Mom to Joel

Born sleeping March 30, 2011

Croydon, Victoria, Australia

My husband and I started trying to conceive in March 2010. It took us five months to conceive Joel. I tested on the first day my period was due and it came back negative. I waited five days and tried again on the 13th of August and it came back positive. I showed the positive test to my husband who was half asleep and obviously he couldn’t go back to sleep [after finding out]. We immediately started thinking of names. It took me awhile to get used to it as I have anxiety and depression and take a while to adjust to change.

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Dec 31 2010 – 6 weeks
April 2012 – 5 weeks
14 June 2013 – 7 weeks 4 days
Taranaki, New Zealand
Our journey began 9 months before we lost our first pregnancy. We had been trying to get pregnant and when it finally happened we were really happy. I did everything right; I had quit smoking and drinking prior to trying to conceive, I ate lots of leafy greens and fatty fish to give our bubba the best possible start, I exercised and got early nights. At the time we were living in Whakatane, NZ. I had a great job, it paid really well and the opportunities for me to have a successful career were limitless, according to senior managers I was the next best thing “miss 110%” was my nickname. I was doing everything right in my career and my pregnancy, life was perfect.

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mum to Vincenzo & Benedetto


Buckinghamshire, UK

For me this story,  it is a little ironic to know that I write about my sons in a non-tangible place the internet, where their story will forever be ‘in the cloud’ – like my boys. So I will start slowly…..this is the story of Vincenzo and Benedetto, our sons.  It might well start with Once Upon a Time if you like…….I met my husband and from the moment I saw him I knew I would always love him.  This feeling hasn’t changed in the nine years we have been together.  We wanted to wait until after marriage to have children and in 2009 we got married.   Last year we decided that we were ready and so in May 2010 I tentatively came off the pill and, well you can guess the rest.  In August 2010 I used three pregnancy testers plus one of those really expensive digital ones to tell me that I was 1-2 weeks pregnant.  Just like that-wow!  Hello Little Sprout. [Read more…]


Mommy to Eli Michael McCoy

September 8

Calgary, Alberta

Even as a child, I’ve felt very close to my parents and related in so many ways to my mother early on.  We (my brothers and I) were loved unconditionally and confidently knew we were everything to them.  Innocently, we believed their lives began when we entered and that there were only 3 of us they could love like they do. [Read more…]


Mom to Annie Grace

Stillborn October 4, 2011

St. Paul, Minnesota

 I was sitting at a restaurant with my daughter, my mom, and my husband. A young girl, probably around four, started belting out the lyrics to ”Tomorrow” from my favorite childhood movie, Annie. “The sun will come out tomorrow,” she sang. Tears streamed down my face. Just days earlier, my daughter was stillborn. Her name was Annie.

I’ll start from the beginning. [Read more…]

Mom to Grace June
February 25th, 2010
Angel Baby
October 5th, 2010
and Angel Baby
January 10th, 2011

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Mom to Isaiah Jack
October 28th, 2010
Minnetonka, Minnesota

I was pregnant with my third baby and couldn’t have been happier. I already had two beautiful children, and was excited to have the third and then be done having kids. We were going to be such a happy little family! My pregnancy was going well and I never could have imagined that anything would happen that would take my precious little baby away from me.

Throughout my pregnancy I had the feeling that something was wrong with my baby. I first felt him move around 15 weeks, but then didn’t feel him very regularly. I was thinking that I was probably just paranoid because I was just so anxious for the baby to be here. I was never good at kick-counting anyway, so I just tried to dismiss those anxious thoughts.
My husband Gary and I went in for the 20-week ultrasound on Wednesday, October 27th, 2010 and were so excited to see our little baby for the first time. This was the first baby that we didn’t find out the sex, so the ultrasound was just going to be to make sure that the baby was healthy and everything was looking good. When the ultrasound tech started the scan, I could tell right away that something was odd. I also noticed that the baby on the screen wasn’t really moving. After a few measurements, and her questioning our due date, she stood up to excuse herself and said that she’d be right back.
After she was gone for a couple minutes, I turned to Gary and said, “Something’s wrong, she shouldn’t be gone this long.” Sure enough when she came back into the room she told me that my midwife was on the phone to talk to me. I knew right then, and could hardly believe the words I was hearing when my midwife told me that my baby was no longer living. Total shock. I had to hold onto the counter because I could feel my legs giving out from under me.
So on the day we went in to see our healthy little baby, we ended up planning my stillborn baby’s birth. We were planning to give birth at a birth center, which could no longer happen, so we found ourselves traveling to a faraway hospital where we knew no one. Our midwife would meet us there and work closely with the OB to help us through labor and delivery.
I got induced on Thursday morning and then the waiting began. One of the most important things on our minds was choosing a name for our little angel. We thought we had 4 more months to figure out a name! And since we still didn’t know the baby’s gender, we picked out a boy and a girl name. 
I am forever grateful that labor went as smooth as possible. We were in such good hands and felt truly cared for. And then our baby was born. I can hardly describe what I was feeling at the time, but it was a mix of complete awe at this little miracle that was born, mixed with the deepest sorrow imaginable. Gary looked a little closer and announced that it was a boy. A boy!! I had wanted a boy so badly for our third. We named him Isaiah, which means God is my Help. We gave him the middle name Jack after his big brother, who was always so excited for his little brother to be here (throughout the pregnancy he insisted that it was a little boy, even though we didn’t know).
We held Isaiah for a long time and just wept. We talked to him, prayed for him, and kissed him. We poured out our love in hugs and tears, knowing this would be the last time we would hold him. I wanted him to be crying. I wanted to nurse him. It was horrible to feel absolutely helpless as his mother; I could do nothing to bring him back.
He was beautiful and perfect in every way and there was no obvious reason for his death. When we held him we admired the ways in which he looked like our other children. He had such amazingly long fingers, big feet, and he was tall. He was our baby.
After having him we decided to get some testing done to see if we could find a reason for Isaiah’s death. To our surprise I was diagnosed with two blood-clotting disorders, MTHFR and Factor V Leiden. This diagnosis made me very aware of two things. First, that I was insanely blessed to have two healthy children. Second, that losing Isaiah possibly saved my life. I would not have known about this had I not lost Isaiah, and that could have put my life in danger. So Isaiah truly is my little angel baby.
There are many days when the sadness is overwhelming. The sadness comes in seeing my children or other babies around me and thinking of all the dreams I had for Isaiah’s life. I know that the sadness will not go away, and that’s okay because I lost my child. But I hope and pray that the sadness will lessen over time, so that I can live a life full of love and happiness- a life that would make Isaiah proud.
 You can contact Leah at

Mom to Matthew Kristopher
Stillborn on July 27th, 2002 at 38 weeks
East Northport, New York
Life is not without loss. Everyone experiences it in some form during their life. How do you move on from your darkest days, when time stands still but life goes on around you? How do you pick up the shattered pieces and move forward, to rebuild your life, rise above the pain, and perhaps come out stronger and more determined than before? How do you go on to do something positive and help others in a similar situation, while helping yourself to heal? There will be light at the end of your long dark tunnel. You will get there eventually, maybe without even realizing it, and maybe by constantly working your way out, one little step at a time. This is my story of loss, grief, healing, and passion found.

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Mom to Zoe Elizabeth Wood, March 21st, 2007
and Addie Kate Wood, March 25th, 2010
Sevierville, Tennessee
Zoe’s Story
We had just found out the sex of our 2nd child when we had our 17 week ultrasound.  A little girl.  Then, I began to have some bleeding a few weeks later and at the ultrasound when Zoe was 20 weeks, her heart had already stopped beating. We chose to be induced and had to wait several days for the hospital to do the induction.  I carried her for 1 week and then was induced & delivered her body. 

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Mom to Hannah Katherine Larsen, September 21st, 2009
Angel Baby, November 23rd, 2006
and Angel Baby, December 28th, 2009
Morgan, New Jersey

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Mom to Michael Francis Latterell, II
August 12th, 2010
Nashville, TN
Becoming a mother had always been an ambiguous thought for me growing up, until I met Mike. I felt there was no better way of expressing love for another person than to share yourself in the union of persons and conceive a child. A little piece of us, together, to show and share with the world. Mike was and still is an amazing man and I wanted nothing more than to create a family with him!
We found out we were pregnant on the morning of Jan 14 2010. Mike and I had been in Minnesota visiting his family for the Christmas holidays and were returning home when I realized that I was late for my period. We decided about 8 months earlier when we got engaged to stop using oral contraceptives and begin using NFP (natural family planning). We weren’t getting any younger and we wanted our children to come into our family as they may. Granted we had a wedding date planned, we were ready to become parents no matter what.

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Mom to four baby angels 
Who went to heaven March 2009,  May 2009, 
October 2009, & May 2010
Millersburg, PA
Four first trimester miscarriages, two heartbeats that were once strong that stopped beating, no living children.

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My angels: May 16th, 2007, February 2010, July 2nd, 2010
Salem, Virginia

The story of my most recent miscarriage, taken from my blog:

I miscarried last night just a few hours shy of being 7 weeks pregnant. I feel like an empty shell of a person waking up this morning. I don’t know what to do with myself, so here I am writing because maybe this will help me.

 Yesterday (Friday), I had the day off from work and had great plans to go get my nails done and go to the mall. However, I got up and was only able to get my shower and then lay back down. I was still spotting heavily and then later had mild cramping all day. And, I felt sick all day too with nausea. Lately, with these symptoms, I just don’t feel I can even leave the house…I’ve been afraid to, afraid of what might happen and I wouldn’t be home or just too sick. I’m a prisoner of my house and have been pretty sick of these same four walls. So, begrudgingly, I spent my day off reading in the guest room.
When Erick got home, we went to dinner, even though my cramps were worse, because I was determined to get out of the house. By the time we left the restaurant, I was feeling worse. I don’t think eating helped, it just made my stomach hurt. So, now my stomach hurt and the cramps were extremely bad.

Then, it happened. Even though, in my heart I was so worried about this and thought it would happen, I was not prepared for it. And, it does not get easier at all, in fact much worse. I had the most incredible sense of deja-vu, so much so that it’s like I thought it was winter.

I just can’t believe this happened yesterday, only one day after hearing the baby’s heart beat for the first time. How could everything have gone so suddenly and violently wrong? All I could think about was, “Did our little firefly’s heart stop beating or did this happen while it was still beating?”

The last time I miscarried, 5 months ago, it was a blighted ovum, which means that the embryo implants and forms the placenta, but the baby never develops. We were devastated. And, now, seeing that life inside me, that little flicker of a heartbeat, makes it all the more heartbreaking. The loss is even more tangible.

This whole cycle has truly been hell for me, physically and mostly emotionally. The ups and downs have been severe. The constant worrying over the spotting and bleeding have been torture for me, with opinions all over the place from the various doctors, mostly concern. So, if it was going to happen, I’m just glad it went on and happened, so I can try to grieve and move on. They say that when you miscarry early on, then something was genetically wrong with the baby from conception and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Knowing that this time has brought some comfort to me — not blaming myself, knowing that if it happens it’s because something is genetically wrong and my body has somehow figured it out. Again, if it’s destined to happen, better sooner than later.

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