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Alyssa

Mom to Aiden Nevin

July 24, 2015

Bellwood, Pennsylvania

I am the mother of an angel, an angel named Aiden.  Here is my story.

Aiden was my second pregnancy.  My husband and I were already parents to our precious 4-year-old boy.  While surprised by Aiden’s upcoming arrival, we weren’t any less excited.  Our family was growing just as we always thought it would.  I can still remember after all of those initial doctor appointments, I was still in such disbelief.  My pregnancy progressed in textbook fashion, just as it did during my first, so what did we have to worry about?  Our 4-year-old was beginning to blossom into a wonderful brother-to-be and my husband and I were watching days and weeks pass us by until Aiden would make his entrance into this world. 

At 38 weeks pregnant, I started back to work after a small summer break when one day I noticed that Aiden wasn’t being his fiery self.  His name literally means “little fire” or “fiery one.”  Thoughts crossed my mind, but faded quickly.  I went on throughout that evening with a small tinge of worry, but just tried my best to brush it off.  When I awoke the next morning to get ready for work, I went on with my normal routine, but had still noticed that Aiden wasn’t moving about.  I immediately called my doctor’s office and they told me to head up to Labor and Delivery just to get checked out.  I awoke my husband and after getting our son off to family, we headed to the hospital.  While that car ride was entirely silent, I still really had no sense of worry.  When I arrived to Labor and Delivery, a nurse immediately set me up in a room and hooked me up to a monitor.  She started searching for the “whoosh whoosh whoosh” sound that all moms know all too well and I would say “That’s him, right?”  She would say “I think I’m just getting you.”  Panic had settled in by now.  I silently started praying and kept repeating the word “No” to myself.  She then proceeded to say that she would have to go and get an ultrasound machine just to be sure.  Any loss mom knows this procedure all too well.  Another nurse came in and completed the ultrasound.  She did say that of course they wouldn’t be able to tell us anything until a doctor was able to read the ultrasound, but I knew just from that ultrasound that he was gone; our Aiden was gone.  No movement at all on that monitor; he was still.  A short time later, a young doctor that I had never met before came in wearing a long white lab coat and had confirmed what I already knew.  There was no heartbeat, Aiden was gone. 

At this point, they discussed all my options with me and my family.  Options that would have never crossed my mind before and they proceeded to induce me into labor.  We started alerting family and close friends with phone calls and messages.  You could hear the tears in their voices and in their words.  Family started pouring in throughout the rest of that afternoon and evening.  I was just so numb; no feelings and hardly any words.  My body was shivering; shivering in July.  I now know that my body was in shock.  I had chosen to stop the induction process for the night and we would proceed with everything the next morning at a time of my choosing.  While tossing and turning all night, I awoke semi-refreshed and then doom and dread immediately lingered over me.  I didn’t want this process to last all day or even days.  I prayed to God and Aiden too that they would see me through this process and start me on a path of grieving and healing.  After only a few hours of active labor and a few pushes, my little angel had arrived.  He was so angelic, so perfect.  What could have happened? My wonderful primary care doctor took the time to come and talk with my family the day before and had explained that things can and do happen at this stage of pregnancy.  Soon after he was born, one of the doctors had explained that he did have a significant blood clot in his umbilical cord.  We did elect to have an autopsy completed prior to his funeral arrangements.  After he was born, I got to hold him and so did my husband.  I took my time kissing him as much as I could.  Family came pouring in soon after and said their “Hello’s” and “Goodbyes” all at once.  We were told that he could stay in our room for as long as we would like, but soon afterwards, after being placed in the warmer for pictures, his looks were changing so much already that I didn’t want to remember him like that.  So, I kissed him one last time and said my final goodbye.

In the coming days and weeks, we were beyond blessed with the support of family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, strangers, etc. as we laid Aiden to rest.  After a few months awaiting his autopsy results and being referred to a high-risk obstetrician, it has been discovered that I have a blood clotting condition known as Antiphospholipid Coagulation Syndrome, APS for short which lead to Aiden’s demise. 

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about Aiden and the little person he would be becoming.  I feel as though I am a shattered piece of pottery; carefully glued back together, but still missing a few shards.  Time and a great support system have healed some wounds, but the entire universe could never heal them all.  He was, is, and always will be my angel.

Mommy forever misses you Aiden Nevin.  Until we meet again and spend all eternity in heaven together; sending you many X’s and O’s, X’s and O’s.   

You can email Alyssa at Akey426@gmail.com.

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Mom to Ethan Francis

December 3, 2015

Randburg, South Africa

It was a Sunday afternoon when my husband got me out of bed to go for a check-up; I was in bed since Thursday. I thought I was coming down with the flu so I decided to go see our GP. With all the symptoms I had, he suggested a urine test which came back positive for pregnancy. We were 6 weeks and 5 days. It was unexpected but we were very happy and made an appointment with our OBGYN to confirm.

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Heather

Mom to Breely Grace

November 27, 2012

Hartford, Kentucky

I lost my sweet Angel, Breely Grace on November 27, 2012. I was 39 weeks pregnant. I went in that morning around 9:00 a.m. for my weekly appointment. I was having contractions off and on, so I thought I was already in early labor. I brought her diaper bag as well as my hospital bag with me because I was prepared to be sent over to the hospital. I told my husband to keep his phone handy at work, just in case and sent my little boy to my mom’s with his overnight bag.

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Peach

Mom to Olivia

Born still May 1, 2007 at 24 weeks gestation

Here is the story as I first wrote it:

“I was having contractions all weekend, so I went in one day early for my 24 week check-up. Hubby went with me. My belly measured small and the doctor couldn’t find a heartbeat. The doctor said she didn’t want to send me home without hearing a heartbeat so we went to the ultrasound room. We saw our little girl, but she was still and so was her heart. [Read more…]

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Mom to Caydence

Born asleep November 10, 2011

Mandeville, Louisiana

I am one of those women who people say were born to be a mother, and, for as long as I can remember, I have wanted to have children. When I met my husband nine years ago, I knew that he was the man I would marry and have children with. We are truly soul mates and I am so grateful that we found each other. When we talked about having children, we never could have imagined that our baby would be born an angel. [Read more…]

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Mom to Victoria Elizabeth

Lost at 6 Weeks, D & C at 11 Weeks

Archer Nicholas

June 29th, 2004 – July 8th, 2004

Thatch, Lost at 4 Weeks

and Ella Mae, Lost at 8 Weeks

Sylva, North Carolina

It was my 38th birthday. My husband and I were on a mini vacation in Las Vegas, and I got pregnant for the first time ever. When I found out I was beyond thrilled! I had recently started seeking adoption information because I thought I couldn’t conceive. [Read more…]

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Mom to Josiah Michael, stillborn on September 12th, 2000

and Sam, miscarried January 11th, 2008

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In March 2000, after 10 months of trying, I was finally pregnant.  I was so shocked when I saw the positive on the stick, that I took about a dozen more tests.

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Mom to Tovin Laurence

October 26th, 2009

Airdrie, Alberta

Canada

May 2009, I confirmed that I was pregnant.  I was so happy because I’ve been wanting to have another baby after waiting for 3yrs.  I had preeclampsia with my first son, born at 7months and only 2lbs 2oz.  I told my Doctor I want to see my ob-gyn for my very delicate pregnancy, she ignored my plea, she told me it’s too early to be referred to specialist, and then she left me waiting for a month and went to her vacation. [Read more…]

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Mom to Paxton Lucas

June 3, 2011

Commerce City, CO

 

My husband and I had been trying to conceive for a few months and I had been having some cycle abnormalities and had a HSG scheduled for early October 2010 as well as a prescription for clomid to take in October.  Well to our surprise we got a BFP on September 27th 2010. It was a very faint positive but a positive none the less and we were ecstatic. I had always wanted 2 children close in age and we would be getting our wish, 2 kids 22 months apart, everything was going to be perfect. [Read more…]

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Baby B

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Baby B #2

Lost December 7, 2010 at 6 1/2 weeks

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When my cousin lost her baby boy in June 2008 due to placental abruption at 6 months into her pregnancy our whole family grieved for her loss. I couldn’t imagine how this hit us so close to home and how anybody could get through it. I gave my cousin a book to help her grieve through her unimaginable loss. Little did I know that almost exactly 2 years to the month my cousin lost her little boy, she would giving that book back to me to read, as I would be going through my own pregnancy loss in June of 2010.  [Read more…]

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Stillborn June 11th, 2007

Houston, Texas

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September 26th, 2008

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Mom to Isaiah Christopher
Born and Died August 3rd, 2008
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I am a mother.

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