Mom to Jesse Gabriel
December 19th, 2009
Westminster, Colorado
My husband, Billy, and I were married on June 21, 2008. The first day of summer. One year later to the day, we decided that it was time to start to grow our family. In September, I found myself in the bathroom, staring with disbelief at the home pregnancy test. There were two lines. Two lines! When I told Billy, it was still with disbelief, not wanting to allow myself to get my hopes up too much. We decided to do a second one, you know, in case the first was a fluke. The result was the same, but Billy insisted I go get one of the tests that had the words on them. “Pregnant” Twice. Four pregnancy tests, all positive. Can’t get much more sure than that!

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Early Miscarriage at 5 weeks, 5 days
May 2010
Missed Miscarriage at 12 weeks, 4 days
November 2010
Aurora, CO
On May 1st, 2010 my husband (Erik) and I found out we were expecting for the second time. Immediately, we told our 2 year old he was going to be a big brother. He knew Mommy had a baby in her tummy. The pregnancy was very different than my first. I didn’t have morning sickness right away and I felt like I was going to have my period at any moment. I wasn’t concerned because I had heard this was a symptom many women feel early in their pregnancies. One night, after we had put our son to bed, Erik and I cuddled up to watch ‘The Time Traveler’s Wife’. I’d never seen it before and didn’t know what to expect. I went to bed that night very emotional. Being newly pregnant, the multiple miscarriages she’d had filled me with worry. I had a sick feeling in my stomach all night.

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Mom to Niah Hope
September 20th, 2009-February 3rd, 2010
Pueblo, CO
My husband & I had been together for almost 3 years, when we decided to try to get pregnant. After a couple months of trying, with no success, we gave up & figured it would happen when it happens. Almost exactly a year later, my husband began to suspect I was pregnant (funny, huh?). I was expecting my normal menstrual cycle, which had just recently became normal. I had begun tracking it, & a week later, still no period, then two weeks, still no period. So, I gave in to my husband’s wishes & figured he must be right, I probably am pregnant, but had a doubt in my mind still.

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Mom to “Our Valentine Baby”
February 14, 2009
Aurora, CO

This is the first time actually writing my story out…Derrek and I were in the worst possible time in our lives, we had been married a year and a half. We were still trying to adjust to marriage and each struggling with growing up. Derrek had just re-enlisted and we were about to be moving. He was going to be going to Maryland for school, while I went home for those three months, then we would report to our next duty station.

We went home (CO. At the time we were stationed at Fort Irwin, CA) for Christmas. It was Christmas Eve and I had not yet started my period which was unusual cause I was usually pretty regular. I just “knew” I was pregnant, which was weird for me to have that feeling. So I made Derrek go to 7-11 to get me a pregnancy test and of course a slurpee. My mom told me to test that night so I would not worry all night. I took the little stick into the bathroom and did my thing. I than took it to my Mom upstairs and said “I do not know what this means” and she looked at me and said well it is light but it is positive. So I went and told Derrek and we just held each other. I did not know how I felt yet. The next day (and 4 tests later) was Christmas so we told our families by giving them Christmas cards that said “Merry Christmas Uncle or Grandpa or Grandma” and waited for there reactions. So to us it was the best Christmas present we could have imagined.

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Mom to Payton Alexa
January 21st, 2010
Denver, Colorado
My husband, Dustin, and I were married on January 4, 2007. A year later, we were blessed with a beautiful daughter, Tatum. We wanted our two children to be close in age. Therefore,15 months later, we decided to expand our family. My doctor changed my medications and advised us to wait one month before conceiving. Giving myself a shot twice a day in exchange for a healthy baby- no problem.

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Mom to Ace
Born and Died July 18th, 2010

After 4 years of marriage, my husband and I decided that we wanted to try having a little one.  We were both 37 at the time and figured our time was running out.  Surprise, surprise – I actually got pregnant right out of the gates and we found out on January 10, 2010 that we would be having a baby!  We saw the baby for the first time on February 12th at the first ultrasound and the doctor gave us an estimated due date of September 23rd.  We were both still a little stunned – but cautiously excited.  We decided that we didn’t want to tell anyone about the pregnancy until we were into the 2nd trimester just in case something happened.

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Mom to Leta  Blue
February 21st, 2010
Loveland, Colorado
Expecting. To look for; to look forward to, as to something that is believed to be about to happen or come; to look for with some confidence to anticipate.

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Mom to Jackson Carl
born still on October 19, 2009
Littleton, Colorado

It was a beautiful day on Oct. 18, 2009 — unseasonably warm too. About 80 degrees as I recall. My husband, Brent, and I dragged out our comfy lawn chairs to our deck and enjoyed a Sunday afternoon sitting in the sun and relaxing. I was furiously trying to finish “Baby Wise,” a book to give mom and dads great hints on how to get your baby to sleep. That was the most I was worried about that afternoon — how my newborn would sleep. I knew the baby would be coming anytime, and of course, I wanted to be prepared.

The baby was doing his usual kicks that afternoon. I knew his patterns quite well. When I was pregnant, I did a lot of research on how much your baby was supposed to kick, and I kept track of it. My baby never gave me any problems or worries in this respect.

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Mom to Ethan Charles
Died February 12th, 2008 and was born February 13th, 2008
Northglenn, CO
On July 9th, 2007, we found out that we were expecting a little miracle. With a history of a miscarriage the prior September, I was very cautious and tried not to get too excited until we knew things were great.

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Mom to Baby Marley, miscarried at 5 weeks on April 8th, 2010
and Baby Franklin, miscarried at 12 weeks on July 28th, 2010
Colorado Springs, CO

I married my best friend and high school sweetheart, and after 10 years together we decided we wanted to start a family. I had no idea what a journey it would be. I started blogging so that I could keep track of all of the fun and excitement along the way; however my blog has now become a place for healing and hope after back-to-back miscarriages. I posted about each miscarriage just shortly after they happened.  These are my posts.

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Mom to Cora Rei
Stillborn at 38 weeks, 1 day, on May 2nd, 2006
Highlands Ranch, CO

I became pregnant for the first time in August of 2005, 2\two months after getting married. I was ecstatic, but nearly upon conception the nausea started. At five weeks, when nausea is “supposed” to start, I was throwing up multiple times a day. By 10 weeks, after throwing up at least once an hour for nearly 24 hours, and starting to throw up blood, I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum, or extreme morning sickness. Five days later was my first appointment with my OB, and I was severely dehydrated again, so he gave me anti nausea medication. He also did an ultrasound. It was standard for dating purposes, but I was also really worried that my severe sickness had harmed my baby. During that ultrasound we learned that our baby was perfect, and they set my due date as May 14th…Mother’s Day. It was perfect. We were overjoyed and I had never been so in love. My pregnancy continued to progress normally (with the exception of the hyperemesis, which plagued me my entire pregnancy [and my subsequent two as well]). At about 23 weeks we learned our baby was a girl, and we decided her name would be Cora Rei. Her name means “heart full of gratitude.” I meant it to teach her something, but in the end it has been teaching me.
April 30, 2006, I was exactly 38 weeks. I woke up that morning and she had very obviously dropped. Everyone at church commented on it, and asked how I was feeling, and while I was uncomfortable, it wasn’t anything noteworthy. I had to work from 5:30pm to midnight that night, and I figured six and a half hours of standing would help move things along. At about 10pm that night, a friend and coworker of mine came in. I expressed to her that I was worried that I was losing amniotic fluid. I didn’t really think so, but I did feel that something might be wrong but couldn’t put my finger on it. During our conversation, Cora pushed against my ribs so hard that I doubled over in pain. My friend offered to finish out my shift for me so I could go to the hospital, and I finally decided to “wait and see what happened in the morning.” I have never regretted a decision I’ve made so much in my life.
I woke up at nearly 11am the next morning. I hadn’t woken once in my sleep. I was immediately disappointed that I had not woken up at 4am with contractions and was not in labor. I had been very much looking forward to my pregnancy (and sickness!) ending and holding my sweet baby. My husband and I had errands to run, so I got up to take a shower. It was in the shower that I realized it. Cora had always become very active in the shower. On this particular morning, there was absolutely nothing. I bruised myself poking my belly to get her to respond, and ended up breaking down sobbing in the shower. I knew. I tried to convince myself that I was freaking out as I finished rinsing off and got dressed. I went into my bedroom and asked my husband to listen to my belly. It was something he had done frequently to hear her heartbeat (and hasn’t ever done since). He heard nothing, but convinced me it was just a fluke and I should try to eat and drink something to see if I could get her going. There was nothing. It was at this point that I called my OB’s office, only to get a message that they were out for lunch and they’d be back in an hour if I wanted to leave a message. I couldn’t put it into words, so I decided that I would just call back later. The next hour we did our errands, and it was torturous. I had a secretary that we were turning a form in to ask me how far along I was, and when I said I was due in two weeks her eyes lit up, and she babbled on about how exciting it was. I just nodded and went along with it. How do you tell someone you think your baby is dead?

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