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Amanda

Mom to Landon Ross

June 19, 2017

Olympia, Washington

I am 29 years old and my fiance and I got pregnant in January 2017 and we were over the moon excited and beyond happy to be finally having a baby and growing our family. At the time I got pregnant, we lived in Montana so for a bit of my pregnancy we lived there and then in April we moved back to WA state where my mom lived.

We found out after moving back [that] our baby was a boy so we named him Landon Ross. During my pregnancy he was measuring small and I had IUGR. He ended up having fluid around his heart and so I was referred to see Maternal Fetal Medicine and from there I had to get an amniocenteses test done. They thought he was going to have Down Syndrome but the test came back [that] he didn’t have it.

Things were going well but on June 16th I wasn’t feeling very well so I took a nap and woke up and I still wasn’t feeling well. We used my home doppler test to find the heart beat and we couldn’t, so then we went to the hospital and they couldn’t find the heartbeat [either].

We returned home that night and processed everything. I was to return Monday Morning at 7 a.m  to be induced, but Sunday night my body was already starting to have contractions, so we went to the hospital. I was having small contractions so they gave me some medicine and I fell asleep. In the morning, they induced me and I had him at like 5:56 and he weighed 1 pound and he was so adorable.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/10/8562.html

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Shameema

Mom to Ayden

June 2, 2016 – July 1, 2016

Hyderabad, India

When I conceived, we’d been married for seven-and-a-half years. We didn’t want to have kids all these years. We wanted to plan it, we wanted to be financially stable, we wanted to prepare. We weren’t spared at all by family for this decision of ours. “So when are you having a baby?” “Why don’t you have kids?” “Your cousins and friends younger to you have 2 kids.” The list goes on. Needless to say, it was very uncomfortable. But, we knew – if we wanted a baby & when we wanted.

We had our moments – happy, sad, bad. We had our little friendly fights, arguments, I-hate-yous and I-love-yous. We celebrated our birthdays and anniversaries. Had dinner watching Two and a Half Men & The Big Bang Theory. We fought over wet towels on the bed and used coffee mugs at the dressing table.

Finally, on a pleasant Sunday morning of October 2015, we found out I was pregnant. Both our parents were going to have their first grandchild. Our siblings were going to have their first niece/nephew.

Nervous, excited and multiple other feelings. We made memories every day. We took pictures of my bump progression every month. We looked forward to the ultrasounds. Pregnancy was the happiest I have been. That was the happiest we have been as a couple.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/08/8526.html

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Eileen

Mom to Paul Raymond and 6 Miscarried Babies

January 9 – 19, 2017
2009-2015

West Seneca, New York

My journey to becoming a mom started in October 2008. My husband and I were married for 2 years and he was just finishing college, so we thought we were in a good place to start a family. Little did we know, we were starting on an incredibly long and sometimes painful journey.

I got pregnant with our first right away. We were ecstatic and told everyone right away. Our first ultrasound showed a heartbeat and a little bean. I couldn’t believe I was finally going to be a mom, something I had dreamed about since I was a little girl. I was 34 years old and it was right before Christmas. But something was off; the baby was measuring a week and more behind. The doctor was sure my dates were off, but since I had been planning and following everything so closely, I knew my dates were right. However, I was naïve enough not to realize there was a big problem. The following February, I started bleeding and we found, at 12 weeks, that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. And so began our journey of struggling to become parents. I lost another baby at 7 weeks that June, the day after seeing a heartbeat. That baby, too, was measuring way behind.

It took an entire year for me to get pregnant again. I had gone to a reproductive endocrinologist who diagnosed me with a clotting disorder (elevated PAI-1) and told me the next time I got pregnant, that I’d be put on heparin. After multiple rounds on Femara, I finally fell pregnant in July 2010 with our beautiful, healthy daughter, who was born in March 2011. After my daughter was born, I was content to be one and done. My husband wanted a second child, but I was worried we were pushing our luck. I was getting older, my mother had had multiple losses, including a stillbirth, and I just didn’t want to take a chance. Once my daughter turned 3 though, I changed my mind, and was ready to try again. What followed were four miscarriages (2 early, 2 mid-to-end first trimester) over two years and then finally, a rainbow, in May of 2016.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/04/8444.html

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Mary Kate

Mom to Charlie Valor

October 29, 2015 – December 22, 2015

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

“A honeymoon baby!!!” My mom had the best reaction when we told her I was pregnant. It was May 2015, six weeks into the pregnancy. I was glowing and couldn’t hide it.  I remember looking in the mirror saying to myself, “You are a mother.”

I travel for my job, and over the next three months, I had two meetings in Europe and another meeting in Asia scheduled. I saw the OB and had my first ultrasound 2 days before I left for my business trip to Europe. At that 8 week ultrasound, we found that there was a vanishing twin. This saddened me, and it gave me my first taste of fear in my pregnancy.  I could have been Mommy to twins, and it scared me to think about how the surviving baby would be affected. At the eleven week ultrasound, I was reassured that the baby was ok, measuring on target. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/02/8117.html

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Elizabeth

Mom to Brielle Grace

October 2, 2015

Hartford, Connecticut

My husband and I were so excited, when I say excited, I mean literally over the moon! We are high school sweet hearts, we had traveled & had adventures, but something was definitely missing! That’s why when we found out I was pregnant on May 18th of 2015, we couldn’t have been happier. We had just started to see a fertility specialist because of a uterine abnormality (unicornuate uterus) and were surprised/thrilled/ecstatic really to be finally pregnant! We thought the hard part was over.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/12/8054.html

photo(2)Fara Ali

Mom to Alvan

October 23, 2012

Male, Maldives

“I am so sorry, there is no heartbeat.”
These were the words that changed my whole life.

I don’t know if it is a taboo topic or not, but I have never heard of any statistics or any awareness news regarding stillbirth in the Maldives. Of course I know about people having miscarriages and people giving birth to stillborn babies randomly in Maldives, but no one I know ever experienced this. So when I had to go through the experience of my baby dying inside my womb, I did not know what to do. I was dumbstruck, keeping aside the sadness.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7208.html

Theresa

Mom to Grace

December 16th, 1998 – December 17th, 1998

Tasmania, Australia

After many months of trying to fall pregnant after a miscarriage we were thrilled to learn we were expecting a new baby. This baby was due February 22nd, one day after Granddad’s sixtieth birthday. The whole family was excited to be getting a new arrival. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/03/4917.html

Kelsey

Mom to Justin Allen

 April 22, 2008 – August 11, 2008

Roanoke, Virginia

 

I was 17. Me and my on again off again boyfriend had just found out we were going to have a baby. We had just gotten back together and were completely surprised. I never once questioned what I was going to do. I had wanted to be a mommy ever since I could remember. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/03/4789.html

Claudia

Mum to Gabriele 09/10/2011

Mum to Vincenzo & Benedetto (submitted separately)

Buckinghamshire, UK

It started well.  April and I was pregnant, again I knew straight away and my trusty Clear Blue Digital confirmed 1-2 weeks.  It had to be all good this time, as long as it wasn’t twins we knew what to do – start the Aspirin and go and get some blood thinners prescribed.  

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3787.html

Claudia

mum to Vincenzo & Benedetto

07/01/2011

Buckinghamshire, UK

For me this story,  it is a little ironic to know that I write about my sons in a non-tangible place the internet, where their story will forever be ‘in the cloud’ – like my boys. So I will start slowly…..this is the story of Vincenzo and Benedetto, our sons.  It might well start with Once Upon a Time if you like…….I met my husband and from the moment I saw him I knew I would always love him.  This feeling hasn’t changed in the nine years we have been together.  We wanted to wait until after marriage to have children and in 2009 we got married.   Last year we decided that we were ready and so in May 2010 I tentatively came off the pill and, well you can guess the rest.  In August 2010 I used three pregnancy testers plus one of those really expensive digital ones to tell me that I was 1-2 weeks pregnant.  Just like that-wow!  Hello Little Sprout. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3781.html

Jamie

Mom to Josiah Michael, stillborn on September 12th, 2000

and Sam, miscarried January 11th, 2008

Sahuarita, AZ

In March 2000, after 10 months of trying, I was finally pregnant.  I was so shocked when I saw the positive on the stick, that I took about a dozen more tests.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3549.html

Madelene

Mom to Ivy Antrim Uppekha Jones

Born and died April 13th, 2011

We found out we were pregnant right away. Even a few days before my period was late, the over the counter test came back positive. At six weeks, right on schedule, I started to feel a little morning sickness, but that went away quickly. Too quickly. I felt too good, and I worried that I was going to miscarry. I was going crazy with worry, as a labor and delivery nurse I knew that the third pregnancy could be a little different, I knew each pregnancy was different, but I felt like something was wrong. I demanded an early ultrasound, something I’d never had with either of my other pregnancies. I was surprised and relieved to find that there was a heartbeat.

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3520.html

Jessie

Mom to Seraphina

June 13th, 2011

Nashville, Tennessee

When I discovered I was pregnant, I was sure that I was carrying a boy, and so did almost everyone around me. So much for mother’s intuition!

After 4 years of marriage, my husband and I decided that we were ready to have a child of our own. I got pregnant right away. We thought we were so lucky: lucky that we had waited until we felt ready to be parents, lucky that the baby would have a very nice home and parents that never fought, and lucky to conceive so quickly and easily. At my first OB appointment, we saw the flicker of a heartbeat and were congratulated. I went to see a perintologist due to a pulmonary embolism I had several years before. He got me started on daily Lovenox injections, just in case. I had used Lovenox before, so while I wasn’t thrilled to start again, I did exactly as he said with no hesitation. The first trimester was easy, I was usually slightly nauseous, but I never got really sick. Things were going so well, or so I had thought. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/10/3218.html

Nicole

Mom to Azalea

January 9th, 2011

Waianae, Hawaii

On Saturday January 8, 2011 my life was forever changed. I was 39 weeks and 6 days pregnant, one day before my due date. I woke up and realized that my daughter, Azalea, hadn’t moved since the night before. I called the hospital (Kaiser) and they told us to come in. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/05/1525.html

Shanna
Mom to Stella Mae
Born February 1st, 2011
Went to be with the Lord February 5th, 2011
Almo, Kentucky
It took my husband and I almost three years to get pregnant. We spent a full year trying to get pregnant on our own before we finally went to the doctor frustrated, angry, and exhausted. After almost two years of medications and having surgery to open my tubes we finally got pregnant in August 2010. It sounds funny, but I was shocked. I had just been so used to the negative pregnancy tests that the positive one did not seem real. Right from the start I was terrified that I was going to lose this pregnancy. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/02/705.html

Debbie
Momma to Sophie
Born into the arms of angels December 27th, 2006
Montoursville, Pennsylvania

 

The story of Sophie, Born forever sleeping on her due date, December 27th, 2006

I loved her before I knew her.   She was and is my sunshine that waits for me in heaven.  She is my rainbow on a dreary day.   She is the pretty little redhead that I loved for 40 of the shortest weeks of my life while she was in my belly, and that I now get to carry in my heart and love for eternity. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/515.html

Amanda
Mom to Connor Railton
Stillborn on June 24th, 2009
Kent, WA
Tuesday, June 23rd 2009, I had noticed some movements in the morning but not as many as my doctor had instructed me to watch for. Around noon I decided we needed to go in yet I had to wait a few hours until my husband could get home with the kids and I could get picked up by my mother.


[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/09/259.html

Ashley
Mom to Nolan Michael
Born premature on June 8th, 2009, died on June 11th, 2009
13 ounce miracle
It was Dec 30th or 31st, I am not too sure exactly what day it was. But I woke up with some cramping and decided to take a test. I remember the 2nd line being faint but there was a line. Holy Cow! We’re pregnant!
I told Chris by running up to Target and buying the movie Knocked Up. I wrapped it up in Xmas paper and gave it to Chris. I woke him up and said I found a present I forgot to give him. He responded with something.. “Oooo I wonder what the heck this is” Since you could tell it was a DVD wrapped up.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/08/193.html

Susan
Mother to Gracie
Stillborn on August 1st, 2009
Montgomery, PA

My husband and I got married in July of 2008. We had been together for 14 years already, so we knew that we wanted to more or less start our family right away. We got pregnant at the end of November 2008, which thrilled us both. I went into pregnancy with a pre-existing diagnosis of chronic hypertension. It had been well controlled by medication for several years, and I had gone through the process of switching over to something pregnancy safe before the wedding. It’s funny the reactions that that pre-existing condition elicits from health care providers, though. From day one of my pregnancy, everyone expected that I would be pre-eclamptic by the end of the pregnancy…that expectation was always there.
With the exception of the first trimester screen, the first 7 months of the pregnancy were uneventful. The first trimester screen came back with an elevated risk (1:47) for Down Syndrome. Right away, the OB wanted to do an amniocentesis. After giving it some thought, we declined. We knew that a diagnosis of Down Syndrome was not going to be cause for us to terminate the pregnancy, and we figured that if there were major problems present, they would be identified without an amnio, at which point we could decide on appropriate medical testing, monitoring and/or intervention. There were never any soft or hard markers for Down Syndrome identified during the remainder of our pregnancy. 

During my 32 week appointment my blood pressure was a little bit elevated. The mid-wife sent me over to L&D for a few hours of monitoring and an ultrasound. Everything looked good with the ultrasound – Gracie was measuring in the 30th percentile for her gestational age. I left with instructions to increase my BP medication and follow-up with one of the docs in the office first thing Monday morning. The follow-up was uneventful – continue at the increased med dosage and start non-stress-tests and biophysical profiles.
 
At 32.5 weeks I was seen in my primary care office (but not by my regular doctor) for some fluid buildup in my ear that happened to start the same day I went to L&D. The doc said I had a middle ear infection and gave me Amoxil. Two days later I started with a GI bug and had an on/off fever and pretty bad diarrhea for 3 days. At 33 weeks, after speaking to my PCP, I went to the E.R. on Saturday morning for some I.V. fluids (to combat the diarrhea) and also get my ear re-checked, since my hearing on that side had become substantially impaired and the pressure/pain was getting worse. Long story short, it was an entertaining trip to the E.R. Everyone except my PCP wanted to make the diarrhea about the Amoxil, but I have never had that reaction to Amoxil. In the end, I got confirmation that I did not have an infection, the antibiotic was D/C, and I got some I.V. fluid. After the GI bug passed, I had a good couple of days. 
 
At 33.5 weeks I woke up in the middle of the night with terrible upper belly and back pain. It was some of the worst pain I had ever experienced. Another long story short, after two nights of pain and a subsequent work day of pain, I called the OB office. It turns out that I was having an acute gall bladder attack. I felt pretty dumb for not recognizing that…but because everyone had wanted to make every ailment about pre-eclampsia, I had done the same thing in my head and convinced myself that it was my liver. Once again we headed to L&D. Spent a few hours there, had an ultrasound of the gall bladder (sludge and gravel found), discussed things with the midwife and opted for an IM injection of Morphine so I could go home. Felt FABULOUS over the next two days – better than I had felt in a few weeks.
 
34 weeks was our first NST and BPP ultrasound. The NST turned out to be a rather drawn-out adventure. Because Miss Gracie was such a sound daytime sleeper, she didn’t do much during the NST, and as a result, she did not demonstrate the elevations in heart rate that they wanted to see. Everything looked GREAT in the ultrasound – scoring an 8/8 for that part of the BPP. Gracie’s size, in terms of growth percentile, was not measured during this BPP. I noticed when they weighed me at the beginning of the appointment that I had lost a few pounds since my 32 week appointment. The next ultrasound would be in two weeks unless there were problems. We had another NST at 34.5 weeks. It took Gracie about 90 minutes to decide to cooperate and move around enough show the desired heart rate elevations. Aside from her stubbornness, all was well.
35 weeks brought another NST; again, non-reactive results, so the midwife really wanted another ultrasound. All looked well with the ultrasound – scored 8/8 again on the ultrasound portion of the BPP. Talked to the midwife (not the one we normally saw) about my continued weight loss – I had lost 7 pounds since our 32 week appointment. Gracie’s growth estimates had also gone from the 30th percentile to the 19th percentile in that same period of time. The midwife said that some of the weight loss could be a result of getting rid of some of the excess fluid that I had been carrying in my arms and legs for a few weeks. She went over my fundal height measurements, which were all right on, and reminded us that some people grow 6 pound babies and some grow 10 pound babies. She reminded us that the measurements on the US were just estimates, +/- about a pound, and that it was certainly possible that she was larger than the 19th percentile. I suggested that it was also possible that she was smaller than the 19th percentile, and she said we would see how things measured up in the ultrasound scheduled for our 36 week appointment, but there was no concern about growth restriction until we got near the 10th percentile. 
 
35.5 weeks brought another non-reactive NST. We saw a doc that day that we had not met previously, who said that although the NST itself wasn’t concerning, it was considered to be non-reactive and it was desirable to follow-up with an ultrasound. The hubby and I both had time constraints that afternoon because of work, and neither of us felt that doing an ultrasound was necessary since we had just had one a few days before and we were scheduled for another in 3 days – and the data collected in each ultrasound is considered to be valid and reliable for 7 days. We declined the ultrasound and headed back to work.
 
At 36 weeks we were scheduled for another ultrasound and NST. I woke up that morning with the immediate realization that I had slept all night (with one very brief exception) and almost felt refreshed. This really hadn’t happened in the preceding 12 weeks. I immediately panicked a tiny bit, but then thought that perhaps she was starting to get her days and nights straightened out. I got a shower and went to the office to see my only patient of the day at 9:00. I had planned to use the remainder of the morning for paperwork and then head off to our 12:15 appointment for ultrasound, NST and midwife follow-up. By 10:00 I still had felt no movement, and I was also unable to find Gracie’s heartbeat with my stethoscope. At that point I headed home with the stethoscope for my hubby to listen. He listened for about 20 minutes, and as each minute passed, the fear of every expectant parent started to become my reality. 


We went a little early for our ultrasound appointment and I told the ultrasound tech what was going on – his response was pretty upbeat, and to the effect of ‘well, let’s see what we find.’ In complete silence he put the ultrasound transducer on my belly and went right to Gracie’s rib cage, and I had the answer that I knew was coming. There was no flicker within the rib cage – no heartbeat. Still in complete silence, he took a few still pictures, asked me again when I had last felt her move. Then he excused himself and got a doctor, who came in to officially tell us that Gracie’s heart was no longer beating. The doc (whom we had met 3 days earlier) gave us the option of inducing labor that afternoon or returning the next day for induction. 


Labor was induced around 3:00 that afternoon and Gracie was born at 2:29 on the morning of August 1, 2009. She weighed 4 lb, 3 oz and was 17” long. She was buried next to my grandmother, after whom she was named, on August 5, 2009. 
 
We have just completed the first year without her. So much has transpired and come to light in that year, yet time has simultaneously seemed to stand still. I now believe that the brief exception that I had to sleeping through the night before our last scheduled US and NST was directly connected to Gracie’s death. I sat upright out of a sound sleep around 0130 that night with gall bladder pain. Much to my surprise, the pain lasted literally only a minute or two and then I went right back to sleep. I am now certain that it was not gall bladder pain, but the moment Gracie died. In the months following her death we learned that, because of dropped communication between departments in the hospital, the chromosomal analysis was never done on my placenta; as a result, we will never know with 100% certainty whether or not she had Down Syndrome, but the medical consensus at this point is that she very likely did have Down Syndrome. We have been told that my placenta was about half the size it should have been, which can be common with chromosomal abnormalities, and there was also a higher than normal amount of infarct in the placental tissue. The small placenta caused IUGR, which was virtually undetected (and undetectable using the most common indicators) until we questioned the backslide in her growth at 35 weeks. Her death came at 36 weeks, 1 day…at which she was in the 7th percentile for overall growth…well below the 19th percentile where she had been estimated one week earlier.


I sometimes amazes me that, even with all the extra monitoring because of my pre-existing hypertension, our pregnancy ended without bringing our first born home. 
 

http://facesofloss.com/2010/08/112.html

Leah
Mom to Baby Cameron (May 22nd, 2009),
Baby Oliver (July 10th, 2010) and Baby Olivia (July 14th, 2010)
Chester, Virginia

(First Miscarriage)
Last year, I went through pain alone. No one around me could help me. No one knew what to say, or how to say it. All of my friends had pregnancies that I was envious of. Everyone watched me fall deeper and deeper into isolation and depression, but no one knew how to help pull me out. This is my story. It has some joy, but it has sorrow that I never knew I would or could hold. I hope that by reading through mine, you will see the hurt and pain of my family, but you also see our strength, our growth, our love, and our determination to endure, regardless of what life throws.

On Saturday, 4th of April 2009, I got a surprise I really wasn’t looking for. Our world was getting ready to turn upside down quickly. I had just gotten married, moved away from my family (who I had never been away from), started a new job, started a new school, and was in my last semester of my BBA degree…trying to decide on grad school. My new love was also in school and graduating that semester. Life was good: we had a nice townhouse, two cars, good immediate and church families, good jobs. We could spend a little and save a lot, or splurge some months and save not so much. It was ok though. We had life insurance, full benefits with our jobs, and the opportunity to advance.
I wanted a March baby, so a June/early July pregnancy was in order. I wouldn’t be too big during the hot summer (my family is in SC, his in LA-hot, Hot, HOT!) I wanted to save so that I could enjoy being home with the baby for a little while. I had that “Mother’s intuition” so I tested. I never felt sick, never nauseous. I felt good. I called a physician I had been referred to by a church member to schedule a new patient/new OB appointment. They asked how far along I was. Because my cycles have always been weird and heavy, I told them the exact date of the last one. They thought I was about 6 weeks and scheduled an ultrasound 4 weeks out.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/07/82.html

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