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Elisha

Mom to Baby Angel Cortez

November 3, 2006

Kitchener, Ontario, Canada

I am the face. I am 1 in 4. At 17 years of age, my world was turned upside down; I found out I was pregnant. At such a young age I was scared but still excited that I was going to be a mom.

Nothing could have prepared me for what was to come. When I was 20 weeks pregnant I went for my first ultrasound ever. I found out I was having a boy and was over the moon ecstatic. The next day I received a call from my doctor asking me to come in as soon as possible. Once there, my doctor informed me that the ultrasound had shown some defects and he wanted to send me to a more advanced hospital in a different city. A few weeks later I went to do the testing at the more advanced hospital. That was the day I was informed that my baby wasn’t going to live and if he did live, he wasn’t going to live long.

I was scheduled to come back and have amniotic fluid taken out to rule out chromosome defects. That was traumatic on its own. At 31 weeks pregnant, I didn’t feel my son move at all one day. I called my doctor and he told me to go to the hospital immediately. Once in triage, they couldn’t find my son’s heart beat. They scheduled me to go down for an ultrasound but I knew God had taken my son back to heaven. I went down to the ultrasound room and stared at the screen, a still heart on the screen. I was induced to deliver my son stillborn that night. On November 3rd, 2006 my baby boy Angel Cortez came into this world silent, but beautiful. Still loved, still missed, still remembered. Stillborn but Still Born. 
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/04/8450.html

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Jackie

Mom to Luke Patrick

January 27, 2017

Ontario, Canada

When I was ten weeks pregnant, I began to bleed. I didn’t know what to do, so I went to the ER. I happen to be an Emergency Room RN, and I trust my co-workers with my life, so where else would I go but my ER. That was how most people found out I was pregnant. Not the most ideal way to tell people, but nothing about my pregnancy was ideal. Luke’s heart beat was 170 bpm at 10 weeks, they had no explanation for the bleeding and he continued to thrive. I had many trips planned before I found out I was pregnant, so Luke traveled to Las Vegas twice, Wisconsin and Hawaii all within the first 3 months he was conceived.

I had horrible morning sickness all the way up to 20 weeks of pregnancy. Even up to the point of delivering Luke, I was throwing up. And the heartburn. I never knew heartburn could cause you to throw up until being pregnant. I was also having horrible rib pain. We were sent to a perinatologist after they found Luke’s kidney was slightly enlarged. They told us he had cyst on the back of his neck, and his kidney was measuring 4.5 and it should be less than 4. They asked to perform an amniocentesis. I refused. No matter what was wrong, I was going to have Luke, and I was going to love him regardless. They did blood tests, eventually everything came back negative on the genetic aspect. Scheduled an echo, all came back good. We were told that they would have more information at 30 weeks, and that appointment was scheduled.

I went in for my scheduled OB appointment at 27 weeks. I was miserable. My ribs were killing me. I had to pee literally every 15 minutes. My OB offered to take me off work but I wanted to keep working for a few more weeks. That night, I lost part of my mucous plug. Researched it online and saw a lot of people had this happen, it could be normal. I wasn’t able to sleep much that night, woke up at 7 am with period-like cramps. Took some Tylenol, was able to sleep for 3 hours. My friends urged me to call my OB. I told you, I am a nurse. I am stubborn. I didn’t want to go in. My OB told me to go to the hospital to get checked for peace of mind. I went, all the while thinking it was overkill. The nurses told me I was having contractions. They checked my cervix (ow) and did an AFP test. My cervix was closed, however the AFP test came back positive. A positive did not mean I was going to go into labor, but a negative test tells them that there is a 99% chance I would not go into labor for the next 2 weeks. The doctor checked my cervix then (double ow) and I was still closed. Ordered an ultrasound, my cervix was still long, however she wanted to keep me overnight. They gave me Terbutaline twice, and started me on Procardia to try to stop the contractions. In the morning, she checked me again (with the promise I could go home if it was closed) and I was still closed. Sent home on modified bedrest.

Fast forward to one week (exactly) later, I went to the restroom, on the toilet paper, bright red blood. Refusing to want to go to the hospital, I waited an hour. I wanted to stay home however I called my OB and she asked me to come in. I really, REALLY did not want to go in. The cervix checks were so painful. Thinking of Luke’s well-being, I went in. They checked my cervix (yippee) and I was 1-2 cm dilated. I was 28 weeks and 3 days. I couldn’t possibly be in labor. But I was. I was placed on strict bedrest. I put people on bedpans. I did not go on bedpans. I already told you I was going pee every 15 minutes. I’m not exaggerating. I was that annoying patient on the call light, even though I was trying to wait as long as I could. My OB told me I would be in the hospital for weeks. I cried. I couldn’t sleep in hospitals. I was placed on Magnesium. I was awake all night. At 6:45 am I had to pee so bad, but it was almost shift change so I decided to wait until my nurse came in. At 7:15 the OB and my nurse came in. He asked me if I was ok, I told him I had a lot of pressure and I really needed the bedpan. He explained that my baby was breech in the ultrasound from last night and he needed to check to make sure a foot was not coming out. Then, of course, the dreadful cervix check. I was 6 cm. He told me (while I was in shock) that they needed to do a c-section right away. I had sent my family home, I was alone. I couldn’t have Luke by myself. I was able to get ahold of my boyfriend and my mom, they were already prepping me. It was surreal from that moment. I couldn’t have Luke. The nursery wasn’t ready.  He wasn’t done cooking.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2017/03/8427.html

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Eunah

Mom to Victoria 

December 6, 2016

Toronto, Ontario

I write to my dad, my friend, my sister to share my submission. I want their reaction, I want their input. I know it may impede me from going it my own way but that gives me reassurance that someone else I trust knows what I’m up to. Not even my husband knows what I am doing. That I’m writing a story about us and not a happy story but a sad and honest story. Well this one I decide will turn happy in the end. That’s how we all must think right? The good attitude that we tell all children to have in order to live happily.

http://facesofloss.com/2017/01/8407.html

Nicole

Nicole

Mom to Brady

Ontario, Canada

September 4, 2015 – Septemner 12, 2015

My husband and I were married in August of 2012.  It was a great day.  We got married after three years of dating.  We also took our time and decided to be just the two of us for a little over two years before starting to think about expanding our family.  We were lucky enough to get pregnant in December 2014.  Meaning our first little one was set to be born just after our three year anniversary and right around my birthday. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2016/01/8107.html

Jamie

Jamie Lynn

Mom to Edward Malcolm Joseph October 29, 2013

Baby M #1: 11 weeks, July 2014

Baby M #2: 9 weeks, November 2014

Posterior Urethral Valves (PUV)

Ontario, Canada

 

Three years after marrying my amazing husband Michael, we decided to start a family. After a few months of unsuccessful trying, I had a feeling there had to be something wrong… I called my mom and luckily she knew a fantastic fertility doctor who could see me right away.

It was a pretty quick diagnosis – it only took one ultrasound to discover I have polycystic ovaries. We tried a couple cycles of Clomid and then opted for surgery to get my ovaries to respond. Two months later I was pregnant with our absolutely gorgeous and wonderful little girl, Halina. 

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/03/7633.html

ILoveYou(1)Nadine

Mother to Johnny Pickup Jr.

Sadly lost November 29, 2012

Parksville, British Columbia, Canada

Everything is still very new to me [at time of writing]. I even find myself thinking I’m still pregnant at times. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. I lost my baby boy 4 days ago, and it’s been a roller coaster since.

I found out he had anencephaly, a neural tube defect, causing him not to form a skull. I found this out when I was 5 months pregnant, shortly after my second ultrasound. I then had to come to accept the fact that I needed to end my pregnancy. There is a 0% chance of survival for babies with anencephaly.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7254.html

IMG_0557Alyssa

Mom to Damian

September 15 – 18, 2012

Cold Lake, Alberta, Canada

On January 28, 2012, I found I was expecting my first child with my boyfriend. It was finally good news because we were trying for 5 months! We finally were about to have a baby. I had a normal pregnancy and no complications through the whole thing. I was due October 5, 2012.

On September 14th, I went into labor at about 5 p.m. I had a very easy labor. I finally had my son the next day, 2 weeks and 6 days early. [He was born] at 12:02 p.m. and he weighed 5 pounds 9 ounces and he was 18 ¾ inches long. The doctor told me he was healthy and my gosh, he was a beautiful baby. We finally got to bring him home the next day and got him all set up and comfortable in our home.

[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7224.html

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Amber

My angels:
December 29th 2009 – Loss at 12 weeks
May 19th 2010 – Loss at 7 weeks
August 8th 2010 – Loss at 8 weeks
May 1st 2012- Loss at 9 weeks

Oshawa, Ontario Canada

This is the letter I wrote to our 4th angel baby.

Three weeks ago [at time of writing] I took a deep breath and I peed on a stick. Before I could blink or even process a thought, I saw those two lines appear. My heart stopped, my heart skipped a beat, I started to shake and take deep breaths. I looked across the room at my beautiful little girl as she played in the dining room. I looked back at myself in the mirror and saw the tears streaming down my face.

I was in absolute shock. How could this be? A natural pregnancy!? The last time we conceived naturally was in November 2009. Back then Miscarriage was just something we had heard of, but didn’t know just how common it was. Nor did we ever think it would happen to us. We faced our biggest fear on my husbands 25th birthday in 2009, at the end of December just after our 12th week of pregnancy. I miss my baby every day and I have never fully recovered from that loss.
[Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2015/02/7136.html

Shannen

Mom to Asjiah-Fate

September 18, 2012 – October 8, 2012

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

It all started when I was 7months pregnant. I had my 18 week ultrasound done over and over. They kept repeating it, saying they just were not getting clear pictures of baby’s heart. Then I was told I had to go to Mount Sinai hospital to have it done, just because they had better equipment. I was so confused about what was going on. I had 3 previous miscarriages back to back prior to this pregnancy, so was very worried. I asked, “Are you sure that is the only reason, because I’m going to be going alone?” They told me everything was fine. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/11/6162.html

Tia

Mom to Jaron Robert

August 3, 2012 – August 8, 2012

Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada

Being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome at the early age of 14 felt like a death sentence, as the possibility of infertility was so high. My husband and I had been married 5 years and together for 13. During that time, we had said if pregnancy happens we will embrace it, but if it doesn’t, then we will embrace that, too…although, deep down I think we both wanted a child so badly and were using the “whatever happens, happens” motto to ease our pain. After 6 years of not using contraception, we became pregnant. It was the happiest day of my life. I came into our bedroom hysterically crying, and my husband thought something was wrong until I showed him the stick. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/11/6153.html

Mel

Mom to Henry Lefebvre Bonnell

Born and died September 28, 2012

Montreal, Quebec, Canada

We had our first ultrasound on September 19, 2012 – the day we found out that everything was not OK.

While an ultrasound uses sound vibrations to get an image of babies inside their mummies, these sound waves crashed into the depths of our lives and reverberated throughout the universe in a spiral until it came to a deafening halt on September 28. We’re now trying to pick through the rubble and aftershock.

We had no idea anything had been awry during my pregnancy – no false contractions, bleeding, or anything else – just a regular, easy pregnancy to date that brought us a lot of joy.

During our first ultrasound, we were, at first, elated. It was our first time seeing our child. We found him to be the most beautiful little baby, and we were so proud. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/10/6117.html

Carrie

Mom to Thing 1
Lost June 21, 2011 at 16 weeks

and

Thing 2
Lost April 16, 2012 at 14 weeks

Melfort, Saskatchewan, Canada

My now-husband, B, works shift work in Alberta. One day in June, 2011, as we were driving down a gravel road, I blurted, “I’m pregnant.” This is the point the truck skidded to a stop and B looked at me. The ‘WTF Did You Say?!??’ look. I explained how I knew and after a dumbfounded silence, he started driving again. We started talking about him leaving a truck up at work, baby furniture, saving money and finding a bigger apartment. We were happy, the baby was flipping around in my belly and we went about our days, not really realizing what was happening in my body. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/10/6006.html

Nicole

Ectopic pregnancy

September 2009

Dartmouth. Nova Scotia, Canada

 

In 2009, I was 22 and probably the happiest person in the world. I had a wonderful boyfriend, the best family and friends in the world, a great job, and a sweet puppy; life was good.

Anyway…HAPPY…my boyfriend and I had just bought a house, on a lake, by a beautiful beach, just the perfect little place for 2 people starting out! We both had alright jobs, and while we didn’t have any immediate plans for the future we just knew we wanted to be together!! [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/09/5823.html

Ashley

Mom to Connor James

Born still May 19, 2012

Eastern Passage, Nova Scotia, Canada

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant like it was yesterday. It was Friday, September 16th, my parents’ anniversary and I had made myself a doctor’s appointment that afternoon because I hadn’t been able to keep anything in my system. I remember trying to figure out what could be making me so sick, and I finally narrowed it down and thought it was dairy products. Boy, was I wrong! I went to the doctor, told her everything that was going on and she said, “Well, Ashley, I think you actually might be pregnant.” My response of course was, “No way, if I was pregnant I think I would know.” My appointment ended with me going for blood work the following Monday but there was no way on earth I could wait that long. I went home and got a home pregnancy test and there it was: a big, bright plus sign. I was pregnant! My boyfriend, Mark, wasn’t home, so, not thinking, I immediately picked up the phone and called him at work. Our conversation went exactly like this : [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/08/5813.html

Melissa

Mom to four babies

Noah
Born still August 17, 2011

Baby #1 – lost February 2010

Baby #2 – lost September 2010 

and

Baby #4 – lost July 2012

Edmonton, Alberta, Canada

My husband and I got married in July 2008 and didn’t think we were quite ready yet to start trying for kids. We started trying to conceive and got frustrated because we were not getting pregnant right away. I bought an ovulation kit and the 2nd time I used it, we were pregnant in December 2009. We were so excited to see that little word on the stick: “pregnant”. At 11 weeks into the pregnancy, I began to have some spotting and went to my doctor. I was sent for blood tests on 3 days and they determined that I was losing the baby. I decided to have a D&C because I didn’t think I could emotionally handle miscarrying naturally. After the D&C we found out our little one only grew to about 7-8 weeks. The doctor just told us to keep trying and that miscarriages happened more often than we thought. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/08/5784.html

Lisa

Mom to Finley

Born March 23, 2012 and died March 26, 2012
in Naples, Italy

From Canada, but currently lives in
Winchester, England

My husband and I were married in July 2011 and 2 days later we moved to Italy on a military posting. About 2 weeks after being in Italy is when we found out we were expecting.

There is a British midwife who helps with the care there, but my care was mostly done in an American naval hospital, which is where I would deliver.

I had early scans at 7 and 9 weeks, then the regular scans at 12 and 20 weeks. We had the detailed scans at a private clinic in Naples, as the American hospital did not have machines that would scan in enough detail. At the 20 week scan, it was observed that there was high blood pressure in one of the arteries in the cord, which was giving reduced blood flow to our son. The American doctor was not overly concerned by this. We were told he would likely be small though. I was also told I would be closely monitored and that if at any point they were concerned, I would deliver in an Italian hospital, as they don’t have the facilities to deal with high risk situations in the American one. I went on to have more scans at 24, 28, and 32 weeks. By 32 weeks, although Finley was small (approx. 25th percentile), the pressure problem had corrected itself and they were happy with the consistency of his growth. I was put as low risk. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/07/5722.html

Gillian

Mom to Carter Cooper Barry

Born sleeping October 20, 2011 at 38 weeks 2 days

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

October 20, 2011.

It was a day like nothing I have ever gone through, or nothing I ever want to go through again.

I woke up on Wednesday, October 19 and got my 3-year old, Jackson, ready for our day. I babysit another child, so I was able to stay home with Jackson, who I still have a hard time separating from. We went to the drop-in at our neighbouring school, where Jackson will attend when he goes next year. I was 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant…I am so busy every day that I noticed movement from the baby mostly in the evening. I went to the drop in and really didn’t feel movement, so when we got home I put the kids down for a nap, and drank a cold glass of milk…nothing, then juice…nothing. I called my doctor and no answer, so I left a message. I called the hospital and they said to come in. The kids woke up and I called the mother of the child I babysit and asked her to come and get her daughter a little early. I had to go to the hospital to see what was going on. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/07/5656.html

Erin

Mom to River Angel Marshall

Stillborn April 8, 2012

Smith Falls, Ontario, Canada

There is Grief and there is Gratitude.

Life can be so very cruel on occasion. I could list a dozen examples, heck, if I really tried I could probably list a hundred. What would be the point?

My personal tragedy isn’t unique to me, although my experience of it, and how I react to it and how it has changed me is unique.

After months of trying to get pregnant, Jason and I came to terms with the fact that we were unable to conceive without assistance. We contemplated seeking fertility treatments, but in the end we decided that was not the best option for us. We had a few reasons for coming to that decision; mainly there was a financial consideration, and secondarily was the concern about how hormone treatments might affect my already fragile emotional state, given that I suffer from anxiety disorder and depression. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/06/5569.html

Nicole

Mom to Tristan

Died May 9, 2009

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada 

On the evening of Mother’s Day 2009, I lost my baby. I was 6 weeks pregnant, and had been trying to have a baby for almost two years. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/05/5274.html

Katelyn

Mom to Brody Stewart

Born and died March 6, 2012

Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

We got married in August 2011. Eric and I have wanted children for a long time. Just after our wedding, we got pregnant right away. We knew this baby was special, as our pregnancy went problem free. I felt amazing the entire time, and every kick from him was a reminder of how lucky we truly were. Every OB appointment that passed was so exciting, and getting to hear his heartbeat month after month, made us more and more excited to have our little guy at home soon. [Read more…]

http://facesofloss.com/2012/05/5265.html

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