20161106_160851

Charity

Mom to Apple and Poppy
 
Regina, SK Canada
 
April 2014 and April 2016

I never wanted to be a mom.  I have never even  really cared about kids.  Children were never part of my plan until I met my husband Joey.  He is a child magnet and a big kid himself.  He works with develeopmentally challenged children and is a caregiver by nature.  Once all of our friends started having children we made the decision to start trying ourselves.  

We both went for our preconception appointments and were given the all clear to TTC. We did a 3 month detox and I read every pregnancy book I could get my hands on.  We were ready for the next chapter in our lives.  I was already 33 at this point and Joey was 36 so we figured it would take us a full year to conceive.  We started trying in December of 2012.  Boy were we wrong about our timelines.  At the 6-month point I contacted my family doctor for an infertility referral because I had a feeling something was wrong.  Because of our socialist healthcare system in CANADA we waited another 6 months to see our first of many specialists.  No one could find anything wrong and we were recommended to start the IUI process. 

 

While we were waiting for my next AF we got the surprise of our lives with a BFP!  We were through the roof and couldn’t wait to share our news with our families as this was to be the first grandchild for both sets of our parents.  Our due date was Christmas Eve and our wedding anniversary is Dec. 21st so December was shaping up to be super exciting.  Everyone was ecstatic.  Our joy was short lived.  I started to bleed exactly one week from sharing our news at the 6 week mark.  Our doctors chalked it up to a “Spontaneous Abortion”  and said we could start trying again right away.  

 

We were determined to get pregnant right away so jumped right into an IUI cycle with Clomid.  It failed and gave me cysts so we were forced to take a few months off.  IUI number 2 with Letrozole was also a big fat fail.  It was around this time that it was discovered that my AMH was low for my age and could potentially be a contributing factor to our infertility.  We were advised to do IVF.  IUI was already more than we  set out to do.  We stopped infertility treatments and did nothing but the good old fashioned TTC for most of 2015.

 

In early 2016, we made the decision to find another doctor and see if we could attempt a few more IUI’s before we gave up.  While waiting to begin treatment on April 3/2016 we were once again shocked with a surprise BFP.  I knew something was wrong right away and demanded that I have Betas drawn.  After 2 fairly high numbers (that didn’t quite double)  I was told to take it easy and enjoy being pregnant.  I felt dizzy off and on and had mild right side cramping. I made it to my 6 week appointment and was told everything was okay.  They were wrong.  I started to bleed over the weekend but it was different than last time.  We had to wait out the weekend in order to see our family doctor.  She ordered an emergency ultrasound and our bad news was about to get worse.  The pregnancy was ectopic in my right tube.  We were referred to the ER and told the on-call Gyno would be waiting for us when we arrived.  They lied.

 

We spent the next 12 hours sitting in our local ER waiting to be seen.  Every now and then I was called to the triage to check my BP and make sure I wasn’t going septic. This was not how I planned spending my early pregnancy.  There was no time to grieve or feel what we needed to feel. That day April 19/2016 will haunt me forever.  By the time we saw the OB/GYN on-call (not the original doctor we were supposed to see) it was almost midnight and we had been at the hospital for over 12 hours. I was starving and thirsty as I was not allowed anything in case surgery was needed.  We ended up choosing methotrexate over surgery in hopes to avoid surgery.  This ended up not being the best decision as I ended up needing the surgery as well as the lump (my baby) in my tube never dissolved.  My badly damaged hyrdosalpinxed tube was removed in early June of 2016 in order to proceed with IUI treatment.

 

There is no happy ending to my story.  Here we are 2 years past that day and have yet to conceive again.  We ended up quitting fertility treatments a 2nd time as my side with the tube only managed to have a lead follicle 1 out of 10 attempts. Pumping myself with injections and drugs that made me feel awful with hopes that I would ovulate on my left side was no way to live. We quit all treatment as of April 2017 and have attempted to move on from life after infertility and early pregnancy loss.  Our story does not end with a rainbow baby.

 

I am trying to come to terms with my childlessness and figure out what my Plan B is going to be.  Every pregnancy announcement is still a kick to my heart.  Most recently my husband’s sister announced her pregnancy two weeks ago.  I haven’t been able to breathe right since.  She will be bringing the first grandchild in to the family.  My heart breaks and I don’t know how to be happy for her.

 

I hate being 1 in 5 and I hate that I am also 1 in 80.  I hate that I am part of the stats the unlucky ones. I turn 39 this year and have spent the better part of my 30’s trying to achieve an unachievable dream. 

 

Writing out my story is a small step in my healing.  The more people I tell the smaller the burden feels. 

 
You can email Charity here.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2018/05/8609.html

1Dominique

Mom to Elena and Baby

March 19, 2015 and July 8, 2015

Lake Grove, New York

After just about 6 months of fertility treatments, I was fortunate enough to get pregnant with my daughter with my first IVF cycle in 2011. After threatened miscarriage and third trimester high blood pressure, my beautiful girl was born perfect in July 2012.

We had one snow baby left from that cycle, so I waited until our daughter turned two to start trying again.  This time, getting pregnant became even more difficult.  After the first two FET cycles were cancelled due to poor lining and polyps, I had a D&C and gave myself the holidays off to recover.  In January 2015, I had a successful transfer and got my positive pregnancy test in February 2015.  The numbers were low to start (HCG was 30), but they rose at a steady rate and from the time I saw the first heartbeat, I was in love.  I slowly began to believe I was lucky enough to get pregnant 2x in a row via IVF with no further complications.  My husband and I told all of our close family and friends and by week 8, we began to tell our jobs.  I have the apps in my phone to follow the development of the pregnancy and spent my nights before bed dreaming that my family would soon be complete.  I couldn’t wait for October 24, 2015.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/07/7805.html

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Jermetra

Mom to Angel Baby Allen

May 2015

St. Louis, Missouri

May 8th started out as any other day. I stayed in all day. Evening came and I had this painful feeling inside me. I went to the bathroom, and realized I was spotting. I asked myself how could this be, when I had just had a period less than a week ago. I decided, something is not right. So, I took a pregnancy test. Two dark lines. I showed my family the first pregnancy test. My husband and I were shocked. This was exactly what we wanted. I still couldn’t believe this was really happening for us, so I took another pregnancy test. Still, two dark lines. But, I was spotting.  [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/07/7801.html

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Amber

Mom to Wesley, ectopic pregnancy, April 13, 2010

Mom to Bentley, missed miscarriage, August 13, 2014

Lubbock, Texas

We began trying for a baby starting the summer of 2009.  We had been married about 4 1/2 years and I had been on birth control pills our whole marriage.  We were not actively trying at first, mostly just preventing.  I really thought that we would get pregnant right away.  I have never had any problems with my cycle and it has always been very regular and predictable.  Well, month after month went by with no pregnancy.  Most months I would get my hopes and then my period would start.  I could probably name off everyone who got pregnant while we were trying.  It was very hard to hear people say that they got pregnant their first month trying.  March of 2010 my period was late.  I took several pregnancy tests and they were all negative.  I was also having some pains in my ovary.  I looked some stuff up online and got freaked out!  Then my period started, so everything was fine.  I had decided not to stress about getting pregnant and just leave it all in God’s hands. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/6216.html

55566_1429811347559_1939630_oKeilyn

May 2012

Marshfield, Missouri

I guess the only way to start this off is by telling you a little about me. I was 20 years old and sure of where my life was going. I always knew I wanted kids. I worked at a daycare 5 days a week, watched my niece as much as I could and even babysat other children just for the fun of it. So, I was beyond excited when I got a pregnancy test that was positive. It was April of last year [at time of writing]. I told my boyfriend and my immediate family. My sisters were so excited for me, the older who already had one of her own and the younger one who was ready to pop. They decided to tell the rest of my family by posting it on Facebook.

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7243.html

IMG_20130130_006531Kiri

Mom to two Angels

September 16, 2010 and May 10, 2013

Belfast, Northern Ireland

On September 16th 2010, I had an ectopic pregnancy. I was having extremely sharp pain in my left side of my stomach and didn’t know I was pregnant and didn’t suspect it either. My boyfriend insisted I go to A&E to get it checked out. We arrived at 6:30 p.m. and I didn’t get a scan unto 2 a.m. It was then confirmed that I was having an ectopic pregnancy. I was only 16 at the time and I didn’t have a clue at all what was going on, how to feel or how to react.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7095.html

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Cheyenne

Mom to Serenity Lynn

Born April 19, 2014

Tempe, Arizona

I am 21 years old and I have endometriosis. I have to take fertility medicine if I want to have kids. We decided we were ready, so I took it [medicines] and I took three pregnancy tests the next month before I made my doctor’s appointment. We were so excited. We were ready for our lives to change forever. I went to the doctor’s and he told me I was 4 weeks and 5 days, but to be careful because it would possibly be a tubal pregnancy.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7033.html

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Felicia

Mom to Angel

September 7, 2013

Las Vegas, Nevada

I got my tubes tied after having my daughter by C-section in 2011, and since then I had problems. Also, I was never told of the risk of an ectopic pregnancy.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/6964.html

IMG_20130606_143420Ashley

Baby Gamez & Baby Steinfink

April 2006 & December 15, 2008

Dallas, Texas

I have always known that I wanted to become a mother. I am what you would call an “old soul.” I have been mature for my age for as long as I can remember. Because of this, I have always loved watching, teaching and spending time with children. For whatever reason, this seems to be a mutual connection. No matter where I am, I’m almost always able to connect (on some level) with a child. This has given me opportunity to tutor kids, babysit, mentor and even serve as a teaching assistant. It was because of this amazing connection that I knew (in my heart of hearts) I would definitely want to become a mother at some point in my lifetime. As I grew older, although I still had the desire to become a mother, I also wanted to achieve my dreams. I wanted to finish high school, attend and graduate college and move up the ladder from there. I had big aspirations to become a child psychologist and hopefully someday, help a child in need. It’s funny how your dreams change as time goes by.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/6923.html

Katie

 Katie

Mom to Joseph Alton

June 7, 2012

Madisonville, Texas

For awhile I knew I was pregnant even though every test said negative. I felt his presence in me. Only a mother knows that feeling. I even looked pregnant! We were so excited our little girl was going to have a little sibling!!! On Wednesday, June 6th we found out, from a faint positive at the doctor’s office, that we were definitely pregnant. I was so relieved to know that I was not crazy and I knew what I was talking about. We told everyone as soon as we left doctor’s office.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/01/6762.html

Kristina

Mom to angel babies
Oct 2008, July 2009, October 2009, January  2012, July 2012

and

Sophia Marilyn
Born still on July 26, 2013

Fort Lee, VA

My journey began when my first son was born blue, and somehow survived after a long labor and heart fluctuations, in June 2007. October, 2008, we found out after a trip to the ER that I was pregnant with an ectopic pregnancy. I had been on birth control pills, and I had no idea what “ectopic” meant, but we were told to “wait it out” or I could take a shot that would speed up the process. A few days later, I had the shot. It was a hard thing.. but I imagined these things happened, and I blamed myself a lot. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2014/03/6318.html

Xochitl

Mom to Baby Spoerer

March 29, 2012

California

I guess you can say my story started a few years ago. My husband and I have always wanted kids. We tried and tried with no such luck. We had talked about it and decided if we could not get pregnant on our own it just wasn’t meant to be. I was finally getting comfortable with the idea that we would be childless. Then, in January 2012, to our greatest surprise, I was pregnant. It was the best day of my life and to top it off, I told my husband the night before his birthday the big news. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/11/6177.html

Kylie

Mom to “My Little Potato”

Went to be with God on October 14, 2012

Gray, Tennesse

On Wednesday, October 3rd my dream came true when I found out I was pregnant. I only got to enjoy my little potato for a week. The OB doctor told me something was wrong. He couldn’t find the baby, and the sharp pains I was feeling in my stomach were not looking good. The phone call I got a couple hours later broke my heart. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/11/6149.html

Bethany

Three ectopic pregnancies:

January 8, 2009 (9 weeks),

January 8, 2010 (5 weeks),

and

December 13, 2011 (5w5d with a heartbeat)

Mercersburg, Pennsylvania

My name is Bethany Anderson. My husband and I live in a small rural community in Pennsylvania called Mercersburg. I am twenty-two years-old and my husband, Thomas, is twenty-eight. Thomas and I have been together for almost 5 years and we were married in August of 2011. We have a dog, which is like my child, Chino Taco Anderson. My husband has a son, named Cadon, who is now 6 years old. Although I wish he would be with us every single day, he lives with his mother and we don’t get to see him as often as we’d like. We were told the only way for us to conceive after our extremely difficult losses, was through in-vitro fertilization.   This is our infertility story. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/10/6143.html

Jaclyn

Mom to “Coby”

Ectopic pregnancy, November 19, 2009

Foster City, California

About 3 years ago, my husband and I got a BFP on a pee stick.  I was in pure bliss, because we were so surprised on how quickly we got pregnant after stopping birth control pills.  Then one morning in November (November 20th to be exact), I woke up with awful pains in my abdominal area and was very scared.  I called the doctor’s office and had an appointment with my OB, and that is where our story begins. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/10/6020.html

Kiri

Mom to Angel

Ectopic pregnancy September 2010

Belfast, Northern Ireland, United Kingdom

On September 16, 2010 I went into hospital with really bad pains, which I thought was my appendix. I didn’t have a clue where my appendix or anything in my stomach was. I went into A&E at 7pm I saw the nurse, and she had came back with my blood results and said that I was pregnant. I didn’t know what to feel, I was only 16 have now turned 17 I have my life ahead of me. I wasn’t exactly disappointed; I felt a bit of excitement in me. So, my boyfriend and I looked at each other in shock and the nurse said that she was going to take me for a scan. It came to 2am when I was getting my scan and the nurse was looking and looking but couldn’t find a baby in my womb. At this point I’m beyond worried. She then called a doctor in to have a look, but he couldn’t see anything either. After a while of looking, the doctor said that it could be an ectopic and that I would have to stay in. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/09/5917.html

Nicole

Ectopic pregnancy

September 2009

Dartmouth. Nova Scotia, Canada

 

In 2009, I was 22 and probably the happiest person in the world. I had a wonderful boyfriend, the best family and friends in the world, a great job, and a sweet puppy; life was good.

Anyway…HAPPY…my boyfriend and I had just bought a house, on a lake, by a beautiful beach, just the perfect little place for 2 people starting out! We both had alright jobs, and while we didn’t have any immediate plans for the future we just knew we wanted to be together!! [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/09/5823.html

Adriana

Mom to Santiago

April 29, 2009

Round Lake Heights, Illinois

I read a statistic today that 1 in 4 women experience a miscarriage. I would most likely not have paid much attention to this number if I had not experienced one myself, but experience always aims to give us greater awareness.  [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/05/5294.html

Kaitlin

Mom to Jordan
Lost September 9, 2011,

Ectopic pregnancy, September 2009

and

Missed miscarriage, March 2009

Kitchener, Ontario, Canada

My name is Kaitlin and I am 29 years old. I am married to Scott and have a daughter Emma.
I am sharing our journey with you as demonstration of our commitment to this process. Please take the time to understand where we have been and how we got to this place. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/04/5093.html

Heather

Mom to Twin B, and Hudson Edward (Twin A)

Lost Twin B at 9 weeks 5 days

Lost Hudson at 18weeks on 2/16/2012

Rockland, Massachusetts

My husband and I tried for a year on our own to get pregnant, did 2 years of IVF – we had one ectopic… the very next ivf round we got pregnant with our twins – it was amazing (we did 3 fresh IVFs and one frozen – only the fresh worked for me). [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/04/5055.html

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