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Camellia

Mom to Ivan Jr.

March 13, 2019

Dallas, Texas

Where do I begin, it’s so hard even typing this right now.  However, I’m grateful God has given me the strength to do so and I do pray that it serves as encouragement/comfort for everyone that reads this.   If you just experienced the loss of your baby or babies, or even if it has been a while back, the pain is very real and present. Continue to take it one day, one moment at a time and give yourself permission to feel sad and express it the way that you feel it.  My prayer is that along the way, you find yourself getting stronger by the minute; being able to speak of your experience without anger or bitterness about the outcome. Finally please know it’s not your fault. I say this because I blamed myself, and I have moments I drift back into that path, but I quickly shake it off.  Some things happen and we try our best to find reasoning for it….and in our search for that reason(s), when we can’t find one that makes sense (which we never will no matter what), we instantly place that blame upon ourselves. Please know that you’re amazing and you did everything you possibly could. I know that doesn’t take the pain away, but with time, and being kind to yourself, it will get a bit easier with each breath you take.  God loves you, and you baby/babies are forever with you.

We would be 6 and a half months pregnant today, which is Wednesday 4/24/19.  I remember my husband and I creating our own way of counting down milestones within our pregnancy journey.  We were both so excited. Finding out I was pregnant in early December 2018 blew me away; meanwhile my husband was so calm and certain when finding out.  I say this because apparently he knew already I was pregnant before I did; he brought me the two tests (1 in November was a false negative apparently and 1 in December with a positive result) after observing my mood changes.  We were over the moon excited. I fell into tears because see, I dealt with an irregular cycle all my life. Made changes in my life, better eating habits, sought help from my doctor, etc. and I was always told my ‘irregular was my regular’.  But it was disappointing and depressing to finally have the perfect man as my husband not get pregnant after being together for nearly 10 years. Very painful. After we both made a pact not to stress about conceiving, that’s when I got pregnant.  God’s timing right? Well, after a bleeding scare on 12/23/18, I went to a clinic, an ultrasound was performed and it was determined me and baby were just fine. I panicked, my husband remained my pillar and knew we were just fine. We both embraced this new territory with nervousness, but joy; we were so ready for our baby and anticipated just holding our child and what our NEW NORMAL would be once the baby was born.  We cried hearing the heartbeat for the first time, when I felt our baby ‘flutter’ within my womb for the first time. We felt so fortunate to be part of something so miraculous as birthing our baby. There are no words to even come close to describe the joy and love we felt instantly for our baby. After being told our baby was a girl, and claiming a girl, God saw differently. We were having a beautiful baby boy. We were still so overjoyed and just wanted a healthy baby.  

Well long story short, at around 16 weeks in my pregnancy, my high risk specialist noticed mucus during one of the scans and examinations.  She quickly prescribed me with progesterone suppositories and bed rest until further notice. This is due to my cervix was starting to open some and it was too early for this.  Of course I was so afraid, but my doctor did explain next steps if the progesterone wasn’t enough. She discussed the cervical cerclage procedure. I was still afraid, but felt good we had a plan B.  After a week on bed rest and progesterone, I was examined and it was determined the inserts were working so she wanted me to stay on them for another week and come back to make final determination if things are progressing as they should.  At my next visit, it was determine my cervix was closed, but the baby started funneling. Hence, a cervical cerclage was mandatory. She highly recommended it to be done that same day. I held in tears and definitely prepared as best as I could mentally for this procedure; I instantly called my husband and we made it to the hospital.  The procedure was quick, a bit uncomfortable for the first few days, but once I was home and relaxed, all was well. The baby was just fine; strong heartbeat. After 5 days post procedure, I started to feel like heaviness in my pelvic area and Braxton Hicks. By this time I was nearly 20 weeks pregnant and read that it was normal to feel this.  I had another follow up doctor’s visit in a few days so I made sure my specialist knew what I had been feeling for the past few days. I was quickly admitted to the hospital for observation because it appeared that my baby had funneled down to the stitch of my cervix, my temperature was elevated and the Braxton Hicks continued, but wasn’t happening closely yet.  

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2019/05/8795.html

RC birthday tiara (1)

Rishona

Mom to Damian and Iris

July 2, 2013 and June 19, 2014

Pennsylvania

When I was in my early 30s, I was on an upswing in life. I had returned to college and finished my bachelor’s degree and then went right to graduate school and got an MBA. I had a great new job and a boyfriend who wanted to build a family with me. I had been waiting until I knew I was in a good place to have a child. I was slightly surprised I did not fall pregnant right away once I decided to go for it. In fact, it took more then a year (13 months exactly). But once I discovered that I was pregnant…I breathed an incredible sigh of relief…I was on my way.

I created a birth plan and started buying books about pregnancy. I subscribed to magazine and started eyeballing baby items and trying to decide where to create a baby registry. I had read the statistics on miscarriage…but all of my appointments were going perfectly. I made it out of the 1st trimester…the ‘scary period’. We were growing more and more excited by the day!

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2019/04/8782.html

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Shaunta

Mom to Christa

September 17, 2017

Atlanta, Georgia

As I write this, remembering my baby’s first breath, the tears flow heavily from my eyes. At 21 weeks and 4 days, I thought my life was perfect. Yes I’ve experienced previous loss, a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks in January of this year, 2017, and a chemical pregnancy in 2014.  

Surprisingly, in May of 2017, I found myself pregnant again. Scared, my husband and I waited until 12 weeks to go to our first doctor’s appointment. The midwife there did an unofficial ultrasound and there our little angel was, jumping around. We were beyond happy. At 14 weeks my perinatologist diagnosed me with gestational diabetes. I was out on insulin and told to watch what I eat. At 19 weeks we learned we were having a girl. Everything looked great according to the doctor. At 20 weeks, late on a Friday afternoon, I lost what I assumed was my mucous plug and called the doctor’s office to go in on that following Wednesday. 20 weeks and 5 days, my cervix was high, closed, baby’s heartbeat was 156  movement was great.  

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/10/8550.html

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Amanda

Mom to Ivan Joaquin

March 2, 2014 – March 10, 2014

Port Lavaca, Texas

It was a Tuesday morning. I felt sick and I felt exhausted. I couldn’t sleep the night before because I had a weird feeling in my stomach. While I was at work, I asked my mom if she could get me some medicine from the store. I explained my symptoms to her and chalked it off as just getting a cold or the flu. Her first question was, “Well have you started your period?” So….. I thought back, and No!

Actually I was 5 days late! But, I had been known to have irregular periods so I didn’t think too much about it. Plus I take the pill, so there is no way that could be an option. So when I got home on my lunch break, there was a bag from the drugstore with Dayquil, cough drops and a pregnancy test. I thought, “Yeah right, there is no way, but she bought it so I will take it.” [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/03/8163.html

Unknown

Nikki

Mother to Raylee Nichole, and three other babies in Heaven.

Baby one lost at 6 weeks in January 2007.

Baby two lost at 7 weeks in April 2007.

Baby three lost at 11 weeks in October 2008.

Raylee Nichole born August 6 2015 at 16 weeks and 5 days

West Lafayette, Indiana

My name is Nikki and I have four beautiful angels in heaven. It all started in 2007 when my period hadn’t come on its regularly scheduled day. Growing up my periods have never been quite “normal”. I was young and didn’t think anything about it. I figured it could have been due to stress or something and surely I would start soon. I began to bleed about 3 weeks after my estimated start day. I just assumed it was my period finally coming. But as the days went on the cramping got pretty intense and I was passing pretty large blood clots. I got nervous and went to the emergency room. Regular protocol is to take a urine pregnancy test. It came back positive. Holy cow, I was pregnant.

[Read more…]

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http://facesofloss.com/2015/10/7925.html

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Shelby

Mom to Brantley

November 26, 2014

Aberdeen, Idaho

On July 26th, 2014 my fiance and I got married. In August we found out we were expecting. We were beyond happy, we bought tons of gender neutral clothes and blankets. We were supposed to find out what our baby was on December 1st but instead we buried our baby that day. On November 26th I started having these horrible pains, not knowing they were contractions and later that night I started bleeding so we rushed to the hospital and they found the baby’s heartbeat but told me I’d have to deliver him (we found out then that he was a boy) and that sometime after I delivered his heart would stop beating because his lungs weren’t strong enough for him to live. I gave birth to him at 11:45 PM, we named him Brantley, he was perfectly healthy. He weighed 10 oz. And he was 9 1/2 in. Long . We held him all through the night and the next morning, it was the hardest thing handing over our sweet baby to be buried. We love and miss him more than anything. We learned that I suffer from IC (Incompetent Cervix) which means my cervix is weak and can’t take the baby’s weight so it dilates way too early. This will happen with every pregnancy I have but I can have a surgical procedure done which is supposed to hold my cervix shut. If anyone has any questions or just wants to talk, feel free to email me.

Shelby can be reached at shelbykayreynolds@yahoo.com

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7425.html

081212-1240Ukette

Mommy to a beautiful girl, Mikayla Danielle

Michigan

October 25, 2012

At 18 years old, my boyfriend and I found out that we would be expecting a child. I immediately fell in love with baby growing inside of me. I would sit up all night and talk to the baby that I called “Mommy’s little pumpkin.” I’d always say, “No you were not planned but you’re still welcome all the same” and say how much I loved him/her. At around what was supposed to 19 weeks, I had a dream that I miscarried my baby at 4 months. Since I was supposedly 5 months along, I made no big deal of it. That was until I went to the doctor & they said I was indeed only 4 months along and that we would be having a beautiful baby girl whom we decided to name Mikayla Danielle.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7166.html

WSP_1691Jenna

Mom to Allison, James, and Colin

December 31, 2012

Pittsburgh, PA

After one year of trying to conceive on our own, my husband and I turned to a Reproductive Endocrinologist.  We quickly learned that I had PCOS and started medications right away. Four months later after our first round of injectable hormones, we learned we were expecting triplets!  We were overjoyed to be pregnant, but concerned about the potential complications. The next four months were beautiful.  We were able to see our babies at 9 weeks, 12 weeks, 16 weeks and 19 weeks during routine high-risk visits. They were growing great, placentas looked awesome, and we learned they were all fraternal, so we didn’t have to worry about twin to twin transfusion syndrome. I grew quickly and loved every moment.  I was anxiously awaiting the day when I would feel the first kicks, instead of just little flutters.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/01/6598.html

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Mary

Mom to Roger Roy II – Born and Died on August 30, 2012

Mom to Guy David – Born and Died on August 31, 2012

Culver, Indiana

My name is Mary.  My husband and I have been married since June 2009.  We live in a small town in Indiana in the middle of nowhere on a lake.  We decided we wanted to try to start a family in June 2010, so I went off birth control and figured it would ‘just happen’.  No one in my family or his had ever had any problems getting pregnant.  After a little over a year of trying, we decided to start the testing to see if there was anything wrong.  My husband checked out just fine.  I, on the other hand, had too much scar tissue (from abdominal surgeries due to Crohns Disease).  Our only option to have a family was to do IVF.  We were set up with a wonderful reproductive endocrinologist in Indianapolis, IN (we live in a very small town).  We began the cycle in April/May 2012 and it was picture perfect.  We implanted 2 beautiful embryos (as the embryologist called them), and found out on May 24 that we were pregnant.  My HSG numbers were pretty high, so the docs and us were pretty confident that both embryos had implanted and I became sick instantly!  On June 9th, we had our ultrasound to see and hear 2 beautiful beating heartbeats after 2 years of trying to start our family.  We were both ecstatic!  Besides being sick, the pregnancy was going very well. At every ultrasound the boys were doing great and growing at the rate they were supposed do despite how sick I was.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/01/6467.html

Tia

Mom to Jaron Robert

August 3, 2012 – August 8, 2012

Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada

Being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome at the early age of 14 felt like a death sentence, as the possibility of infertility was so high. My husband and I had been married 5 years and together for 13. During that time, we had said if pregnancy happens we will embrace it, but if it doesn’t, then we will embrace that, too…although, deep down I think we both wanted a child so badly and were using the “whatever happens, happens” motto to ease our pain. After 6 years of not using contraception, we became pregnant. It was the happiest day of my life. I came into our bedroom hysterically crying, and my husband thought something was wrong until I showed him the stick. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/11/6153.html

Sarah

Mom to Silas Theodore
Lost September 2, 2011 at 18 ½ weeks gestation,

and twins Asher Saul
Lost May 10, 2012 at 19 weeks gestation

and

Sadie Irene
Lost May 14, 2012 at 20 weeks gestation

Michigan City, Indiana

I was absolutely ecstatic and shocked beyond belief when I found out I was pregnant with Silas. I think it took me 6 pregnancy tests over the course of a weekend to really believe I was finally being blessed with a child at 32 years of age. I had tried to conceive naturally for almost two years and I think I had just given up hope that it was ever going to happen. Needless to say, I was very involved with my prenatal visits and constantly read up on everything I could be expecting and what I should do to ensure a healthy pregnancy.  I don’t think I ever prayed so much in my whole life! But as I got bigger, my pregnancy started to cause me concern. I had a lot of unexplained shooting pains when I would stand up or sneeze, and I sneeze a lot when I’m pregnant! The doctors always reassured me everything was normal and I got extra ultrasounds and examinations to ensure this. By the time Silas was born at 18 1/2 weeks, I think I already had 4 pictures of him proudly displayed around the house and near my bed! [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/10/6037.html

Samantha

Mom to Carter Michael

Born and died on June 25, 2012

La Plata, Maryland

Our story begins February 2012…TWO pink lines! It didn’t take long at all and we became pregnant with my second and his first! At 25 years old, we were both young, healthy and full of energy! We were ecstatic to bring a new life into this world, a brand new baby (hoping for a BOY) to raise together. We found out right away, literally 6 days before my missed period! We were off to happily planning our future! Picking out names, outfits, registry info for the shower, just young, happy, to-be parents! [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/10/6002.html

Felecia

Mom to Kennedy Aleecia
April 5, 2012 – April 6, 2012

and

Blighted ovum, February 2011

Indianapolis, Indiana

The pregnancy wasn’t planned at the time (it was a future plan my boyfriend and I had), but finding out in December 2011 that it was happening was the greatest thing ever! We found out in March 2012 we were having a little girl (it was a Wednesday, to be exact), and we already agreed to name her Kennedy Aleecia.

Well, that Friday I continued on with my day like normal, but my body felt funny; there was so much pressure down there, but I overlooked it and just thought, “OK, I’m going to go home lay down go to sleep.” I woke up when my boyfriend got off work around 5am…and I was bleeding. We go to the ER. They tell  I’m getting admitted to maturity. We get upstairs, they look and check and tell me my cervix is open and they’re going to do a surgery and tie (vaginal cerclage). Baby is fine (heart rate and everything)…so they do they surgery. I stay there a few more days, and then I’m home. The next day I need to go back, they said I’m fine and sent me home. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/09/5896.html

Abby

Mom to Jonah Bentley Willis
Born still February 1, 2012

and

Harper Bailey Willis
October 18, 2012 – October 19, 2012

Moultrie, Georgia

I was 26 weeks and 4 days pregnant with my first child. My husband, Aaron, had been out of town for a National Sales Convention for work. I went to Dr. Bruhn on Tuesday, January 24 for my scheduled appointment. This was the only appointment that Aaron had not been able to make so Sarah, my twin sister, went with me. At this appointment I had to do the whole glucose tolerance test thing and I was thrilled when the nurse told me that my blood sugar levels and hemoglobin were both perfect. Dr. Bruhn got out her hand-held Doppler and listened to Jonah’s heart beat at 150 beats per minute. She assured me that everything looked great and she would see me back in four weeks. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/07/5660.html

Chirleen

Mom to Caleb Reed Evans

Born still April 17, 2012

Hertford, North Carolina

I’ve been wanting to write this for a while now, but it never seemed to be the “right” time.  I have kept that night close to my heart but have managed to get a lot of the details out of order and confused in my head.  My mom was thoughtful enough to take photos immediately following Caleb’s birth.  It must have taken an incredible amount of strength to do what she did; looking at the photos I know it must have been difficult to hold the camera steady to capture those precious moments.  I will forever be grateful to her.  These photos tell a story that although I was present for physically, my heart was trying so hard to be somewhere else, where Caleb’s heart was still beating and where Caleb would hear our voices as we told him how much we love him… [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/07/5642.html

Tiyama

Mom to Azriel Aiden

Born and died April 14, 2012

Sacramento, California

My husband and I always wanted to be parents. We spent hours talking on the phone early in our relationship discussing how many we wanted, discipline, names. We were blessed with 3 beautiful boys, but they weren’t without their unique and stressful/scary entrances. My last 2 were IC (incompetent cervix) issues. When DH and I talked about #4, we were excited, this would be our first planned pregnancy, determined to make this one much smoother and make it to term again, I had done it once with my oldest and just barely with my second. We tried for just over a year, and felt something wasn’t right. We both got checked out, I was just fine but DH not so much, he had secondary infertility. We couldn’t believe it, it would take IVF with ICSI to have another child. DH did not want to do that but felt terrible because I could get pregnant and his refusal meant I wouldn’t. A few nights later, DH brought up a subject we had talked about in passing years ago, sperm donation. We kept talking and decided to look into it to see if it was something we really wanted to explore. We were delighted to not only have found a donor website that we felt safe about but a donor that lived about an hour away. I got in touch with him and we exchanged emails, talked on the phone and felt we were all compatible. Four cycles/donations later, we found out we were pregnant a few days before Christmas 2011. Best gift ever! :) [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/06/5619.html

Nisey

Mom to Baby Boy Turner

Born and died October 8, 2011

Austin, Texas

My son is dead. This is something I say to myself at least once every day.  Sometimes I want to scream it at the smiling faces that expect me to smile back.  It’s just too hard to smile because I miss him so much.  Although he came and went so quickly, the imprint he left is amazing. I love him. It’s almost been a year since I lost him and I’m already noticing the cycle restarting. Memorial Day Weekend: he was conceived. Father’s Day: a positive pregnancy test. October 8th, his birth/death day, is right around the corner. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/06/5565.html

Agnes

Mom to Richard, born and died April 19, 2012

and

John, born and died April 19, 2012

Wichita, Kansas

I learned I was pregnant after I missed my period January this year. As this being my first pregnancy and we had not been trying, I found myself very anxious, since I didn’t think I was ready. We were having relationship issues and as much as he sounded supportive, I couldn’t help but feel scared. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/05/5399.html

Lindsey

Mom to Quinton Edward and Owen Scott

Born and passed April 27, 2012

Edinburg, Virginia

Wednesday April 25th, 2012 started out like any other day.  I woke up tired and sore from being pregnant.  We had just returned from our babymoon and that weekend we painted the twins’ nursery.  I was so happy.  I got through my work day picked up pizza for dinner and headed home.  My husband and I ate, and I went to the bathroom for one of my many pee breaks, except this time when I wiped there was blood.  I immediately began to panic.  I told my husband I was bleeding; I tried to call my Mom, no answer.  I became more frantic.  I called the doctor on call, but he was in surgery.  My mom called me back to tell me she was on her way. She arrived in seconds and we headed to the hospital.  That was the longest 30 minutes of my life…a thousand scenarios went through my head, but I tried everything to stay positive. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/05/5368.html

Ashley

Mom to Gentry Ann, born and died February 25, 2012
and
Savannah Elizabeth, born and died February 26, 2012

Memphis, Tennessee

I found out I was pregnant on November 9, 2011, after our first attempt at IVF. We found out we were expecting twins on November 28. After almost two years of trying to get pregnant, we were so excited to be expecting two babies. At the first ultrasound it was found that I had a subchorionic hematoma (SCH) next to Baby A, but it was small enough to not be much of a concern. The day after I was released from my fertility doctor, I was in the ER for heavy bleeding. But, an ultrasound showed both babies were doing great. The bleeding was from my SCH. We ended up at the ER again a month later for more bleeding, but again both babies were fine. At that time I was ordered to bed rest for three weeks. After about 3.5 weeks the bleeding quit, for the first time my entire pregnancy (at almost 17 weeks pregnant). [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/05/5327.html

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