baby Roth, June 2003
Aiden Robert, July 2, 2004
Centerville, Minnesota
 
Soon after our first wedding anniversary, we became pregnant. We were ecstatic! We were in the process of buying our first home and couldn’t wait to start a family.

The day after we moved into our home, we had our 10 week doctor appointment and we were thrilled at knowing that we would be able to hear our child’s heart beat for the first time. We entered the doctor’s office with great anticipation. We were devastated to learn that there was no heartbeat. We went home with broken hearts. I had had a missed miscarriage. Something I had never heard of before. The months that followed were a blur of tears and heartache. I felt as though all of my hopes and dreams had been ripped away from me.
 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/11/571.html

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