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Camellia

Mom to Ivan Jr.

March 13, 2019

Dallas, Texas

Where do I begin, it’s so hard even typing this right now.  However, I’m grateful God has given me the strength to do so and I do pray that it serves as encouragement/comfort for everyone that reads this.   If you just experienced the loss of your baby or babies, or even if it has been a while back, the pain is very real and present. Continue to take it one day, one moment at a time and give yourself permission to feel sad and express it the way that you feel it.  My prayer is that along the way, you find yourself getting stronger by the minute; being able to speak of your experience without anger or bitterness about the outcome. Finally please know it’s not your fault. I say this because I blamed myself, and I have moments I drift back into that path, but I quickly shake it off.  Some things happen and we try our best to find reasoning for it….and in our search for that reason(s), when we can’t find one that makes sense (which we never will no matter what), we instantly place that blame upon ourselves. Please know that you’re amazing and you did everything you possibly could. I know that doesn’t take the pain away, but with time, and being kind to yourself, it will get a bit easier with each breath you take.  God loves you, and you baby/babies are forever with you.

We would be 6 and a half months pregnant today, which is Wednesday 4/24/19.  I remember my husband and I creating our own way of counting down milestones within our pregnancy journey.  We were both so excited. Finding out I was pregnant in early December 2018 blew me away; meanwhile my husband was so calm and certain when finding out.  I say this because apparently he knew already I was pregnant before I did; he brought me the two tests (1 in November was a false negative apparently and 1 in December with a positive result) after observing my mood changes.  We were over the moon excited. I fell into tears because see, I dealt with an irregular cycle all my life. Made changes in my life, better eating habits, sought help from my doctor, etc. and I was always told my ‘irregular was my regular’.  But it was disappointing and depressing to finally have the perfect man as my husband not get pregnant after being together for nearly 10 years. Very painful. After we both made a pact not to stress about conceiving, that’s when I got pregnant.  God’s timing right? Well, after a bleeding scare on 12/23/18, I went to a clinic, an ultrasound was performed and it was determined me and baby were just fine. I panicked, my husband remained my pillar and knew we were just fine. We both embraced this new territory with nervousness, but joy; we were so ready for our baby and anticipated just holding our child and what our NEW NORMAL would be once the baby was born.  We cried hearing the heartbeat for the first time, when I felt our baby ‘flutter’ within my womb for the first time. We felt so fortunate to be part of something so miraculous as birthing our baby. There are no words to even come close to describe the joy and love we felt instantly for our baby. After being told our baby was a girl, and claiming a girl, God saw differently. We were having a beautiful baby boy. We were still so overjoyed and just wanted a healthy baby.  

Well long story short, at around 16 weeks in my pregnancy, my high risk specialist noticed mucus during one of the scans and examinations.  She quickly prescribed me with progesterone suppositories and bed rest until further notice. This is due to my cervix was starting to open some and it was too early for this.  Of course I was so afraid, but my doctor did explain next steps if the progesterone wasn’t enough. She discussed the cervical cerclage procedure. I was still afraid, but felt good we had a plan B.  After a week on bed rest and progesterone, I was examined and it was determined the inserts were working so she wanted me to stay on them for another week and come back to make final determination if things are progressing as they should.  At my next visit, it was determine my cervix was closed, but the baby started funneling. Hence, a cervical cerclage was mandatory. She highly recommended it to be done that same day. I held in tears and definitely prepared as best as I could mentally for this procedure; I instantly called my husband and we made it to the hospital.  The procedure was quick, a bit uncomfortable for the first few days, but once I was home and relaxed, all was well. The baby was just fine; strong heartbeat. After 5 days post procedure, I started to feel like heaviness in my pelvic area and Braxton Hicks. By this time I was nearly 20 weeks pregnant and read that it was normal to feel this.  I had another follow up doctor’s visit in a few days so I made sure my specialist knew what I had been feeling for the past few days. I was quickly admitted to the hospital for observation because it appeared that my baby had funneled down to the stitch of my cervix, my temperature was elevated and the Braxton Hicks continued, but wasn’t happening closely yet.  

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2019/05/8795.html

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Samone

Mom to triplets Jax, Stella and Beck

Dallas, Texas

May 2, 2015

When we found out we were having multiples, we were immediately placed at high risk. We picked an MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine) Doctor and hoped and prayed we would make it to full term with healthy babies. The statistics we against us. They weren’t pretty to look at, so I chose to ignore them.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/07/7818.html

Wendi

Wendi

Mom to Jesse & Joshua

Lebanon, Pennsylvania

June 10, 2010 & February 12, 2013

This story starts before Joshua was conceived. In the late spring/early summer of 2012, one night I had a dream, in this dream my mother asked me (whom I only dreamed of one time prior) if I was pregnant. In this dream Mikey had 4 teeth and was walking up the steps. At that present time Mikey didn’t have that amount of teeth and wasn’t yet walking up the steps. Fast forward a few months in the fall of 2012 Mikey, now had the amount of teeth in my dream and also was walking up the steps. By then I forgot much about the dream, but I wrote it down because it was a particular dream. Only when “my friend” was very short did I suspect that I might be and then also remembered the dream.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/06/7750.html

linkedinTara

Mom to McGown Triplets & Orion Michael McGown

March 2012 & November 10, 2012

Green Bay, Wisconsin

I met my husband in the fall of 2008. We were married in December of 2010 and started trying to have our family immediately. After 7 or 8 months of trying the “old fashioned” way without success, we visited a fertility clinic. We both went through the typical testing, and they could not find anything wrong. Since I was 36 at that time and considered advanced maternal age, we knew we wanted to take an aggressive approach. Our doctor felt IUI would be a good solution for us and they suspected that we weren’t getting pregnant on our own because of a LEEP procedure I had in early 2007.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/6916.html

Felecia

Mom to Kennedy Aleecia
April 5, 2012 – April 6, 2012

and

Blighted ovum, February 2011

Indianapolis, Indiana

The pregnancy wasn’t planned at the time (it was a future plan my boyfriend and I had), but finding out in December 2011 that it was happening was the greatest thing ever! We found out in March 2012 we were having a little girl (it was a Wednesday, to be exact), and we already agreed to name her Kennedy Aleecia.

Well, that Friday I continued on with my day like normal, but my body felt funny; there was so much pressure down there, but I overlooked it and just thought, “OK, I’m going to go home lay down go to sleep.” I woke up when my boyfriend got off work around 5am…and I was bleeding. We go to the ER. They tell  I’m getting admitted to maturity. We get upstairs, they look and check and tell me my cervix is open and they’re going to do a surgery and tie (vaginal cerclage). Baby is fine (heart rate and everything)…so they do they surgery. I stay there a few more days, and then I’m home. The next day I need to go back, they said I’m fine and sent me home. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/09/5896.html

Ashley

Mother of Gavin Michael

August 16th, 2011 – August 18th, 2011

Kernersville, North Carolina

His name is Gavin Michael and he was beautiful.  He had his mom’s hands, skin tone and hair color and his dad’s everything else.  He came into this world weighing 1 pound 7.34 ounces, without a doubt, the tiniest baby we had ever seen, but also the most perfect.  He had a iron will and the heart of lion.  He was pure and gentle.  As we joyfully welcomed our tiny miracle, we soon also welcomed the most unwanted visitor, death.  We would never be able to hold our son, not until he was taking his last breaths.  We would never be able to dress him, not until he was being dressed for his funeral.  We couldn’t cradle him, or kiss his beautifully crafted face until he was in the quiet throws of death.  Never would be able to comfort his cries, hear his laughter, feed him or even change a dirty diaper.  He would never come home, not until he was brought inside a tiny, palm sized urn and placed ever so delicately into a music box, instead of his crib.     [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/10/3368.html

Kai
Mom to Nadia
Passed away at 36 weeks in utero
Born February 18th, 2010
Mountain View, California

After several years of fertility treatments, we were overjoyed (and truthfully a bit anxious) to find out that we were going to have twins. Twins…I couldn’t believe it… of all the emotions that I felt, joy is the one I still hold on to. We had lost a child to an early miscarriage more than a year earlier, so we decided to keep our news to ourselves until after my first trimester. At 13 weeks, we couldn’t believe it- we had made it through the first trimester and everyone was doing well. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2011/02/718.html

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