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Catherine

Mom to Iris Jayne

East Yorkshire, England

June 1, 2016

On June the 1st my only daughter, my second child was stillborn. Before, this my life was easy; nothing bad happened to me. I’d heard about stillbirth, but it wouldn’t happen to me. I was naive and pregnancy was innocent. It happened to the girl down the street, a friend of a friend, someone you knew of but never spoke to. Then on the 31st of May 7, hours after my ‘perfect’ 40 week appointment, I was in a hospital room being told my baby girl had died. I was now that girl. I was a part of the club no one wants to be a part of, the mother of a child that didn’t make it, a child that died. I remember thinking over and over, “this doesn’t happen to me, it’s a nightmare. I’ll wake up.” It wasn’t, my life had changed in 7 hours. I’d gone from the top of the world to the bottom of the ocean. I was drowning.

Nothing feels real when you are told your baby is dead. There’s no heart beat, nothing. A still frame on the ultrasound. This doesn’t happen to me, they must be wrong, I kept holding that. I was given a pill and sent home, they told me to go back when labour had started. I didn’t cry, it didn’t sink in. I was home with my baby in my tummy. If she was gone, why would they leave me like this. It wasn’t until the contractions started that I knew it was happening, the tears started. I would have to give birth to a baby I’d never take home and never see again. This was all we were going to have, And it was the least I could do for her.

I didn’t know whether I wanted to see and hold her straight away, not because I didn’t want her, but because I was scared. I didn’t know what to expect. But it all changed when she was about to be born.

Before I made my last push, the last moment of carrying her inside me, I begged them to give her straight to me, the mother’s instinct took over and I needed her. She was mine, my baby, my daughter and I loved her no matter what. Iris Jayne was born sleeping at 18:01 pm weighing 8lb 14 1/2 oz on the 1/6/2016, her due date. She was beautiful and perfect. She looked just like her big brother and had his head full of hair except hers was a little lighter. Nothing was wrong with her. A true knot in the cord was the cause of death. We spent that night and the whole next day with her, just me, my partner and Iris. People came to see her and to say goodbye, then we had to do the same.

No midnight feeds, no baby smell, no crying or teething, no first day of school, no university, no wedding. No living daughter. My family has a hole that will never by filled. Life isn’t easy, it’s hard. I’m not the same, I’ll never be the same. Its not a nightmare, it’s real and it happened.

You can email Catherine at cat.rennerz@gmail.com.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/09/8353.html

miscarriage

 Sonia

Mom to 6 living children, 8 angels in Heaven

February 2015

 Oxfordshire, UK

My last miscarriage was a shock. I was actively TTC with an 11 day LP and at 11dpo I tested and got a negative pregnancy test. The period started on 1st February 2015 and lasted until 6th February. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7504.html

Alice

Mom to Rory Marshall Richardson

January 28, 2012 – February 20, 2012

Leeds, England

At 19 I found out I was pregnant, our little serendipity – happy surprise. On the 6th September we found out we were having a baby boy and the first name was decided in an instant. Rory has been my favourite name for years; when I was little it reminded me of lions, and Daddy loved the name, too, luckily.  The middle name was decided when my Dad fell critically ill with cancer. One day in the hospice he said to me, “Alice, don’t you dare name that little boy after me. I don’t want that and I’ve always hated my name anyway.” I didn’t name him after my Dad’s first name; I choose my Dad’s family name that he gave me as Rory’s middle name. A few days before my Dad died, I told him that my baby’s name would be Rory Marshall Richardson. Only Rory’s dad, my Dad and I knew Rory’s name before he was born. Rory was like a little light at the end of a tunnel, not just for me and Nathan, but for my whole family. It was something to look forward to after the loss of someone so important. My 13-year old sister was overjoyed, more than what was normal. We needed Rory. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/08/5793.html

Lisa

Mom to Finley

Born March 23, 2012 and died March 26, 2012
in Naples, Italy

From Canada, but currently lives in
Winchester, England

My husband and I were married in July 2011 and 2 days later we moved to Italy on a military posting. About 2 weeks after being in Italy is when we found out we were expecting.

There is a British midwife who helps with the care there, but my care was mostly done in an American naval hospital, which is where I would deliver.

I had early scans at 7 and 9 weeks, then the regular scans at 12 and 20 weeks. We had the detailed scans at a private clinic in Naples, as the American hospital did not have machines that would scan in enough detail. At the 20 week scan, it was observed that there was high blood pressure in one of the arteries in the cord, which was giving reduced blood flow to our son. The American doctor was not overly concerned by this. We were told he would likely be small though. I was also told I would be closely monitored and that if at any point they were concerned, I would deliver in an Italian hospital, as they don’t have the facilities to deal with high risk situations in the American one. I went on to have more scans at 24, 28, and 32 weeks. By 32 weeks, although Finley was small (approx. 25th percentile), the pressure problem had corrected itself and they were happy with the consistency of his growth. I was put as low risk. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/07/5722.html

Carly

Mom to Samuel Logan

Born still March 14, 2012

Stevenage, United Kingdom

After suffering with PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) since I was 17 years old, I thought I would have a battle on my hands to ever have a baby. My husband and I were quite philosophical about falling pregnant: “it’ll happen when it happens”.  It did happen; completely unexpectedly and without real effort.  My pregnancy was without any major issues. I had slightly more checks than average due to my raised BMI (thanks to the PCOS).  I was sick throughout, but it was manageable.  I had raised levels of amniotic fluid seen on scans at 28 and 36 weeks (but not at 32 weeks strangely). I was told by the Doctor at 36 weeks this wasn’t an issue as he was in the head-down position.  For nine months, I had this constant feeling that it was all too good to be true.  And it was. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/06/5633.html

Jane

Mom to Madeleine Grace

September 29th, 2011

Liverpool, England

The ectopic pregnancy was the worst thing that has ever happened to me, but I am trying to take something positive from the experience. Every day it is a struggle. I get out of the shower and run my hands over my stomach, remembering how it felt to know that my little one was there.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/11/3841.html

Sarah

Mom to Ryleigh Jayne

Born at 14 weeks 6 days on April 24th, 2006

England, UK

I found out I was pregnant with Ryleigh on Sunday 5th February 2006 in Mcdonalds toilets – I remember the time, it was 11:30am. Me and Stuart had been trying for a baby since August 2005, we were both sure that the test would come back negative and very shocked but happy when it came back positive. When I came out of the toilets Stuart could tell just by the big grin on my face and then i passed him the test and he had a big grin on his face. I was so shocked that I could not stop shaking and could not eat my Mcdonalds as I felt too sick with mixed emotions. After Mcdonalds we went to a shop and bought two little baby grows for our growing bean and some mittens, we put them in our baby box once we arrived back at mine. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/04/1173.html

Laura
Mummy to Lacey Jai Hughes
August 25th, 2010
England
When I found out I was pregnant, it was a big shock as I was just 19 at the time. I have grown up around young children and have always loved them.


Through being pregnant I had no morning sickness at all just HUGE cravings of chocolate cake, YUM!
I didn’t really enjoy being pregnant towards the end as my bump was rather big. I couldn’t sleep properly, was always narky with family and felt I was on my own.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/547.html


Jeanette
Mum to Florence Violet
July 22nd, 2009
Stockport, England

Florence was a wonderful surprise baby. We had four children, and didn’t plan on having any more, though it was no secret I wanted at least one more!  Finding out we were pregnant, was a surprise, I’m still not quite sure how it happened! I felt so lucky to be pregnant again, and enjoyed every moment of my pregnancy…ok maybe not the morning sickness!
Tuesday 21st July 2009, three days after my “official due date”, I woke in the early hours to strong contractions and period type pains. The contractions were only coming about every ten minutes, and I was managing to rest, even doze between them. I knew there was a way to go yet.  Woody had already booked the rest of that week off work as I was struggling with the school runs. I was very glad he had.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2010/10/459.html

Scarlett
Mom to Ayamé Ulloriaq, D&C at 17 weeks on April 5th 2010
Brighton/Southampton, England

http://facesofloss.com/2010/09/332.html

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