Ashleigh Singh

Mom to Scarlett Kathryn 

August 18th, 2015

Fort Collins, Colorado


Well, here goes nothing… I have been told by many people that writing about the death of a baby helps with the grieving process. I am skeptical that my pain will ever go away, but if someone somewhere reads this post and realizes that they are not alone in this terrible world then that makes me feel a little better. I am suffering deeply right now. I paused just then trying to find the right word. “Suffering” does not sum up what my husband and I feel. The truth is, no words can describe how we feel. Lonely, heartbroken, angry, jealous, depressed, lost-is there a word that can describe all of this and more? No. Eleven days before my due date, our lives came crashing down and we didn’t even know it. Here is our story.

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Mom to Madelyn Rose

July 21, 2014

Baytown, Texas

When the ultrasound tech told us we were having a girl, my jaw dropped. My automatic thought was, “I am not very girly. I can’t even dress myself, much less dress a girl. I hate bows. How am I going to do this?” Joel put me at ease with a trip to Old Navy after our ultrasound. He was ready to shop for his baby girl. Once I saw all the cute dresses and outfits, I thought, “I can do this. She will always look cuter than I will. But I can do this.”

I loved being pregnant. My favorite memory was lying on the couch with Joel. As usual, he was talking and rubbing my belly. He leaned in to tell her a secret and BOOM! Baby girl hit him in the face. I’m not sure if it was a punch, kick, elbow or booty bump, but it was the funniest thing. Besides the constant morning sickness, that lasted my whole pregnancy; everything was great.

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Mom to Avery Mae Chandler

July 2, 2008

Plano, Texas

I was a little hesitant to begin having children. I knew I wanted them, and, though my husband and I dated for seven years and were married for three when we finally decided to start trying, I was incredibly nervous about the whole process. (In hindsight I can’t help but wonder if a part of me subconsciously knew about the pain in my future.) I was a teacher and had a self-mandated “baby window” so my baby would be born during summer break, and, much to my amazement and delight, everything went as planned.    

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Mom to Alana

Stillborn October 4, 2013

Katonah, New York

Alana Marie Banerjee was born on October 4th, 2013 at 2:21 a.m. – 6 lbs 8 oz of pure joy for me and her father. At 20 inches long, she was a tall baby, with long skinny legs, slender fingers with perfect miniature nails, and big soft feet with all the requisite toes. She had her father’s nose and ears and eyelashes, my lips and eyebrows, the softest skin I’ve ever felt, and a full head of silky black hair. There was only one thing wrong with this storybook ending; following nine months of a perfectly healthy and blissful pregnancy, our daughter was born dead.

Alana died at 39 weeks 5 days, just two days short of her due date.  Up until the moment the nurse couldn’t find a heartbeat, she’d been healthy and strong.  The doctors had called her fetal monitor read-outs “textbook.”  She’d been active and lively, rolling around in my belly, suffering adorable bouts of in-utero hiccups (often more than once a day) for weeks.  She’d passed every prenatal test with flying colors.  There was never a cause for concern – never a single warning sign.  Until, all of a sudden, she was gone.

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mom to Luke

Stillborn September 10, 2012

Placentia, California

My first pregnancy felt like a dream come true. 

My husband and I had decided in December 2011 that now was the time–We’d officially try for a baby.  We had no idea that things would go so smoothly.  After literally one month of trying, I missed my period, took a test, and there it was–Positive. It was also Friday, January 13, 2012. Maybe that was foreshadowing? I don’t even believe in superstitions, but I still wish I’d taken that test on any other day… [Read more…]



Mom to Lydia

Stillborn November 6, 2014

Columbus, Ohio

On Wednesday, November 5, 2014, I was driving to my regular OB check-up. My 34 week check up. I enjoyed some extra time with my toddler son that morning, thinking how our time was limited since his sister would be here soon.  It had started to hit me how soon the baby would be here – with a planned c-section date of December 12, it was just over 5 weeks away.

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Mommy to Baby Girl Eva born still on September 29, 2006 and
Baby Boy Elijiah on November 30, 2012

Anza, California

My name is Margarita. I was born and raised in the Ukraine. I moved to CA when I was 17 so I could go to a college here. When I was 21, I met my future husband, that I’m still over the hill in love with. We got married one year after we met each other. Six months later, we found out that we were expecting our first child. We were beyond happy and could not wait to meet our baby. We found out that it was a girl. I already had a name for her that I had in my mind for years and years… Eva! I had an easy, without any complications pregnancy.

My family and friends had a beautiful baby shower for me, where we got tons of pretty pink stuff, and we just put the crib together in our bedroom. On the September 28th, I had my regular check-up appointment. That day I felt weird and I felt like I haven’t felt the baby move. After my husband got home, we went to see our OB and that’s when they confirmed that there was no heartbeat. I was a little over 35 weeks of pregnancy. I remember how heartbroken we were, how confused, but yet we trusted our God. That night we went to the hospital and I was induced into labor. Baby Eva was born silent the next day. We got to hold her, share her with family and friends and take some pictures of her beautiful little face. We end up doing an autopsy, because there were no reasons of her death that we could see. The tests showed us that she had a genetic disorder. My husband and I got tested too, the results came back normal. So, we got an ok from our OB to start trying for another baby.

We got pregnant 3 months after our loss with Eva. We end up having a healthy little boy that was born at 36 weeks of pregnancy, who is 5 years old now [at time of writing]. When he was 9 months old, I got pregnant again with our next son, who is also healthy and was born at 37 weeks of my pregnancy.

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Mom to Wyatt Joseph

April 9, 2014

Brunswick, Maine

I’m writing to you because I’m a grieving parent of a stillborn. I was due to have a little boy May 20, 2014. We decided to name him Wyatt Joseph. He was my second child and my boyfriend and my first son. We were very excited at the fact that our 19-month-old daughter was going to be a big sister and we finally having a boy. I was working about 50 hours a week my first and second trimester. Once I hit my third, my hours decreased to 20 hours a week.

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Mom to Bernie

Stillborn on September 11, 2014

Chicago, Illinois

 “Sweetie… There’s no heartbeat,” my doctor almost whispered. I cannot stop going over these words in my head. My doctor wasn’t as sympathetic as he was shocked. Really, I had known for weeks. When I felt his little kicks stop at 21 weeks, I insisted on getting an ultrasound immediately. There was a “normal heartbeat..155,” a very serious-looking doctor in the practice had confirmed. Even with that assurance, I watched my baby lay still on the ultrasound screen and knew that the heartbeat meant nothing.

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Mom to Jack Wyatt

Born and died March 19, 2013

Ann Arbor, Michigan

My first trimester had been pretty rocky – I had a what they called “threatened miscarriages” but after no miscarriage actually happened and my hormone levels kept rising – we were eventually told I had a subchorionic hematoma (or blood clot in the uterus) and to try and stay off my feet as much as possible and hope it cleared up on its own. That was stressful and scary. Around week 12, the ultrasound showed no sign of it! We were overjoyed. Then around week 16, more weird problems. I was having trouble urinating – I would feel like I had to go really bad, but nothing would come out. I went into the hospital and they diagnosed me with a super rare condition called “incarcerated uterus”. What happens is that the uterus gets trapped under the pubic bone as the baby grows, which blocks off the urethra, making it impossible to urinate. They had to keep me in catheters for 3 days (so not fun) – then they tried to physically move it out by hand, but it was excruciatingly painful for me, so my Dr. booked an OR and they gave me a spinal, then popped it out and into place. I could describe how scary and painful this whole ordeal was–but it seems almost trivial now, given what happened six weeks later. This was nothing–Jack was still alive, and that’s what mattered. [Read more…]


Mom to Kylee Victoria

Born still October 21, 2013

San Antonio, TX

10-21-2013. That day is forever changed in my mind.  It’s the day I had to say hello and goodbye at the same time.  My husband and I went in to the hospital because I didn’t feel our sweet baby move for the past two days.  In my mind I knew something was terribly wrong because our little girl was normally very active and moved all the time.  I even remember telling my husband Matt just prepare yourself for the worst because it’s not going to be good.   [Read more…]


Mom to Sylas

Lost May 11, 2012

On May 11, 2012 I gave birth to my baby boy Sylas. He was a few days shy of six months.  He was strangled by the cord.  I was unable to get pregnant, so I thought, due to undetermined infertility.  I had tried for 6 years with my ex-husband and then later with a boyfriend of two years.  I got pregnant from my lover and of course it was a complete surprise.  [Read more…]



Born still May 24, 2011


My husband and I had only been married for about 6 months, but I just knew I was pregnant. We wanted a baby; we wanted to give my first child (from a previous marriage) a sibling. I took the test, and positive! We were both really excited.

From the beginning there was trouble. After my first appointment I started spotting, so my OB put me on progesterone. I thought everything would be ok after that and was really looking forward to all of my future doctor appointments. We were filed with so much hope. One night I had a dream, well nightmare. I had given birth to my baby, but the nurse had very quickly taken him away and started running down the hall. I screamed, “She’s stealing my baby!” I tried to jump out of the hospital bed but another nurse held me down. She looked at me and said, “She’s not stealing your baby. Your baby is dead.” I woke up in a panic and told my husband about my nightmare. He told me it was just a dream and I was overreacting. I called my mom and a few other people. I needed to hear as many people as I could say everything was going to be ok. [Read more…]


Mom to Sophia

Born still December 31, 2008

Pittsfield, Massachusettes

My husband John and I found out we were expecting Mothers Day weekend 2008. This was a total surprise as we had been trying for several years and had just begun looking into the possibility of adoption. [Read more…]

Alicia Starr

Mom to Cylas Emery

Born still July 2, 2012

Daytona Beach, Florida

In my first pregnancy, I was sick from day one until I gave birth to our beautiful daughter, Genevieve, and I thanked God for how great my second pregnancy was because I could’ve sworn that my second pregnancy, with my son, was the ideal pregnancy. I wasn’t that sick or anything like I was with our first child. So it wasn’t until I reached 32 weeks and really started to feel funny, really tired and my belly didn’t seem to be growing quite like it should’ve and with that I started to ask my doctor questions in which they always ensured me that Cylas was fine and everything seemed to be on track. [Read more…]


Mom to James Philip

Lost May 18, 2012

Lake Elsinore, California

I am a mother of 7 beautiful children, and to my husband and I that was a blessing. In 2007, I was diagnosed with severe endometriosis. After lots of tests, my doctors confirmed that my chances of having another child was 1 in a million. I was grateful for my precious seven and thought nothing of it at the time. I was going through very painful episodes monthly due to endo problems and talked about an ablation. My doctor said, “Let’s set it up.” I got sick and had to cancel the surgery. Thank God, because the next week I found out I was pregnant. I cannot tell you the mixed emotions I had hearing the doctor say, “You are pregnant.” I thought, “You must have made a mistake, I can’t get pregnant.” He looked at me and said, “I promise you are.” I cried so hard, so scared and confused. I thought this is a gift from God and I am blessed. When my husband and I went to our ultrasound, they could not find the baby, so they said, “We think that you might miscarry.” Devastated, we walked out in tears, but prayed for a miracle. We went back one week later, and sure enough, there he was, with a strong heartbeat. We both cried, thanking God. [Read more…]


Mom to Westly Storm
Born May 23, 2011 and died May 25, 2011


Baby lost November 3, 2011 at 12 weeks

Portland, Oregon

We had waited years before trying. We wanted to be as “ready” as two people can be. We had been together 8 years and married 4, graduated college, got dogs and had bought a house when we got pregnant with our baby son Westley. We decided early on to name him in part after the character in The Princess Bride…we wanted to give all our love and attention in hopes that are son would be honest, brave, and loving and share in our happiness. [Read more…]


Mom to Finley

Born March 23, 2012 and died March 26, 2012
in Naples, Italy

From Canada, but currently lives in
Winchester, England

My husband and I were married in July 2011 and 2 days later we moved to Italy on a military posting. About 2 weeks after being in Italy is when we found out we were expecting.

There is a British midwife who helps with the care there, but my care was mostly done in an American naval hospital, which is where I would deliver.

I had early scans at 7 and 9 weeks, then the regular scans at 12 and 20 weeks. We had the detailed scans at a private clinic in Naples, as the American hospital did not have machines that would scan in enough detail. At the 20 week scan, it was observed that there was high blood pressure in one of the arteries in the cord, which was giving reduced blood flow to our son. The American doctor was not overly concerned by this. We were told he would likely be small though. I was also told I would be closely monitored and that if at any point they were concerned, I would deliver in an Italian hospital, as they don’t have the facilities to deal with high risk situations in the American one. I went on to have more scans at 24, 28, and 32 weeks. By 32 weeks, although Finley was small (approx. 25th percentile), the pressure problem had corrected itself and they were happy with the consistency of his growth. I was put as low risk. [Read more…]


Mom to Ryder Benjamin

Born sleeping January 21, 2012

Greensboro, North Carolina

In May 2011 I found out I was expecting our third baby. At first I was nervous and scared since we had just relocated and we were hours from any family or friends and I was scared about my husband’s job that we had relocated for. As time went on I got really excited and when I found out I was having a boy…I was over the moon! After 2 daughters I was so happy we were going to have our son. [Read more…]


Mom to Owen Innes Tolerba
Born still March 6, 2012


Payton Innes Tolerba
Born March 6, 2012 and died March 9, 2012

San Jose, California

My pregnancy with my twins began in September 2011. We found out we were having twins. I was so excited because I am a twin myself. However, I had no idea how completed twin pregnancies could be. We found out they were “monoamniotic-monochorionic” or single placenta, single amniotic sac. This meant that both twins were in one sac and their umbilical cords were at a high risk of becoming entangled. Only 1% of all identical twins are mono-mono twins. This means the embryo split later than with most identical twins (around day 6-8). This made me nervous as I had read only50-60% of mono-mono twins survive. However, I decided to continue thinking it would be o.k. [Read more…]

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